How did you convey to a man that you were interested in him?
This rather interesting question was pondered by Legolas. He had been
pondering this question ever since they started on the quest and even
though it was currently night time and snow covered the ground, he decided
to ask the only approachable man in the fellowship.
'Aragorn,' he hissed softly, so as not to awaken the others, as he softly padded over to where the ranger slept.
Aragorn immediately bolted upright, his eyes were bright and keen in the firelight as he focused on Legolas.
'What is it?' in even softer tones, the man hissed back.
'I need to ask you something urgently,' Legolas hoped that Aragorn would not skin him alive for the question he wanted to ask.
'How do you convey your interest in a man?' Legolas asked, wishing Aragorn did not look at him with such disbelief.
'You're asking me how to flirt with a man?' Aragorn phrased the question in a way that made Legolas sound well, cheap.
'Yes, call it "convey interest", sounds better,' Legolas corrected him meticulously.
'Ah yes,'
'Well?'
'I suppose the ah, technique varies with the target,' Aragorn offered sensibly.
'But generally, how do you go about conveying your interest?'
Aragorn frowned. How long had it been since he needed to indicate interest in man? Normally, people indicated their interest in him.
'You start by making polite conversation – talk about the latest orc attack whatever. Then you start off with simple touches, maybe you want to push a strand of hair away from his face or something? And when he finally responds correctly, you make your plans clear,'
'What plans?' Legolas asked.
'What else can two males do together?' Aragorn bluntly asked.
'Ah – sexual relations,' Legolas realised.
'Right, there you go, piece of cake,' Aragorn poked at the fire with a stick. Then he settled himself back on the ground, closing his eyes as he did so, thinking the elf would leave him alone now that he had satisfied the elf's curiosity.
He hadn't slept for more than half an hour when he felt himself being shaken up.
'Not you again, Legolas,' Aragorn sighed. What did Legolas want to know now? How to carry out sexual relations?
'I'm bored, let's talk about the latest orc attack,' Legolas was mad, Aragorn decided.
However, the phrase "talk about the latest orc attack" did sound slightly familiar to his ears and he allowed himself to be drawn to conversation. They talked about monotonous orc attacks and how many died, how many survived, those rather simple details before Legolas frowned, as though trying to remember something.
'Ah yes,' Legolas muttered as he now studied Aragorn intently.
A stray lock of black hair fell attractively across the man's face and Legolas thanked the Valar for its presence.
Reaching forward, oblivious to Aragorn's discomfort, Legolas' fingers closed around the lock of hair and pushed it so that the ranger's face was filled with the firelight fully.
Legolas' actions were suspiciously familiar, Aragorn wondered where he had seen or heard of them before.
"When he responds correctly", Legolas frowned, trying to think of the definition of "responds correctly". He decided to do something rather drastic.
With alarming strength, Legolas pushed Aragorn back onto the ground, then straddled him charmingly and well, kissed him rather erm, passionately.
Less than five seconds into the passionate kiss, Aragorn managed to push Legolas away.
'What are you doing?'
'Trying to convey my interest in you, what else?' Legolas asked, slightly affronted.
'What the –' Aragorn's eyes widened as he realised why the moves were all so familiar.
'Well, you do realise that I have never seduced a man before and am currently trying my very best to?' Legolas gritted his teeth.
'Um, yeah,'
Legolas bent down and continued the erm, kissing, with more fury and passion now. They ( you know, Legolas and his er, target) kissed for another few minutes before Aragorn pulled away again.
Legolas gave a growl of displeasure.
'I've got a question. Where do you intend to carry out sexual relations?' Aragorn grinned.
'Here and now,' Legolas smirked back.
'Aragorn,' he hissed softly, so as not to awaken the others, as he softly padded over to where the ranger slept.
Aragorn immediately bolted upright, his eyes were bright and keen in the firelight as he focused on Legolas.
'What is it?' in even softer tones, the man hissed back.
'I need to ask you something urgently,' Legolas hoped that Aragorn would not skin him alive for the question he wanted to ask.
'How do you convey your interest in a man?' Legolas asked, wishing Aragorn did not look at him with such disbelief.
'You're asking me how to flirt with a man?' Aragorn phrased the question in a way that made Legolas sound well, cheap.
'Yes, call it "convey interest", sounds better,' Legolas corrected him meticulously.
'Ah yes,'
'Well?'
'I suppose the ah, technique varies with the target,' Aragorn offered sensibly.
'But generally, how do you go about conveying your interest?'
Aragorn frowned. How long had it been since he needed to indicate interest in man? Normally, people indicated their interest in him.
'You start by making polite conversation – talk about the latest orc attack whatever. Then you start off with simple touches, maybe you want to push a strand of hair away from his face or something? And when he finally responds correctly, you make your plans clear,'
'What plans?' Legolas asked.
'What else can two males do together?' Aragorn bluntly asked.
'Ah – sexual relations,' Legolas realised.
'Right, there you go, piece of cake,' Aragorn poked at the fire with a stick. Then he settled himself back on the ground, closing his eyes as he did so, thinking the elf would leave him alone now that he had satisfied the elf's curiosity.
He hadn't slept for more than half an hour when he felt himself being shaken up.
'Not you again, Legolas,' Aragorn sighed. What did Legolas want to know now? How to carry out sexual relations?
'I'm bored, let's talk about the latest orc attack,' Legolas was mad, Aragorn decided.
However, the phrase "talk about the latest orc attack" did sound slightly familiar to his ears and he allowed himself to be drawn to conversation. They talked about monotonous orc attacks and how many died, how many survived, those rather simple details before Legolas frowned, as though trying to remember something.
'Ah yes,' Legolas muttered as he now studied Aragorn intently.
A stray lock of black hair fell attractively across the man's face and Legolas thanked the Valar for its presence.
Reaching forward, oblivious to Aragorn's discomfort, Legolas' fingers closed around the lock of hair and pushed it so that the ranger's face was filled with the firelight fully.
Legolas' actions were suspiciously familiar, Aragorn wondered where he had seen or heard of them before.
"When he responds correctly", Legolas frowned, trying to think of the definition of "responds correctly". He decided to do something rather drastic.
With alarming strength, Legolas pushed Aragorn back onto the ground, then straddled him charmingly and well, kissed him rather erm, passionately.
Less than five seconds into the passionate kiss, Aragorn managed to push Legolas away.
'What are you doing?'
'Trying to convey my interest in you, what else?' Legolas asked, slightly affronted.
'What the –' Aragorn's eyes widened as he realised why the moves were all so familiar.
'Well, you do realise that I have never seduced a man before and am currently trying my very best to?' Legolas gritted his teeth.
'Um, yeah,'
Legolas bent down and continued the erm, kissing, with more fury and passion now. They ( you know, Legolas and his er, target) kissed for another few minutes before Aragorn pulled away again.
Legolas gave a growl of displeasure.
'I've got a question. Where do you intend to carry out sexual relations?' Aragorn grinned.
'Here and now,' Legolas smirked back.