Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics that I used here. The songs are: "Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, "Heaven (little by little)" by Theory Of A Dead Man, "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne, "Never Say Never" by Fray.
I checked the lyrics from some websites, to be sure but if there is a mistake in them I apologize, also I used only some parts of the lyrics not the whole of them.
And on a side note, English is not my first language, so if you find mistakes at some points I apologize.
Peyton opened her eyes, she was lying in the hospital bed, hooked to monitor, serum and oxygen, and she was feeling so tired. She looked at Lucas. He was sitting on a chair beside the bed and was looking like hell. His skin was so pale and he was totally hollow eyed and below his eyes were kinda red and bruised look alike, he probably had been crying his eyes out and hadn't gotten enough sleep in days. He looked as if he was about to pass out from exhaustion in any second. He was staring at the ground and was so drowned in his thoughts that didn't realize Peyton had opened her eyes. Peyton whispered: "Luke…" and he immediately looked at her and saw that she was awake. He sighed out of relief, tears started dropping from his eyes and he got up and went towards her quickly and kissed her forehead gently: "oh thank god……" and sighed again, then leaned his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. Peyton started to stroke him, then after a short while said: "How long was I out?" Luke opened his eyes, looked at her and begun to stroke her face: "4 days".
"Are you okay? You look like hell"
Luke smiled: "I'm fine" and nodded, then continued: "I'm gonna go get the doctor"
"No, wait" took his hand "Where is our baby?"
Lucas became mouth agape and his eyes became a little wide for a second, he looked down and after a short pause looked at her again: "He couldn't make it" and said this while his voice was shaking. Now Peyton was mouth agape and wide eyed, and not a second later tears came to her eyes too, she kept looking at him in disbelief for a few minutes, then looked down for a moment and after that asked him: "It was a boy?" Lucas nodded while his eyed were filled with tears. Peyton looked down again and after a short moment begun to cry, Luke got closer to her and sat on bed, she threw herself in his arms and cried even harder. Lucas wrapped his arms around her and held her so tight. Her head was on his chest as she was sobbing and he was stroking her head while he was trying so hard to prevent his own tears from falling……
It was morning, Lucas woke up. Peyton wasn't in bed. He guessed she was in baby's room. It had become a habit for her to go there and sit in silence for hours. She hadn't let him change a single thing in the room, she wanted it to stay the way it was. Lucas got up and went straight to the baby's room. He was right, she was sitting there. The door was open but he didn't enter, he just stood by the door as he was looking at her kindly and was smiling: "hey"
Peyton was brought back from her thoughts, she looked at him and slightly smiled: "hey, when did you wake up?"
"A minute ago"
"I'm sorry, I didn't have the mood to make breakfast……again."
He smiled: "It's ok, I'm gonna go to make something for both of us"
"Ok" she smiled back.
Lucas went to bathroom and after that went to kitchen to make breakfast but he was drowned in his thoughts when he was doing that. It had been 45 days since she had learnt that their baby was dead but for her it still was like it just happened yesterday, she was depressed and so sad and Lucas had been doing his best to be there for her and also to give her enough time and space so she can deal with it, but he couldn't see a progress, in fact she was getting worse everyday. Haley had suggested him to take her to a therapist, maybe he had to do that but on the other hand he knew Peyton so well, she wouldn't have agreed with that and she probably would have said that she was fine. All these thoughts were racing through his head that Peyton entered and sat behind the table. Breakfast was ready, he put it on the table and sat there too. They started eating but Peyton was more playing with it.
Lucas: is it bad? You don't like it?
Peyton: no it's good, I'm just not that hungry.
"You should eat well, you are still weak, it wasn't long ago that you nearly died"
Peyton got teary eyed: "I didn't die but our baby did"
Lucas blamed himself in his mind that why he said something to remind her that, he shook his head slightly: "Peyton……"
"I wonder who he was gonna be like, you or me? You saw him, how did he look like?"
"Peyton, just...."
"I didn't even get a chance to hold him....." and started to cry. Lucas got teary eyed too, he got up, went close to her and started to rub her back, then hugged her and said: "Please Peyton, don't do this to yourself". After a while of her crying in his arms, and after she got a little calm he went to a therapist, because he couldn't continue watching her hurting like that and also he couldn't ignore the truth anymore, she wasn't gonna get better and she needed help. Though he didn't tell her that he was gonna go to a therapist.
Lucas explained everything for the therapist and after that he started talking:
"Well, many women become depressed after giving birth and if that depression won't be taken care of, it can be very dangerous, also if the baby is born by a c-section the possibility of mom going to depression is higher, but your case is double worse because she has lost the baby too"
Lucas was worried: "so what should I do?"
"In order to cure her I need to talk to her, she has to come here to me but first she should admit that she has a problem. You tell her that she should come here but if she said she is fine, don't argue with her too much, just change the baby's room, throw away all the stuff in it and make it a normal room, this can help her to face the truth and admit the fact that she needs my help."
Lucas sighed: "Ok"
"And also you need to know that her cure process might take so long, so you need to be patient."
Lucas nodded.....
He went home, she was sitting in the baby's room again, he sat beside her on the floor: "Peyton, we need to talk"
She looked at him and waited for him to continue.
"I think you need someone to help you through this"
She got what he meant: "you mean a therapist?"
"Yeah"
"I'm fine, I don't need that"
"Ok, then I think it's time for changing this room"
"No! I won't let you change it"
"See? What you have been doing is not healthy, I mean you are holding on too much to this room, not to mention that you don't eat enough, you don't have the mood to do anything, you sleep most of the day, you stay home all along, you don't even go to Tric to do some music stuff…"
Peyton got up: "I said I'm fine, just drop it!" and went out of the room.
Lucas shook his head.
One hour after that when Peyton was asleep, Luke went to baby's room and did what that therapist told him to.
After a few hours Peyton got up and went to the baby's room but by seeing it empty got so shocked, she just kept staring at it for a while, then she got mad and called Luke: "Lucas!". Luke entered the room but didn't say anything.
"I told you to leave the room the way it was! Why did you change it?!"
"It was the time to do that, we couldn't keep it like that forever" softly he said.
"It was our baby's room!"
"Our baby is dead"
Peyton got shocked, he never had referred to it this straight in front of her, she looked at him for a short while, wide eyed and mouth agape. Her eyes were filled with ears. Lucas' heart broke for her, but continued: "the sooner you face it, the better" .Peyton went towards him and started yelling at him and hitting him in the chest: "I told you to leave the room that way! Where are they? Where are my baby's stuffs?" Lucas was teary eyed as he was looking down and standing still, he was letting her hit him all she wanted, she kept hitting him as her tears begun to fall: "I hate you! I hate you!" and in less than a minute she started to sob while she still was hitting him, just then Lucas wrapped his arms around her and held her tight while his own tears were dropping too, she struggled for a bit in his arms but finally got calm, clutched to him and sobbed even harder. Lucas kept holding her while he was stroking her at the same time.....
The day after that they went to the therapist, he talked with Peyton and prescribed some pills for her too, and she was supposed to go there every 5 days………
Lucas was hoping all this could help her. 3 weeks had passed and there wasn't any change in her shape, the only difference was that her sleep was increased thanks to those pills. He called the therapist to tell him this and he told him he had to wait and be patient, but it was hard for Luke seeing her like that everyday. After his call, he found her in their room sitting on bed, he sat beside her and looked at her gently: "so, do you want to take a ride with comet today?"
She looked at him and shook her head.
He sighed: "how is the therapy going?"
Peyton shrugged: "no matter what he says, he just can't understand how I feel, he has never lost a child, hell he doesn't even have kids, he can't realize what I'm going through."
"Well, you need to tell him these instead of sitting there in silence every time. You need to talk to him and let him help you with this"
"You know I can't do that, I can't open up easily, in fact you were always the only person that I could open up to" her voice became shaky and she started crying: "and I'm sorry that I'm putting you through this, I just……"
"Hey…" he pulled her in his arms and hugged her: "you don't need to worry about me, let's focus on you getting well, ok?". She nodded. He gave her, her pills and after they had lunch she fell asleep. A few hours later Lucas was looking for something in the drawer that came across her drawing: "people always leave" He looked at it sadly, then noticed a new drawing beside that, which was really disturbing. It was black and white and it contained a grave, and the face of a baby. She was hurting and paining so bad and he couldn't make it stop and that was so frustrating and painful for him. He shook his head and decided to go for a walk, probably to river court………
Lucas was gone for a short while and when he came back home it was almost dark. He entered their room but she wasn't there. He looked for her in every part of the house but couldn't find her. He got worried but tried to stay calm and not panic, picked up the phone and called Brooke: "hey"
"Hey Luke, what's up?"
"Um, nothing, is Peyton there with you?"
"No, she isn't at home?" she begun to worry too but Luke tried to calm her: "no but she is probably with Haley or has gone for a walk or something" but he knew she didn't have the mood to do that.
"Ok, then call me when you find her"
"Ok, bye" and hung up the phone and went outside quickly while he was nervous and his heart was beating fast. He drove to cemetery and went at her mom's grave and then at their baby's grave but she wasn't there, then he went to Tric but she wasn't there either. He tried calling Haley but she didn't pick up so he went to her house but nobody was there, he guessed they were gone to beach house for the weekend, so he decided to go there and see if they knew where Peyton was. He knocked the door and Haley opened laughing and got surprised: "Luke, what are you doing here?"
"Have you seen Peyton? Isn't she here?"
Haley got worried too: "no, you don't know where she is?"
"No, I just left for a short while and when I came back she wasn't home, I already had left her alone in house in the past 3 weeks and she never had gone anywhere, beside the therapist said it was okay for her to stay alone at home for a short while and that I didn't have to be there the whole time.....and when I left she was asleep....I didn't.....I should have stayed....." tears came to his eyes and his voice became so shaky that he couldn't continue.
"Luke it's not your fault…"
"Haley....I can't lose her, I already lost her once and I almost lost her again two months ago…..and I lost my baby too, I just can't….."
Haley hugged him: "don't worry, you are not gonna lose her…"
Just then Nathan called her: "Haley who is that? Get back, we are having an anniversary here!"
Just then Lucas realized that it was their anniversary and that he had interrupted their little celebration: "you go back, I'm sorry I interrupted you guys" and turned back to leave, Haley ran after him: "no wait, we are gonna come with you to search for her"
"No, its fine, this is really a special day for you two, I don't want to ruin it"
"Are you kidding?! You need our help right now, we are coming with you!"
"No seriously, I'm gonna go look for her a little more, maybe she is even back by now, but if I couldn't find her I'm gonna call you guys to come and help me, if I don't find her I should go to the police too…" Nathan called her again. Luke continued: "go, have a good night" and went before Haley got a chance to say something else.
He was passing the beach to go to where he had parked his car that suddenly noticed someone was walking in the sea, it was Peyton, she was going further and to front where the water was becoming deeper. His eyes became wide and he immediately ran to her, half of Peyton's body, from stomach to feet was in water and with every step she was taking, more of her body was going under water. He reached to where she was and said: "what are you doing?!" but she didn't answer and kept going, as if she couldn't hear him and was in another world. He was beside her but when she kept going without responding him or even looking at him, he went in front of her to prevent her from going further and said "stop!" but she was gonna pass him that he put his hands on her shoulders and slightly rocked them and this time yelled: "stop! Just stop!" while his eyes were wide, terrified and teary. Just then she looked at him, as if she had just come back to the world by him yelling. She kept looking at him while her eyes were a little wide and she was looking confused and melancholic, and after a short moment her tears started falling down and finally she said: "let me go……I want to go to my baby....I want to stop ruining your life…I don't want something happen to you too" and begun to cry even harder, Luke started crying too but wrapped her in his arms and held her so tight: "it's gonna be ok, ok? Just hold on, it's gonna be ok" he said with a shaky voice and while he was crying. She kept sobbing in his arms for a few minutes, then he picked her up and carried her to the car.
He put her in the front seat, took his own jacket from back seat and put it on her to make her warm, then put the seat belt on her and made sure the door was locked, he was so scared and could expect her to do anything to hurt herself at that point. He sat in driver's seat and before he started driving called both Haley and Brooke to tell them that he had found her. Then he drove home, carried her to their room and put her on bed gently, changed her clothes and after that he went straight to the phone and called the therapist and asked him to come. After a short while he came, and they started to talk in the other room while Peyton was asleep in their room.
Therapist: "She is far worse than I thought, it's better to confine her"
"In the mental hospital?!"
"Yes"
"She is not crazy!"
"Mental hospital is not only for crazy people, it's also for people that have severe depression problem, your wife is too depressed, she needs this"
"I won't leave her there!"
"You can come visit her everyday…….trust me she needs this, and she can't be alone in the house even for a few minutes , what if she tries to kill herself again while you are not home? What if something happens to her? Are you gonna be able to deal with that? Just do what I'm telling you instead of doing something that you may regret in future…..this is the best for her, and we'll take care her"
Lucas was frustrated and helpless, he paced around the room nervously for a few minutes, then took a deep breath and said: "fine"……
After a few hours she was pretty settled in her room. She was sitting in her bed, Lucas was sitting beside her. She looked at him and took his hand: "please don't leave me here" she said in a pleading way. Tears came to Lucas' eyes but he tried to not to let them fall: "honey, you need help and I can't help you, but these guys can….this for the best, but don't worry, I'll come and visit you everyday after school, I promise". (He had started to work as coach again). He assured her, then hugged her, kissed her forehead and stroked her for a while and after she fell asleep he went home. The house was looking so empty and he had already missed her. Lucas was worn out, he lay on bed but didn't sleep, instead he started to cry………
10 days had passed and in every day he had gone to her after school and had stayed with her till night, but in that day his car broke down, it took him a while to find out what was wrong and to make it work again, fortunately it wasn't anything serious but all this caused him to be one hour late for that day's visit, also his cell phone didn't have reception so he couldn't inform them that he was gonna be late. He finally arrived and entered her room. She was sitting in the bed, looking away. He sat beside her: "hey…I'm sorry I'm late, my car broke down" but she didn't respond as if he wasn't there, she just kept staring away.
"I know you are mad that I'm late but it was my car's fault and now I'm here" Lucas said this and took her hand and wanted to continue that Peyton looked at him, as if she was just brought back to the world by his hand touching hers and like she hadn't heard a word until then but the expression on her face completely shocked Lucas, she was looking confused as if she hadn't recognized him. Luke looked at her for a short while as his eyes were a little wide, then said: "baby,……it's me" but she kept looking at him in that way and after a few minutes she turned her head away again, like she couldn't realize who he was and didn't even care. Lucas' eyes became more wide while tears filled them too: "God, what have they done too you?" he softly whispered, then he got so angry, got up and stormed in the therapist's office. (He had an office in the hospital too.) And yelled: "What have you done to her?! She didn't even recognize me!"
"Calm down,...she was being difficult, you were late and she started to panic, she wanted to exit here to go and find you, we tried to stop her and told her that she couldn't leave but she begun to struggle and we couldn't calm her, on the other hand we couldn't succeed to call you, apparently your cell didn't have reception, so we had to sedate her with lots of sedatives, that's why she is so languid and dizzy but it's temporary, she'll be fine,…we had no choice"
Lucas became even angrier: "you know what? I've had enough of your crap, I'm taking her home now" and turned back to leave. The therapist tried to stop him: "but you can't…"
Lucas turned to him: "I trusted you.....you said you were gonna take care of her but instead you made her have another emotional breakdown, you made everything worse.....I thought this was the best for her and that you could help her more than me but I was wrong, I'm gonna take care of her myself, even if have to stay home all along beside her......bringing her here was a mistake" he said this and went to Peyton's room, picked her from bed carefully, and carried her to the car, they drove home, he carried her in, put her to bed softly and put the bed sheet on her, she was awake but still was staring away and wasn't looking at him, he was sitting on the bed beside her and was stroking her forehead while his eyes were filled with tears:
"I'm sorry.....I'm so sorry Peyton....I thought I was doing what was best for you,....but don't worry,....I'm gonna take care of you myself......I'm gonna be right here beside you and I won't go anywhere until you get well........I'm gonna make you okay" and kept stroking her while a few tears were dropping from his eyes.
After 30 minutes she fell asleep, he wanted to change his clothes and sleep too that someone knocked the door, he opened and it was that therapist, Lucas wanted to shut the door but he said: "look I know you are mad but just listen to me for a minute". Luke was angry but didn't shut the door and waited for him to say whatever he wanted, he continued: "maybe you were right, maybe confining wasn't a good idea in this particular case, I had no idea how attached and emotionally connected she was to you.....but anyway, you do whatever you need but please give her the pills that I've prescribed for her, they are antidepressant and they can really help her, and please inform me about how she is doing, every week, because she is my patient and believe it or not I'm concerned about her"
Lucas nodded and he left....
The next morning Lucas woke up, Peyton was still asleep, he went to kitchen and made some breakfast, put it in plate and brought it to bed for her. She had just woken up and was sitting in bed. Lucas sat on the bed too, put the plate there and smiled: "here, I made some breakfast for you" Peyton looked at the plate, then leaned her head to bed and started looking away. Lucas paused a little, then picked a piece of it with fork and moved it towards her mouth but she didn't open her mouth and kept staring away.
Lucas: "come on, you should eat something, I promise you'll like it"
Still no respond from her.
Luke put the fork down on the plate and sighed: "Ok, let's try something else, how about a nice bath?" he said this as he was stroking her hair and looking at her, but she just kept looking away. Lucas got up, went to bathroom and filled the tub with warm water, then went to room, she still was sitting on the bed. He took off her clothes gently, carried her to the bathroom and slowly put her in tub but he stayed out of the tub himself. He knelt on the ground and behind her, then started to wash her back with bath brush, he was doing it so gently, And softly was kissing every little part of her back after brushing and cleaning that part. Then he came in front of her and did the same thing with her hands. While he was washing and then kissing the parts of her body his eyes were teary but he didn't let the tears drop. After he was done washing her, he took off his own clothes and went to the tub, sat behind her and pulled her close and leaned her back to his own body, wrapped his arms around her and put his fingers on her tummy and held her tight for a while……
Peyton was sitting on the edge of the bed while she was wrapped in a towel, Lucas had his clothes on and was standing in front of her, and slowly was brushing her wet long hair. She looked in his eyes for the first time since yesterday, and he looked back at hers but by seeing her beautiful green eyes so lifeless, tears came to his own eyes again. He whispered: "everything is gonna be ok" but he wasn't sure he was reassuring her or himself. He kissed her forehead and clothed her, then gave her her pills. She fell asleep after a short while.
After a few hours he woke her up as he was sitting on the bed: "Peyton...honey, it's time for lunch" Peyton opened her eyes and saw a plate with food in it on the bed but she wasn't hungry, she didn't even sit, she just turned her back to it.
"You really should eat something,.....please, your body is still weak and you are making it weaker and weaker everyday" Lucas kindly said while he was stroking her, but Peyton didn't do anything, she just kept lying still, though her eyes were open. Lucas sighed: "ok, maybe next time" then pause a little and said: "at least talk to me.....don't shut me out, let me help you through this.......you always used to let me in, please do the same this time, let me take your pain away"
Peyton was still silent.
Lucas sighed again: "ok" and kissed her temple, then got up and took the plate to kitchen. And after that he called that therapist: "hi, it's me, Lucas Scott"
"Oh hi Lucas, I'm glad you called, how is she doing?"
"Not so good, but I'm working on it"
"Did you give her those pills?"
"Yeah, I did as you said"
"Good, what can I do for you?"
"She doesn't eat anything, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and she is really weak already…"
"Ok, I prescribe some vitamins for her, also I'll send a nurse over to inject a serum to her, this will prevent her from getting weaker"
"Ok, thanks".....
It was the same night and Peyton was lying in bed on one side though she wasn't asleep, Lucas lay behind her on one side too and wrapped his arm around her and put his hand on hers but she didn't squeeze or hold his hand with hers, she didn't do anything, as if she wasn't ready for physical contact with him, and also emotionally wasn't ready and couldn't let him in. All this was breaking Luke's heart but he wasn't gonna give up that easily………
One week passed, Lucas had taken 2 months off of school and was staying with her all along, hell he even would have resigned if she wasn't gonna be okay and was gonna need him by her side longer than that. But she hadn't gotten even a little better, she hadn't eaten nearly enough in each day of that week, and she had already lost a little weight, as if she was fading right in front him and he couldn't do anything. It was noon of the eighth day, he had made lunch, it was her favorite. He put it in plate and brought it to bed like every day. She was sitting in bed, looking away, like every day. He sat beside her, smiling: "look what I've made for you, it's your favorite" she looked at the food in the plate and then looked away again, like she couldn't care less. Lucas ignored her reaction and took a slice with fork and moved it towards her mouth: "here, try some" but she didn't open her mouth, Lucas sighed, looked down for moment, then said: "please Peyton, you've become so weak, you can't live with serums and vitamins forever, you need to eat something……please,…for me" and moved the fork towards her mouth again but she pulled her head away and kept staring somewhere else. Lucas was helpless, he took a deep breath, took the plate and left. A few minutes later he returned to give her, her pills, she swallowed them, then put her head on pillow and closed her eyes.
After a few hours Lucas thought she had fallen asleep, he went to kitchen to wash the dishes, doing that always had helped him to think. He started washing them but he was doing it so angrily and carelessly that he broke a dish: "damn…." it fell from his hand. He knelt on the ground to gather its pieces, but he just broke down while he was doing that, as if that dish, breaking, made him unleash his anger and sadness that he had been holding back for quite long (in order to be strong for her and not to lose it in front of her), but he just couldn't keep burying his emotions anymore, he started to sob as he was sitting on the floor among the broken pieces of that dish. He was exhausted emotionally, his baby was dead and the love of his life was fading away in front of him, it was like he was dying inside. He continued to sob and didn't realize that Peyton was looking at him, she was standing out of the kitchen, near the door. Her broken heart broke even more by seeing him like that, her chin begun to shake and a few tears dropped from her eyes, but she didn't go to him, she just went back to their room and lay on the bed as a few more tears dropped on her cheek, she hated herself for doing this to him and putting him through this……… .
It was dinner time. He made something else, again put it in dish and brought it to bed for her while he was smiling, as if he hadn't been sobbing that hard a while ago, he was pretending that he was doing ok, he wanted to be her rock that she could lean on and didn't want to let her know how broken he was himself, but Peyton had seen him breaking down and crying, so she knew exactly what was going on, she knew that he was faking it and that he was trying to be strong for her and protect her while he wasn't doing good himself.
He sat on the bed and put the dish on his legs, looked at her and smiled kindly, then after a short pause picked a slice of the food with fork and moved it towards her mouth. He was expecting her to turn her head away or do something like that, but she surprised him and opened her mouth, chewed the food slowly, and after a short pause swallowed it, then looked at him. He was looking back at her while he was surprised and his eyes were a little wide. She kept looking at him without saying anything, for a moment. Lucas chuckled slightly and said: "you like it?" Peyton looked at him gently and nodded. Lucas chuckled again: "ok, good! Here, try some more" and picked another slice and put it in her mouth……
It was time for sleep, she was lying on one side again, he lay behind her, wrapped his arm around her from back and put his hand on hers, just like before, but this time she squeezed his hand slightly. Lucas grinned and kissed her cheek, then whispered: "I love you with all my heart"…..
The next morning Luke woke up and was feeling better than yesterday. Yesterday he had lost his hope but now he knew there still was a way that he could help her. He brought her breakfast and she ate half of it, well it was better than not eating at all. After breakfast he gave her her pills, just like every day but then sat beside her and took her hand: "you still don't want to talk to me?"
She looked down. Emotionally she still wasn't able to let him in completely or talk to him. And he got it by her facial expression "ok, whenever you are ready" then kissed her hand and left the room but he didn't want to give up on connecting with her, he started to think and tried to figure out a way to get to her. After a short while his eyes glowed and a slight smile came to his lips, as if a brilliant idea had just come to his mind. She had always loved music, now maybe he could use that as a help. He went to their room, she was awake, he smiled and started to speak:
"you know, we have a lot of free time everyday, so I thought we should do some things, from now on I'm gonna play some songs for you everyday, but I will pick the songs for each day" he chuckled and continued: "don't worry I will play some cure songs too. Also, we can re-read my books together, I will read them for you myself".
Peyton got a little confused but remained silent. Luke opened the closet, took a box, and picked a CD from it and said: "let's start by this" then sat on the bed beside her and showed her that CD, by seeing it her eyes became wide. It was written "P.S, Whatever" on the CD, Yes, it was the first CD, or even the first thing that she had given him, she had given him that years ago, when they were in junior year. Peyton looked at him surprisingly and he got what her look meant and responded: "yeah, I kept it all these years, it was the first thing that you ever gave me, so it was special to me" then he chuckled and after a short pause said: "when you were giving me this you had broken up with Nathan, so I used this as an opportunity and made a joke to see what you think about dating me, remember?". She nodded and he continued: "I said "does this mean we are dating?" of course it was half joke, half serious and I so wanted you to say yes, but knowing you I was aware that it was a wishful thinking" and chuckled again. A slight smile came on her lips too. He continued: "I listened to it the whole time that I was on the bus when were going for that game with the team, and let me tell you I enjoyed every single song in it" then he looked at her with adoration, and after a short pause he got up and put that CD in CD player, then sat beside her, pulled her in his arms and held her while they were listening to the songs…….
Every day he played a few songs for her, the songs he knew she loved, the songs they used to choose and made a mix with in this very room. But he always chose the last song for each day so carefully, because he wanted to talk to her through its lyrics, so he always picked the songs with lyrics like these for the last song of each day:
"….I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven…"........
"Now don't you be afraid, We can always talk about it
No need to medicate, 'Cause I know you're strong without it
You got me through the days, When I thought I couldn't face it
Let me count the ways, The love we have you can't replace it
Just hold on, I'm not that strong
There's a little piece of heaven, Right here where you are
The fact that you keep trying, Is what sets you apart.
Help me find the reason, And I'll help you find the way
To get rid of all your pain, Little by little, day by day
……You'll get stronger,
If you need me, I'm not far away
So, just hold on
I'll help you find the way, I'll help you find the way…".......
"You're not alone, Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold, And it feels like the end
There's no place to go, You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
……Before the doors close, And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend, I'll fight and defend…".........
"…I will be your guardian,
when all is crumbling
steady your hand
You can never say never
why we don't know when
time, time and time again
younger now than we were before
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go...."
He wanted to get to her and talk to her through these lyrics, also he read a few pages of his first book for her everyday, because he wanted to remind her how much they had been through, how far they had come and that she just couldn't give up right now. And Peyton knew and got exactly what he was doing and why he was doing those and she didn't mind, in fact this was the exact way she needed to be comforted and healed, with music and his love.....