I don't own Inuyasha.
Made to make you cry. This story has two endings, one happy and one sad. I want you to tell me how much your hearts broke while reading this, as mine broke writing it.
Wanting to hear from you, oh and Happy new year!
Wordy!
The Mistake... Fading Away...
The half moon shone through the night sky onto the face of a modern day Miko. She sat with her back to the well and her eyes unfocused forwards, and down at the floor as she no longer had the spirit to hold her head high anymore. Her back was braced against the well as her fingers threaded into the grass around her as she sat in blankness, too afraid to feel what was there in her heart.
I never thought that it would happen, but it has. Kagome got up and placed a hand on the well sadly, looking into the endless inky depth. A tear rolled from her eye and fell deep into the well, she didn't hear the soft splash of the tiny droplet, nor the soft footsteps of her friends. They didn't move or speak.
Kagome just kept looking into the well with a face so void of emotion it was heartbreaking. Shippo came and sat on her shoulder "Kagome, what's wrong?" the little kit asked worriedly, seeing and smelling her tears.
Kagome felt a bubble of hope rise in her chest, so fragile she tried to squash it before it could grow, but I was too late, and she knew that the bubble was already doomed to burst and shatter into despair even more painful than the last bubble that had risen from her wistful hopes.
Kagome slowly turned around, her eyes barely looked at her dear friends when she dropped her gaze, the absence of fiery red caught her hope and smashed it against her already cracked heart. Faintly she heard Sango ask why she wasn't going home and then Miroku about her tears. Kagome heard herself reply, from such a distance it might as well have been someone else that was saying it for her, it… was in a way, after all her protector was with her past life right this second… that's why he was not here…
"The well has sealed…" she murmured blankly, no more hurt to choke what's left of me. I can never see Mama or Sota or Gramps again…
She saw Sango come to hold her and felt her embrace, but didn't see and feel it as if it was her own flesh, it was like feeling and seeing an echo of what was. She was only a copy after all. Her beloved was with… her. Kagome closed her beautiful, but dead, eyes and let the water fall from her lashes, what was the point in stopping them? A copy was never going to be good enough for him…
Inuyasha.
Kagome winced as another part of her broke, her heart had long gone, so had her happiness, family, home, world, senses as they had been before that day… all gone… vanished… but, cruelly, her abilty to feel pain was still as intact as ever... just fade away…
Everyone watched as Naraku faded away and everyone looked at the powerful priestess and her copy standing side by side each holding a bow exactly like each other, both arrows had hit the monster and he had vanished, he was gone, he had been there gloating as the power corrupted him so much that sunlight would have killed him, then… you were a mistake now just fade away…
Inuyasha picked up his sword and walked up to them both, Kagome was on the left and he approached from the left side. He was rugged and had wounds all over his body, he had fought so hard and yet his face was now so happy…
Kagome took a hesitant step towards him and murmured about taking care of his wounds, she reached for him, her life, what was most dear to her heart… and he extended an arm…
To push her aside.
Kagome looked after him in fear as he approached Kikyo… my original… and used that same arm to reach for her hand, and took it gently, lovingly, then pulled her close. Kagome looked away. Tears she refused to show fell from her eyes, it hurts… he would never… look at me that way. That face so shining with love for another… this isn't even a nightmare… you can die in a dream from this feeling… her arms clenched close to her body as her heart cracked inch by painful, killing, heartbreaking inch. I'm not dying… this is real. That look, his face, my original… all real…
Silently she turned and walked down to the destruction below the hill she had fired that arrow from. She didn't hear Sango as she reached out in comfort, never saw Shippo as she passed him by, never felt Miroku as he held her shoulder briefly, never realised that her sacred bow had slipped from lifeless fingers into the red stained mud, her only aim was to finish what she had started… then to face what came next as best she could as her heart was torn out.
Stopping where Naraku had stood a minute before this moment, the small part of Kagome that was free from the agony of her living nightmare, reached down into the smouldering remains and pulled out the whole jewel, when she touched the sphere it went purple then pink as the evil vanished.
Kagome retraced her steps, the bow lay where it fell, her friends watched with agonised eyes, while she reproached the hill her heart had died on. They hadn't moved, nothing had moved, the world wanted her to relive this moment so it was frozen in time. Kikyo looked up and saw little Kagome standing with one arm wrapped around her torso as if she were wounded, and another fisted around the jewel. Kagome's eyes had always been so expressive compared to Kikyo's and the original took one look into the eyes of her copy and couldn't bring herself to look again. Suffering, pain, hopelessness, betrayal, defeat… How can she keep living with all that inside her? The original wondered.
Kagome looked down, unable to see the colour of red for fear that she'd snap under the strain to keep going now he was out of her reach forever, and let a small hand rise to offer the jewel to the elder Miko.
Kikyo stared at her for a moment then stepped out of Inuyasha's arms and placed a hand over the girls. "I need you to help me, Kagome" she said softly, almost sisterly.
Kagome flinched as if she had been threatened to be hit by the original. But nodded, never looking her or him in the eye. Unable to. He's never been so happy, Naraku's gone and he can have her back… and he has the jewel… her breath caught as she realised, he doesn't need me anymore… a grim smile touched a corner of her mouth, who am I kidding? He never wanted me! I am… a copy…
Kagome nodded at last and Kikyo warmly cupped her hands around the jewel, she asked to be able to tap into her powers and Kagome nodded. Take them… they were yours before a copy borrowed them. The jewel flashed and then burst into a thousand sparks, as the original and her broken copy wished the jewel gone forever.
Kikyo smiled radiantly and hugged Kagome suddenly. Kagome didn't move, do you expect me to return this gesture? You are… tears found their way past her eyes at last. So cruel… Kikyo turned back to Inuyasha and took his hand, she smiled up at him and then they both walked ahead hand in hand. Inuyasha… never even looked at the other girl who gazed at him. Have I really died? Can't he smell my tears? Am I still here? Why? Why don't you turn around? Why can't you look at me? Why? The tears never ceased.
Pain leave me alone. Just fade away…
Kagome looked at their hands, he wasn't holding her back like she was… then his clawed fingers that belonged to her most special person curled around the originals. The copy felt her heart shatter again. You held me like that… when I promised to be by your side… it was hard to breathe. Her eyes closed for a moment and she broke…
The ground rushed up to meet her, the copy heard people calling her, asking her to keep awake… begging her to open her eyes… but she welcomed oblivion. Fade away…
Miroku and Sango led her from the well back to the village. The copy let them lead her, not having any will of her own anymore. She couldn't have one anyway, any she had before must have been borrowed like her powers… she was a flawed copy of the perfect original, so perfect… Inuyasha hadn't looked her in the eye since that jewel vanished…
Sango called her friend and her empty eyes looked at her mournfully. Fading away… "Kagome? Miroku and I are going back to my village for a few days, we'll be back in four days. Can you tell Inuyasha?" the copy cried again at the name but nodded dumbly, no voice belonged to her… she was a copy.
The monk and demon slayer, the neko and the little fox demon stopped walking and started another way as their empty friend walked steadily and without purpose or her so lively spirit, back to Kaede's hut, where the four were staying.
Sango felt a tear of her own slide down her cheek. Miroku held her close for a moment as she controlled herself. Shippo held Kirara and sniffed loudly. Sango looked after her best friend and whispered "We're losing her"
The copy heard her. I'm already lost…
The door hanging hung before her, swaying softly, the sighs of the sleeping coming form inside. "Tell Inuyasha…" the copy raised a hand to the hanging and a gust of wind pushed it away from her hand for a mere moment. The eyes of the copy were drawn to the colour red and as soon as she saw him fully she turned away and slide down the side of the house, crying silent tears and her form shaking with silent sobs. Inuyasha she twitched in pain he used to hold me like that… when I was scared, he held me to make me feel…
Feel…?
Fade away… Everything fade away… a little thud was heard as the exhausted body of the broken copy hit the floor as she slipped over sideways and slept in a blissful void of nothingness for a few hours… fade away…
A hand on the shoulder, shaking her slightly, pulling her from the void. Please, no… don't pull me back… don't wake me, let me fade away, let me rest forever… broken brown eyes opened and looked up at the disturber. Kaede kneeled by her and they sat in companionable silence.
The elder woman then said "The well has sealed, Kagome?" the copy recognised the word… and nodded her head.
"I can't get back home…" her voice was hoarse and soft form recent lack of use, mainly talking through nods and sighs and gestures. "Sango and the others have gone to the demon slaying village for a few days, tell In-" a hand to her chest to keep it from splitting again. "T-t-tell him, that they'll be gone"
The copy stood and let her feet take her where they willed. Kaede watched her sadly. "Poor girl… Inuyasha, ye had better tell her sooner rather than later, ye too sister Kikyo"
The copy looked up. The tree, she hadn't realised that this was where she was headed, her legs gave out from lack of food. Food…? Why should I eat? A copy can't act like an original… She eats… I… crawling she placed herself at the base of the tree and felt the tears come again. She got up. Not here, not where he could see her acting so weak, not where the original could see her copy, see what happens when a fake falls apart.
Feet wandered again and then… Onigumo's cave. The copy crawled inside and went to the back of the cave, further and further, then when she hit the wall, dug with her hands until there was a small hole to burry herself in. To curl up and let it all go.
Tears came, loud ones. Her sobs and partial screams of misery filled the silent cave. The copy cried for her home that she would never lay eyes on again, she cried for her family that would never be able to know that she had finally won against Naraku and found the jewel, she cried for her friends that had to watch her suffer, she cried for Inuyasha who was so captivated by the original the copy didn't exist in his mind at all anymore…
But mostly, the copy cried for Kagome. Who had faded into this… fade away. The small girl stopped crying when it was pitch black, inside the cave and out. There were no more tears but not any less sorrow than before those tears.
The copy looked at the scorch marks and sat by it. Not in her place, at the feet of the person, where she belonged to every living thing… she was a copy.
A feelingless hand touched the line of the scorch marks, Onigumo made a mistake here, he chose demons to bond with to be with the original. Naraku was a mistake of all those demons and that one human. Inuyasha's ensealment was a mistake because of those mistakes. Kikyo's death was a mistake from those demons… the copy froze, stiffening and paling so it would appear that she had been carved of ice. I am… a mistake? Looking at her hands the copy felt scared.
I am a mistake… she realised with a hollow feeling that filled with more pain. If Onigumo hadn't made his mistake, the original would have never died… the jewel would have never incarnated her soul… I AM a mistake! The copy fell to the floor completely, mistake… mistake… fake… copy… false… second… model… mistake… mistake… mistake...
The original waved a hand before the face of the silent girl, the girl was staring at a flower that a child had given her… the mistake… the copy. The copy looked up at the original and waited for her to talk. Her voice had died, her spirit had died, her heart was dying, her mind was cruelly sharp and awake to all the pain… fade away…
Kikyo smiled, hopefully warmly and pulled the girl to her feet. Kagome had come back to the village that morning after being missing from the hut for the second night in a row, she knew that the first time she was sleeping by the door, but the second… no idea. "Hey, Kagome. I want you to see something, come with me"
The copy followed, her will was weak, her strength was weak, if asked she would do anything a person asked as it didn't matter to her anymore. Kikyo lead the way to the storage hut were the villages stored their finest cloths and silks for special occasions. Kikyo ushered the girl inside, that smile still there. Kikyo pulled out a package and placed it in Kagome's hands "I hoped that you'd wear it… for my ceremony tomorrow…"
The copy wondered what the occasion was but figured that the original would mention it sooner or later. The package string came lose with her feeble tugging and there was a beautiful green silk kimono with flower patterns in pink, the flowers of the sacred tree. The copy held it up and admired it.
Then she saw the one Kikyo was standing by… a wedding kimono… then this is a… in history the second most beautiful to the bride… the bridesmaid... Inuyasha? No, he'd have told me! He would! Her panic was interrupted when Kikyo pulled her into anther hug. The copy froze, she hadn't realised her tears were about to fall. I thought that I had run dry at last… the shoulders of the copy slumped, she was tired, wrung out, empty and defeated at last.
Kikyo whispered in the copy's ear softly "You don't need to be sad. I'll be alright, Inuyasha will be too, so you don't need to be sad. Everything will work out the way it should have before" before the mistake was born… the copy finished her. So cruel… you have him, own him, you always have… so WHY? Why must you taunt me? Why do you hurt me more, please leave me alone!
The copy nodded she took the clothes back to Kaede's hut and placed them in a corner by her yellow bag then ran into the forest. She didn't get very far, she collapsed at the base of the sacred tree. How cruel… you have beaten me, then you mock me with your victory… I see now, you'll marry each other then go to hell and never be separated again as marriage links souls together as well as just who you are… the copy curled up and cried into her green shirt. Inuyasha I want you to live… but I promised that I wouldn't come between you two anymore… and you expect me to be the bridesmaid and watch you...you...
The copy sniffed, dark hair and white skin and dead brown eyes fell silent for a moment. The copy imagined what it must be like to see Inuyasha wearing the robes he would marry in, or would he stay in his fire rat? The copy stood and thought hopelessly, this isn't certain yet. I'll wait until tonight… my Inuyasha… no, you've never been mine. Always hers. My original.
The copy avoided people for the rest of the day and lingered in the woods, not bothering to hold her bow or arrows anymore, what's the point? The evening fell the next day and the copy stood at the edge of the trees watching sadly. She had made sure to show herself around the village so that they wouldn't think that she was missing for so long. Then watched, waited and died a little more.
Kikyo came out wearing the beautiful red robes that were so beautiful it hurt to look at her, it would have made every supermodel at home cry with envy. The red and white suited her and her hair was delicately decorated. The people swarmed around her and chatted happily. The copy watched their faces, happy… what is happy again? I've forgotten…
Everyone turned to see someone else coming out of another hut, Inuyasha. The copy's breath got stuck in her throat, he was so… beautiful…
The blue of such a deep and royal colour made him look every bit like the prince he was in her eyes, his kimono was like his fire rat one and he had matching pants to complete the look. His hair flowed freely, untamed and wild and with such a freedom that everyone else should have been chained to the floor to compare. His golden eyes only looked at Kikyo, and she only looked at him…
The boy that Kagome had met and freed under the scared tree was gone, this man, this god of a man, that she saw now was perfect beyond the reasons of the word or meaning. He had grown in strength and power, he had tamed his demons and had found his life again.
The copy winced as her heart finally started to die completely when her beloved took the originals hands in his own… you are marrying her… the copy realised and then clawed at the tree as she felt her heart crack down the middle. Please, please, if there is a god that listens to a fake like me, let this pain kill me… I can't bare to see them… hell… together… for all eternity…
The copy's heart thudded loudly as she realised what this meant. I've lost. I've finally lost him… forever… and he doesn't even look at me, they don't even look me in the eye as they tear out my heart… looking up the copy saw Sango and Miroku on Kirara, Shippo must be there too. The copy staggered away from the village. No! If they see me they'll make me witness it! No! The copy turned and ran.
She ran and ran until she lost her sandal's and until her feet bled. Past the well, past the river. I'll run forever, as far as I have to… just… NEVR TAKE ME BACK! The copy sobbed loudly the entire way she was running, her kimono tore and her face and skin got hit by branches and rocks and sharp bark. She didn't care, not anymore.
Finally she couldn't run anymore and stopped, the copy could still hear the river which meant that she hadn't run as far as she thought, because she was so weak and hadn't eaten much over the past week, she couldn't run anymore. The copy looked at the stars and wished for a way out. Let me fade away… let this pain… fade away, just fade away… from everything.
When she was strong enough to stand she walked until she came to a cliff, she could still hear the river, it wasn't that far at all. Maybe half a mile from the loud river… the copy looked down the cliff and thought. No one can survive a fall like that… if they fell down here. There should be a sign like in my world, showing that this place is dangerous… if they fell…
The copy looked up at the sky, her way out… her hurt feet stood on the edge of the cliff, toes could feel the grass and the wind, it was pushing her back, as if saying, no don't, it's a mistake!
I am the mistake. The copy thought to herself. She closed her eyes and remembered: when he first woke up, when he first said her name, when he said he'd protect her, when he said don't leave me, when he risked his life against Sesshomaru, that human night in the spider head temple, rescuing her from Miroku, holding her to his heart… saying how scared he was when he thought he'd lost her… The copy opened her eyes, smiling as her beloved half demon filled her being as her memories came back to her. This was always meant to be, you know. She said to the hanyou in her mind. You would have chosen her, and I would have… faded away…
The copy allowed herself to call herself Kagome one last time as… she wouldn't be here much longer. Kagome raised her arms and smiled at the full moon. "Inuyasha… I love you… I know you can never love me, a copy, a mistake that Naraku created, someone who is almost Kikyo… but not" Kagome smiled and put both hands on her heart. "I know you can never love me…" the beautiful eyes closed and a last rush of tears fell from her eyes "But you'll always have me"
The she let herself go. The air rushed around her ears, pulled at her torn kimono, tangled her hair, whispered it's final goodbye before-
With a sickening thud of flesh against earth, Kagome stopped thinking…
Kikyo walked down the path the villagers had created, looking for the little Miko that she wanted to say goodbye too. I wonder if she is too upset to come to my funeral, Inuyasha is but at least he can say goodbye to me. The fire that she was to jump into soon was cracking merrily, warm although she couldn't feel it.
Kikyo smiled at Inuyasha, so handsome, Kagome is a lucky girl… he chose her, but that's for the best, it's time everything was put right. Starting with my place in the afterlife, then returning Kagome's soul, then… Kikyo smiled up at Inuyasha more widely. He's going to do what he should have done a long time ago, bind himself to Kagome for all of time. Kikyo was a little jealous but a part of her would live on in that small girl so, it wasn't as if she'd never be thought of again.
Kikyo sighed, it must be time, oh dear, I do hope Kagome comes to say goodbye… I'll miss my little reincarnation. She's so different but… similar… she's Kagome. Kikyo smiled then gasped, choking and eyes going wide. She fell to her knees and gasped as she saw something that wasn't there.
Inuyasha had been walking beside her, still part of him wanting to protect her and keep her by him, but he had made his choice and she had made hers. She wanted to return to the way things were and he chose Kagome, the hanyou seemed weighed down, she's been so sad… because she can't go home, her entire world was taken away from her and her family, and now she's suffering over the death of Kikyo… again… Inuyasha sighed a little frustrated the fuck, I don't know how to say it to her, I can't just… I want to comfort her… but I don't know how… Then Kikyo launched, as if she had been punched in the gut.
Her eyes were wide and she looked panicked. She gripped Inuyasha as he helped to hold her up, villagers swarmed around them as she fell to her knees but Kikyo didn't see them.
Inuyasha could hear himself almost yelling at her "Are you alright? Shit, what happened? Kikyo?"
Kikyo looked up as if she finally saw something. "W-what is she doing?" she asked, scared and confused. "Kagome… what-" her eyes widened so wide as fear gripped her "No… Kagome! Don't do it! He loves you!NO!" her hand reached out to grab something that wasn't there.
Inuyasha was worried he gripped her face and turned it to him so he could look her in the eye. "Kikyo!"
Kikyo came back to herself and she was panting wildly, almost on the edge of shock and tears. "My god…"
"Kikyo, what the fuck just happened?" Inuyasha asked shaking her shoulders a little to get an answer.
Kikyo struggled to draw breath "K-Kagome… she's made a mistake! My god, I never realised! I thought she knew! I thought you told her!" the Miko put her hands to her face in horror "S-she thought you didn't love her. S-s-she jumped! She's hurt! We have to find her! Quickly!"
:'(
That was sad! OMFG What had Kagome done? The little Baka! But now what?
YOU Have to chose and ending to read, or read them both, Warning, tear alearts for both of them, but one has a happy ending, the other does NOT.
I won't say which is which. Let fate decide!
Wordy.