Since when did the world move so slow? Since when did the stars only shine when you're happy? Since when did I start thinking like this…arg
She didn't know what brang on such thoughts. The thoughts that seemed to pull angrily at her patience. She blamed it mainly on the cool night air, or the breeze that rolled down from the Trabian Mountains, or even the loose atmosphere around her. But she knew the thoughts were from her inner conscious, the one that sat deep inside her…waiting in the darkness until it could pounce on her steadiness.
If only I could know what the future is going to bring for me. If only I knew what great times are ahead of me…and what dark days there might be. I hate being so unsure, especially when I have this feeling.
For so long she had been feeling a sense of…longing. A sense so strong she was drawn to every feeling around her. Her senses acted with such accuracy that she could walk through the garden, with her eyes closed and know her way. And of course with out bumping into anyone, despite the strange looks from passerby's. Her feelings went deeper then that though. She lost control of herself. As if she were going mad. Sometimes her feelings brought her outside to the starry sky where her eyes would search the tiny dots of light that she knew were so far away, yet seemed so close, for answers. Each light gave off the same loneliness she felt all day long. She had told no one about her strange…feelings… because she knew they would all worry and straight away blame it on her sorcery or ignorance to handle her own feelings. She hated the word now. Feelings.
Just signals from your brain telling your inner conscious to act or think a certain way, like a control device. Its nothing I can't handle, I just need to break the link…
" Hey someone told me you out here. Maybe you should be wearing a jacket or something…you look pretty cold" She smiled at the familiar voice. Squall…do you have the same thoughts as me? Of course you don't, you don't worry as much as I do. I think I'm becoming…well, like you were, thinking too much…off in my own world. Well I suppose you used - " Helloooo Rinoa, anyone there?" Damnit, there I go again…aah! Answer! " Oh sorry I was just you know…t-thinking" He slowly shook his head. Her 'brooding' was all too obvious. Especially for him since it used to be his favorite past time. " Rin, I'm worried about you. We all are. Is there something your not telling us?"
Too much…There's too much I'm not telling you all… She put on her smile trying her best to make herself look sure. " Its ok Squall I'm fine"
It was again, all too obvious that she was putting on an act. There was a certain aroma of sadness coming from her that he could feel. But even so, he smiled back. No point in worrying too much… " So…Cid was talking to me about the Timber issue…he's considering maybe sending a few SeeDs down to help sort out the treaty, to set it up and get some people in to make it official" Her mood brightened at the name of her former town. She had been pleading to get a treaty signed between Timber and Galbadia for so long now. She was as determined as ever to get Timber standing on its own two feet. Besides, she still had a contract with Balamb Garden. " Squall that's wonderful! I actually thought he would never consider it…I thought he had…well" I thought he had forgotten about it or just decided not to bother with it " Well I thought maybe he just wasn't going to go through with it" Squall raised an eyebrow at her comment. He knew Cid was going to through with it was just other clients that needed SeeD more than Timber did and well…business is business.
" Squall! Cid wants to see you!" Quistis yelled from behind. She hadn't been there long but she had caught a moment of their discussion. Now, Quistis Trepe was not an eavesdropper…she just had a knack for knowing things she knew she ought to know.
Squall turned around and nodded in acknowledgement. She smiled briefly and walked back inside. " Ok well I'll be seeing you soon then…" He bent down slightly to give her a quick kiss. It wasn't all too often he showed signs of affection but when he did, it was a moment too last. When he left Rinoa was alone again. Well it's just me and my thoughts…oh joy…
~..**..~
" Sir" Squall gave Cid his usual SeeD salute in greeting. " Squall I need to discuss with you, the situation with Timber. As you know I have agreed to send some SeeD's down to Timber to sort out an agreement for a peace treaty. I would like you to go down with Selphie, Zell and Rinoa. This being of course part of the contract Garden signed with the Forest Owls and I'm obliged to send the original team" Squall quietly listened to the headmasters long briefing, but still keeping himself occupied with his own thoughts.
Quistis and Irvine would be a good asset to the team…if only they could come down with us…I'm sure Rinoa would want that as well " Sir…If I may. Perhaps an adjustment to the original team would be convenient and -" Cid cut him off, shaking his head.
" I'm sorry Squall but the team has been decided. I'll be expecting you and your team to meet, fully packed for a week, to meet Xu and I down at the front gates tomorrow at 17:00 hours. Understood?"
" Yes sir"
He walked out of the elevator, his mood in not much of a happy state. Sure he could tell Rinoa the great news but…he wouldn't have his full team with him. His friends. But he was Squall Leonheart, he never let his social life…even though he technically only just got one, interfere with his work. Not many students were walking around Garden so he was in the right mind to think they were all in class. Quistis said she was doing a history class today and a defense against flying foes class. A new category. He was hit with a sense of deja-vu when someone came running at him and slammed into his side. He didn't fall over but the offender did.
" Oops…I do this a lot don't I?" Squall couldn't help but grin when he saw Selphie lying on the ground grinning in her fashion and bits of paper floating down in front of her.
" Here let me help…" The two began to slowly pick up the fallen pieces of paper. Squall took his chance to tell Selphie about their new mission. " Hey Sephy…Cid briefed me about our new mission. We're going to Timber to-" Her eyes lit up. " Really?! We're finally going to help?" He nodded. " Yeah we are. You me, Zell and Rinoa are going down as a team. Because of the contract" He waited for her nod of approval before continuing. " Hopefully we're going to be able to settle a peace treaty" They both stood up, Selphie with her handful of paper sorted once more. " So we have to meet at the front gates tomorrow at 17:00 hours ok?" She nodded once more and looked around. " I'll tell Zell ok. Meet you there! Oh! And thanks for the help" She skipped off in the direction of her class. Selphie…a natural at cheeryness He looked around for anyone. So much time and so little to do…Rinoa He nodded to himself and walked back to the balcony where he knew she would still be.
Unfortunately she wasn't infact there. He was slightly disappointed to find she had left. He was sure she had no classes and she wasn't teaching today. He rattled his brain for an idea but the only ones that came were, dormitory or Training Center Once again he nodded to himself and started at her dorm.
When he found her she was at the training center near the tiny pool of murky water. The surface gurgled slightly and a few bugs lazily skimmed its surface. Not the most approving look. Damn…I'll have to remind Cid to get that cleaned out again…
She was looking into the water with a lost and dreamy look to her fragile face. He felt almost…shocked at her expression. Never had he seen her look so empty.
Normally he would find her here frying a few grats with her improved sorcery or teaching a few kids to aim a spell correctly. What was it that she found so interesting or dazzling in the water? " Hey Rin…what are doing?" She was snapped out of her trance and her features returned to normal. " Oh…I was" Thinking too much again… " The monsters don't seem to come around here much so it's…a nice place to…come and think" She looked down at her feet. A tear threatened to make itself known. Don't cry…don't cry…I don't won't to seem weak…oh but I am! She couldn't hold it in. Her strength shattered and her calmness dissolved. She broke down into a series of sobs. " I just don't know any more! I come here a lot and I expect to come up with some reason for why I feel thins way so much but I…but I just can't. Do you know what it feels like to be looking for something in your mind but it…it just won't come and you…what's wrong with me!" She trembled and her knees felt like buckling. She gave one last cry and fell. But from behind, two strong arms caught her. " Rin…I'm here I'm right here…" Squall tried desperately to hold onto Rinoa's shaking form. Slowly he lowered her down to the grassy and wet surface. She linked her arms around his neck, holding on like a lost child, crying into his jacket.
Rin…I'll found out
..~**~..
Despite the disturbing moment in the training center Squall felt generally calm. He had packed his gear for the mission, told Rinoa to do so as well and stood in the secret area alone. She was now going to meet him here. He had been unsure at first to leave Rinoa on her own, but she had insisted that she would be ok. Every few seconds or so, he would look at his watch. Just to make sure she would turn up. The thought that he was getting over-protective entered his mind and he silently cursed himself for being so damn nervy. Get it together He groaned and rubbed his temples. This was going to be a long night, he could tell just by the atmosphere around himself. He had gone from being calm, to being tight and stressed. A calm voice broke his barricade. " Hey you" Rinoa walked up beside him quietly. He smiled when he saw her beside him but kept his vision straight ahead. Neither of them spoke. They both knew what the other was thinking. But even so, the silence was killing her so she spoke to him, calmly and coolly, as if she were back to her normal self again.
" Hey I didn't run into a single monster on my way here you know? Is that a record?"
He sarcastically put his finger under his chin thinking deeply. " Well if you can walk around the training center about five times without a single encounter then I think you would break the record" She huffed and leaned down. " I have a while to go then" He mumbled, " Mmmhmm" and leaned over the railing slightly, looking down.
" Rinoa we really need to talk about this. About what happened before" He turned his body to face her. " We both know you weren't acting as you normally do. You have been a little…out of character I guess" She nodded and closed her eyes, keeping her voice as calm and mature as she would allow herself. " I know and I've decided to go and see Doctor Kadowaki…maybe she can help me, you know, like counseling or something"
Is it really that serious Rin? Well at least your getting some help " That's great Rin. Oh hey, are you all packed for the mission yet?" She nodded, mumbling " mmmhmm" and looked behind her. " I'm pretty tired so I think I'll go to bed. See you in the morning Squall" She quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the secret area. She was in a rush to get out of the crowded area and into her own solitude. He noticed this but said nothing, letting her go.
Do you know what its like to be looking for something in your mind but it just wont come to you?…Rin, I remember you words so clearly because I used to be like that too. But I knew how to deal with it, I was used to it. You're different. You too fragile and you break down easier. Is this how I'm going to lose you? What if I can't protect you? What if I can't figure it out! I know I haven't shown it but I know you've been like this for a while now. I've noticed and it scares me…what if the next time you break down like you did, and I'm not there? What if no one is there? It was then that he realized this was not how Squall Leonheart worked his mind. He was worrying too much and using the term 'what if?' way too much. See how I've changed? It's because of you, you made me a better person, I can't afford to lose you With these thoughts fresh in his mind, he left the lonely training center and went back to his dorm.
A/N: Well the first chapter of my new fic complete! I have about three chapters all ready to go, I'll post the next one as soon as I get some reviews, not to sound to pushy, I just want to know what people think of this. It's a new style of writing for me too. Please please please review and make me a happy freddo!!! ( just a saying of mine) hee hee
Yes, I edited this chapter! Just made a few minor improvements…