Yes, I have to write this up here. I figure the one time I forget to Paramount will get me. Most of these are not my original characters. Paramount owns TNG and all related characters. With that out of the way
This was an idea I had tossed around for submission to Strange New worlds anthology. I decided not to this year, so I give to everyone.
What Goes Around
The crew of the USS Enterprise was enjoying a well-deserved break. It had taken months for them to finally finish the clean up phase of the Genesis Wave. Now, apparently as a reward, the ship had been assigned to a pure research mission. They were to study a binary system where the stars were far enough apart that a nova, which would happen to one of the stars, would not initially destroy the second, but it was theorized that the second star would go nova within hours of the first one. Stellar Cartography was having a field day, even voluntarily working overtime to gather data on the event.
The rest of the crew, on the other hand, was left without much to do at the moment. They were in neutral space and over a day from anywhere. There was not much of a chance that something could happen to them for at least a week. The result of this unexpected break was an almost shore leave atmosphere on the ship. There had been a flurry of creative display making its rounds among the crew. Commander Riker had taken to entertaining everyone in the Saucer Lounge, along with several other jazz devotees. Counselor Troi had even tried her hand at singing with them, giving a very good performance if one was to judge. Art exhibits, concerts and even a couple of cooking contests seemed to fill most of the available space. Even Commander Data was getting into the working shore leave spirit. Last night he had invited everyone to a concert. Captain Jean Luc Picard shuddered at the memory. To think that my second officer would even think of hosting a 'hoe down' as he put it. Bluegrass music I can handle, but the thought of square dancing anywhere on My ship. Not that I would ever think to curtail the man's creativity, but … Again all he could do was shutter slightly and sigh. Returning his mind to the normal stoicism of his bridge persona he entered the bridge.
Everything was as it should be. Data was seated at ops as he usually was. His Number One and Counselor were having a low voiced but spirited discussion from their chairs. The remaining crew on duty went about their jobs with an easy efficiency. No one announced his presence as he strode toward his chair, which was how he preferred. While normally a fairly formal commander Picard always felt that stopping all bridge activity to announce his presence was not only ineffectual, but also rather pretentious. It had taken several years but he had finally even convinced Data not to follow that protocol. Only on the rare occasion when he had a fresh from the Academy ensign on deck when he came in did he hear the comment of 'Captain on the bridge'. Even they didn't keep the habit for too long. Eventually one of the crew would convince them to lighten up.
"Good morning Sir."
Counselor Deanna Troi's face was alive with a smile that was different from the normally warm and heartwarming expression she usually wore. If Picard were to make an assessment he would say that it reminded him of his Number One when he was up to something mischievous. The expression caught him just off guard enough to not look as he sat in his chair. Pblgggglt!! The obnoxious and bodily sounding noise filled the otherwise fairly quiet bridge. The Captain's face became a study of contradictory expression matching his emotional gambit. One simply did NOT play practical jokes on the captain of the Enterprise, especially one as old as a whoopee cushion. He noted the counselor giggling as quietly as she could manage.
"Counselor, since you seem to find that the idea of a whoopee cushion is still amusing, I am to assume that you know something about how it got here." He knew she would pick up on the amusement he felt, but the stern demeanor of his voice was playing the irritation that the crew would expect him to show.
"I wouldn't know sir. I never noticed the offending item." She was managing to hold a straight face, barely.
Picard silently acknowledged the fact that both his first and second officers had begun to pay more attention to their duties than they normally would have at this time of morning. It was at this juncture that he realized that none of his officers were going to rat on the other. Choosing to not push the issue he calmly looked at the counselor, "I retract my earlier statement. I don't want to know." He could have sworn he saw Data's posture shift slightly, as if he had just gotten away with something. He couldn't believe it, Data was actually relieved he hadn't gone after whoever had decided today would be a good day to play old jokes on the Captain. Data, the man on whom humor was often wasted. The man who was just barely beginning to understand any emotion whatsoever. The man who also seemed like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. If Jean Luc's instincts were working properly this was also the man who had just pulled one of the oldest jokes in the known Federation.
That was when it dawned on him. "Computer, what is the date? Earth calendar."
"April first, 2378." The computer gave its usual prompt answer.
I should have known. This is going to a very long day. Giving a sigh of resignation, he chose not to remain on the bridge. This was going to be a day to do paperwork in his office, hopefully out of harms way. Truthfully he even enjoyed pulling a few pranks on his friends on occasion but he held a secret wish to top theirs when he to a notion to, which considering the atmosphere on the ship at the moment made the likelihood of him doing so all the more possible. "Number One, you have the bridge. I'll be in my office." He pretended not to hear the snicker that came from Will as he left.
The reason for the noise revealed itself when he entered his office. Someone had taken the liberty to redecorate. Every single piece of furniture had been moved. Even the cloth on his chair was turned upside down. This time however the instigator had left a calling card. Considering what the item was he knew the person had to have had help. Sitting on his desk, still steaming even, was a mug of hot chocolate. No wonder she was able to tell me she didn't see the cushion, she had been busy herself. Smiling from the thought he sat down at his desk, and drank his hot chocolate, thinking on how to extract revenge.
****
Commander Geordi LaForge had just finished looking through his dispatches for the day. He was smiling as he stood from his chair in his office. It was rather refreshing not to have to be rushing about trying to keep this ship flying in the middle of one emergency or another. It looked like it would even stay that way for at least the next several days. He had even gotten a letter from Leah today. Now that she was not in hot water with the brass she had gone back to her research, at least so she said. Geordi had a feeling that she was still working for Adm. Nechayev on the side. Leah Brahms was not a woman to sit still for very long, especially after the stunts she had pulled of late. Add to that the remaining grief she felt from losing her husband, even though they hadn't been that close before his death and her flying off on some trip or another could become a distinct possibility. For the moment there weren't any romantic inclinations between them but the had been hope in the back of Geordi's mind that one day there might be, and that hope was creeping closer by the day if he were to judge.
He started to get up, thinking it would be a good day to just get to know some of the newer staff when he saw a new message show up on the terminal. "What the …" For not the first time in his career Geordi has taken just one more elective while at the Academy. There were time's when he found himself lacking the correct punch for a somewhat necessary curse. This was one of those times. First off the person who sent the message would normally have called over the intercom or come down here personally when he reported any sort of ship malfunction. Second was what the request was for. For some unknown reason, when the Captain had requested his normal cup of tea for the morning he received a bowl of gagh and a mug of blood wine. The captain was asking him to run diagnostics to find out what was wrong. I wonder why he sent a text request instead of calling me. While the musing went through his mind he started the diagnostics on the replicator system. Within seconds the results came back, nothing. There wasn't anything wrong with the system that the computer could find.
His next attempt bore more fruit. He checked the logs to see if anyone had created or modified any programs on the system. This came up with a lot more fruit. More specifically he figured out he must have missed a dessert and salad contest. There were over one thousand specific new food and recipe items created in the past twenty four hours, and a variant on gagh was found twenty times.
Finally he tried something unorthodox. Given the mood everyone had been in Geordi figured that someone might have done this just to get a rise out of the beloved Captain Picard. "Computer, who modified the menu definitions on replicator sixteen, Captain's ready room?"
"That information is restricted. Please state authorization code."
Now that's strange, he allowed the thought to simmer as he complied with the computer. "LaForge, beta six Charlie."
"Access denied. Alpha command clearance required."
"I guess that explains who the joker is." He muttered. Tapping his combadge he called the Captain.
"Yes Geordi." The response came out as a bemused frustration. The captain was taking this rather well.
"Sir, I need to try something. I want to see if your replicator will accept an order from someone besides you. Considering they way you sent your request I figured I should ask before coming up there."
"Can you do it from there? I have a feeling I know what happened."
"If you are thinking someone did this on purpose, you're right. As a matter of fact I might have been able to fix the changes that were made, but I can't. I am locked out of that portion of the system. I can still get to anything that is important, but not into the menus of the replicator system. As far as I know there are only two people on board that can do that, you and Commander Riker. So can I test my theory?"
"Go ahead, but I think I already know the outcome, you just said it yourself. There are very few people who would believe that I needed to have a Klingon breakfast, and only one of them could manage to make it difficult for you to fix. Besides I am already going to volunteer him for a little redecorating."
"Ok, why don't you try something else. Maybe all that has been changed is your tea." Geordi, did not want to know what the Captain meant by the last statement.
"Here goes nothing." Picard grimaced as he requested a simple glass of cold water." The resulting mass which lain in front of him was unrecognizable until he sniffed the bowl of liquid, Plomeek soup. The last time he had smelled the distinctive smell had been on the Stargazer. "Well unless the chemical composition of water has changed to mimic that of Plomeek soup, I can honestly say that attempt didn't work."
"My turn sir. Computer hot Earl Grey tea on replicator sixteen please." Immediately the Captain was rewarded with a cup of his favorite beverage.
"I guess my first officer has been rather creative this morning. I wonder what else he is going to do?"
"I wouldn't know sir." Geordi however did know Will well enough to know that when he took the notion to pull a practical joke, it was often very elaborate. He did not bother to tell the Captain that this was probably only the beginning. "I can fix your problem, if you give me your authorization."
"Not just yet, Commander. I want to play this out a little more. Besides I think it might be rather amusing to see how he acts if I call him in hear to get me a cup of tea." Picard smiled at the thought of having Will act like an old fashioned secretary. The thought of how to work this day to his advantage began to form in the back of his mind."
"Well you could always try asking the computer for random foods until you find something you like. It may not be your tea, but maybe you can at least figure out how to get a glass of water."
"I might just try that. I will get back to you when I am ready to fix my little inconvenience. Picard out."
After the Captain had signed off, Geordi sat back down. This was a part of the Captain he very rarely saw. The man had a very good sense of humor most of the time. He was however a very reserved man. In the thirteen years he had served with the man he had never known him to actually play a practical joke on anyone. But then again he had also been around Will Riker for that long and Geordi knew that Will had a streak of imp in him that if left unchecked would breach the hull of the ship. I think I might just find an excuse to work on the bridge today, I think this just might be an interesting floorshow. Shaking his head in amusement as he let the mental images coalesce in his mind, he began to get his desk in order.
About an hour and a half after he had left the bridge Jean Luc Picard exited his ready room and headed for the turbolift. He barely acknowledged the bridge crew as he did so, causing the entire crew to stop long enough to watch him. "I think we are in trouble. And I am not talking about the kind that involves reprimands." Deanna looked at the retreating Captain and followed with her eyes as the door to the lift closed. She noticed that Will winced at her words.
"What do you mean Counselor?" Data swiveled in his chair to look at the pair of officers behind him.
"If his mood were to judge, I would say that our Captain has a touch of the benevolent trickster in him."
"Like the Norse God Loki, or the Native American God Coyote. Or the …"
The Counselor cut him off before he could get any farther. "Yes Data. Something like that. I have a feeling that we are about to receive retribution for what we have done this morning."
"This should be interesting, or should I be worried?" Riker gazed at his beloved, trying to gain a little insight from the smirk that she wore.
"I doubt that we could be in physical danger. Unless …" a significant pause punctuated the bridge.
"Unless what Deanna?" Will was becoming worried.
"Unless he went to gain an accomplice in the form of one Dr. Beverly Crusher, if Beverly gets involved I wouldn't hold my breath at us escaping from something painful. Come to think of it, I haven't heard from Beverly yet today." She cocked her head at her would be boyfriend.
"My guess is she hasn't gotten to work yet."
*****
If there was a person on the Enterprise who could be classified as a stereotype in any way it was Doctor Beverly Crusher. As a Chief Medical Officer she could be the most caring and compassionate person on the ship, only occasionally losing the title to Counselor Troi. On the converse side she could be complete fire and brimstone, as was befitting to her flame hued mane. This morning was proving her to be the latter.
Not that the morning had not started out pleasantly enough, it had been quite lovely as a matter of fact. He normal breakfast routine had proven to be one of the more enjoyable ones she could remember of late. Jean Luc had been in an extremely chipper frame of mind and wonderful conversation. She even found herself enjoying the romantic tension that existed between them, to the point that she caught herself flirting a little. Smiling she went to the gym to work out. After an hour she had returned to her quarters to finish a few chores before her shift.
Practically skipping and actually humming to herself she entered her quarters, determined to find just the right outfit for Data's hoe down this evening. Considering the mood that the crew had been I over the past several days, she was finally giving into it herself. Beverly wasn't positive but she thought she had something in her closet that would be just flirty enough to entice, without advertising too much.
Her mood endured only until she reached her closet. Opening it she found that her entire wardrobe had disappeared. Instead of her normally well-organized set of multicolored dresses and outfits she saw a nearly empty bar staring at her. Only one garment graced the space, and it definitely was not hers. Her shoes had made a similar disappearing act, to be replaced with another single item, which was meant to go with the garment.
As she glowered at the material, the emotion reaching seething as she stared, she admitted to herself that whoever did this at least left something that would fit this evening. She pulled the dress out of the closet, examining it. The material of the square dancing skirt swished as she looked. A note was pinned to the hem. It contained a single word 'Please.'
This is a bit much. I just could not see Data doing something like this, just to get me to dance for him. He wouldn't get it. Begging yes, he can be worse than Wesley was if the mood strikes him. No this is too much like someone else I know. In my book there is only one person that would find something like this funny, Will Riker. The mental accusation actually followed her tapping her combadge. "Computer, locate Commander Riker."
"Commander Riker is on the bridge."
She was out of her quarters before the computer finished speaking, dress in hand and swearing quietly. On her way to the lift she passed the Captain. She thought of saying something to him, but after seeing the look on his face, she thought better of it. The man was a study in determination which Beverly usually only saw during diplomatic crisis. Like her he was carrying clothing of some kind, but she couldn't make out what it was. They nodded as they passed one another. Otherwise, Beverly did not notice much during her trip to the bridge.
Ignoring any form of preamble, Beverly strode up to Will. "Commander, I need to speak to you. In the ready room please." Knowing that the Captain was not in, she went straight in without even waiting for the commander to join her. As soon as he was inside she began her assault. "Will, I don't like jokes like this. I wan t my clothes back now. And I will not square dance tonight." She threw the dress at him, scoring a direct hit on his face.
"I didn't do anything." Riker tried not to laugh. Someone had gotten her good, but it wasn't him. However, he tried not to show the humor he found in the situation, and she was beautiful when she was angry. He was just trying not to make her more angry than she was. "So, since I know nothing of what happened, why don't you tell me."
"While I was out having breakfast, someone decided to take all of my clothes, and replace them with this one dress and a pair of dance clogs."
"Have you checked to see who went in your room?"
She stopped for a moment. She had been so irritated at what had happened she had forgotten she should be able to do that. "No, I forgot."
"See, we will know in a moment who to blame. Computer, who has accessed Doctor Crusher's quarters this morning?"
"The only entrance into Dr. Crusher's quarters since 22:46 was Dr. Crusher at 09:14."
"So much for that idea. They either wiped the record or they didn't come in the front door." Will looked at the red head. She was fuming still, but at least she wasn't going to rip his head off at any moment. "Maybe they beamed them out. Computer have there been any transports to or from Dr. Crusher's quarters today."
"Affirmative. There has been one transport out of Dr. Crusher's quarters, and one transport into Dr. Crusher's quarters."
"On whose authority?" Will had a very sneaking suspicion he knew what the computer would say, after all he hadn't expected her to ask him to help in the Captain's ready room this morning.
"Commander Deanna Troi."
That's my girl. The imp returned to the Commander's face as he looked at the good Doctor. "I guess Deanna has been pulling double duty this morning. This one I didn't know about."
"What was the other?" That is when she noticed the room she was standing in. It wasn't much different, but it definitely had been rearranged. Sitting on the desk, half drank and cold, was something so signature to her friend that she had to laugh out loud, a mug of hot chocolate. "I guess I'm not the only one."
"What do you want done with this?" He shook the dress which he still had in his hand.
"Give it back. Deanna is good, but I think that I can top it. I was mad before I found out who did it." Her face showed a healthy dose of chagrin. "Actually I thought it was you."
"I'll take that as a compliment." The grin on his face threatened to split it in half.
"Don't, it just proves your girl friend has spent too much time under your influence." There was a glimmer in her eyes. The last of her anger faded, to be replaced by a very devilish expression that seemed to compliment her in a disconcerting sort of way. "I'm sorry I threw that at you Will. If you will excuse me, I have work to do."
He watched as she left, then followed. After returning to the center chair, he thought directly towards his beloved. Somebody's going to get it. Verbally he said to her. "Beverly seems to have had her wardrobe misplaced. She was wondering if I knew anything." He snickered as Deanna blushed.