Author's note: It's Palmon here again=) This is written in Kouichi's POV and since there's no category for Kouichi in fanfiction.net, I have to put this under Kouji's. This is Kouichi telling his thoughts on his life after he "died" in episode 48 and just to let you know, I'm making him actually died. So, credits to Digimon. Enjoy~
REFLECTION OF DARKNESS
I'm the chosen Frontier of Darkness, Kouichi Kimura. I felt that my life was a real mixture of feelings filled with hate, anger, and sadness but in the same time, I had experienced joy and love. When I reflect back, I had lived an extraordinary life indeed.
Seriously, I had received what I needed. At least, I always had my loving Mum. Unfortunately, it really hurt every time I saw her coming home very tired. She worked extremely hard and never took a day off even though she was really sick. I wanted her to change a job which was easier for her, but Mum said that she couldn't because the company needed her. Besides, there were only her and me in our split family. She worked long hours everyday to support us both. Oh Mum, I wished I could do something to help. I never felt happy seeing her like that. Mum didn't deserve this, she never did.
It was a very hard time too. Grandma passed away and I was with her until the minute she died. Even though she was lying in her death bed, she had to force it out, "Kouichi…..you need to know…..you have a brother….named Kouji…." My hand grasped her weak hand, I did have a brother? Kouji? Before I could ask anymore, Grandma closed her eyes and I was only holding her numb hand in mine.
Kouji, my brother….what should I do? I had to find him and that was my final decision. I had to find out more about him. I hid around corners of streets like a spy and kept my gaze fixed on the boy with a bandana. At fist sight, I already knew that boy was Kouji without anyone describing his features. He looked much like me, except with long hair tied in a ponytail. Then, I saw that man, my Dad and he was with another woman. Anger rose in me, he was with another woman and left Mum alone. But it was not the time to worry about these things. What happened had already happened. I couldn't change the past, but I could possibly made myself known to my younger brother, Kouji. We ought to know each other's existence. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get close to him alone. I had no chance to talk to him.
Then one day, I followed him to the train station. It was quite crowded with people returning from work. I fixed my stare securely on Kouji. Then he left the train, I followed him behind, trying to keep up. But I was too late, the doors of the lift were closed. I bang on the metal with frustration. The only thing I could do was to go for the stairs. My heart was pumping abnormally quickly to cope with my fast moving feet. Steps after steps, they stirred below my feet. In my haste, I tripped and hit the ground hard. I lay on the cold floor, I felt hopeless and ………….it was all a blur after I blacked out.
Have a think of it, what a fool I was to trust that evil Chreubimon. I regret it, I regret it very much. I was in the middle of nowhere and I thought I was dead in hell. It was cold and lonely. Then, the vision of my Dad appeared. I called out to him, without a glance, he disappeared into the thin air. Then my Grandma, she dissolved as well before I could even reach her. Then light glowed, I saw Kouji. I yelled out his name and I ran towards him…….he, too, disappeared and left me alone. Everybody turned away from me……..I couldn't take it anymore. I fell onto my knees. I felt neglected. Nobody wanted to come near me and nobody cared for me. Nothing left now….nothing…….tears spilt out from my blue eyes. I felt the pain, the pain and the anger mixed with tears on my face. A deep voice spoke up……….he was the only one who was paying attention to me. In other words, all I attracted was the evil. He was the only one and he was Cherubimon. I understood now that the Darkness was my fears and hate, and they attracted the spirits of Darkness.
I fought as Duskmon and Velgmon all that time against my brother Kouji. Why didn't I recognise him earlier? There must be something wrong with my memories. My mind was very messed up. If only I did……..if only…… but cursing myself was no use. I couldn't change the past.
I swept my sharp blade across Garmmon's body ruthlessly, then he turned into the familiar looking boy. I heard Agnimon, who was supposed to be my target, yelled, "Kouji!!!" He was shaking the badly injured boy in his arms. Kouji…… This name echoed in my mind again and again. It wouldn't stop haunting me. I had hurt my brother………how could I do this in my life? I stared at his motionless body……forgive me, Kouji……even though my sins were unforgivable.
I could see Kouji was trying his best to draw me out from Duskmon and Velgmon. But why? He barely knew who I was. The next thing I knew was that I came face to face with him. I wanted to let him know that I came here to catch up with him, to meet him and tell him that I was his brother. I knew it would be extremely hard for him to believe me, because it was too sudden. All those time, we did not know about each other's existence, but now we do. Light and Darkness together, I felt I was happy for the first time in my entire life: To meet him, to make new friends who always stick up for me.
I also proved myself wrong about the meaning of Darkness. As Duskmon, I only tasted the Darkness of evil. I might appear to be extremely powerful but it made me weaker. Darkness did not have to be evil, if it was used correctly, it could be strength. As the chosen of Darkness, that did not mean I had to fight for the evil. I understood at last. I could feel the real power of Darkness in me when I turned into Lowemon. However, no matter how strong I was, I needed Light to balance me. The Light was Kouji and I knew he needed me as much as I needed him.
The relationship between Kouji and I was building higher and we were eventually getting closer and closer to each other. The responsibility of being brothers was not easy, but we were able to bear it together. We got to know each other very well and shared secrets together. That was when I experienced joy and love. It was my friends and Kouji who changed my life, from my fragile and weak self to the confident one I had changed to.
People say happy moments would not last long. They are right. I was told a shocking truth: I was only a spirit. A spirit wandering in the Digital World. I couldn't possibly tell Kouji and the others about it even though it meant that I was hiding the truth from them. If I told them earlier, it would only made them depressed and this was not what I wanted. They would be extremely shocked, especially Kouji. I didn't want to worry him, I didn't want to break his heart. I wanted my last memories of them to be a pleasant one. But in the same time, I trapped myself in depression and confusion alone. Everything would only be part of my memories and the happiness would not continue. That meant I would leave Kouji and my friends at any time and would not see them ever again.
I was sorry that I made Kouji worried about me. I tried to be more cheerful at times, but I just couldn't control my depression. Imagine if you knew your time would end soon. How would you feel? Sad? Shocked? Confused? Stressed? I am sure you would feel the same as me.
Kouji changed since the first time I met him. He opened up a lot. He actually told me that he was extremely happy that he met me and he said he believed we would see each other in the Real World. Oh Kouji, I wished everything would turn out as perfect as you said. Painful tears welled up in my eyes, but I wouldn't let Kouji see my face. I couldn't, because I didn't want him to feel the sorrow I was bearing on my back. I sometimes wonder what did I do in my life to deserve this? Was it my consequence of killing innocent Digimon and hurting the ones I loved? I guess this was the only possible answer.
Just before Lucemon strike back, I was extremely anxious and yet confused. I had a feeling that his attack this time would be my last stand. I was sitting very still with only Kouji next to me. Dread ran through my veins. What if….what if my life would end soon? I couldn't tell him, but what about my Mum? I knew I would never see her ever again, because I would not be able to leave this Digital World. I side glanced at Kouji. He seemed to be worried too. Then we heard a loud explosion. The only one who was causing it would only be Lucemon himself. At last, I found my voice. "Kouji, promise me to see Mum when you get back," these words just shot out from my mouth immediately. I knew it was weird for such a sudden action. Kouji stared at me with confusion. He asked, "Why?" I had no time to explain. "Kouji, please promise me," I pleaded. I was relieved to see his nod. "Thanks," and that was all I could say to him. Turning my back, I ran to join the fight. All I needed to do was to wait it to happen.
And it did, but I didn't feel that it was worthless. I blocked Lucemon's attack which was aiming for my friends. I stood firmly in front of them and I could feel my body was crumbling into pieces slowly. Sharp pain filled my body, but I beared it. Pain? Sadness? Instead, I felt grateful. Grateful that I had the chance to go to the Digital World, grateful that I met Kouji and my friends, grateful for all the beautiful memories they gave me. I saw the pain and grief in Kouji's eyes, I couldn't do anything to ease his pain this time…………….
Before dying, I gave my Spirits of Darkness to the Warrior of Light. I wanted Kouji to have my powers, so that I could still be with him even though I was not physically there. I knew I would die…….I told him that I was grateful and I let him know my deep feelings. With the remaining strength I had left, I forced out my words that had been trapped in my heart, I freed them out to him. This would be the last time I would see the faces of my friends and Kouji. I could feel their sadness behind each pair of their eyes. I still kept my weak smile on my face until the time was up…………….
That was how I went through my life. I learned a lot of things though. I was extremely thankful that I was given the chance to meet my long lost brother before my life ended. I didn't regret anything, I had got what I deserved and wanted. I treasured my beautiful memories. Kouji, do you know why we carry the Spirits of Light and Darkness? Because you are my other half, just like Ying and Yang. Either one if them could not exist without another.
I had faith in my friends that they would defeat Lucemon and turn chaos into peace. I worry nothing now, for I knew my powers were in Kouji and I was fighting with him side by side. Light with Darkness. I felt that I never did leave him, never did…….even though we were far apart divided by the barrier between life and death.
Reviews please!!! I need them to know what you think about this=) Well, hope you like it though~