Disclaimer: I don't own them. I wish I did though…
Part 1 - Love and Loss
Donatello
My hands trembled as I stood at the front entrance of my home. My life had already been altered so drastically, I knew that there was no going back to the normal, or at least semi-normal, life I had come to know.
I placed my hands up against the steel doorway, and pressed my feverish cheek against it, I took pleasure in the sharp coolness, and the momentary relief it brought me. I almost laughed in hysteria. Relief. Pleasure. Were those even appropriate emotions to be feeling right now? In the crazy life of mutants, living underground in secret, trained in the art of Ninjitsu, usually those feelings came after a horrible situation had come to a happy conclusion, and our family got to go home at the end of the day, together as a team.
No, the past, along with all its laughter, anger, fights, pranks, adventures, and all the wonderful things that went along with living amongst those I love more than life itself had already began to fade from my mind. It was as if someone had simply wiped away all those things, with a simple swipe of an eraser across a chalkboard, and all I was left with was the remnants of chalk dust that had settled on the wooden ledge below, and in its place was the knowledge of what was to come for me and my family. But how long would it be before their world was turned upside down along with my own? If they had gotten home before me then would it be only a mere few seconds? If there were still out, then what would it be? 20 minutes? An hour?
When I was younger I was close to all my brothers. My relationship with each of my brothers was unique but all equally important. Leonardo and I could always talk for hours on end about life, philosophy, literature or the latest fighting technique Sensei had taught us. The two of us probably would have been too serious about life but thankfully that's where Mikey came in. He was the one who kept us all balanced by keeping life fun. He was always around to make sure I didn't spend too much time alone on my computer, or working in my lab. He kept Leonardo from worrying so much, and he kept Raphael laughing even in the darkest of times. Raphael always challenged me. He made sure I kept up with training with his annoying, yet affectionate Raphael like tendencies in making less than friendly comments about my abilities in the dojo. I had a tendency to sometimes lag behind the others when I become too engrossed in one of my projects. And although he would never say it, he was only looking out for me in his twisted Raphael way. My family has always meant the world to me and we were always close to one another.
Everything was going smoothly, well as smoothly as one could expect anyway, when the evilness that is puberty snuck its way into my life and had a gay old time by throwing my hormones out of whack. I was a complete socially awkward mess. I knew that my brothers were also experiencing changes of their own, but I'm positive that they couldn't have felt more out of place than I did. Unfortunately that wasn't even close to being the worst part of the situation. To my own absolute horror I discovered that every time I was around Raphael for more than a few minutes, I would get an erection that hurt like crazy from the strain of it pressing on the inside of my plastron. Needless to say I spent a lot of time running to the bathroom during that period of my life. Poor Mikey thought I was bulimic.
Well I spent so much time worrying about when my body was going to react, that I didn't put much thought into why it was doing so. It wasn't until I gained some control over my hormonal reactions when I looked at the situation more objectively and realized that I was noticing my hot headed brother in a way that I hadn't thought of before. I found myself becoming more and more drawn to him. Every day we were becoming closer and each time we talked or laughed together I felt my pulse race a little faster, my heart beat a little stronger and my face flush a little brighter, until I knew that I couldn't deny it to myself any longer. I was having wrong feelings about my brother who had also become my best friend.
Out of my own curiosity I knew that I had to learn more about what was happening to me, and what better way to do that than with research. Only I didn't like the things I learned because all the literature I read indicated how wrong incest was. I felt dirty and I knew something had to have been wrong with me. I knew deep down we probably weren't blood brothers, but it didn't make me feel any better. We had grown up as brothers and those bonds were already strong between all of us.
When I was 14, I made a vow to myself that I would never breathe a word of my feelings to anyone because I was so afraid of what would happen if anyone found out. I wouldn't even allow myself to dwell on the consequences because I knew that I had to push it all out of my mind and forget everything. Thus I began the process of pushing Raphael away, severing the bonds of our friendship. It worked like a charm. I still remember the look of pure hurt and confusion on his face in his last attempt to coax me out of the lair and head topside to hang out. I snapped at him and told him to get lost, and that I had more important things to worry about then to go out on one of his silly little runs through the city. I turned my back on him, went into my room, locked the door and cried silently into my pillow for the rest of the night. Jeez I can be such a drama queen.
After that, Raphael never bothered me again. He rarely if ever asked me if I wanted to hang out and never made any effort to be alone with me whatsoever. After that night he didn't even act bitter or angry towards me, he was perfectly civil. I had already wounded his pride way too much and he wouldn't give me the satisfaction of letting me know how much I hurt him.
Of course we were still brothers and he would tease me on occasion, and he always had my back when we were in battle but really, that was the extent of our relationship. I made my bed and I was determined to lay in it. It actually worked...for about a week, then I began to suffer some serious Raphael withdrawal. It. Was. Awful. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and couldn't think straight because I was completely in love. Well, you know the cliché, because it happened to me big time. I guess that after awhile I got over the worst part of it. It's not so hard now, although I still hate myself for hurting him, and I really miss the closeness of our friendship. However, when I'm not occupied by one of my projects or fighting off the latest baddie in town, I'm thinking lustful or sometimes corny thoughts about Raphael and then feeling embarrassed afterward for allowing such things to enter my mind. It's a vicious cycle.
The worst part of it all is that I've been tormented by these thoughts for 5 damn years now. I'm nineteen years old and still haven't gotten over it. I even tried really hard to develop a crush on April in an attempt to move on. I almost had myself convinced that I wanted her after we spent a day alone hanging out in her apartment, just talking and laughing with her whilst I made mental notes of all the things I liked about her. Well I thought it was working until Raphael dropped by April's place that evening after his exercise run all panting, sweaty and sexy. Damn him for being so irresistible. Needless to say, I gave up on the April crush idea after that. I knew I was kidding myself because clearly Raphael was and always would be the one for me. The only question now was how to go about dealing with my issue, because I was at a complete loss with no one to go to and ask advice from.
Fall came early this year. We barely had a chance to enjoy the summer sun because of all the rainy weather and thunder showers that plagued most days. I sighed as I slumped further down into the sofa. Tensions amongst everyone in the lair, including Master Splinter usually rose significantly during the winter months due to the cold weather keeping us mostly confined to the lair, and unfortunately it looked like winter would be setting in early this year.
Feeling a large yawn coming on, I swung my feet around so that I was stretched out comfortably. As I watched the mindless television droning on, I felt my eyelids drooping slowly until I was in the early stages of sleep when I felt someone lifting my feet. Cracking one eye open in annoyance I saw that it was Raphael. He lifted my feet and settled himself on the other end of the couch and laid my feet back down on his firm, muscular legs. I closed my eye again and felt the corner of my mouth twitch as I savoured the feeling of my skin resting against his, even though it was only the foot part of me, it was still giving me much more pleasure than what would be considered to be normal. I didn't care. All that mattered was that I could feel every twitch and flex of muscle beneath his burning skin. Gah! This was turning me on far too easily. That's okay, I realized I just needed to think unsexy thoughts. Master Splinter picking fleas out of his fur, Mikey using Leo's katana to scrape at the plantar wart on his foot, the time I caught Casey waxing his own back. I shuddered at the memories that were forever burned into my head. At least it worked for now anyway as I felt the pressure lessen under my plastron.
I groaned inwardly at my lack of self control over my body. Raphael was much to close to me right now, and I knew it wouldn't be long until I lost control once again so it was time to get out of there. Slowly I opened my eyes, letting them linger for a moment on Raphael, before swinging my feet off of my brother and pulling myself into a sitting position.
"Hey brainiac" Raphael said with a quick glance my way "did I wake ya up?"
"Uh no" I replied as I lightly rubbed at my lower plastron without realizing it "I was just dozing a bit." 'Okay a topic change is in order' I thought as I realized I was all but stroking myself.
"Are you heading to April's tonight with Leo, Mike and I? We're watching a movie" I asked as I mentally struggled for a topic of conversation.
Raphael shrugged uninterestedly "I suppose. Got nothin' better to do"
"We're going over around 8:00" I informed him even though he didn't ask. I sighed inwardly thinking of how stiff and formal our conversations always turn out to be.
Raphael glanced at me with that questioning look in his eye that was always reserved for my benefit. He always looked at me like I was a mystery he couldn't quite figure out. If only he knew...
"Yeah I figured that much" he replied without his usual sarcasm.
I sat awkwardly for a moment not sure what else to say, so I did what I always do in this situation, I bailed by getting up and leaving the room. It was frustrating for me to be alone with Raphael. When other family members were around I was always much more at ease, and able to communicate like a normal person with Raphael, but as soon as we were alone I always managed to clam up somehow, and then run away.
I stepped into my lab, and softly shut the door behind me. I sat at my desk and absentmindedly picked up Raphael's broken shellcell. I realized that my mind must have drifted off as I looked the shellcell over, because I almost let out a scream worthy of one of Mikey's, at forceful knock on my door.
"Come in" I called out, glancing up. To my slight shock, it was Raphael who stepped through the door looking quite irritated. No scratch that, he looked down right pissed off.
"Is something wrong?" I asked stupidly.
Raphael glared at me for a moment as he seemed to search for the proper words "I don't know Donnie" he growled slowly "I was kinda thinkin' you would tell me what was wrong"
I felt a slight jolt of shock at this. I didn't exactly do anything differently than I ever had, so I hadn't expected him to react. The lack of preparation for this type of situation left me unable to reply in the proper manner. "I'm not sure what you're talking about Raph. Nothing's wrong"
"Don't give me that shit." Raphael growled "You're a real dick, ya know that? I know that you don't like me very much, you've made that pretty clear, but why the hell do you always run away from me like I got the fuckin' plague or somethin'? What is it about me that offends you so damn much?"
I sat like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. My brain betrayed me at that moment, as I was unable to think of a reply. Silence hung in the air and Raphael stood as still and strong as a statue of a Greek god, glaring down on me as he waited.
'Say something damn it!' I thought to myself as my mouth opened and closed a few times. Silence continued to stretch as I sat blankly 'Okay brainiac any words at this point will be more helpful than this painful silence' I screamed inwardly trying to kick start my brain. 'Say. Some. Words!'
"Uh" I grunted. "I like you" I finally answered dumbly. 'Ah shell'
"Fuck this" Raphael snapped as he turned and stormed off.
I sighed out loud at the empty doorway realizing more than ever how badly I had screwed everything up.
Raphael
I stormed out of Donatello's room and into my own where I headed straight for my punching bag to vent some of my frustrations. That dipshit really pissed me off tonight. Seriously, that was the last straw. I've been putting up with his holier-than-thou act for a long time now. I've never really told him before how much his snobbery towards me pisses me off because I didn't want him to know how much it bothered me. I can't even watch television in peace with him before he gets all tense around me then fucks off. I've been trying for the last few years to figure Donatello out and why he apparently can't stand me. 'Maybe I'm not smart enough for him. Maybe he's afraid of me. I don't fuckin know...' I thought bitterly.
I found it hard to believe how close we use to be, best friends even, then he suddenly decided his shit smelled better than mine and couldn't stand to be around me anymore. That really hurt. I know it sounds corny but I felt a sort of connection with him that I didn't feel with my other brothers. I could seriously shoot myself for thinking that, but it's true.
I continued punching away for awhile letting my anger drain away slowly. For me this is one of the most relaxing things in the world. The steady sound of my fist pounding against the worn leather, the dull creak of the chains, grinding together from the rocking motion is all I hear after awhile. I know that my family thinks that I wail on this thing to keep myself from hurting one of them, but that's really not true. Not completely true anyway. To me this is kind of like meditation without twisting myself into a fucking pretzel like retard Leonardo.
After I wore myself out, I had a quick shower then got ready. I wasn't much in the mood for going anywhere with Donatello around knowing that he would be shooting worried looks at me for the rest of the evening, but I didn't feel like sitting around here either.
Master Splinter decided to join us, and soon we were headed out the door with Donnie, as predicted, giving me worried looks. I retaliated with shooting him glares. I know it was childish, but honestly? I didn't give a shit. I walked ahead of everyone in silence as Mike and Leo argued good naturedly about something stupid, while Don hung back further with Master Splinter. After a few minutes we arrived at April's. Casey was in the living room sprawled out on the sofa taking up most of the space like an idiot. I rolled my eyes, walked over and shoved him over to make room. "Move over ya big ape" I ordered with a half grin.
Casey grunted in response "Pushy turtle" he muttered "Did ya at least bring me a beer?" he asked eyeing the cold refreshment in my hands.
"Get your own you lazy bum. I ain't your servant."
Casey glanced toward the kitchen, and in his politest voice he called out to April "April sweetie? When you come in here, would you mind bringing me a beer from the refrigerator?"
"Yeah, yeah" April called back.
"Thank you" Casey replied.
"Jeez you're such a suck up Case. That's just sad." I said trying to hold back my laughter.
"What ever works pal" Casey replied with a grin.
A moment later Master Splinter, Leo, Mike and April joined us in the living room and started the movie. I was just getting comfortable when Donnie came in and sat in the chair furthest away from me. I sat there for the next half hour trying to pretend I didn't notice the stupid little glances he kept giving me, all the while getting more and more pissed off until I had enough and decided to call it an early night. I said good night to everyone and soon found myself running from roof top to roof top trying to clear my head.
As I was running I heard a man shouting nearby. My instincts told me I had better check the situation out, so I made my way along until I came to a roof top overlooking a dimly lit alley below. I hid in the shadows as I saw a young man around my age surrounded by three Purple Dragons. Big surprise. Oh well, I figured that kicking the shit out of some Purple Dragons ought to salvage the night somewhat.
Silently I made my way down to ground level, and stayed hidden behind a dumpster a good twenty feet away from the Purple scum. Just as I was about to make my move, I heard something moving quietly behind me. Drawing my sai as quick as a flash I turned to face none other than my beloved brother Donatello.
"What the fuck are you doing? I hissed silently as Don crouched beside me.
"I came to find you, and apologize for acting like an ass, then I saw you come down here, so I followed" Don whispered back.
"Go back to your little movie Don. I'm not in the mood" I almost said too loudly.
"Please Raphie, let's just take care of this and then talk" he pleaded quietly.
"There's nothing' to talk about. We finish this, I go home, and you go back to April's. End of story" I hissed lowly.
Turning my attention back to the Purple Dragons, we waited for all three, plus the victim, to face the opposite direction. Once they had turned, Donnie and I sprang into action quickly taking the three of them out before any of them knew what hit them. The guy they were holding up was knocked to the ground during the rescue, and was currently unconscious.
Donatello turned towards me fidgeting nervously "Look Raphie I know that I haven't been the best brother to you..."
"You think?" I interrupted "So nice of you to finally get your head out of your ass and acknowledge that" I said sarcastically.
"I know you don't like me, but I'm tired of caring about it" Shit why did I say that? Now he's gonna feel bad for me and think I want his damn attention.
Donatello hung his head in shame "There's nothing wrong with you Raph. You've always been the best brother I could have asked for." His voice got quieter "And the best friend. I just..." Don stopped short and froze at the same moment I did, as we both heard the unmistakable sound of a gun cocking.
Sai's in hand, I turned just in time to the victim we had just rescued shaking like a leaf pointing a gun he had gotten off one of the Purple Dragons at me and Donatello. Great. Just. Fucking. Great.
Slowly I lowered my weapons, but didn't put them away hoping the guy would get the message that we weren't about to hurt him. "Hey look, we aren't here to hurt you. We helped you. Please just put the gun down and we'll leave" I said as calmly as I could muster.
"What the fuck are you freaks?" the guy screamed waving the gun around unsteadily.
"Look sir, we mean you no harm" Donatello replied softly "We're going to leave you here, and we won't bother you"
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" he screamed again. Then he got that look in his eye. The look of pure rage, fear and determination, and I knew at that moment that no matter what we said or did, he was about to pull that trigger. Without a moment to spare, without a thought, I turned towards my brother and pushed him back out of the way with every ounce of strength I could muster, and at the same moment I head the thundering crack of the gun firing.
Donatello flew back against the wall where I had pushed him, and I heard the gun click again, but it didn't fire this time. The little fucker ran out of bullets. Good for me, bad for him. I ran up to the guy and kicked the gun out of his hand before he could do any damage. That's when I felt it. The pain that seared through my side was enough to bring me to my knees. I doubled over unable to stop the guy from running and with a short gasp, I tried to catch my breath, but it seemed like an impossible feat. I raised a shaky hand to touch my side where the pain seemed to be radiating from. I pulled my hand up to my face and with a great shock; I found my hand covered in my own blood.
"Donnie" I whispered "Donnie" I called louder and more urgently "Donnie" I hollered my voice cracking with emotion I never knew I had.
Donatello rushed to my aide, and once he saw the bullet wound in my side he look like he was going to lose it for about two seconds before he became all business and went to work trying to stop the blood flow. I could feel my heart pounding fearfully, and the blood rushing though my ears. Once I realized how rapidly I was growing weak, I couldn't help but wonder how many more beats my heart would have before it stopped permanently.
What a fucking way to go. I always figured I would probably die young, but somehow I thought I would go out in battle defending my family. I thought I would die with honour, not shot down by some fuck that I rescued. A small bitter laugh escaped from my mouth causing a strange tickle in my throat. I coughed and felt something wet trickle down my chin. I wipe it with the back of my hand to see a glistening red streak left behind. I started to shake as fear really began to set in. I must have been losing blood fast, because I was now too weak to even hold my head up. My heart had slowed to a dangerously low pace, so I laid back and stared at the night sky wishing that I could see the stars through the blinding brightness of the city lights.
I've always loved the night sky, and that was the only thing I hated about living in the city. In fact some of the times I cherished most with my family was in our younger days when Master Splinter would take us camping in the wilderness, and we would spend hours finding constellations in the sky.
I felt tears escaping my eyes as the burning anger in my chest grew hotter. I wasn't ready to die. A sob escaped my throat causing more blood to pour from my mouth. I turned my head so that I could watch my brother work. He had ripped off his mask to use it to stop the bleeding. It's funny that I've never noticed before how innocent Donnie looked without his mask. In those last minutes, my life didn't flash before my eyes. Instead I found myself watching Donnie work to save my life.
"Don" I said with much more effort than I would have anticipated.
"Raphie don't try and talk. Save your strength" he scolded lightly even though the fear dancing in his eyes was screaming at me.
"I don't wanna to die"
Donnie shot a glare at me. "Don't you dare give in Raphael! You're not going to die"
I turned my head away not wanting Don to see the tears now falling hot and fast from my eyes.
"Raphael look at me" Donnie now pleaded gripping my shoulders tightly and staring me in the face, his own twisted in horror.
"I'm sorry" my voice cracked barely louder than a whisper.
My heart slowed further still, and my breath grew more ragged no matter how hard I struggled to hold on, Although the anger, burning brighter than the sun, still hung on until the bitter end, a moment later my body gave up.
Donatello
The moment Raphael's heart stopped beating; I sprung into action and began to administer CPR. I don't know how long I kept at it before a scream of frustration ripped through my throat, and I found myself shaking Raphael violently, hoping he would snap out of it. I checked his wound and found that his blood was no longer pouring freely, and the pool that had spread around him was as still as he was. A sob lodged itself in my throat and I began to panic as my mind froze up. My only logical thought was to call my family for help. I reached for my shellcell to find I didn't have it on me tonight. I reached around Raphael to grab his when I remembered it was broken, sitting in my room waiting to be repaired.
"Oh fuck" I moaned into my hands as I sat back and leaned against the wall. My gaze hovered above Raphael, into the shadows behind the dumpster where we had sat earlier. Was that hours ago when I followed my brother and corned him so I could apologize or was it really only minutes ago? I turned my gaze to the brick wall to the right side of me where I making note of its shapes and patterns, and if I stared long enough, ghoulish faces popped out at me. I knew it was absurd, but I was in shock, and my brain was refusing to accept the reality of the situation.
I wasn't sure how long ago everything had happened, I really couldn't decide if time had moved to fast, to slow or perhaps not at all. Carefully, I lowered my gaze to Raphael, who was lying there so still. Not peacefully. The wide pool of blood. Still. Just like him. My heart thumped loudly in my throat. I stood up and paced around my brother. Reality refused to set in as I walked around and around not really having any single important thoughts. I just felt like walking. I stared up at the sky accusingly and cried out in pain as I felt wet tears fall down my face. Raphael couldn't be dead. He couldn't leave us. He couldn't leave me. My heart wrenched in pain, and I dropped to the ground on my hands and knees. I felt my stomach clench as I dry heaved beside the still form.
After a few minutes I was able to gain some control over myself. I sat back for a moment when something shiny caught the corner of my eye. I turned to see one of Raphael's fallen sai lying within mere centimeters away from the hand of an unconscious Purple Dragon, as if it no longer belonged to Raphael, and had acquired new ownership. With an angry growl in my throat, I quickly snatched the weapon, along with its twin a few feet away, and placed them back into the worn leather belt of the rightful owner.
Somewhere in the depth of the jumbled mess of my brain, something clicked upon seeing the Purple Dragon lying there, and I knew that I had to take action. Painfully, I forced myself to walk to the dumpster, hoping to find something to tie the Purple Dragons up with before they woke up and caused a real problem. I found a piece of rope, a lamp and a broken old television set, so I cut the cords free with the small knife I kept in my belt, and worked at tying the three of them up.
I walked to the manhole a few feet away and opened it. I realized I needed to get Raphael out of view fast before someone came along and saw us. With a lot of effort, I managed to lift him up enough to carry him towards the open manhole and carry him down. I was quite strong, but Raphael was the bulkiest of all of us, so getting him down without dropping him was quite difficult.
After I gently laid my brother onto the cold ground as far from the sewer water as I could get him I was sure to replace the cover of manhole in the hopes that the Purple Dragons left above on the surface wouldn't realize where we had gone if they were to wake up. I picked my fallen brother up again, and walked with purpose and determination as far as I could before my muscles screamed in frustration and I was forced to stop. Only when I laid the still form of my brother back to the ground, the brother whom I had fallen in love with, did I really let the tears fall. I sobbed loudly not caring anymore if there was a manhole nearby where someone above would hear me. Pain ripped through my chest deep into my soul, and all I could think of was how I wished I was dead too.
"Fuck" I screamed as loud as I could through the tears and the anger as it dawned on me that the bullet probably would have hit me if Raphael hadn't tried once again to be the protector and shoved me out of the way. I momentarily wanted to hit him for being so damn stupid. Why did he do that? I would have moved out of the way in time right? Then wouldn't we be both alive and well, walking home together slightly shaken but laughing about it anyway? Why did he always have to jump in front of me in the face of danger? The idiot would have done a graceful swan dive in front of a speeding train if he thought he somehow would be protecting his family. And now look where it left him. Dead. Fucking dead! So where did that leave me? Where would it leave Leo, or Mikey, or Master Splinter? Where would it leave Casey or April?
My gaze was unwillingly drawn back to the form of my still brother. I couldn't help but notice that the deep shade of red blood that spilled from his mouth was nearly the exact shade of his mask. I had always thought of his red mask representing a hot raging fire, alive and passionate. That was gone now, and in its place, his mask would hold for me the representation of death and destruction. Of someone who was once so full of life and pure energy was now a drained lifeless form. Although I knew the science behind it, I now realized I didn't understand the logic. Red. Blood. In my mind it was now one in the same, yet it was the lack of it in my brother's system that inevitably ripped the soul from his body.
Before this evening I had never gotten how truly fragile life was. There had always been a large enough gap between life and death to leave me feeling fairly comfortable. Even the first time I had taken a human life, and had grieved over it, I never got the true nature of life and death, but now I did. Life was always at the edge of the cliff ignoring the dangers that threatened to push it over the side. I found it strange that in my line of work, where if I am forced to take a life if necessary, I never really got it, so I wondered if Raphael had understood it better than me. Did Leonardo get it? Did Mikey get it? What about Master Splinter. Did he get it? Probably.
I began to shiver, almost violently. I've spent my life in the sewers, so it didn't take much to realize it wasn't the coldness on the outside that was getting to me. It was the coldness on the inside. I wondered if it was permanent. It sure felt permanent.
I stood up as I continued to quiver, I needed to get Raphael home. I picked up my brother once again, and continued on the path that I knew well enough I could have done it with my eyes closed which was a blessing considering I wasn't thinking clearly enough to concentrate on which direction I was heading in.
Soon there I stood, in front of the door that led to our home, face against the door enjoying the cold steel. How easy it would be right now to simply run away. I could take Raphael somewhere to a secret location and give him a proper burial and after I could disappear to a remote location where I would never be found, allowing my family to never learn the horrible truth, and giving them at least the faintest hope that both Raphael and myself were alive and at least together somewhere.
I knew in my mind that I could never do such a thing to my family, but the thought of seeing their faces turn from happiness to the utter horror and grief I knew would be reflected in my own face after seeing the body of their fallen brother was overwhelming and more than I could handle.
My stomach clenched as I released the hatch to the doorway, and the door effortlessly swung open.
I was greeted by darkness and silence. They were still gone which left me feeling as relieved as it did upset. How much longer would I have before I ruined the lives of my family when they saw their dead brother?
With the last of my strength, I carried Raphael to the sofa and laid him down as gently as I could. In horror I watched as my brother's head lolled sideways off of the sofa in an uncomfortable looking position. Immediately I came to his aid, and propped him back into a more comfortable position with pillows carefully placed under his head. It then dawned on me that he was probably cold, so I grabbed the blanket draped over the back of the sofa and covered Raphael up, carefully tucking him in with the blanket snuggled up under his chin. I sat at the other end of the sofa, this time with his feet propped up on my legs. He still didn't look peaceful.