Chapter 1- Carpe Noctem

Jane had serious butterflies waiting for the next day. She couldn't believe that she would be marrying Casey, and thereby changing her entire life for him. She was nervous, but she loved him enough to try. She hadn't a clue how to keep a house, or do anything else domestic. But her love for Casey was strong enough to learn and make it work. She felt her stomach churning inside. She groaned and placed her hand over her stomach.

"What's wrong, Jane?" The soft voice of Maura called from behind her.

Maura had been pinning Jane's dress for Angela while Angela went to the front of the store to get a different pair of shoes. Maura had been so quiet all day, hardly speaking to Jane or Angela about anything related to the wedding. Actually, she'd been quiet for months since Jane and Casey broke the news. She could carry on a lively conversation one minute, but as soon as anyone mentioned the wedding or Casey or Jane and Casey, she'd shut right up and then magically have a lot of work to do.

It was so obvious to their friends why Maura did this. She disapproved of the decision, but it wasn't her decision. It was Jane's and seemingly Jane thought she loved Casey enough to give up everything she loved here in Boston; her family, her friends, her career…and Maura, and marry this guy who clearly had no respect for Jane at all. It was very clear to everyone except Jane that Casey only came home to tap it off with her and then run back overseas.

It was ridiculous that Jane would subject herself to such treatment. All in the name of love!

"Could have been something I ate." Jane sighed as she looked over her shoulder at Maura who was standing very close to her.

Maura placed the final pin on Jane's dress and patted the spot gently, "There, I'm finished." She said as she came around and faced Jane. Her eyes traveled down the length of Jane's slender body and she sighed lightly.

"You okay?"

Maura's eyes snapped up to Jane's and she nodded slowly. "Yes, I am." Maura took her hands, her thumbs lightly grazing her palms, "You look absolutely beautiful, Jane." She leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek, allowing her lips to linger there for a few extra seconds.

"Thank you," Jane whispered to her before she pulled away.

Maura smiled at her and cleared her throat. She retrieved her phone out of the purse and scrolled through her phone. "I'm sorry, Jane, I won't be able to try on my dress again."

"What? Why not?"

"I have something very urgent to get to in about an hour."

"Something urgent? I don't understand, I thought we were spending the entire day with last minute things?"

Maura nodded quickly, and came back to her side. "We are. I just need to do something very quickly. I promise I'll meet you and Angela a little later."

Jane just stood there with a puzzled expression on her face. Angela had reappeared with the shoes just as Maura made her way out of the dressing area door. She said a quick goodbye and exited quickly.

"Where's she going?" Angela asked as she placed the shoes at Jane's feet.

Jane shrugged. "She said she had something important to tend to."

"Oh okay," Angela said motioned for Jane to slip on the shoes.

Jane was preoccupied with thoughts of where Maura could be running off to, and why she has been acting so strangely lately. "Maur's been acting funny lately."

Angela looked up, "Oh? Funny how?"

"I don't know." Jane said as she slipped on the second shoe, "Like she's not happy for me."

"Oh honey," Angela said taking Jane by the shoulders, "This is a big deal for all of us. We are happy for you, but it's bittersweet too."

"Bittersweet?"

Angela nodded, "Marrying Casey means that you will be leaving us."

Jane hadn't thought about how her decision affected everyone she knew and cared for at all really.

"We love you and want you to be happy. We're going to miss you, that's all. She's probably thinking about that."

Jane just nodded vacantly. That would explain Maura's behavior. All she wanted to do was find her and tell her she was sorry for being inconsiderate of her feelings.

"I can't believe my baby girl is getting married tomorrow!" Angela squealed and chuckled as she hugged Jane.

Jane's stomach began to churn again. What the hell was this? Nerves or what?

"Yeah, I can't believe it either." Jane smiled. She usually paid attention to her gut. And her gut was pretty upset with her right now.

The day progressed by and Maura never made it back to meet with them during their last minute running around. Jane had called her several times but she wouldn't answer. She would only answer texts. Jane was upset because she couldn't understand Maura's distant behavior. It had progressively gotten worse over the past few weeks, and today she totally went M.I.A. Would she show up for the wedding tomorrow? What would she do if she didn't? She couldn't possibly have a wedding without the maid of honor.

"Stop worrying, Jane." Angela said as she placed a few bags down on Jane's floor. "Maura is going to show up for her best friend's wedding. You can count on her."

"I know, Ma, but what's wrong with her?" Jane felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She really wanted to hear from Maura what her problem was, because she had no clue.

"There could be many things wrong with her, but why don't you just ask her?"

Jane looked around her apartment. It was then that she truly noticed that she'd packed up all of her things that made this apartment feel like her home. She sighed heavily, "In case you haven't noticed, she's not here."

Angela nodded and made her way to the front door, "Call her. Whatever this is between you two need to be handled quickly, because you're leaving after the wedding."

Oddly, Jane's stomach felt like someone was churning a hot knife inside. She sighed heavily, feeling like there was a huge cinderblock on her chest.

"Ma…" Jane exhaled. There was a certain hint of desperation in the way she called out to her mother that caused Angela to stop before leaving out the door. Angela turned and looked at her. "I'm making a really big sacrifice for Casey."

Angela nodded. "I know, baby. Making big sacrifices for the right reasons is okay…" she leaned up against the doorway, "but you need to ask yourself if the reason you're making the sacrifice is worth it." She smiled gently and shut the door behind her as she left out.

Jane sat there feeling like there was a vise squeezing her heart. It was getting late, and everything she'd dreamed of, particularly spending her last day as a free woman with her best friend, had fallen through. She felt her heart rising into her throat as she reached over onto her end table and grabbed a photo of her and Casey.

She gazed at it as she traced his face, trying to get used to the idea of becoming a general's wife and traveling a world away from everything and everyone she knew. She felt something tickling her face and as she reached up, she realized that it was tears that had snuck out of her eyes.

"You need to ask yourself if the reason you're making the sacrifice is worth it.…" Her mother's words echoed throughout her mind. She reached and took the photo of her and Maura and gazed at it.

She compared the two. She looked so happy with Casey, but with Maura, she looked happy and content. She remembered the day that she took that photo with Maura. God, she remembered it like it was yesterday! Maura had just told her that the reason why she was so happy was because she had her as a best friend. And that no one could ever take Jane's place in her heart.

This made Jane's heart sing and swell up with so many emotions, among which were: joy, pride, happiness, contentment, and love. Yes, she really loved Maura more than any other person she'd allowed to get close to her. Maura never judged, she never criticized (Well maybe some criticism came from wearing work shoes with an evening dress), nor did she ever give Jane a reason to feel insecure… Until now.

Jane reached and swiped another set of tears from her eyes, as she contemplated Maura's absence. It had to be about Casey, or at least about the marriage. But why? Maura has never said anything before about disapproving of her relationship with Casey.

Or had she and Jane wasn't paying attention?

Jane placed the photo frames down beside her and stretched out on the couch. She grabbed her phone and started cycling through her photos. She had so many of her and Maura it was ridiculous. Most were candid usies, at the station, in the morgue and a lot at the Dirty Robber. For as long as she had this phone, she had a picture with Maura in it.

Jane smiled as she came across one photo dated two years ago, Valentine's Day. Jane racked up on flowers, chocolates, and gifts that day. She was the precinct favorite. Jane couldn't understand why if she was that popular would no one ask her out? As she gazed at the photo which she hadn't revisited since it was taken, she saw something that she hadn't noticed before.

The way they were posed together. They were very close, and Maura had her arms wrapped around Jane's waist with her head slightly lying on Jane's shoulder. Jane had her arm around Maura's shoulder, tightly holding her close. Jane frowned and looked at the other pictures, and was amazed to see they were in almost the exact same pose in every usie.

She picked up the only photo of her and Casey that she had and examined it. Yes, they were sitting close, and he had his arm around her. Yes, they were smiling, but that was it. Jane remembered the day this picture was taken too. It was a cold day in January. She'd asked him to take a picture with her and he snapped at her because he didn't want to take a "goddamn picture."

She shuttered at the memory, realizing that her smile, that big bright smile was a façade. And the only way she made herself smile that big was by thinking back on the night before and their lovemaking. Not even the whole lovemaking session either. Just the part when he licked her like he hadn't seen her in years. Casey knew that was the way to Jane's heart.

She sighed and put the photo down. She grabbed the remote and clicked on the T.V. She was way too tired to worry about anything else. It would just have to wait. Fifteen minutes had passed and Jane started to doze off. There was a light knock on the door.

At first Jane thought she had imagined it, but the knock came again a minute later. Jane got up and opened it. There on the other side of the door stood her best friend who'd disappeared earlier.

Jane's heart literally dropped into her gut as she stood there gazing at her. "Uh, hey?"

"Hi." Maura greeting her.

Jane frowned, trying to be mad at her, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't be mad. "What are you doing here?"

Maura looked down at the floor and then back up into Jane's eyes. "I wanted to apologize. May I come in or would you prefer to speak out here?"

Jane stepped away from the door and motioned for Maura to come in. Maura walked in slowly and stood by Jane's couch. She waited for Jane to come in and shut the door. When she did so, she sat down on the couch and asked Jane to sit as well. Jane obeyed, and sat waiting for her to start speaking.

Maura inhaled deeply and smiled at her. "I'm so sorry, Jane."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry about today. I never came back like I promised."

Jane nodded. "That's okay, it's obvious you had something more important to do."

"No, it's not that, Jane."

"Then what is it? Because right now, I'm feeling quite rejected by you."

Maura sighed and looked at her. Her eyes said so many things, but her mouth would not say a word.

"You see, that's exactly what I'm talking about," Jane said as she got up out of her seat, "You have an abundance of facts to share at any given moment, but when it comes to emotional stuff, you don't even try."

"I am trying, that's why I'm here," she said softly as she rose and walked over to Jane. "This is very hard for me."

"What is?"

Maura closed the distance between them, taking hold of Jane's arms. She stared at her, sizing her up, trying to see if this was the right moment.

"I'm losing you," she said quietly. Her voice was timid and just above a whisper as she embraced Jane, "And I don't know how to process the fact that tomorrow you're getting married and you're going to leave me behind."

Jane was shocked. Her mother was right, and it hurt like hell to hear Maura say those words.

"And I'm scared because for as long as I can remember, you've been a part of my life. Day in and day out, you were always here. And now," Maura forced herself to remain attached to her instead of turning away, "I am faced with the reality that I need to learn how to live without my best friend. And I don't know how to do that."

Jane's heart was drumming out of her chest as she listened to Maura speak. Jane pulled Maura away so she could look into her eyes. The way Maura's eyes shed silent tears made Jane believe there was so much more behind her words than she was letting on.

"Please don't do this right now, Maur." Jane kissed her on the forehead, trying her best to hold back her own tears. "Please…"

"Don't leave me, Jane." Maura said as she buried her head into Jane's chest as she was so accustomed to doing.

Jane could not believe this was happening! Why now? She just held Maura as Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's waist. Oddly enough, it felt so natural to feel her arms around her like this. It felt comfortable. She felt secure in Maura's arms. And likewise, Maura felt safe in Jane's.

A few minutes of silent reflection passed, neither woman saying a word as they gained solace in the sounds of each other's heartbeat.

Thoughts that maybe she could call it all off crossed her mind, and then she thought of all the money that her family has put into the wedding just for her to cancel. That was unheard of! Anxiety began to kick in and she pulled herself away from Maura and started pacing the floor.

"What do you want me to do, huh?" Jane asked, not really wanting an answer.

"Ultimately you will do what you want to do," Maura said as she came to her side and reached out for her. She just wanted to touch her again, "I just wanted you to know how I felt about you."

"Why now?" She ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "Why not two fucking months ago, Maur?" Jane hadn't really meant to be so harsh with Maura, it just came out that way.

Maura shrugged, "I tried, and I just didn't want to hurt you or our friendship."

"What?" Jane stopped pacing. "How could what you just said hurt me or our friendship?"

"Well, I wasn't entirely finished."

Jane felt a streak of panic race through her body, "No, I don't want to hear anymore, Maura! I understand that me being with Casey will likely take me away from Boston, but tomorrow, I am marrying the person whom I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. And there not a thing you or anyone else can do to stop me."

It was painful for Jane just saying those words, even more so when saw the look in Maura's eyes. Maura slowly nodded her head as she reached up and swiped the tears away from her eyes. "Okay. I respect your position." She said as she walked slowly towards the front door.

Jane lowered her head as Maura was about to pass by her. She felt so ashamed for reacting like that, but she felt a need to protect her decision to marry Casey. Why? She didn't know.

Maura paused in front of her and looked at her. Jane could feel Maura's eyes looking straight into her soul as she looked up and locked gazes with her.

"I am so upset with you for marrying someone who has hurt you since the very first day he walked back into your life. I am so upset with you for settling for less than you deserve and planning to move a million miles away from me!" Maura voice was firm. "Why would you do that to yourself, Jane? Why would you do that to us?

Jane lowered her head again. She knew Maura was right, but she couldn't just up and cancel, not when her mother had put so much into it, and she'd given Casey a promise to try to make it work. She swallowed her heart as she felt Maura pulling her closer into an embrace.

"I'll be there for you tomorrow, because that's what best friends do, right?" Maura nodded, waiting for Jane to agree.

Jane finally nodded.

"Best friends are also brutally honest with each other, and with that being said, I think you are very confused and you're about to make the worst decision of your life."

Jane's mouth dropped open momentarily as she absorbed Maura's strong words.

"And I think that you don't really know what or who you want."

"What?" Jane gasped.

Maura's voice remained calm and cool as she spoke to Jane. Jane was shocked by her words.

"You don't want to marry Casey, nor do you want to be with him." Maura reached and touched her softly on the face. The light contact made Jane shiver.

"Yes, I do. If I didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't be marrying him."

Maura reached with her other hand and cupped Jane's face. Her thumbs caressed Jane's cheeks as she moved closer.

"That's what your brain is telling you, because you're ignoring what your heart is asking of you."

Jane looked from side to side, looking for an escape. "What are you talking about?"

"Your heart is asking you to choose and be with the one who makes you happy and the one who loves you unconditionally." She took Jane's hand and brought her lips to her palm, kissing it ever so lightly. "And the one who accepts you regardless of what job you have, and regardless of if you can cook, and regardless of the scars you may have…"

Maura took Jane's now trembling hands and placed them on her face as she looked into Jane's eyes, guiding her as she caressed her face with them. She gently brought Jane's hands across her lips, kissing her palms ever so delicately.

Jane couldn't hold the tears in as she watched Maura perform this delicate and tender act. It spoke volumes to her. Casey didn't like her scars, and had suggested surgery to remove them, but here Maura was accepting them as she had long ago accepted Jane. She even went as far as kissing the hardened flesh of her scars with her lips.

"Why are you doing this?" Jane whispered as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Maura's forehead, and then her soft temple, and then her cheek.

Maura whimpered a bit as Jane's unsure lips passed over the soft area below her ear. "Because I love you."

Jane froze when she heard those sweet words float off of Maura's lips. She'd said it before, but this time it was different. She said it like those were the last words that she would ever breathe in this life. Slowly a subtle tremble began to build in her body as she continued to hold Maura near to her. Was she trembling, was it Maura, or both?"

"You love me?" she whispered. Her body felt like it was melting in Maura's arms. The scent of her hair and her skin was confusing Jane's senses.

Maura nodded. "I've loved you for so long, but I was afraid to tell you."

"Why?"

Maura reluctantly pulled away, but she wanted to look Jane in the eyes when she said this. "I thought if I told you how I felt about you, our friendship would be over and that would have crushed me. I couldn't stand the thought."

Jane just stared at her, her chest heaving up and down with burdened breaths.

"But when you told me that you were marrying him and moving overseas with him, my world came crashing down around me."

Jane blinked repeated as if she were trying to wake up from a dream.

"He has no rights to you, Jane." Maura's face hardened with an emotion that she doesn't show all too often, indignation. "None whatsoever!"

"Maur…"

"No, let me finish." She reached and cupped Jane's beautiful face. "I sat back and watched him pop in and out of your life, and hurt you and lie to you, and disappoint you, and I couldn't do anything about it!"

Jane sighed and looked away from Maura's gaze, but Maura turned her head back to her.

"And that morning when I came over to visit you and he was in your bed," she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, "lying next to your beautiful naked body; that crushed me more than you realize!" Her voice cracked with emotion as the memories flooded her mind.

"I didn't know you felt that way about me," Jane sighed.

Maura lifted Jane's head so that their eyes could meet. "Do you know how many nights I've laid there with you in your bed, holding you, and wanting so badly to make love to you, but I was afraid of destroying our friendship by acting upon my desires."

Jane simply nodded. She knew…

"Those feelings never went away, they only intensified. And every night that I went to bed alone, I wished that you were there with me, lying next to me naked, holding me, and kissing me."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

"What do you want me to do, Maur?" Jane felt so vulnerable right now, but she trusted Maura more than anyone. She knew her heart and soul was safe with her.

Maura shook her head slightly and then leaned in to Jane, taking her lips with a surprise kiss. Jane moaned softly with surprise as Maura's hands pulled her deeper into the kiss. Jane was unresponsive at first, but the moment she felt Maura's tongue graze her top lip, she began to tremble and her knees began to shake.

Maura positioned her by the couch and deepened the kiss as the two women intertwined their arms together. It was Jane who sat slowly on the couch, and laid back on it, pulling Maura with her. Maura settled naturally on top of her as her lips continued to express to Jane the depths of her love for her.

If this was the only chance she had, she was going to make sure that Jane knew and understood that she loved her more than any other human alive on this planet.

Maura slipped her tongue inside and toyed with Jane's shy one. Jane was a little uncertain, but the more Maura showered her with kisses, the more she felt comfortable with the kiss. Maura trailed her kisses down Jane's chin, placing light kisses there, and down to her neck, sucking it lightly with her soft lips.

Jane responded favorably, running one hand underneath Maura's shirt and the other laced through her hair. Maura's lips were so amazingly soft.

"I'm the one you love and want, why can't you admit it?" Maura sighed as she latched on to Jane's neck, kissing it lightly before nibbling it gently.

"Maur, please don't do this." Jane's heart was about to explode and take over. She trembled with restraint as Maura's golden hair grazed her face and her chest. Her brain was restraining her, but all she wanted to do was touch Maura in her most intimate places.

Maura unbuttoned the top button of Jane's shirt and placed a soft kiss there. "Let me show you what you mean to me?" Maura's whispers floated up and hovered above Jane's head. "Please… don't leave me without first feeling the love I have for you."

Maura settled her body between Jane's legs as they fit together like a puzzle. Jane brought Maura to her lips again and kissed her passionately. She felt every ounce of Maura's love in her kiss and it shook her soul.

Jane squeezed her eyes tightly as the tears dripped out. She had so much self-control, but this moment called for a lack of it. Everything she knew was about to change the moment she said "I do." But here, Maura was forcing her to come to terms with the feelings that she knew was there, but she was just afraid to recognize them.

"I promise I will love you like no other person can or will. I'll never hurt you," Maura said as she kissed the side of her face. "You'll never have to change anything about yourself for me."

Jane whimpered as she brought Maura in for an embrace. "I know."

Maura rose up and took Jane's hands and lightly pinned them above her head. Jane gazed into Maura's eyes with an uncertain expression. She was uncertain about the future and most importantly, uncertain about this moment.

Maura moved in slowly and took Jane's lips, searing them with so much passion that Jane thought she was going to explode. The intensity increased as Maura put her full weight on Jane as she slipped again between her legs.

Jane cried out, but her desire-loaded cries were silenced by Maura's deep probing kiss. Maura pulled away and then slowly dragged her tongue across Jane's lips. This caused a massive explosion of arousal inside of Jane, something that she'd never felt before. Maura smiled, realizing that she'd had caused the effect that she was hoping for.

She leaned in, still restraining Jane's arms above her head and kissed Jane lightly on the ear. Jane began to moan lightly and tried to squirm off the couch, but the weight of Maura's body kept her in place. Maura continued to kiss Jane's ear, running her tongue along the edge of her lobe, darting it inside, and sucking on it lightly.

Jane's whole body was trembling underneath Maura.

"I need you… Please Jane," Maura whispered as she rubbed her breasts against Jane's, "choose me."

Jane swallowed hard as she felt like she was going to scream. The overload of emotions was too much to handle. "I need you too, Maur." She finally confessed.

A gentle smile crossed Maura's face as she leaned in and pressed her forehead against Jane's, "We need each other. You're the main source of my contentment. You can't take that away from me."

Jane nodded and wrapped her arms around Maura's waistline, and in a quick and gentle movement, she flipped positions and was on top. Maura sighed contently as Jane settled her weight on her.

"Are you angry with me for telling you how I feel?" Maura asked.

Jane shook her head, "No, I'm not angry. I'm just feeling at a lost right now. I don't know what to think or do about this."

Maura nodded and sighed. She could have kicked herself for thinking that her confession would have some fairy tale outcome like in the movies. This was reality, real life, and so many emotions were involved.

"I just don't know what to do right now."

"I understand, Jane." Maura cupped her face and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"If you were me, what would you do?"

Maura gazed at her for a moment, her eyes peering so deep into her that Jane could feel her inside of her heart. "Well, if I were you and faced with this situation," she caressed her face lightly, "I would most likely decide by demonstrated facts and educated comparison."

Jane simply frowned.

"I would decide based on what has been proven to me." She brought her lips to Jane's and kissed her softly, "And regardless of your decision, I will support you with everything I have."

Those words made Jane choke up and cry. She wasn't much on crying with anyone, but there was something about Maura's innocence that made her feel so vulnerable. But in a good way. She couldn't see her life without her in it. She had to think of something.

Panic streaked through her body as she contemplated the thought of never seeing those beautiful hazel eyes and those adorable dimples again, or hearing the laugh that caused her heart to swell up each time she heard it.

"Just allow me this last night with you, Jane."

Jane's tears dripped out of her eyes and onto Maura's face. Maura wiped away Jane's tears, kissing her softly. "And come tomorrow, whatever you decide, I promise I will support you."

Jane nodded briskly and got off of the couch. She reached out her hand to Maura and as Maura took it, Jane pulled her close, holding her firm body tightly against hers. Their lips just inches apart as Jane gazed lovingly into Maura's eyes.

"I want you tonight, Jane." Maura grazed her lips across Jane's. "Give me all of you. No inhibitions or limitations."

Jane processed her request for a few quiet moments before she nodded and smiled. Maura let out a soft sigh as her breasts brushed up against Jane's. Jane's eyes had darkened with desire as she watched Maura's eyes lighten up with fiery arousal.

Jane had no idea what was going to happen once Maura shut that bedroom door, but quite frankly she didn't want to know. She wanted to be surprised. As Maura led her to the bedroom, she forced the thoughts of the next day and the chaos she would create by cancelling out of her mind.

This moment, this night was Maura's. And she was about to seize it.

Note: Sorry for all of you that HATE Casey, but I really wanted to write a wedding story. I promise you will like this story. This will play on so many emotions, and I hope you stick around to see it finale. Thanks for reading. Follow this, and get alerted of my next update. I try to update every 48 hours or so, except on the weekends. :-)