How am I to tell, which one of us is real? Is it imaginary? Is it a fake you, the only one you make me see? I don't want you to lie to me. I simply want the truth. You know which truth it is I want. I want the truth that you've hidden from me all this time. I want the truth that you've kept inside. Just tell me the truth, now..
You don't understand.. All the pain I feel, all the times I'be hurt you, putting on a face that was not the one for you. I loved you and yet..
All those times I stood there fighting you, all the times I have ignored you. What were they for? Why did I take back what was "mine," when what I really wanted, was to see you again.. I did not want to fight you, I simply wanted to know you..
But if you knew me, if you knew all my secrets, if you knew all my fantasies… You'd hate me, and it is that hate, that pure lack of happiness, that separates me from you.. I try to say with a straight face, what you mean to me, but all my anger, and all my disappointment, hits me in the face, telling me that you are nothing more then a shadow towards me.
If I am a shadow, then you must be the light.. I wanted to know you, I wanted to find you, I wanted to see you., I wanted to feel you, I wanted to caress you, wanting so much..
But never getting a chance to say how I felt.. How do I feel now?..
Do you feel pain, sadness, a little bit of loneliness? Is that what you feel, is that why you have waited for me so long, trying to see if I would come to you? I wanted to see you, and I swear if I could, I would have, but I didn't. Why? What was the point of all the excuses, what's the point of my running away…? I wanted to be free, trying to escape a lost memory that I made with you, that night..
And that night, when it was made, did you feel me, next to you? I wanted to tell you, so much.. But all I did, was make it better for you, at least that's what I thought... You never said anything, so I assumed that if I pushed harder, if I gave you more pleasure, that you'd moan my name out, for me to hear… But you never did..
You don't understand Otouto... What I did, I did for you. I wanted you to give me more; just to see how far you could go, how far all your training had taken you. I never said anything, because, I knew that it would slow you down, and you'd stop feeling me, feeding me your love.
But Onii-chan...
It's alright little brother. Get to sleep, so that we can be together all over again, and get to know eachother better…
Alright..
Goodnight Otouto
Goodnight Onii-chan…