I never intended to write two completed fanfics in the space of a month, but sometimes you get inspired. Must be ER drawing to a close – I've only written five fanfics in my life including this one. I started with one idea, but then realized I wanted to go into Ray's story/perspective to set up the idea. I've been watching old episodes on TNT, which helps. So this went from a ficlet to a fic, but I still hope you enjoy it!

I start out with history, but then insert my own interpretive ending. Spoilers through 15.13 for those who haven't seen the episodes.

Thanks again to the Save Reela boardmates that helped come up with this idea!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show, just this work of fiction.

Chapter One

Ray didn't know when it had happened.

Looking back on their time together, he couldn't pinpoint a time when he would have said, "Yes, I fell in love with Neela then."

He figured that was part of the reason he fell so hard, because it had happened gradually rather than suddenly, so he was in over his head before he could avoid the feelings, avoid the glow and avoid the hurt.

If Michael had stuck around without returning to Iraq it would have helped. Neela would have moved out, her presence would have become firmly entwined with another's, and she wouldn't have been in Ray's space day in and day out.

But Michael hadn't stayed, and it was almost like Ray could ignore the ring on Neela's finger. A small band that faded into the background when there wasn't a man behind it. Particularly when it was Ray she shopped with, Ray that picked up stuff she forgot at work, Ray that she bitched to about work, and Ray who got to deal with combined household chores. At some point they became a married couple that wasn't married.

The day that Neela had gone missing during a plane crash should have been an indication to Ray of romantic feelings on his part, but he had chalked it up to general concern. He had been furious at Pratt for not at least trying to ascertain where Neela was before he had left. Through the trauma he worked on Neela would periodically float through his mind. If Neela were here she would… But it wasn't like he left the ER, guns blazing, ready to go save her from whatever burning building she was in.

But when he had spotted her with those two small children, the amount of relief he felt, enough to make him feel a bit lightheaded, should have clued him into the fact that maybe his heartstrings were starting to be tugged.

But then she got married. And he had crashed at Brett's, fleetingly realizing while he was there that he was starting to get used to a cleaner apartment. Never had Brett's bathroom floor disgusted him so. He had bitched to Brett about it, and it wasn't until his friend had looked at him like he had grown a third eye did he ask, "What?"

"Dude – you've been infected by a girl."

"What? Don't be ridiculous."

"You've mentioned Dr. Neela about four times already and you've been here an hour."

He had laughed it off saying, "It's only because she's raised my standard of cleanliness beyond you plebes."

Another sign that he had missed.

Then Michael left, and Ray had moved back into his apartment almost as if Michael had never been. The only difference was Neela's wedding ring and the increased charges for phone calls to Iraq on their phone bill. Well, and her occasional rants at her husband that he had to sit through. There was a time when she kept asking him for his "male perspective" and after several uncomfortable conversations about why men never returned phone calls and why they persisted on feeling heroic in times of war, the conversations had petered out. Either Ray had outlived his use, or Neela had gotten over it. Not that she had wanted Ray's advice anyway. The few times he had tried to give his perspective, she had bitten his head off. He had learned that what she was really looking for was someone to vent to, so he finally kept quiet. He hadn't noticed that that had saved him from defending somebody he hadn't really wanted to defend.