Drowning in Blue

Whatever Norway says, getting them lost in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean is not actually, technically, the stupidest thing that Denmark has ever done. Not compared to the time he cut his own foot off (he was aiming for Sweden), or the time he pulled a tiny Iceland overboard with him and almost drowned them both (again, he was aiming for Sweden), or the time he set Sweden on fire (this time, for once, he wasn't aiming for Sweden – he just happened to get him mixed up with the house next to him). So no, this isn't the stupidest thing he's ever done, and Norway should shut up and/or admit that Denmark is way cooler than him and actually very organised. He would tell him that as well, except then Norway would be annoyed with him, and he's kind of scary when he's annoyed.

That said, it's beginning to get dark, and they only brought enough food for the pair of them to have a picnic. If he ever does die, Denmark really would prefer for it to be on dry land. He'd prefer just not dying in general, but hey – he can't have everything.

So it's getting dark, and they're out of food, and the tiny rowboat they're sitting in is beginning to sink because it isn't as waterproof as the man who sold it to them said it would be, and Norway is only aware of the first two things. Two out of three's not bad, right? Denmark gets the feeling that Norway won't agree with him there.

"Norge," he begins, and then stops. Then starts again. Then stops. "Hey, Soren. Norway? Norway, love of my life, light of my days, star by which I sail my ship. Norge."

He has Norway's attention now, which... Might not actually be as good a thing as he thought it would be. "Yes?"

"Um..." He swallows. His lips are dry, which is ironic because they're completely surrounded by water (see, he can be smart!). "Are you aware..."

He trails off. He needs to ease Norway into it, break the news gently. It's not every day that an immortal being finds out they may be about to die, after all.

"Am I aware of what?"

"Are you aware –" he casts around wildly for an end to the sentence – "that we're in a boat?"

There. Sorted. A masterful bluff, if he does say so himself.

Unfortunately for Denmark, Norway doesn't seem to agree. His eyes are like burning fires, burning scotch marks into Denmark's soul, or something. Or they're like Norway's eyes, rather annoyed because he's about to drown (although he doesn't actually know that yet, so he's just annoyed because Denmark's stalling). That's a better sentence. Less flowery, but it doesn't use the word burn nearly as much.

"Yes, I am aware that we're in a boat. Why." It's more of a statement than a question, but Denmark gets the feeling that if he doesn't answer it then he'll be in more danger from the irritated ex-viking next to him than the slowly sinking boat.

"Are you aware..." He pauses again. "That boats sometimes sink?"

"Yes." A vague hint of concern creeps into Norway's voice, which is... Concerning, because Norway sounding vaguely worried is akin to Denmark screaming that they're all about to die and it's time to start stocking up on tinned food and gas masks.

"Good."

An uncomfortably silence passes, and the sea begins to look closer than it was before. The water laps against the sides of the boat as the stars above blink awkwardly.

"So," Denmark begins. "If I told you that our boat was sinking, then you would know this was a possibility, and not be surprised."

Norway stares at him.

Denmark stares back.

"Are you trying to tell me that the boat is sinking?"

"Yes."

Norway stares at him.

Denmark blinks. "Has it worked?"

"If we weren't about to drown anyway, then I would throw you overboard myself." The emotionless way he says it actually makes it more terrifying.

"Please don't," Denmark says. He tightens his life jacket just to be on the safe side. Then he tightens Norway's life jacket – he doesn't want Norway to drown either – and the action sends the faintest hint of a smile to tug at Norway's lips. Perhaps Denmark won't be killed by Norway tonight.

Norway turns away to look across the water. What he's looking for, Denmark doesn't know, because all he can see is waves, waves, and more waves, but he seems to find it because he mutters something then turns around and says "hold tight", poking Denmark to make sure that he has his attention.

Denmark doesn't actually get the chance to ask what he should be holding tight to before their boat rockets across the water faster than even attaching a speedboat engine could send it. He's screaming, the wind is blowing Norway's hair into his eyes, and all he can taste is salt, and it's completely, wonderfully exhilarating.

The boat comes to an abrupt stop about a mile from the Icelandic coast, definitely the worse for wear, with Denmark grinning in delight and Norway smirking (vaguely. All his expressions are vague. It's his look).

"That was awesome!" Denmark whoops. "Can we do it again?"

Norway rolls his eyes, albeit fondly. "No, we can't do it again. The boat's about to fall apart."

"Gotcha," he says, shooting a pair of finger guns at his boyfriend.

A moment passes with Denmark gazing soppily into Norway's eyes, and Norway attempting to pretend he's not blushing.

"Throw me a life jacket," Denmark says, with his usual cheesy grin, "because I'm drowning in your eyes."

"You're already wearing a life jacket you idiot," Norway snaps, but then he leans forward and presses a kiss to Denmark's cheek. "Come on. We should get back before the boat finally falls apart."

Somehow, they both reach dry land in one piece; completely soaked from wading to shore through the freezing water, but intact. The same cannot be said for the boat, which falls apart moments before they reach the shallows. Denmark definitely won't be buying a boat from that guy again.

A/n: Written a few months ago, but as far as I can remember yes, yes it was written entirely for the stupid pick up line.