The Search for Who He Was, and Is

By Emily Carol

Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill, just the CDs and DVDs and my obsession with James Lafferty.

Enjoy!

-Emily Carol

Chapter 1: The Push to Go

16-year-old Nathan Lee dropped his backpack on the kitchen floor and set his basketball down on a chair. Cooper was cooking something at the stove; probably omelets which were about all Cooper could make. Despite the fact that he was making omelets, it was going to be dinner. Nathan looked around for his mom; Deb, but she was wasn't around.

"Is Mom resting?" He asked his uncle. Nathan had just gotten home from pre-season basketball practice at Grove High School in the suburbs of Charlotte, North Carolina where he was the star basketball player. It was currently October and the season started in November. Last year, Nathan's freshman year, they'd made it to the North Carolina State semi-finals and had only lost by four points.

Despite being the star on the court, Nathan had little life past basketball and basically no friends. He spent his life as a loner, going to school where he thought about basketball, going to play basketball, and going home to talk with his mom and Uncle Cooper, who had lived with Nathan as long as he could remember, about basketball. Sure, he had teammates, but none he was close to outside of the game. All Nathan Lee had was family.

"She's in her bedroom," Cooper said with a nod. Nathan made no move towards the back of the house where the bedrooms were and said nothing but looked at his uncle, the pit of nervousness he'd had in his stomach all day seemed to deepen to a bottomless pit. "She wants to talk to you herself," Cooper said, knowing what his nephew was trying to ask.

Nathan knew that it wasn't good that his mom had to tell him, good news would have meant she would have been in the kitchen waiting for him with a smile on her face.

A few weeks ago at a doctor's appointment, Deb's doctor had discovered a lump on her breast and had requested tests be done. Deb, Nathan, and Cooper had all prayed that the lump was benign and today was the day Deb had gone in for her results. Cooper had gone with, Nathan had begged to but Deb insisted that he go to school and practice. Nathan hadn't been able to focus on anything all day, or even think straight, including when he was at basketball practice. He'd been yelled at multiple times by Coach Jackson to pay attention and twice he'd even taken balls to the head during scrimmage at the end.

Nathan opened the door to Deb's bedroom a crack and could hear sniffling. "Mom?" he asked, opening up the door.

"Nathan," Deb said, furiously wiping her tears up and trying to look brave. "It's you. How was practice?"

"Mom, seriously?" Nathan asked. Deb tried to laugh but instead she began to sob into her hands. "Mom," Nathan said, his voice filled with worry as he went to his mom's bed and sat down next to her. He put his arm around her and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Nathan, I am so sorry," she told him.

"Mom, what's wrong? What did the doctor say?" Nathan didn't want to know anymore, he wanted to turn back time to before the doctor had found the lump. If only it was possible.

"I…I…I have br…breast ca…ca…cancer," Deb's body heaved with each sob. Nathan's heart hit his stomach. He'd known it when he walked into the room, deep down he'd known it, but it didn't seem real until his mom said it out loud.

"But you're going to start treatment right? Surgery? Chemo? Something?" Nathan asked. He'd spent his free time lately studying breast cancer so he'd be prepared. He knew there were treatments that had been effective in many women.

"No," Deb said, she had stopped sobbing but tears still ran down her face.

"What?" Nathan asked. "Why not?" His voice shook and he felt like a child who was scared of the monster under his bed, but this time the monster was cancer and it wasn't him the monster was coming for. It was his mother. This time Uncle Cooper couldn't make it go away.

"The cancer has progressed too far," Deb said. "It's in Stage 4 and the doctor said we can try treatment but there is little chance it will do anything. The treatments are painful and expensive and I don't want to waste all that money, we're barely managing as it is and there are things that money could go for that are more important."

"Like what?" Nathan asked. "What's more important than you living?"

"Making sure you're okay when I'm gone," Deb said. "Cooper is never here during the racing season and in the off season he barely earns enough money to keep himself afloat so I want you to have something to fall back on."

"Mom, no," Nathan said. His eyes were filling with tears at the prospect of his mom dying. "If you do the treatment, you'll live, and we can cut back to make ends meet. We've done it before, when Cooper broke a leg and an arm in a crash and couldn't do a thing? We still managed then."

"This isn't the same Nathan," Deb tried to comfort her son. "Cooper's injuries weren't as serious as cancer. Cancer treatment is more expensive and the little insurance I get won't cover the majority of it."

"What about Grandma and Grandpa? The trust fund they gave you when they said they never wanted to see you again when you got pregnant? Why can't we use some of that money?" Nathan asked. Nathan's mom's parents had died when Nathan was 4 and 14, they left a little money to Nathan but it was in an iron clad account that was only to be used for college expenses, no exceptions. They'd left Deb nothing, still disappointed in her.

"Nathan, most of the money is gone," Deb said. "I tried not to use it often but I've never found a secretary job that would pay me enough to support the two of us and I'm not qualified for much else."

"But –" Deb cut Nathan off.

"No," Deb said. "This is it Nathan."

"I don't want you to die," Nathan said, the tears now pouring down his face.

"I know honey," Deb said, pulling Nathan towards her in a hug. "I know."

"Hey, dinner on the table," Cooper said outside Deb's door a few minutes later. Nathan and Deb hadn't said anything else to each other and wordlessly they headed to the dinner table. "You gonna be okay?" Cooper whispered in Nathan's ear when he passed him on the way to the table. Nathan said nothing but halfheartedly nodded.

Halfway through dinner and the kitchen had remained silent. Finally, Deb spoke up. "Nathan, I have something I want you to do."

"Anything that can help you," Nathan said, forcing a smile.

"It's not for me, it's for you," Deb said. "But first I have to tell you that I lied to you."

"About what?" Nathan was confused.

"When I told you, and the hospital actually, that your father was dead," Deb said. "He's not dead." Nathan was in too much shock to be mad at his mother, and also still too upset from her news. He didn't say anything; he was unsure what his mom wanted. "He lives over near Wilmington, in a town called Tree Hill, his name is Dan Scott."

"Why are you telling me this?" Nathan looked at Cooper to see if he was as shocked as he was, Cooper wasn't. In fact, Cooper was barely paying attention. Nathan realized that Cooper knew where Deb was going with this conversation.

"I want you to go find your father," Deb dropped the bomb. "I want you to leave as soon as possible."

"No," Nathan said right away. "I'm not leaving you."

"Yes, you are," Deb said. "You're not arguing with me about this. Pack your bags and get on a bus." Deb stood up from the table and walked into her bedroom.

"Can you believe her?" Nathan asked Cooper. "Telling me to leave? When she's so sick? She's pretty much kicking me out."

"Yes," Cooper said.

"Huh?"

"Yes, I can believe what she's doing. And even more, I agree," Cooper said.

"Why? She's my mom; I should stay here and watch her. And what about basketball? And school? It's only October; the season hasn't started yet, what am I supposed to do about all of that stuff?"

"You're supposed to do what your mother says," Cooper said firmly. "She's right, you need family that can watch out for you when this is all over," Cooper choked up as he spoke the last words.

"You're my family," Nathan said.

"But face it, I can barely take care of myself half the time," Cooper said. "I'd never be able to support you, especially when I have to travel."

"So? This father of mine doesn't even know me! I've never met him, he basically abandoned me," Nathan said.

"Not exactly," Cooper said. "Listen, your mom told me the whole story when I moved in with you guys. Dan left about two weeks before she found out she was pregnant, he left college and moved home. He told her he was going back to a girl he loved very much who was going to have his baby and that he was sorry. When Deb found out she was pregnant with you she didn't want to ruin their life and so she didn't even try to tell him."

"So this Dan guy, he doesn't even know I exist? And I'm supposed to just go to him and tell him I'm his son?"

"Yeah," Cooper said. "It may not be the best plan, but it's what your mom wants."

"I'm not going," Nathan said, upset that his mom wanted him to leave.

"Yes, you are," Cooper said. "At least go for the weekend, you can leave after school tomorrow." Nathan opened his mouth to continue his protests. "No," Cooper stopped him. "It's what your mom wants, and you have to respect her wishes."

The next day, Nathan Lee boarded a bus to Tree Hill, North Carolina.