Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful world of Harry Potter, this is a work of fiction made for our enjoyment.
A/N: I apologise for any mistakes I may have made. Hopefully third time lucky in posting this it finally works!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck...Fuck...FUCK!
I threw a glass tumbler at the wall of my flat and watched as it shattered into a thousand pieces, a fitting metaphor for my current predicament.
I hung my head, sighing.
I know I fucked up badly and she'll never forgive me. Hell if I think it's bad then it's bad.
I'm not child friendly, I never pictured myself with children. Never saw myself with a family. I'm not that guy.
The guy who makes romantic gestures and buys a house with a white picket fence.
Power plays and manipulation, I can do, emotions I do not. Children where never part of the plan and she's gone and fucked it up.
She's pregnant. How can she be pregnant? I squeeze my eyes shut and grip my hair and pull. I feel my life spinning out of control.
Control control control control
I am not in control
The moment she said those three words, it felt like time had stopped momentarily. The air knocked out of my lungs.
Then I felt my blood boil. My plans, my plans going up in flames. How could she? How dare she?
Control control control
Breathe in breathe out
Logically I know my response is irrational, but I can't process what I am feeling.
I don't understand
I told her to get out. She'll never forgive me.
I don't understand
I will never again feel the soft caress of her hands, or the touch of her lips to mine. I will never again hear the soft sounds she makes as I make 'love' to her or the taste of her arousal on my tongue. I will never again smell her shampoo on my bed sheets or her perfume lingering in the bathroom in the mornings. She'll never forgive me.
Control control control control
Breathe in Breathe out
I fall to my knees and I feel this unfamiliar sting in my eyes. I clutch my hand to my chest, it hurts.
I don't understand
A single tear slid down my cheek. I don't know what to do. I'm confused for the first time in my life.
I don't understand