It's late at night. I look over at the clock on my bedside table. 1:15 am. I look at my wrists, then glance over at my brother, Ferb. Both are drenched in blood. Oh shit, I've gone too far. Oh shit what am I going to do. I looked up to see a unicorn. Wait what. The fuck. A unicorn?! The Unicorn beckoned to me.
"Come." It said, in a deep, rusty voice.
"Come, and take your brother with you."
"W-what?! Why?!" I remarked, highly and thoroughly startled.
"Do not question me, for I am a Unicorn." It paused before continuing,
"I can take you and your brother and save both of you. But in order for me to do that, you must first preform a homosexual act."
"A-a h-homosexual act!?" My voice was quavering,
"B-but my mom told me no homo"
The Unicorn got a dark, pained look in it's eye.
"No Homo. No Homo. Those are the words that killed my father. Dear child, you must promise me to never speak those words again. Now go, go kiss your brother hard on the lips"
I had no choice but to obey. It was a fucking unicorn after all, and I was but a meek ten-year-old boy. I winced and then carefully kissed Ferb on his lips. Within seconds, he arose suddenly, grasping me and exclaiming;
"SCARAMOUCH SCARAMOUCH CAN YOU DO THE FANDANGO?"
Author's Note: Thank you for reading this intensely strange, glorious slab of fiction. Chapter two will be much, much longer and much, much stranger.