Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.
A/N:I have no idea where this came from but I was thinking about a collection of moments centered on the death of femShepard(Spacer/War Hero/Paragon/Soldier) and how her crew reacts and copes.
There are some moments that leave an imprint so strong that lasts a lifetime. Sometimes their memory will be triggered by a scent, or a sight, a touch or a sound, something that will lead us back to that moment, making us relive it with an exact precision; a moment that changed our lives.
That stood true for Kaidan. Three moments he would never forget. Three vivid memories that time could not expunge. One, the day he saw her for the first time. Two, the night they spent together before Illos. Three, the Normandy exploding in front of his eyes.
Those three moments were his gift and his curse. He would not recall how he stumbled inside the Alliance ship that had come to rescue them after the attack but he would never fail to remember the look on Joker's face when he reached his pod. He had frozen at the sight of tears on his friend's face. He knew instantly what it meant. She had not made it.
Ignoring his friend's pleas for forgiveness, he had turned around and walked away. His mind had not registered where he went.
Hours later he had woken up from his numb state and had found himself in the cargo hold. He hadn't had a clue how long he had been there. He hadn't cared that they were probably looking for him, wanting to debrief him. He hadn't cared that his friends were probably looking for him, worrying about him.
The only thing that held any significance at that moment was that she was no longer there. He had lost her for good and he had been unable to do anything to prevent it. It had been at that moment that he had finally let go of his mental constraints and allowed his feelings to overwhelm him. Tears had streamed from his face as the pain of her loss took hold of him and gripped him tight. The pain had never let go from that moment on. He had simply learned to carry it with him.
Today was her funeral. There was no body, just an empty casket. Today, one more memory would be born and like the others, he would carry it with him for the rest of his existence. Because some memories are meant to last forever.