„Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"You have to promise you won't get mad."
"Mike, what is this about?"
"Promise!"
"No! I won't promise anything until I hear the question."
"But then you'll get mad."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Ok, you don't have to promise, but I do need to explain it then."
"I'm actively listening."
"It's out of plain curiosity, ok? It doesn't mean I think about it often… It's just… You know?"
"No, I can honestly say I don't. Is it something about me?"
"Obviously."
"Is it something about my father and me?"
"God no."
"What kind of reaction is that? Mike, spit it out already!"
"It's personal."
"About me?"
"Yes, you already asked me that!"
"…"
"Blaine?"
"Oh god."
"Blaine?"
"I know what this is all about."
"You do?"
"I can't think of anything else."
"So… are you mad at me for asking?"
"Not really. But just so you know it is personal. And if you weren't my best friend, I would've never told you."
"Oh Blaine, I love you too!"
"Mike…Mike! Leave my hair alone! MIKE!"
"Ouch, that really hurt. You're aggressive."
"Because you're incorrigible. Someone has to put you in order."
"Ok, will you tell me now?"
"What? Oh, right. Ok. But this is just between you and me. If you tell this to anyone else, your balls will be fed to local wild dogs."
"Jesus Blaine, little violent, are we?"
"…"
"I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Thank you. Ready?"
"Ready."
"Hufflepuff."
"What?"
"What?"
"Hufflepuff?"
"Shh, not so loud!"
"…"
"Mike, why are you laughing? Mike? Not cool, man."
"I'm… I'm sorry, but this is too much for me."
"What are you talking about?"
"So, you thought my question was about… Pottermore?"
"Wasn't it? I thought you wanted to ask me in which house was I sorted."
"No, Blaine, it wasn't about it. But please, remind me later to mock you for ending in the lamest house of all."
"You are cruel and I'll never tell you anything personal again."
"No! You have to answer my question!"
"I don't even know what your question is!"
"Ok, but promise me you won't get mad."
"Are we playing that game again?"
"Are you top or bottom?"
"Excuse me?"
"That's my question."
"Why on earth would you want to know that?"
"I told you… I'm just curious."
"About my sex life? God, Mike."
"Oh, come on. If our positions were reversed, you would be interested too."
"I'm not confirming or denying anything."
"So I'll take it as a yes. So?
"So?
"Are you going to tell me?"
"Maybe."
"Is that a preamble for some sort of giant favor I would have to do for you?"
"Maybe."
"I'm not giving you a head massage."
"Oh, come on! You know my head gets itchy when I use hair gel."
"And that's exactly the reason why I won't do it. Touching that gel is, frankly, quite gross."
"…"
"Come on, Blaine, stop pouting."
"…"
"Ok, how about this? You wash your hair and then I give you a massage."
"I'm prepared to listen."
"But first you tell me do you top or bottom."
"Mike!"
"Come on, Blaine, tell me!"
"Mike! Stop… tickling… me! Mike, stop it!"
" Are you going to tell me?"
"Yes, ok, just stop!"
"Yay!"
"I hate you."
"Love you too, Blainers. So?"
"You'll massage me for thirty minutes?"
"Five."
"Twenty-five."
"Ten."
"Twenty."
"Fifteen, my last offer."
"Twenty, my last offer if you want information which will help you get off at night."
"Blaine!"
"…"
"Fine, twenty. SO?"
"Both."
"Sorry?"
"That's my answer. Both."
"You… switch?"
"Yes."
"That's…"
"Holy grail of wanking?"
"Blaine! I don't jerk off on image of you and Kurt getting it on."
"Sure you don't."
"Blaine! I don't."
"If you say so, Mikey."
"I don't!"
"Sure. Don't spend too many tissues."
"Blaine!"