Disclaimer: Do any of you really think I own any of this? No, I don't. And I do not know any of the people mentioned in this; these events are entirely fictional. It would be a ridiculous coincidence if they did this and it also appeared in my imagination. Even J. K. Rowling would scoff at that.

Warnings: Bad language (gasp!), angst, excessive sighing

A.N.: Here it is: my first multi-chapter fic. This is my baby. I've read a lot of Flandus where Norman is the one who screwed everything up with the whole having-a-kid thing. That's all well and good, but I thought, what if Sean was the one who screwed it up? And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what brings you this fic, written mostly during math class (it does not contain any functions, I swear).

~PurpleRanger

Picking Up the Pieces

Chapter One: Brooding, Smoking, Brooding

Norman Reedus pulls a cigarette from his pack slowly, ignoring the glare he can feel from behind him. He lights it and puts it to his lips, sighing as he breathes in. He can still feel that glare. "I am an adult, Helena," he says tiredly. "It is well within my rights to smoke."

His ex-girlfriend walks around to face him. "Yes, but you came for these few days so Mingus could spend some time with both of his parents before you leave for filming. It would be much more fun if you didn't mope." Helena keeps her tone light. Norman is her best friend, and she knows that he's been depressed for five years now. But this is time for Mingus, and he shouldn't have to see his father like this.

"Okay." Norman doesn't want to deal with a conflict. He stubs out his cigarette and tosses it in the trash can. He puts on his best smile, the one he uses for the press and in movies. It's very convincing. Helena knows it's fake now, but if she hadn't watched him put it on… Norman knows that Sean is the only person who could ever read him.

Sean. Why does everything come back to him? Norman sighs quietly. He knows why. It's because five years of pain haven't erased the two years of being happily in love. It's because he can't hate Sean, no matter how much he tries. But right now it's because he is going to see Sean in three days, he's going to have to act brotherly and close with him. He has to pretend he and Sean are still friends, with Norman making ridiculous faces as Sean puts on a silly voice.

"Stop that," says Helena, jerking Norman out of his thoughts. He opens his mouth to ask what she means, but realizes he's biting on his nails. Ah, that's what she was talking about. He knows she doesn't want Mingus to see him like this, but Mingus has been seeing him like this for the past five years during the weeks he stays with Norman. Since Mingus stopped spending time with Dad and Sean, and started spending time with just Dad. Mingus was only five, but he saw the change. Helena doesn't know that Mingus understand his father is sad, but Norman does. Mingus doesn't get why his dad is so sad, though, because he never understood why Sean slept over at his dad's, never quite figured out why his dad and Sean hugged so much.

Norman sighed again. He should have taught his son about of types of family, other types of love. God, he has so many regrets now. He shouldn't have fought with Sean; he shouldn't have agreed to make the second Boondock Saints movie. Why is he putting himself next to Sean? Sean, the man who broke his heart. He hasn't spoken to him since they broke up. He hadn't answered the phone when Sean called, hadn't responded to the messages and emails. After two months, Sean had given up. But Norman had saved every single apologetic email and phone message. He looked up pictures of Sean. He put himself in pain on purpose.

Frankly, Norman is frightened. He really isn't sure he can deal with seeing Sean. Christ, seeing a restaurant they went to once brings back enough memories to make him want to cry; what will seeing the damn man himself do? Norman isn't sure he's strong enough to be close to Sean, much less act like his brother and best friend, both on camera and off. He's an actor, but this is person. Norman sighs one last time before getting up to find Mingus. It's time to play the happy, fun father, not that Mingus will fall for it.

*

Norman stumbles into the shower. Four in the morning is far too early to be up, in his opinion, but he has a plane to catch. The hot water starts to wake him up. In all honesty, he doesn't want to catch his fucking plane. It's because this plane goes to the set, and that's where Sean is. He knows he shouldn't be worried. He wasn't the one who screwed everything up. He wasn't the one who cheated after a fight. He wasn't the one who walked out. On the other hand, he is the one still in love. Norman doesn't believe in self-deception. Sean stopped calling and emailing after a couple months. It's been five years, for fuck's sake. Norman's still holding on, but he knows there's no reason Sean would be.

Norman washes his hair slowly. He knows he's just delaying the inevitable, but any minute spent in the shower is a minute not in transportation toward Sean. He feels awful whenever he thinks of it. He said goodbye to Mingus last night, and Mingus told him to get happy while he's filming. Christ, he's so bad his ten-year-old worries about his mental health. He needs to work on keeping the smiling façade up around Mingus.

There's only so much time he can waste washing, so Norman has to drag himself out. Looking in the mirror, he sees the dark circles under his eyes. He looks just as stressed and unhappy as he is. Damn. Even if he is miserable, he doesn't want Sean to know. Sean would feel guilty and sad and shitty if he knew Norman is still sad. As much as Sean hurt him, Norman still loves him, and will use all his acting talent to keep Sean from feeling guilty.

Norman dries himself off and starts getting dressed. He pulls on his ratty old jeans, sighing sadly. These jeans are old enough to be filled with memories. Why is he wearing these the day he's going to see Sean for the first time in five years? Norman knows it's a bad idea, but he can't bring himself to change. Maybe Sean will also remember tearing those jeans off the first night they slept together. Norman isn't sure if he wants that to happen. If it does, he isn't sure if he wants Sean to feel guilty of if he wants him to fall in love all over again. As much as Norman wants the latter, he's scared of getting hurt. Mostly, though, he doesn't want to get his hopes up. Sean's moved on, he's sure. He's the one who hasn't. The one who can't.

Norman finishes dressing and runs a comb through his hair. He glances at his watch and sees he's running late. Sean or no, this is his job and he really shouldn't miss his plane. He throws his towel on the rack haphazardly and sits on the bed to put on his shoes. He grabs his backpack and jacket, now glad that he's mailed most of his stuff ahead instead of bringing it on the plane. He walks outside to see Helena waiting in her car. He slides into the passenger seat.

"Thanks for giving me a ride to the airport, Helena," Norman says quietly. "I like you more that taxi drivers."

"No problem," Helena replies as she maneuvers the car to the open road. "There isn't that much traffic this early on a Saturday, anyway. Which is good," she adds, glancing at Norman, "because you were damn near late."

"Sorry," Norman apologizes, looking down at his hands. "I lingered in the shower." He switches his gaze to look out the window, anywhere but Helena. Lingering in the shower is perfectly innocent, but he is sure Helena knows he was brooding.

"You didn't have to do this movie, Norman. The Boondock Saints doesn't need a sequel. Why do you insist on making yourself miserable?" She looks closely at Norman as they wait at a stoplight.

"I need to see him again, Helena," Norman says, his voice barely above a whisper and thick with the treat of tears. "Even if I can't be with him again, I need to know he's okay and happy. That he's moved on. I love him." His voice drops even lower. "I need one of us to be happy."

"You didn't answer his calls or return his emails," Helena says, a little more sharply than she'd intended. "Christ, if you wanted to know, he would've gladly talked to you."

Norman flinches at Helena's tone, and realizes, with twenty-twenty hindsight, that he shouldn't have told her that. "Well, the wounds were too fresh then. I couldn't face him after two months, but it's been five year. I think I can now." He shuts his mouth and looks down guiltily when he realizes he's snapping at her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry. You have a point."

Helena looks guilty as well. "It's fine Norman. I shouldn't have baited you. You had your reasons not to talk to Sean. I was being a bitch."

"And I was an asshole in return," Norman tells her. "No wonder we had such a short run as a couple," he adds, forcing a smile.

Helena forces a laugh in return. The rest of the ride passes in fake smiles and jokes, neither one willing to bring Sean up again. They pull in to the drop-off lane, coming to a stop near a door.

"Bye, Norman," Helena says. "Try to have fun, okay?"

"Will do," Norman says, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the ride, Helena. Bye." He grabs his backpack and gets out, shutting the door quietly and walking in to the airport.

Norman groans inwardly when he sees the line for security. His slight lateness now seems much worse, because this isn't going anywhere soon. He pulls out a book and starts reading. Well, he starts staring at the pages and thinking about Sean. He's seen some pictures of him on the internet – the just happen to come up when he gets on, of course – and even though Sean's older, he's still attractive. And when he was skimming the script last night, Norman has seen a shower scene written in there. Wonderful. Norman isn't sure if he'll be able to prevent himself, if Sean's naked in front of him, from going over to the man and kissing and fucking him senseless. It is very inconvenient that he is still stuck on Sean.

Norman finally gets to the front of the line, and he goes through the motions. It's times like this when he wishes he were Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt, and could get special treatment and breeze through lines. He thinks it's sad that society does that for famous people, and even sadder that it never happens to him. He's happy as a B-list guy, without all the Hollywood drama, but he really hates lines.

He finds his gate – of course, it just had to be at the end of the terminal. C43? Who even thinks of this shit? Due to his slight lateness and the horrible Line of Doom, the flight is already boarding all passengers. He hands his boarding pass to the lady (stewardess? Flight attendant? Air hostess? He has no idea since they keep changing the name) and gets on the plane. As he sits down, he realizes how worn out he is. He falls asleep before the plane takes off, still worrying about seeing Sean.

A.N.: Did you like it? No? No matter your opinion, you should write a review so that:

A) I can feel special,

B) I can improve my writing, and

C) I can get some reader ideas for the rest of it. I have a basic plan already, but am open to suggestions if anyone has any.