A.N- I attempted to write this last year. It had humble beginnings as a cute story about some school report Phillipa had to do and changed into this. It took forever and I'm really sorry if there are errors that have escaped my notice...I'm swamped with sucky homework and needed to do something that would make me smile a little. So, read, review, and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Inception. I do not own the Wizard of Oz, though I do quote it a lot. I also do not own The Princess Bride, or the Schrödinger's Cat theory...I just use it to mock Yusuf's opinion of Arthur and Eames's relationship.
Friends of Dorothy
Cobb had a problem.
To be honest, he had many problems. He was going from being a criminal in the world of dreamshare to being a workaday single father of two. One could say that this sudden change in environment and lifestyles was jarring.
Thusly, Cobb checked his totem daily. Whether he was cooking, bathing, or doing other normal activities- Cobb would question if any of it was real, pull out the little metal top and set it spinning on any nearby flat surface. When it wavered and finally toppled, Cobb would breathe a sigh of relief and hug his children. Or if they weren't around; he'd hug the spare pillow while in his bed, or hug the loofah as he stood under the spray of his shower head, or even hug the slightly singed oven mitts that were normally left hanging from a hook next to the stove in the kitchen.
He was grateful. He was happy. He was home.
But that didn't change how out of sorts it made him feel. Thinking of the children's safety, Cobb didn't own or carry a gun anymore. But when he heard the sound of a car backfiring, it didn't stop him from automatically reaching towards his lower back where his gun used to sit or from pulling open his jacket to grope for the gun that once sat in a shoulder holster. While out in public, Cobb would have to disguise these maneuvers as innocent stretches to ease lower back pain or having to scratch an itch.
Cobb's existence was mundane, boring, and normal. He loved it, but he couldn't help but think it was all a dream. Arthur had assured him that it would be fine. That it was all a matter of getting back into a routine and falling back into his role as Phillipa and James's father.
Naturally, he wanted to be the best damned father ever.
This goal led to an embarrassing set of circumstances that included favors, costumes, mingling, misunderstandings.
It all started with a PTA meeting.
Soon after Cobb returned to his family, he made changes. He would read to his children every night before bed, and after they had drifted off to sleep he would curl up in his own bed to read popular parenting books. He made certain that their weekends were packed with activities and trips! He cooked healthy and nutritious meals every day and proclaimed that Friday was now movie night. It was cozy and comfortable.
But, weeks into his grand return to civilian life, he was surprised with an offer. It wasn't a job offer on the legal (or illegal) side of dreamshare, though Arthur had mentioned that the work was out there and if asked, he could definitely find them work just based on the success of Robert Fischer's inception. The Point Man mentioned that the other team members were receiving such offers, but didn't push. He knew that Cobb wasn't quite ready to jump back into dreamshare and needed this time with his family.
When Cobb looked at the identical flyers that James and Phillipa presented him with after rooting through their backpacks, he understood that this was a different sort of offer.
"Please come join us," he read the flyer while he leaned against his countertop, waiting for the water to boil on the stove. "Come to the Parent Teacher Association meeting!"
Cobb hummed to himself, thinking it over. It wouldn't be a bad thing- he could be a member on a different sort of team. This team would be devoted to helping the students, raising funds, and other things, too. And he figured that it wouldn't be such a bad idea to join, even if it was just for social purposes. If the other parents knew that he was a concerned member, it could only help his children. These types of interactions could lead to better social situations. He knew, even if they weren't going to say it out loud, that they were having trouble making friends. Maybe if he made a few friends in this PTA it could lead to his children having fun with kids their own age…
He had signed up to be a member not long after he had gone to his first meeting. He was doing it for his children!
Meeting up with a group of men and women his age wasn't a bad thing, either. It was just for a few hours and James and Phillipa were little angels for the babysitter who had been highly recommended by a few of the parents he had met at the first meeting. Cobb found that the other parents were just as boring as he was! They did nice and normal things or had normal jobs that didn't involve stealing anything; not money, or secrets, or ideas! If they remembered the brief news coverage about his wife's suicide or how she implicated him, they didn't mention it.
What nice people.
Ideas for fundraising were always a great topic when they would meet up in the school auditorium. It was always bake sales, carnivals, or dances. At the latest meeting, the conversation moved to what would be done for Halloween which was at least six months away. The kids always enjoyed the costume parade at school, but what could the parents do to generate funds to pay for the pizza party or other entertainments that lurked ahead?
And Cobb opened his big mouth.
"Why don't we have a fundraising costume party for the adults? We could pay a fee to get in, do a costume contest, give out prizes, sell food…"
When he noticed that everyone sitting near to him was staring, Cobb shut up.
But, the idea caught on, and soon others were making suggestions too.
"Tickets shouldn't be that expensive," said Brad, an accountant. "How does five bucks sound?"
There were mutterings that finally smoothed over into agreement.
"Oooh," said Suzy, a stay-at-home mom. "Why don't we do group costumes! We can write down ideas, stick them in a hat, and then come to the party dressed up as what we chose!"
It quickly developed into a mass of suggestions that somehow strung itself into a living and breathing dialogue.
It would get more people to come if we offer a discount for larger groups/costumes should be G-rated/ don't want another "Walnut Brownie" fiasco no baking with possible allergens/could even take the kids trick-or-treating if it's early enough!
The party was already half-planned, set to occur on Halloween in the early evening so the kids could still go out trick-or-treating with their parents. When Cobb was given a few slips of paper and a pen, he began to think up silly ideas for group costumes- doing as Angela, a paralegal, suggested and wrote down a number to indicate how many people should be in the groups. Most of his ideas came from television and movies. To avoid getting too many suggestions for the same ideas, each parent would mention what they were writing down.
Cobb tried to think of things that might be appropriate for kids but also fun for the parents. He came up with Robin Hood (4), The Marx Bros (4), and (after a moment of scrambling) Looney Tunes (4-5). All of the slips of paper were collected, placed into a hat, and then mixed up. One by one, the single parents or couples would approach the table that the hat had been placed at, and took a slip of paper.
When it was Cobb's turn, he fished around the greatly diminished selection of folded pieces of paper, picked one, and then unfolded it.
He squinted at the perfectly legible handwriting. He read it again. It still said, The Wizard of Oz (5).
First, he wondered exactly who he was going to ask to come with him to the costume party. With six months till Halloween, Cobb had to plan this one carefully.
Pam, the real estate agent, waltzed over with a bright smile. "So Dominic did you get anything good?"
Cobb showed her his slip of paper.
"How sweet," she said with a nostalgic sigh. "That was my favorite movie when I was little." And in a very blatant attempt at flirting, she said, "I wouldn't mind asking my sister to take over my group so I could play Dorothy for you."
Cobb was already beginning to shy away, touching the bare space of his ring finger. He didn't want to flirt with her, he really really didn't. So he lied.
"You know, that's really great, Pam. But, I've got someone in mind."
She wasn't buying it. "Are you sure?"
Cobb took a careful step backwards, nodding and smiling, wishing he had Arthur at his side. Arthur would be able to disable Pam in seconds and then point him in the direction of the nearest exit. But he didn't have Arthur here. Arthur was away on a job, being the best Point Man for some other team.
And then, Cobb had an idea- or the idea was willing to present itself more distinctly in the light of this-this threat. Of course, he would never mention to Arthur, or to his team that the reason why he had called them in was because he was frightened of a pretty interested woman and required them to dress up as characters from The Wizard of Oz, all for the sake of his sweet little children! And himself…
He had six months, he thought to himself, waving goodbye to Pam and retreating out of the small auditorium. It would be more than enough time to get everyone together!
With just weeks to go, Cobb had run into a roadblock.
The roadblock's name was Eames.
"You want me to dress up like the Scarecrow?" The Forger's voice was incredulous. Perhaps it had been a mistake to ask him for the favor over the phone. Cobb listened to the static that laced the Forger's laughter.
"Eames," Cobb said, closing his eyes. "I'm not one to beg, but I'll do it right now. My kids need this!"
He proceeded to explain all of it to Eames- everything! The need for acceptance, his joining the damned PTA, trying to get his children to socialize more, but most specifically, how this favor would help them the most!
Maybe Cobb knew that Eames would cave in, or if he didn't, he was a very lucky man.
The thing was, Eames hadn't thought himself to be such a nice man. He was a thief, a liar, and in the field of dreamshare he had to look out for himself and his best interests. That generally translated into screwing teammates over and catching the next train, the next bus, or the next plane that would get him as far as possible from the people he had pissed off.
But after Inception things had changed. After Inception, he hadn't scampered off to do what he did best and sell his unique services to the highest bidder. No, what Eames had done was wait. He sat on his money from the Fischer job and waited patiently for the team to reunite. Despite the terrible things that had happened on the job, Inception had still been a success and he had still worked with the finest in dreamshare. It would have been a shame for them to all go their separate ways- even Cobb, whose choices and behavior during the Fischer job made Eames want to turn and walk away. But despite the man's desperation, he was still the best.
For all of Eames's talk about being a 'not-very-nice-pretty-close-to-being-bad' man, a sincere request that focused on the needs of Dominic Cobb's little motherless children made his heart ache. He would like to help, even if this was one of the more ridiculous things he had been asked to do.
It was a quiet Sunday evening. When he received Cobb's panicked call, he was relaxing in his bed; shirt off, with the oscillating fan sending cool air over his prone body. As he lay in bed, his cell phone pressed against his ear, Eames knew what he was going to do. The answer was going to be yes…But that didn't mean he was going to just give in immediately. He wasn't going to let Dominic Cobb believe that he was easy.
"So," he said, allowing the silence to peter on, filled only with the click and whir of the fan blades. "Who else have you called to help?"
Cobb spilled. "The team. They've all agreed to help me out."
Eames smiled to himself, certain that Cobb was leaving out the amount of begging he had to do, or the certain conditions certain team members asked to be met before they agreed to help.
"And who will be playing who?"
"Ariadne is Dorothy, I'm the Wizard, Yusuf is the Cowardly Lion, and Arthur is the Tin Man." At those last words, Eames ignored his initial idea to make the Extractor beg for his help. Arthur as the Tin Man was enough!
"Say no more," Eames said, smiling still. "I'm in."
"Really?" Cobb sighed in relief, but still did the polite thing and offered Eames an out if he truly needed it. "If it's going to be a problem, I can find someone else!"
"Send me the details and I'll be sure to come."
After Cobb proceeded to thank him again, Eames rolled his eyes and accepted it, if only to get off of the phone faster. He ended the call and placed his cell phone on top of the bedside table that held the lamp he had turned on in order to read the latest of a series of crime novels he had taken a liking to. Eames reached for his reading glasses and picked up the book, opening it up to where he had placed his bookmark.
Before he got too far, maybe half a paragraph along, the covers were lifted and the bed dipped. Eames felt the smile growing across his face, hidden for the moment by the thick book he held in front of him.
"So," he said. "I think that you'll look quite fetching in gray, darling."
He was only answered by a displeased grunt and a feeling of warmth as Arthur slinked closer to him, matching their bodies up like two puzzle pieces, and laying his head on Eames's shoulder. Eames half closed the book and looked down at the Point Man, whose hair was a little damp from the shower.
Though he hadn't taken part in Eames's conversation, it was clear that Arthur had heard just enough as he was leaving the bathroom.
"If I wasn't sure that Cobb still doesn't know about us, I'd say that this Wizard of Oz themed group costume thing was his way of getting us to admit our feelings."
Eames laughed. That had occurred just after the completed Fischer job- there were some things that intense life or death situations got you to finally admit to, and loving each other stupid was one of those things. The Forger took off his glasses and put his book aside so he could put one arm around Arthur's shoulders and pull him in closer.
"It will be fine. It's just a costume party. What could go wrong?"
Arthur lifted his head from Eames's shoulder and frowned. "I don't want to be gray forever."
"Don't be silly," Eames said before looking up at the overhead light. He smiled to himself.
"Eames, you asked if we could install them and I agreed. Just turn off the lights so I can rest and plan how I'm going to pull off being Tin Man to your Scarecrow." Arthur said with a deep sigh.
"Done!" Eames said in agreement, raising his hands. He clapped his hands twice and the room went dark.
At sunset the parents of young children called it quits for trick or treating. Some of those parents were due to show up at the costume party, with or without their kids to participate in possible group costumes.
Cobb's group stood together gathered in a neat knot; Arthur had called a sudden halt so he could examine what they were getting themselves into, but that didn't mean the rest were busy staring at their shoes. They looked at the open doors to the gymnasium, heard the Halloween themed music, and watched other groups walk past them. The passing people were also in costume but blatantly stared at them as they walked past, smirking a little and laughing to themselves.
Arthur, who was now a study in the monochromatic effects of Tin Man costuming and face makeup, frowned at Cobb, who was busy adjusting his hat and smoothing down the front of his coat.
"Are you sure that we have to do this, Cobb? Are you absolutely positively certain?" the Point Man asked in an undertone so James and Phillipa wouldn't hear.
Ignoring the question, Cobb looked down at his costumed children; he smiled at Phillipa, who was dressed as a Munchkin and at James, who was in a puppy costume and wearing a phony collar with an overlarge nametag that said "Toto". They smiled back at him and looked eager to go inside where they had been promised that food, sweets, and games awaited them.
Cobb returned his attention to Arthur. It was hard to not smile at Arthur as well- he looked ridiculous! In his gray suit with a gray shirt and bow tie, matching shoes, and a funnel on his head, Arthur looked nothing like the scarily competent Point Man that others in dreamshare whispered about. He hardly looked like the stuff of nightmares now.
But, that was true of all them.
Cobb thought he made a decent Wizard of Oz in his dressy clothes and hat.
Ariadne had her hair in pigtails and was wearing the instantly recognizable costume of Dorothy Gale- the blue dress and sparkly red shoes were all easily relatable to the classic movie. Now, if only she was comfortable singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"…
With all the straw sticking out of his sleeves and cuffs of his pants, Eames appeared to be itchy. He had refused to wear a sack over his head; simply doing the minimal makeup required for Scarecrow, the Forger had gotten a floppy green hat and the green and brown patched clothes that completed his costume.
Yusuf, the one who had begged and pleaded to be allowed to play the Cowardly Lion, had to go and rent a Cowardly Lion suit- but thus equipped, the Chemist was a perfect anthropomorphic lion with a distinct lack of courage. From the top of his head with its furry mane to the tip of his limp tufted tail, Yusuf had gone all in and was ready to work.
Cobb noticed the man was shivering, ever so slightly, and appreciated his attention to details.
"Arthur," Cobb said shortly. "We've got a job to do here tonight. We have a mission and I doubt that it's impossible. Mix, mingle, and show those other families that James and Phillipa have great Uncles!"
Ariadne cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow at Cobb.
"And a wonderful Aunt!" Cobb swiftly added. Then under his breath so the children wouldn't hear, he whispered. "And you're my girlfriend if a single mother named Pam tries to come near me!"
The three costumed team mates shared a look over the heads of the sweet children they were doing this for.
"Wouldn't it be easier for Arthur to just," Ariande made a gesture with one hand and nodded her head in the Point Man's direction. "Take care of it?"
Arthur huffed and shook his head. "First, I'm not a hit man. Second, this is the weirdest conversation we could be having about a 'job'," he said using air quotes. "This is not a dream- it is stupid, stupid reality. No one is getting taken care of." With that, he shouldered his prop ax and cleared his throat.
"Now, I've looked into several escape routes- there are three viable exits for this gymnasium. I'll show you all where they are as we enter through the main entrance, pretending to point out things like decorations or snack tables."
"Please tell me that there's something alcoholic to drink in there?" Yusuf asked, or you know, pleaded.
Arthur smiled grimly. "There's a punch bowl and bottled water- there will be no getting drunk. Think of the children!"
Eames nodded and patted Yusuf's furry shoulder. The Chemist looked a little sick with fear.
"Damn it," he muttered. "And I was hoping to get a little liquid courage…"
"If we get out of this alive, I'll buy us a round of drinks to celebrate." Cobb said. He didn't notice how Yusuf paled, mouthing, 'If?' and how the other three dream workers raised their eyebrows. "Come on, everyone. It's time to knock their socks off!"
Once inside the gym, they stayed together in a loose formation. Cobb had suggested that they stay together until he ran into one of the other PTA members to have a chance to show off his group. Then they would separate.
At first, it was relatively painless. They smiled and shook hands with parents. They lied about their relation to Dominic Cobb. Arthur and Eames stood as Uncles, Ariadne was swiftly labeled 'girlfriend' when Cobb spotted a mother dressed as the Wicked Witch, and Yusuf was just a good friend.
After introductions, the Wizard of Oz themed group split apart. Cobb had taken Ariadne's hand and led her on the dance floor with his children in tow. Yusuf had ducked off to the side, angling towards a young woman dressed as a cat.
It left Arthur and Eames by themselves. As neither wanted to dance, it left one option.
They fled to stand watch from the punch bowl and snack table.
While Cobb had invited his team to come to this costume party with the best of intentions, it didn't take long for things to go badly. It wasn't like he could control every aspect of this party- it wasn't a job! So, Cobb continued to dance with Ariadne, who would shoot him smiles and keep an eye on the kids that sort of revolved around them like small planets.
Cobb began to think of the gym as a dream level, maybe the first. He began to eye the other costumed dancers, aware of how some tracked his movements or eyed his other team members like a mark's projections would. He slipped back into his role of Extractor and began to think of how he was going to plant the idea, perform a special Inception on the members of the PTA and other party goers.
As Cobb caught sight of Pam, the very persistent, green painted Witch of the West, he wished that he had thought to bring something to protect himself with. He swallowed hard and hopefully eyed the exits Arthur had pointed out.
Yusuf was working up the nerve to talk to the pretty woman dressed as a cat. She had the fake cat ears attached to the top of her head with little hair clips, her whiskers were even lines made with an eyebrow pencil, and her long tail was attached to her belt. All in black, she looked like the sweetest unlucky cat.
When she looked up from her glass of punch, her eyes brightened, and Yusuf felt like he could handle himself well enough to saunter over with a big grin.
"Mr. Yusuf!" The pretty cat called as he walked over, picking up his limp tail to playfully swing the tufted end in a circle. His act made her smile and lean away from the wall she had posted herself at. "It's so nice to see you again!"
He bowed his head, almost as regal as the animal he was supposed to be mimicking. And so far, he was fighting off the cowardly urges well enough.
"Oh, Susanna, you don't have to be so formal with me. I'm dressed as a big lion! Call me Yusuf!"
She blushed and nodded. "It's wonderful to see you again- Phillipa's class really enjoyed your beginner's chemistry lesson."
This costume party wasn't the first favor that Cobb had asked him to help with. Yusuf had been asked to come to Phillipa's class a few months ago and demonstrate some basic but fun chemistry experiments during the school's Science Week. The Chemist had wowed the third graders with a homemade Lava Lamp, a Cloud In a Bottle, and tricks that involved eggs. They were young children, so it didn't take much to amaze them.
Yusuf had been amazed when their young teacher had shown a more than scholarly interest in his cute experiments and even hinted that she wouldn't mind seeing him outside of the classroom.
But, he choked that time. He had fumbled for words and embarrassed himself. So, when Cobb had come to him again, this time asking him to dress up as a character from the Wizard of Oz, Yusuf had jumped at the opportunity. He begged to be the Cowardly Lion. Sure, he had displayed his cowardice that day when he had rushed off with his equipment, but it was going to be different now!
And then what was supposed to be a brief silence dragged on.
Susanna looked away from him for a moment and spotted something else that interested her. She smiled and pointed, drawing his attention to it as well.
"You're friends the Tin Man and Scarecrow look like they're having fun! They're Phillipa and James's uncles, right?"
Yusuf seized on the topic as if it were his last salvation.
"Oh," he said, looking at the pair he knew so well but were dressed so ridiculously. "Yes! Uncle Arthur and Uncle Eames!"
Susanna looked at the men carefully before frowning. "Neither of them looks much like Dominic. Would either be his brother-in-law? Phillipa always tells these great stories about her Uncle Arthur and I don't mean to be nosy but-," the young teacher trailed off and looked away from the pair Arthur and Eames made.
Yusuf didn't like the idea of an uneasy silence. "Yes?" he asked, trying to draw her question out.
"Um, well are Arthur and Eames together? We are very open minded here and Phillipa never talks about her Uncle Arthur without mentioning her Uncle Eames in the next breath."
Yusuf honestly didn't know. Arthur and Eames and the existence of a romantic relationship could even be characterized as "Schrödinger's Relationship- the Arthur and Eames Remix." That because of certain situations, mainly that their obvious desire for one another could be immediately outweighed by a small mistake made by either man, leading to the decay of their successful romantic relationship. That thusly, Arthur and Eames's romantic relationship was both dead and alive at the same time…and no, Yusuf had never been interested in opening that particular jack-in-the-box.
But that was all going to change!
"Well," he began, looking over in Arthur and Eames's direction for a moment before looking back to Susana. "Could you keep a secret?"
Susana smiled and nodded quickly, reaching out to touch Yusuf's arm. The Chemist leaned in closer so she could hear him over the sound of the music.
Arthur nudged Eames in the side. When he got the man's attention he nodded his head in Yusuf's direction.
"I sense trouble," the Point Man muttered before taking a sip from his cup of punch, and then frowning at it when he noticed that he had left a silvery-gray smudge from where he had pressed his mouth against the cup.
Eames shrugged, thinking he was talking about the cup. "No one's going to care if your makeup smudges; it's a little hot in here."
"That's not what I meant," Arthur said. "I don't like the look of Yusuf over there…"
"Well, I wouldn't say that to his face. You might end up with something unpleasant put into the Somnacin mix."
"No, I think he's using our choice in costumes to get closer to Phillipa's teacher!"
"I give him credit for trying at all- you didn't get to hear him bellyache over it last time." Eames snorted to himself and began doing an impression of poor Yusuf. "It was terrible. She tried to chat me up and all I talked about were Naked Eggs!"
Arthur frowned to himself, trying to see where Yusuf could have failed with this. "Who's Naked Eggs was he talking about, exactly?"
"I bet you would have agreed to go on a date with Yusuf if he taught you how to make Naked Eggs." The Forger muttered, not liking where his attempt at mockery was taking him.
"No," Arthur said, smirking at Eames. "Despite the fact that the Cowardly Lion and Tin Man were most often paired together in the 'Friends of Dorothy' mindset, I'd rather have my Scarecrow show me how to make Naked Eggs…unless that really isn't some sort of dirty euphemism?"
If Eames wasn't so sure he'd end up sending Arthur to the bathroom to touch up his face makeup, he so would have cupped the man's face in his hands and given him a big fat kiss; right there, in front of everybody!
Instead, Eames sighed and said fondly, "You never fail to remind of me of all the reasons why you're my darling."
While Arthur looked like he had needed to take a drink, Eames knew that the reason why he had pressed the cup of punch to his lips was to hide his smile over the compliment.
His darling was just so crafty.
Cobb was dancing with Ariadne, using the Architect turned Dorothy as a human shield against Pam, the persistent divorcee who had done as she had suggested she would. She really had asked her sister to take over her group. The sister and her two little nieces were dressed as the Three Blind Mice, complete with dark sunglasses, canes, gray mouse ears, and drawn on whiskers. It would have been more adorable if Pam wasn't lurking around in a costume that didn't match theirs.
"Is the Wicked Witch of the West still stalking you?" Ariadne asked as one song ended and another began, allowing Cobb to sway from side to side with her. Cobb swallowed hard and nodded. It was strange, but he felt safer with Ariadne- with her blue dress, red sparkly heels, and pigtailed hair, she should have been the most innocent character among the costumed guests.
Phillipa and James stayed close to them. Other parents would stop and coo at how sweet they looked! Those same parents would look at the Wicked Witch who watched Dorothy and the Wizard with something like jealousy, and then quickly avert their eyes.
"Yes- I can't thank you enough! I will never be able to thank you enough, Ariadne!"
She smiled at him sweetly and shook her head. "To think, you once fought off enemy projections and companies that wanted you dead. Now, you're afraid of a woman who can't take a hint. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!"
It was crazy and stupid and wrong, but it was also very bizarre to see how his circumstances have changed since completing the Fischer job and being reunited with his children. As he thought about it, he couldn't stop the silly smile from growing across his face.
"There we go!" Ariadne said. "You've faced so much worse than this Anne."
Cobb smirked and corrected her, feeling some of the tension begin to leave his body.
"Her name is Pam." Then, he gave Ariadne a twirl that had her blue dress flaring around her legs, drawing attention to her glittering red heels. The young Architect threw back her head and laughed as she clung to Cobb.
There was something that Dom found very rewarding when he heard a young woman laugh. He had loved to make Mal laugh, and now, he couldn't help but smile like a fool as Ariadne laughed. Just for him!
His smile slipped a bit when he noticed Pam coming straight for them.
"Trouble is heading Cobb and Ariadne's way!" Eames said, pointing with a cocktail wiener on a toothpick he had meant to give to Arthur. Arthur grimaced as the party snack was diverted from its original path and looked in the direction the Forger was pointing with said snack.
"I see," he said before plucking the toothpick away from Eames's fingers and removing the morsel with his teeth. After tossing the toothpick away in a nearby trashcan and eating the snack, Arthur evaluated Cobb's situation. "Apparently, the Wicked Witch of the West is coming after them."
They were silent as they watched the woman come closer.
"That wasn't a good enough reason to stop offering me snacks, Eames." Arthur said, watching the witch.
"Hmm, I agree. But I think he might need us, darling." Eames nodded decisively and reached for Arthur's hand. "Care to storm the castle with me?"
Arthur snorted and took his hand. "I'm only doing this because you tried to quote The Princess Bride." And then, because he couldn't help it, he said, "Think it'll work?"
Grinning in victory, Eames answered with, "It would take a miracle" and then walked proudly with Arthur at his side, ready to intercept the Wicked Witch!
Yusuf had been inventively lying about Arthur and Eames's relationship. At first, he thought that it would be hard, but after the first lie went tripping off his tongue, it was swiftly followed by more. Susanna was eating up the lies like Arthur had been devouring party favors.
"They sound like complete opposites," Susanna said with a cheerful smile. "But there is that saying about how opposites attract!"
"You're telling me? Sometimes they do nothing but bicker but I've also never seen two people so devoted to each other."
Yusuf gave Arthur and Eames the best fictional romance ever. According to Yusuf, Arthur and Eames met while on vacation from their respective jobs- the Chemist had already given Arthur and Eames jobs that were believable based upon their skills in dreamshare. Eames, like many hopeful people in California, was an actor and Arthur was an architect. They didn't fall in love immediately, but sort of fell into step with one another when they realized that they had a common acquaintance with either Cobb or Mal, or even both. Yusuf hadn't gotten that far and had found that he was improvising a lot of that story based upon Susanna's reactions.
She loved that (according to the way Yusuf told it) Eames had not stopped chasing after Arthur and how Arthur finally gave into his feelings in the end, accepting Eames and the sweet loving he was offering. And yes, Yusuf did label Eames's nonstop flirting and behavior that bordered on harassment as 'sweet loving'. Yusuf may have also added a few dramatic twists like to their fictional relationship, like a fictional jealous ex-boyfriend of Arthur's that may or may not have ended with Eames having to fight for Arthur's honor. Using a prop sword…
He was saved from digging his grave any deeper when Arthur and Eames moved away from the snack table, holding hands. Susanna made an "aw" noise and Yusuf blanched when he noticed that they were speed walking in Cobb and Ariadne's direction, clearly aiming to intercept the Wicked Witch who was prowling in the same direction.
"You know," Yusuf said quickly, knowing that he had to extract himself from this delightful situation to run to the accident that was brewing on the dance floor. "I've got to go and speak to my team; I'll be back in a moment!"
And Yusuf dashed off with his limp Cowardly Lion tail flying in his wake!
The Wicked Witch of the West had a goal. When she had a goal she saw it through to the end. It didn't matter to her if Dominic said he wasn't interested- how could he not be interested in her? He was clearly in need of an adult relationship if the person he chose to attach himself to was a girl who, in her opinion, barely looked over twenty!
Pam would just have to remind him of this. So, she stomped her way over, dressed all in black, carrying a broom, and wearing green face makeup.
What she didn't expect was the Wizard of Oz themed road block.
"Oh! Terribly sorry!" The Scarecrow yelped as Pam was forced to stop in front of him. Of course, he was accompanied by the Tin Man, and then the Cowardly Lion who was huffing and puffing from running over to them. Together, they stood to protect Dorothy, the Wizard, the lone Munchkin, and Toto.
Pam forced a polite smile to spread across her face. The Cowardly Lion flinched.
"Could you please step out of my way?"
"But we wanted to speak with you!" The Tin Man said, sharing a look with Scarecrow, who nodded his agreement. "It's very important."
Pam's eyes narrowed and she thought she could have shooed them away if it wasn't for Dominic Cobb's appearance just behind his fellow group members. He had his Dorothy clutching one arm while his two costumed children huddled at his side.
"Hello Dominic!" Pam said brightly, as if she hadn't been about to tell off his friends! "It's great to see you!"
She made it a point to ignore his Dorothy. She secretly believed that if she had been given the chance she would have made an even better Dorothy…
Dominic nodded and smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He looked over to his Dorothy and smirked. "What was it you asked me before?"
"Oh? Yes, I asked if you were scared of the Wicked Witch!"
Dominic recited the Wizard's words from the movie. "Frightened? Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe... I was petrified." He smiled widely. "Please, notice the extra emphasis on was."
As Pam stared, mouth hanging open, the Scarecrow snorted to himself and shook his head. "Miss, I may not have a brain but I think that the Wizard is giving you a big fat no." The Scarecrow turned to the Tin Man and asked his opinion.
"I don't think I'd be the best judge in this matter." Tin Man shrugged. "You know the tinsmith forgot to make me a heart!"
"I've got enough heart for the both of us, darling. I'm fine with sharing!" Scarecrow said while wrapping one arm around the Tin Man's shoulders. "Care to let me borrow that brain of yours?"
It started slow, but all around them, other adults had stopped dancing and were chuckling a bit at their banter and use of Wizard of Oz lines. The music still played, but sounded much softer than before.
The Cowardly Lion stepped forwards, gently batting the Tin Man's and Scarecrow's hands away as he sought to confront the Wicked Witch. "No need to hold me back, gentlemen! What was it you said about me, Wizard?"
Cobb stepped forward smoothly and put on a thoughtful expression.
"Yes! I recall it exactly. You are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom." He offered the Cowardly Lion a medal for his efforts as a "good-deed-doer."
Scarecrow frowned and tugged on the Wizard's coat. "But, what about my brain?"
In response to that, Cobb pulled out a diploma. "You are now a Doctor of Thinkology, Scarecrow!"
"But what about me?" The Tin Man asked. "Don't I get a heart?"
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable," Cobb reminded him.
Arthur shrugged as if it didn't matter. "But I still want one," he said with an ironically heartbreaking earnestness. For his efforts he did receive a heart-shaped clock on a chain.
There was the clearing of a throat- like magic, the costumed men stepped aside to let Dorothy come through, Toto standing eagerly by her side.
"I understand that we have a problem. You can't take a hint and I won't back down." She put her hands on her hips and smiled brightly. "I would like to end this in a mature way but seeing as how we've all dressed up as characters from a children's movie, I will do this in the best way I can."
She held up a bottle of water that was taken from the snack table. "If you do not want to melt (or in this case have all of that green makeup run) I would kindly suggest that you go and have fun with your children."
When Pam hesitated, Ariadne loosened the cap on her bottle of water and waited. Finally, Pam heaved a gusty and embarrassed sigh, turning on her heel and walking away.
Eames began to loudly hum the tune of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead", sharing a devilish smirk with Arthur. Ariadne twisted the cap back on her water bottle, shaking her head at Eames and his antics.
"As tempting as it would have been, I was purposely avoiding singing that song."
"I should have sung it," Phillipa added. "All the Munchkins sing it in the movie."
"Well," Cobb said, fondly squeezing his daughter's shoulder. "It might not have been a very nice thing to do."
Before anything else could be said or done, the music changed. Cobb immediately looked at Ariadne and offered her his hand. "Let's mock Pam in a very mature way that shows off my moves! Because I can Mashed Potato and do the Twist."
And without missing a beat, Cobb proved that he could do both dances mentioned in "Do You Love Me" by the Contours, as well as the Macarena, the Time Warp, and even the Limbo when somebody brought out the pole.
The kids followed their father like the little ducklings they were, leaving Yusuf, Arthur and Eames alone.
Yusuf coughed and brushed the wayward strands of his mane out of his face. "If a black cat comes up to you guys and asks about your loving relationship, just nod and smile. Arthur, you're an architect and Eames you're an actor! Keep up the act, because if I didn't know any better I'd say that you were actually in love!"
Then the Cowardly Chemist was off in search of Phillipa's teacher.
Arthur sighed to himself. "Maybe they'll figure it out after this is over…"
Eames nodded. "It's not like we've been hiding it tonight!"
When they spotted the karaoke machine under one of the basketball hoops they didn't have to say another word.
When it came time for the karaoke contest that Arthur and Eames signed up for, their song choice was perfect. Arthur and Eames, Phillipa and James's supposed uncles dressed as friends of Dorothy, grabbed the pair of microphones offered and sang an Elton John song. Their performance of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" with Arthur singing Elton's lyrics as Eames sang Kiki Dee's, got plenty of applause and only cemented their implied romantic relationship.
The whole evening was fun! The rest of the Inception team got to see many interesting things occur- like, how Cobb actually knew how to do the Funky Chicken. Ariadne scooped James up into her arms when he began to get tired and received many compliments and kind words. Yusuf did bring Phillipa's teacher over to both Arthur and Eames after they sang their song and won second place in the contest.
"That was so cute," Susanna said as Eames took the cheap medal they were given as a prize and put it around Arthur's neck despite his half-hearted muttering about how he didn't deserve a medal. "I guess since the Tin Man doesn't have a heart the Scarecrow really couldn't break it if he tried!"
Arthur and Eames proceeded to be charming and cute and everything they were already when in each other's company. Yusuf looked overly impressed by the display.
But, the party soon came to an end. Some PTA members stayed behind to clean up while others with young children got ready to leave. As the Wizard of Oz themed group gathered together once more outside the gym, Cobb had only good things to report as he held his daughter in his arms, much like Ariadne had done for James.
"I got five phone numbers from other parents! They want to schedule play dates for the kids and maybe bowling next Saturday for the adults!"
It was progress, it was wonderful, and it wouldn't have been possible without his team.
"Thanks, everybody." he said, looking at each person, "I know that you didn't have to do this. But the kids were really happy to see you all!"
It was tiring and unexpectedly annoying, but each team member had agreed to help out because they wanted to or had certain goals in mind.
"I'm sorry I made it look like you two were a real couple," Yusuf said to Arthur and Eames, looking a little embarrassed.
Now, Arthur and Eames had one of their rare moments where one knew what the other was thinking. That, and they had talked about it before leaving for the party.
"You know," Arthur said, very aware of the extra attention he was getting from both Cobb and Ariadne. "It wasn't such a terrible thing."
"It's not hard to act like something if it's already normal." Eames added, waiting patiently for all the pieces to fall together for the others. When it happened, it was wonderful.
Both men were immediately crowded by their fellows, receiving pats on the arm by Yusuf, Ariadne stopped herself from leaning forwards to give both of them congratulatory kisses on the cheek and saying that she'd get them when they weren't wearing that stupid face makeup, and Cobb stopped himself from offering handshakes so he could give one-armed hugs, instead.
"Not only did it take you both forever to get together but you said absolutely nothing about it during or before the party?!" Cobb stated with wide eyes. "I'm very sorry if I made you uncomfortable and…"Cobb paused and squinted at Eames. "If you and Arthur have been together why did you try to make me beg you to dress up as Scarecrow?"
Eames shrugged. "I had to let you know that you couldn't just get me to agree to anything." The Forger smiled at Arthur. "Only the Tin Man can do that!"
Arthur rolled his eyes. "He was going to do it for you anyway, Cobb. We all were. If you need any more help, just give us a call. But, if you don't mind I'd like to go home and take this makeup off."
"Me too," Eames agreed. "Though, it's a lot better than having to wear a sack over my head."
"I told you that it would be a bad idea, Eames." Arthur said, just a trace of fondness creeping into his voice. "You've got such a handsome face."
Yusuf shook his head. "My god that was so cute it was sickening! Why didn't you act that cute when Susanna was watching?"
Before a very stupid argument could begin, Cobb looked at his watch and said that it was about time to get the kids home, ending the conversation, but getting promises from everyone that they would get together again soon.
They separated, waving goodbye to one another and heading to their cars. Before slipping into the driver's seat, Arthur took the damned funnel off of his head and tossed it in the back seat. Eames chuckled to himself over the way that Arthur smoothed one hand over his neat gelled back hair, checking his reflection in the rear view mirror.
When he was finished looking himself over, he spotted Eames smiling at him and couldn't help but return it.
"So, that wasn't so bad. Gray makeup and funnels be damned."
"Yes," Eames said, leaning back in his seat and adjusting the seat-belt while Arthur buckled himself in. "It all went fairly smoothly. Now all we have to do is get home."
There was an expectant silence. The seconds ticked by slowly and finally, Arthur sighed and looked over at a grinning Eames.
"Go ahead and say it," Arthur said as he turned the key in the ignition, the engine coming to life. His hands at ten and two and the steering wheel, Arthur still dressed as the Tin Man looked at him expectantly.
"There's no place like home," Eames said, smiling as he clicked his heels together. "There's no place like home; There's no place like home…"