Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

A Time for Love

Underneath a sky of shimmering stars, Kathryn Janeway turned away from an elegantly dressed table she was sitting at to look out at black water glistening in the moonlight. "I can't believe we're really here," she said to her former First Officer. "So many times when we sailed on the holodeck I wished we were on the real Lake George, and now here we are..."

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing, and gazed at Kathryn in the starlight. Even though she had aged by over a decade since they had first met, she looked as beautiful to him as she ever had. If anything, he thought she looked more beautiful now. Her face showed both grace and wisdom and there was a contentness about her that had always been lacking during the Voyager years. Then she had been on constant alert, like a restless animal guarding her young, but now she was more relaxed, able to enjoy the moment rather than live in trepidation of the next. Yet, despite the change in her, there was still a loneliness in her aura that haunted him. On Voyager she had always held back a part of her from him, and now, five years after their return, she was still keeping him at a distance.

"Tell me," Kathryn said, turning back to him mischievously, "just how did you know we'd need a lightening rod that day we needed it?"

Chakotay laughed and picked up his glass of sparkling red wine. "You don't give up, do you?"

"It's bothered me all these years," Kathryn confessed. "Put me out of my misery."

Chakotay took a sip of his drink and then met her inquisitive gaze. "Only if you tell me how you knew I kept my cider in the cargo bay."

Kathryn's lip curled at this in amused frustration and she sat back against her chair. "You win. Tuvok told me."

Chakotay raised his eyebrow. "Tuvok?" Then it dawned on him. "Of course...with a Vulcan as chief of security, you wouldn't get away with hiding a toothbrush."

Kathryn laughed now and then leant forward again. "So, come on, fulfill your end of the bargain."

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I wouldn't be asking."

"Very well," Chakotay began. "When we were struck, the ship fractured into different time-frames. I was in one time-frame and you were in an earlier one. To cut a long story short, we had to work together to integrate the time-frames, but when the ship was restored to my time-frame, only I retained memories of the incident. A lightening rod prevented the whole thing from happening again."

Kathryn topped up her glass of wine. "So that's when the ship fractured," she said casually. "I always wondered."

Chakotay's smile faded at those words and Kathryn laughed. "I'm only teasing. Whatever happened, I know nothing about it."

Chakotay eased at that, smiled, and gazed into the pretty eyes of the woman it seemed he had loved, and longed for, all his life. Kathryn returned his stare, and for a moment time seemed to stand still, but then it moved again, disturbing the calm. Uncomfortably, Chakotay looked away, focussing instead on the glass of wine in his hands. Why did he still love this woman? What was the hold she had on his heart? Why, every time he thought he was over her, did he find he loved her more? So hard he had tried to stop loving her, done everything he could, even dated other women, but no matter what he did, where he was, some way or another he would end up beside Kathryn, gazing into her deep blue eyes and forgetting how to breathe.

"You always said we'd do this when we got home," Kathryn said thoughtfully. "I think it's the first thing we said we'd do that we've actually done...together, I mean." Her voice then fell to barely more than a whisper. "I've missed you."

Chakotay looked up at that, his eyes heavy. "I've missed you too."

"What happened, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked sadly. "How did we end up like this...barely even acquaintances? We've only seen each other a handful of times since we returned and a birthday card has been the extent of our communication for three years."

"I don't know," he answered. He had often wondered himself how they had drifted so far apart. Life just seemed to have taken then in different directions. He had been involved in several deep space archaeological expeditions and she had married, though now divorced, a fellow Admiral. It was only now that he was teaching at the Academy that their paths had crossed again.

"These past five years," Kathryn continued reflectively, "they've seemed unreal, somehow, like being in a dream...like I've been observing my life, not really being a participant. I can't explain it, but it all felt wrong, even when it felt right."

Chakotay elaborated. "Like something...someone...was missing?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then nodded.

"Even when you married?" Chakotay bit his lip as soon as he'd said the words, but it was too late, they were spoken.

"I thought I loved him," Kathryn said quietly. "John was charming, clever, handsome, made me laugh, and for the first time in so long made me feel like a woman." She paused. "I don't know why I married him. We barely knew each other and I..." Her words trailed into a temporary silence. "I misjudged him so completely. Within months of us being married he'd changed from the man who had swept me off my feet to a man I could hardly bear being around. I'm not the easiest of people to live with, I know that, and I know I can be infuriatingly stubborn, but I can't change who I am."

"I don't ever want you to change," Chakotay said sincerely. "You're the most amazing person I've ever known."

Tears unexpectedly stung Kathryn's eyes at that and she averted them. "Marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life," she admitted. "Our marriage was hell, at least for me. I thought he'd be... I don't know what I thought...but when he turned violent, I knew then I had to leave him. Before then it was so hard to think of leaving because I'd committed my life to him and I wanted to honor that commitment, wanted to make it work. But I didn't love him, not by then. I don't think I ever really did."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn in concern. "How do you mean turned violent?"

"He was possessive, domineering," Kathryn explained. "He didn't like it that I had a life of my own, one that didn't include him. He didn't want me to go to a convention on Vulcan, even though there was no reason why I shouldn't, and when we argued about it, he lashed out physically. My mother always said that if a man can hit a woman once, he will do so again, but he later said he was sorry and I stupidly thought I could handle things...even blamed myself, that I somehow deserved it. The next time we argued, I ended up with two fractured ribs. That's when I knew it was over."

Pain and anger filled Chakotay's eyes and without a word he stood up and walked over to the side of the boat. Vacantly he gazed out at the lake, a tortured soul. Before he knew it, Kathryn was beside him.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly.

Chakotay was a moment in answering. "I'm thinking," he began, "how angry I am that he hurt you. Because I'm damned angry. And I'm wondering how someone so privileged to have you as his wife could treat you that way. I would rather die than ever hurt you." He paused. "And I'm thinking how unfair it is that he could have, and not appreciate, what I've always wanted." Slowly, painfully, he turned to Kathryn and looked deep into her eyes. "On Voyager I could never say it, but I can say it now. I love you, Kathryn."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and slowly, silently, she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. Tentatively, Chakotay responded and held her precious body against his. As they relaxed into each other's arms, Kathryn lay her head on his broad shoulder.

"Perhaps I've been wrong," she said quietly, "keeping you at a distance all these years. I just thought it had to be that way. I was the captain, you were my first officer. I thought it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. But whether it was right, or it was wrong, I want you to know that..." a lump gathered in her throat, making it difficult to speak the words, "that I loved you."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek at those words and he held her tighter.

"What's more," Kathryn continued, "I love you still."

Chakotay could say nothing, could only savor the closeness, the feel, the words of the woman he loved. Gently, Kathryn drew away and, for the first time in their relationship, took the initiative. "If there is any chance for us, any chance at all, I'd like us to try."

Chakotay smiled now and took her trembling hands in his. "There's nothing I want more than to be with you."

At Chakotay's infectious smile, Kathryn smiled too, a beautiful smile that lit up her face and made her eyes sparkle. Instinctively, she drew Chakotay close again and they held each other happily. After a while, Kathryn drew away. "I think this calls for champagne. I'll replicate a bottle."

Just as she was about to step away, Chakotay gently caught her arm. "The champagne can wait," he said kindly. "I'd like to kiss you."

Kathryn made no reply, just gazed at him with nervous anticipation. As Chakotay drew her body against his and sensually caressed her neck as he lay his fingers there, Kathryn could hardly breathe. Never in her life had she felt an attraction as powerful as she had always felt with Chakotay, and to have him so close, touching her, it was intoxicating. Tenderly, Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and Kathryn sighed blissfully as he lovingly explored her mouth, evoking electrifying sensations.

"Now I know we did the right thing on Voyager," Kathryn smiled when at last they drew apart. "With a kiss like that, how could I ever have concentrated on ship matters?"

Chakotay laughed softly, his eyes as bright as hers. "Want another?"

Kathryn locked her arms around his neck. "Oh yes please."

With that, Chakotay happily obliged and they kissed again beneath the stars.

THE END