Title: The Adventures of Mighty Mulder and Super Scully
Author: Ailie McFarland
E-Mail: aixla@juno.com
Rating: G
Feedback: Hello, you've reached Ailie's ego. I'm not in right now, but if you'd leave a message about my story it'd really give me a boost!
Author's Note:Quite some time ago, some of my friends and I were discussing our favorite TV show (X-Files, DUH) and the most annoying show in television (Power Rangers). This is the script that eventually evolved from this conversation. This might be extremely funny, it might be really stupid .... it's probably both. Whatever you think, I would love to have feedback on it! I would like to give credit to Deb Copenhaver, who helped me with the original concept.
Some of the humor of this script makes fun of the area where Deb and I grew up, Lancaster County PA. I hope that humor is not lost on people who have never been there.
************
SCENE 1 (An Amish farm. Chakie, a young Amish boy, and papa are standing infront of a barn. Both speak with think Pennsylvania-Dutch Accents)
PAPA: Chakie!
CHAKIE: Ya papa?
PAPA: Go unt feet da horses.
CHAKIE: Ya papa. (Chakie walks away from the barn toward the stable. Papa walks inside the barn) Gott, I hate feetin' da horses. (Suddenly there is a bright flash of light! Chakie falls to his knees) Oh my Gott! (Switch to Papa, inside the barn, milking a cow. On hearing the commotion, he looks up)
PAPA: Chakie! (He runs out of the barn to Chakie, still on his knees) Vat happened?
CHAKIE: It vas Gott! It vas Gott! He heard me take his name in vain!
NARRATOR: This looks like a job for ....
CHAKIE: Vas dat Gott?
PAPA: No. Dat vas da narrator.
NARRATOR: Mighty Mulder and Super Scully! (Superhero music. Mighty Mulder and Supper Scully are flying through the air. Both wear green spandex suits with a black X emblazoned on the front and tralinig yellow capes.)
SCULLY: How is it that we're flying, Mulder? This defies all logic!
MULDER: How many times have wee been over this, Scully? Just relax and enjoy the ride! (Mulder and Scully set down at the farm in front of Chakie and Papa)
CHAKIE: Who are ye?
MULDER: I'm Mighty Mulder, and this is my partner Super Scully. We're here to help.
CHAKIE: Vow! A real zuper hero and zidekeek!
SCULLY: I'm nobody's sidekick. The fact that I am a woman does not automatically make me inferior to my *partner*. I am not a decoration, I'm here to help, just like he is. Now, can you tell us exactly what happened?
CHAKIE: I vas going to feet da horses, and dere vas dis bright light in da sky. It vas Gott!
MULDER: You saw a bright light? Anything else?
CHAKIE: No. I averted my eyes.
SCULLY: I kown what you're thinking, Mulder. And I'm sure there's a ....
MULDER: A rational explanation? Look around you, Scully. There's no electricity or power lines for miles! What is there that could possibly create such intense light? (To Papa) And where were you when this was going on?
PAPA: Da barn.
SCULLY: Can you take us there? (Papa nods. The foursome walk over to the barn, and Papa opens the door. Subbenly, 20 men clad in black spandex appear out of nowhere!
MULDER: MIB! (A ferce battle begins. Mulder and Scully use all of their special FBI/Ninja moves, but they are hopelessly outnumbered. The battle ends with our heros captured, with their hands cuffed behind their backs. The MIB lead our heros towards a large black super jet).
MIB1: Into the plane!
MULDER: I don't suppose that I'll get frequent flier miles for this trip ....
MIB1: Shut up!
MULDER: (Whispered) Scully! Do you think you can reach my utility belt?
SCULLY: I think so.
MULDER: There's a small dial on the far right. Turn it up all the way.
SCULLY: Mulder, what ....
MULDER: Just do it! (Scully turns the dial. A rumbling sound begins in the distance)
MIB1: What's that?
MIB2: It sounds like "Speedos!" (The MIB are engulfed by a large hoard of women screaming "Speedos!" at the top of their lungs. Amidst the confusion, Mulder and Scully escape)
SCULLY: Mulder, what on earth was that?
MULDER: That dial controls my Charm and Sex Appeal. Let's get back to the command center.
SCENE 2 (The secret FBI command center. The room is full of computer terminals with blinking lights. In the middle of the room is a large hologram of a head, floating inside a glass tube. This is Skinner, Mulder and Scully's advisor.
SKINNER: The city is in trouble, Agents!
SCULLY: We know! What did Chakie, I mean Jakie, see down there?
SKINNER: I'm not sure. Something was jamming my sensors.
MULDER: Cancer man! He's behind this.
SKINNER: Yes agents. The vile Cancer Man must be working on another nefarious scheme to take over the worl!
MULDER: And he's using alien technology to put these plans into action.
SCULLY: Mulder, we have no proof that these aliens exist. Logically, I would say they can't exist. The idea of intelligent life on other planets contradicts everything science has ever taught us. Even if there were such creatures, traveling from one solar system to another is practically impossible. These "Aliens" are just one of Cancer Man's scare tactics.
SKINNER: Alien threat or not, the problem must be dealt with. And to do that, you will need a new secret weapon.
MULDER: You mean my Charm and Sex appeal isn't enough?
SCULLY: Mulder! (Rolls her eyes. But when Mulder gives her that cute little "Sorry" puppydog face, she can't help but to give a small smile in return.
SKINNER: Althoug your Charm and Sex appeal is a powerful weapon, it has one drawback.
MULDER: Which is?
SKINNER: It only works on women.
SCULLY: Well, there was that one time ....
MULDER: I thought we agreed never to discus that again!
SKINNER: Here is your new weapon. (Two wristbands with dials materialize on a small table. Mulder and Scully strap them on) These are your UST.
SCULLY: UST?
SKINNER: Unresolved Sexual Tension. Just turn the knows simulatniously and .... (Suddenly a siren goes off. Red lights begin to blink all over the command center) Agents! There's been a UFO sighting at the park!
MULDER: Let's roll!
SCULLY: But we don't know how to use the new weapon yet!
MULDER: C'mon Scully. You know guys never need instruction manuals!
SCENE 3 (The park. Mulder and Scully land)
SCULLY: Mulder! Look at that! (A giant glowing orb is floating in the sky about 100 feet over their heads. It starts to move closer to the ground.
MULDER: You can't deny this, Scully!
SCULLY: Wait! Let me use my Rational Explanation Gun on it! (She pulls a gun out of her belt, aims, and fires. A laser beam shoots out and hits the orb, disolving the holographic image to reveal a stealth helicopter) There's always an explination! (The helicopter lands, and an old man in black armor steps out)
MULDER: Cancer Man!
CANCER: Were you expecting someone else?
SCULLY: Why the elaborate hoax? Afraid to face us yourself?
CANCER: Not at all. The hologram serve only to prepare the people of earth for the day when my alien colleagues are ready to take power. And let me assure you, that day is not far off!
SCULLY: You expect me to believe that?
CANCER: Why not? Mighty Mulder does. As does his sister, although she has the benifit of first hand experience.
MULDER: Where is she?
CANCER: Quite safe, for now. You'll see her again after my domination of the world!
MULDER: Why you son of a ....
SCULLY: Mulder! This is a children's show! (Cancer Man begins to laugh that maniacal laugh that all villains have. Mulder rushes towards him) Mulder! NO! (Cancer man raises his arms, and a hufe cloud of smoke comes out of his fingertips. Mulder falls to the ground, gasping for breath. Scully sneaks up behind Cancer Man and uses a flying kick to bring him down. The cloud dissipates) Mulder! Are you hurt?
MULDER: Just bruised my ego.
CANCER: (Still on the ground) MIB! Attack! (Mulder and Scully are surrounded by MIB. This time, the fight is in their favor. During the battle they become separated. When all the MIB have been defeated, Scully notices Cancer Man running toward the helicopter, between herself and Mulder. Neither one is close enough or fast enough to catch him)
SCULLY: Mulder1 UST! (They activate their wristbands and a glowing web appears between them. Cancer man becomes entangled, as Mulder and Scully rush over to him)
MULDER: We've got you now!
CANCER: Oh really? (He vanishes)
MULDER: No! We had him that time, Scully! We really had him.
SCULLY (Comforting) Come on. Lets go back to the command center.
SCENE 4 (The command center)
SKINNER: Good work Agents! You saved the city!
MULDER: But Cancer Man got away!
SCULLY: We did the best we could. I don't know how he dissappeared like that ....
MULDER: I do. Alien technology.
SCULLY: Or advanced government technology. Don't worry Mulder. We'll get him someday.
MULDER: Yes we will. Because as long as the Truth is out there, we'll never give up.
THE END
Author: Ailie McFarland
E-Mail: aixla@juno.com
Rating: G
Feedback: Hello, you've reached Ailie's ego. I'm not in right now, but if you'd leave a message about my story it'd really give me a boost!
Author's Note:Quite some time ago, some of my friends and I were discussing our favorite TV show (X-Files, DUH) and the most annoying show in television (Power Rangers). This is the script that eventually evolved from this conversation. This might be extremely funny, it might be really stupid .... it's probably both. Whatever you think, I would love to have feedback on it! I would like to give credit to Deb Copenhaver, who helped me with the original concept.
Some of the humor of this script makes fun of the area where Deb and I grew up, Lancaster County PA. I hope that humor is not lost on people who have never been there.
************
SCENE 1 (An Amish farm. Chakie, a young Amish boy, and papa are standing infront of a barn. Both speak with think Pennsylvania-Dutch Accents)
PAPA: Chakie!
CHAKIE: Ya papa?
PAPA: Go unt feet da horses.
CHAKIE: Ya papa. (Chakie walks away from the barn toward the stable. Papa walks inside the barn) Gott, I hate feetin' da horses. (Suddenly there is a bright flash of light! Chakie falls to his knees) Oh my Gott! (Switch to Papa, inside the barn, milking a cow. On hearing the commotion, he looks up)
PAPA: Chakie! (He runs out of the barn to Chakie, still on his knees) Vat happened?
CHAKIE: It vas Gott! It vas Gott! He heard me take his name in vain!
NARRATOR: This looks like a job for ....
CHAKIE: Vas dat Gott?
PAPA: No. Dat vas da narrator.
NARRATOR: Mighty Mulder and Super Scully! (Superhero music. Mighty Mulder and Supper Scully are flying through the air. Both wear green spandex suits with a black X emblazoned on the front and tralinig yellow capes.)
SCULLY: How is it that we're flying, Mulder? This defies all logic!
MULDER: How many times have wee been over this, Scully? Just relax and enjoy the ride! (Mulder and Scully set down at the farm in front of Chakie and Papa)
CHAKIE: Who are ye?
MULDER: I'm Mighty Mulder, and this is my partner Super Scully. We're here to help.
CHAKIE: Vow! A real zuper hero and zidekeek!
SCULLY: I'm nobody's sidekick. The fact that I am a woman does not automatically make me inferior to my *partner*. I am not a decoration, I'm here to help, just like he is. Now, can you tell us exactly what happened?
CHAKIE: I vas going to feet da horses, and dere vas dis bright light in da sky. It vas Gott!
MULDER: You saw a bright light? Anything else?
CHAKIE: No. I averted my eyes.
SCULLY: I kown what you're thinking, Mulder. And I'm sure there's a ....
MULDER: A rational explanation? Look around you, Scully. There's no electricity or power lines for miles! What is there that could possibly create such intense light? (To Papa) And where were you when this was going on?
PAPA: Da barn.
SCULLY: Can you take us there? (Papa nods. The foursome walk over to the barn, and Papa opens the door. Subbenly, 20 men clad in black spandex appear out of nowhere!
MULDER: MIB! (A ferce battle begins. Mulder and Scully use all of their special FBI/Ninja moves, but they are hopelessly outnumbered. The battle ends with our heros captured, with their hands cuffed behind their backs. The MIB lead our heros towards a large black super jet).
MIB1: Into the plane!
MULDER: I don't suppose that I'll get frequent flier miles for this trip ....
MIB1: Shut up!
MULDER: (Whispered) Scully! Do you think you can reach my utility belt?
SCULLY: I think so.
MULDER: There's a small dial on the far right. Turn it up all the way.
SCULLY: Mulder, what ....
MULDER: Just do it! (Scully turns the dial. A rumbling sound begins in the distance)
MIB1: What's that?
MIB2: It sounds like "Speedos!" (The MIB are engulfed by a large hoard of women screaming "Speedos!" at the top of their lungs. Amidst the confusion, Mulder and Scully escape)
SCULLY: Mulder, what on earth was that?
MULDER: That dial controls my Charm and Sex Appeal. Let's get back to the command center.
SCENE 2 (The secret FBI command center. The room is full of computer terminals with blinking lights. In the middle of the room is a large hologram of a head, floating inside a glass tube. This is Skinner, Mulder and Scully's advisor.
SKINNER: The city is in trouble, Agents!
SCULLY: We know! What did Chakie, I mean Jakie, see down there?
SKINNER: I'm not sure. Something was jamming my sensors.
MULDER: Cancer man! He's behind this.
SKINNER: Yes agents. The vile Cancer Man must be working on another nefarious scheme to take over the worl!
MULDER: And he's using alien technology to put these plans into action.
SCULLY: Mulder, we have no proof that these aliens exist. Logically, I would say they can't exist. The idea of intelligent life on other planets contradicts everything science has ever taught us. Even if there were such creatures, traveling from one solar system to another is practically impossible. These "Aliens" are just one of Cancer Man's scare tactics.
SKINNER: Alien threat or not, the problem must be dealt with. And to do that, you will need a new secret weapon.
MULDER: You mean my Charm and Sex appeal isn't enough?
SCULLY: Mulder! (Rolls her eyes. But when Mulder gives her that cute little "Sorry" puppydog face, she can't help but to give a small smile in return.
SKINNER: Althoug your Charm and Sex appeal is a powerful weapon, it has one drawback.
MULDER: Which is?
SKINNER: It only works on women.
SCULLY: Well, there was that one time ....
MULDER: I thought we agreed never to discus that again!
SKINNER: Here is your new weapon. (Two wristbands with dials materialize on a small table. Mulder and Scully strap them on) These are your UST.
SCULLY: UST?
SKINNER: Unresolved Sexual Tension. Just turn the knows simulatniously and .... (Suddenly a siren goes off. Red lights begin to blink all over the command center) Agents! There's been a UFO sighting at the park!
MULDER: Let's roll!
SCULLY: But we don't know how to use the new weapon yet!
MULDER: C'mon Scully. You know guys never need instruction manuals!
SCENE 3 (The park. Mulder and Scully land)
SCULLY: Mulder! Look at that! (A giant glowing orb is floating in the sky about 100 feet over their heads. It starts to move closer to the ground.
MULDER: You can't deny this, Scully!
SCULLY: Wait! Let me use my Rational Explanation Gun on it! (She pulls a gun out of her belt, aims, and fires. A laser beam shoots out and hits the orb, disolving the holographic image to reveal a stealth helicopter) There's always an explination! (The helicopter lands, and an old man in black armor steps out)
MULDER: Cancer Man!
CANCER: Were you expecting someone else?
SCULLY: Why the elaborate hoax? Afraid to face us yourself?
CANCER: Not at all. The hologram serve only to prepare the people of earth for the day when my alien colleagues are ready to take power. And let me assure you, that day is not far off!
SCULLY: You expect me to believe that?
CANCER: Why not? Mighty Mulder does. As does his sister, although she has the benifit of first hand experience.
MULDER: Where is she?
CANCER: Quite safe, for now. You'll see her again after my domination of the world!
MULDER: Why you son of a ....
SCULLY: Mulder! This is a children's show! (Cancer Man begins to laugh that maniacal laugh that all villains have. Mulder rushes towards him) Mulder! NO! (Cancer man raises his arms, and a hufe cloud of smoke comes out of his fingertips. Mulder falls to the ground, gasping for breath. Scully sneaks up behind Cancer Man and uses a flying kick to bring him down. The cloud dissipates) Mulder! Are you hurt?
MULDER: Just bruised my ego.
CANCER: (Still on the ground) MIB! Attack! (Mulder and Scully are surrounded by MIB. This time, the fight is in their favor. During the battle they become separated. When all the MIB have been defeated, Scully notices Cancer Man running toward the helicopter, between herself and Mulder. Neither one is close enough or fast enough to catch him)
SCULLY: Mulder1 UST! (They activate their wristbands and a glowing web appears between them. Cancer man becomes entangled, as Mulder and Scully rush over to him)
MULDER: We've got you now!
CANCER: Oh really? (He vanishes)
MULDER: No! We had him that time, Scully! We really had him.
SCULLY (Comforting) Come on. Lets go back to the command center.
SCENE 4 (The command center)
SKINNER: Good work Agents! You saved the city!
MULDER: But Cancer Man got away!
SCULLY: We did the best we could. I don't know how he dissappeared like that ....
MULDER: I do. Alien technology.
SCULLY: Or advanced government technology. Don't worry Mulder. We'll get him someday.
MULDER: Yes we will. Because as long as the Truth is out there, we'll never give up.
THE END