Dear reader,

all you need to know to begin with is that I loved him; I knew that to be true. Fox Mulder had stolen my heart in record time and like no other man ever had. The problem was he never seemed as taken with me. We were too similar in our intensity. My focus was always on him but he was always focused on the X files and what came next in his search for his sister. When I was offered the job in Europe I told him that he either needed to marry me and give up the X files or I would leave. He made it clear that he cared more for his work then he did for me so I left our apartment with held back tears and a broken heart.

In Europe I always kept track of him through my new boss a man who I found myself almost equally taken with. Christopher Spender is what he told me his name was but I knew it was just one of his many aliases; I didn't care.

Slowly I became his confidant and he told me that Fox was his son. It all made sense to me and I saw the genius in both of them as well as the contrast. Christopher was more like me though, he saw what needed to be done and he did it regardless of social norms or what people saw as compassion.

Mulder was soft hearted and it was something I loved about him but it made him too weak to see the full picture.

Of course it was hard for me to see those women being used for the experiments but I knew that it was necessary for our survival as a species. I knew that someday history would remember these women as the saviors of humanity.

The only time I was called back to the U.S. during my time away was to help take care of a growing problem with Fox. They had assigned him a partner whom they had expected to discredit him.

The moment I saw her credentials and background I knew that they had made a foolish mistake. A mistake only a group of men could make; they underestimated her. They thought that because she was young and ambitious that they could control her but I saw the truth: Dana Scully could not be manipulated.

We knew that she had to be taken care of but killing her seemed a waste. It was a coincidence that her genes were compatible with the program. I suggested that we use her for some testing and they all agreed.

She was not the only one who was ambitious.

I knew deep down that part of this decision came from my jealously at the way that Fox looked at her. I could see it in his face; he was in love with her. I heard how he traded who he thought to be Samantha for her and I was nearly green with jealousy.

I hated her for that alone and then for her refusal to comply. When she was with us we tried to turn her but she would not see the truth in our words. She was like Fox in that way.

For all my hatred or her I also found that I respected her in a way. After all she was a smart independent woman who refused to back down, which is a rare breed these days.

My respect for her, however, would not save her from her fate. She was to be wiped clean of memory and dropped off in a hospital to die.

She was not expected to live. They had practically erased her life as far as they knew she should have been a vegetable for the rest of her life if she survived.

It was a disappointing turn of events but we knew that the cancer would eventually get her so we were not too fearful.

When I went back to Europe I would get news from the states.

Update: Agent Scully diagnosed with brain cancer.

Update: Agent Mulder has uncovered our inside man. Inside man has been disposed of. Agent Scully will be following her own course of treatment.

Update: Cancer has metastasized. Death is expected in the coming months.

Update: Agent Scully is on bed rest expected to die in the next couple weeks.

Update: Agent Mulder has found restorative chip and Agent Scully is on the mend.

Update: Mission failed.

I knew it was all useless, she was Fox's focus now and they would never get to her. When Christopher asked me to go back into Fox's life I was skeptical. He wanted me to drive a wedge between Fox and Dana and I was not confident in my ability to do so. That is until I spent some time with Fox. He had always been easily manipulated. For all of his talk about not trusting people he always wanted to see the best and I knew this about him.

Yes there was some guilt that came with my manipulation of him, I did love him after all, but I knew it was for the greater good. I also enjoyed the looks on Agent Scully's face when she realized that she might have competition for Fox's heart. Getting shot was part of the plan, but I was not happy about it. The night Christopher told me this he insisted that it was the best way for them to get a hold of Gibson and still make me seem loyal to Fox. He reminded me that it was all for the greater good. So I allowed it.

It worked in convincing Fox fully that I was on his side and it also brought sympathy with it. I loved his attention but as I got better I found that he lost interest in me yet again. Even with the X files gone his focus was still on Dana Scully.

Antarctica seemed like a good solution to the Scully problem but Fox had, once again, exceeded expectations and discarded any care for his own wellbeing.

The night that I heard about him saving her I reopened my stiches in a fit of anger.

I almost had him when we were going to El Rico. I kissed him and he kissed me back. I'd missed the taste of him so much and I wanted to make love to him right there but he seemed to come to his senses.

I knew there would be plenty of time for that later anyway. He insisted that we bring Scully. He refused to go without her and then even followed her in her search for Cassandra Spender.

I let him go to his foolishness and went with Christopher.

After it all went to hell Fox and Agent Scully got the X files back and I was left with nothing.

When Christopher told me about the brain surgery we would be preforming on Fox I was uneasy but was reminded, as always that it was for the cause. I knew that I could very well lose both the men that I loved but I was willing to sacrifice them if it meant hope for the future.

When I was waiting for instructions from Christopher I babysat Fox at his apartment. He was lethargic and very out of it but I knew that it might be my last chance to be with him.

I kissed him and felt his body against mine and it was amazing. He tried to turn away a few times and after the third time he let out a slurred no I pulled back to look at him.

He was clearly aroused by my advances and I nearly gave into my desire to ignore his words and take advantage of his drugged state.

In the end I decided instead to lay with my naked body against his as we used to do. I could tell that position still made him uneasy but he soon fell asleep. I cried on his chest as I wondered if that would be the last time I would see him awake.

Dana Scully, of course wouldn't, give up. When Fox woke up again he would not stop asking for her but it seemed that she had disappeared. She gave our agents the slip in Germany and we were not sure where to look for her next. We found out later that she had discovered an ancient ship on the Ivory Coast.

When the procedure finally ended Christopher announced his intention to leave Fox for dead and this time I couldn't follow orders.

Agent Scully was the only one who could save him now and I pushed aside my distaste for the woman and my jealously and gave her the information she needed to save him.

In the end I had to run for my life. I'd heard that Christopher had found a woman who looked like me and faked my death.

I wondered if Agent Scully would bother to do the autopsy and find out the truth.

I now lay dying deep in the jungles of an undisclosed location in South America.

This is my record of events. This is my last testament.

All you need to know is that I loved Fox Mulder with my entire soul. I don't regret a day of my life.

I sacrificed everything to save our species but I will never be remembered.

Signed,

Diana Fowley