Hello~ this is my first time trying to writ sad stuff... and i've never actually read a jeanmarco so there may be a bit of OCC-ness... it would help with the emotion if you listened to the song i made this after
Mirrors by Slot. it's really good a perfect for JeanMarco! okay... i'll shut up and let you read.
i do not own Shingeki No Kyojin... if i did you know Marco you be alive and the titans would be super kuwaii
Mirrors
I don't remember when I got there….
When I first registered that I was walking, I couldn't even remember my own name….
I blinked and looked around me as I continued walking, a thick fog covered the seemingly endless place. nothing but the fog, a grey sky, and me for what looked like miles. I was scared. My legs were numb from walking, but I thought 'Maybe, if I could find someone… anyone , they could tell me where I am and who I am…' I walked for what felt like years, until my legs finally gave out on me and I fell to my knees.
I looked up at the sky, I felt like giving up… it hurt to move… and I didn't see any reason anymore…
I let out a small laugh… it didn't sound like it came from me… of course, I didn't really remember much about myself. I pushed myself back unto my feet, they quivered from the strain and I stumbled, but I kept on going… I had to… because I had to find him- 'Who?' my subconscious asked and I scrunched my eyebrows together and tried again to remember anything that would help me remember…
But everything was gone. And I was alone.
That was when I herd it, and the right side of my body ached as the male's voice hit me with such a strong wind it parted the fog around me. Yet it was a whisper…
"Marco…" The voice said and I hissed and held the right side of my face.. It felt wired… I was touching it… but I felt nothing… I decided it wasn't important at the moment. I was more urgent to follow the clearing the voice had made. I followed it until the fog in closed it again, but it had been enough. I cloud see a figure in the distance, I ran. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk once I stopped, but I felt relief… I had found someone… who would be able to help me.
But I felt all hope die inside of me as I dew closer and found that it was just a plain mirror. Standing straight on it's own accord. I looked into it and that's when I felt the fear from before hit me, much harder this time. I stared at the empty mirror- the one thing I wanted to do was to see myself, I wanted to know… who I was.
"Marco…"
I looked around, that man… his voice went right through me, and yet. I was glade it was calling out to me… I looked down at my left hand and saw blood. "is… this mine?" I asked to myself. Then I looked back up to the mirror. It was still empty. "am… I… Marco?" as if it was an answer, the voice called again.
"Marco…"
I sat on my legs and stared at the mirror. I had a feeling I knew why I was here but I didn't like it. "I'm alive…" I told myself. The thought of this being purgatory was very unsettling and I knew I needed to stay calm. I reached over with my left arm to the right side of my face, it was sensitive but not as painful as before, I pulled my hand back and looked at it. Fresh blood covered my pale skin and ran down my arm and into my jacket and white sleeved shirt.
"Marco…?"
I looked up, and realized the voice was coming from the mirror and when I looked in I saw myself for the first time.
My whole right side from the waist up was gone. Ribs were jagged, my right arm was gone… and my face…
I reached out at touched the reflection of the corps who's hand came up to meet mine. 'no… this isn't me… I'm alive! I have to be… for…' "Jean." I whispered and lowered my hand. I could remember him a little. He was the leader of… something. And I admired him quite a bit.
"Marco…?" I looked up from my cup as Jean walked up with a plate of food and sat next to me at the table. I smile at him, though I knew it wasn't real, I didn't want to upset him or make him worry over nothing. "Good morning! Did the swelling go down on your leg?" Jean looked down at his bandaged lag then waved it off, taking a big bite of potato, "It's nothing. Krista just bandaged it up because she's a worry-wart…"
I laughed and shook my head "Jean, you really should finish chewing your food before you talk." he swallowed and a blush came to his cheeks "W-Whatever… anyway, where's your plate?" I looked down at my cup and smiled sadly "I'm not hungry." Jean faced fully to me and patted me on the back awkwardly "Hey… we both know not everyone will make it each time we go out there to face them…you couldn't have saved her without dying for in her place. Promise me you won't leave me… I-I mean the squad! And also… promise me you won't… die on me, okay? " I looked up at him and he looked back with a stern expression.
I sighed "I promise. And I know all that… but it's different seeing one of our follow scouts being ate then just hearing about it…" the table the two of us shared was silent as the other scouts jabbered on with their conversations around us. I was about to change the subject when Jean put his potato against my mouth. I looked at him confused and he looked back determined "Eat it. You need to eat or you won't be at your best today." I smiled and opened my mouth, taking the offered food. Jean's figures brushed a crossed my lips as the last of the potato went in my mouth, he blushed and pulled his hand away.
I was happy… because I could be by his side… Jean.
I felt tears roll down my cheeks, I couldn't look at the person in the mirror anymore. Out of the hole where their eye use to be, blood spilled, and out of their single eye bitter tears fell. No. that person was not me…I told myself that I wasn't bitter about my death, but I was lying.
I punched the mirror and cracks appeared, my blood slide down from my fist to glass and I let myself be lost in grief.
"Jean…" I cried loud out and let all the pain I had hidden to the surface. "Jean… I never told you…I…."
I woke up and looked around, I was in my room, with a sigh I got up. Another weird dream… I had been having dreams like that ever sense I could remember… but that was the first time that 'Marco' guy had actually seen himself. And said my name…
In my usual dreams he would just walk… staring at the ground -kinda like a zombie- and I would follow him, I tried talking to him for many years, but he never seemed to come out of his trance… that is until that night. I wondered what the next dream would be, now that he was 'awake'… I got up and got dressed and headed out of my apartment. I was a bit annoyed going into work on a Saturday, but I had to, some guy with a bullet in his chest was needing a surgery. It just so happened that I lived close to the hospital I work at, and I was a surgeon that wasn't busy.
I pulled my BMW out of the parking structure of the apartments and groaned when I found the road I usually took to get to work traffic filled. and a some asshole honked at me for no god damn reason! So far… I wasn't in a good mood that day… as I sat in traffic I thought about Marco… I felt bad for the guy… sure when I was a kid I use to be scared of him.. Thought he was a nightmare monster… but..
'Jean… I never told you…I..' I thought about those last words he said before I woke up… I wished I knew what he was about to say, but I also knew weather I knew or not didn't matter. Because at the end of each dream, I would remind myself that Marco was something like a imaginary friend that only appeared in my dreams… or whatever… I don't really know how to explain stuff like that….
I eventually reached the hospital. I went straight to the ER section of the building and Krista, one of the nurses, walked with me to the surgical gear where I quickly cleaned up and put on a mask , rubber gloves and the standard blue gown to protected my clothes. She filled me in on the details as I did so "Dita Ness. 51 years old, got shot well crossing the street." I finished and turned to her "Did they ever find the people who did this?" Krista looked down and shook her head "Not yet… the police think it might have been just a couple of teenagers out for a joy ride…it's horrifying that that is considered normal these days…"
She was right, I had no faith in youth anymore… this world was so violent… that's one of the reasons I became a surgeon. I wanted to save people… and every night, when I would dream about Marco… I wanted to save his life… he was bleeding… I wanted to bandage his wounds… I stopped at the door to the operation room and ran those thought through my head again…no… I mean, yes I did want to help him… but he was only in my dreams…nothing more… that may sound a little cliché angsty but whatever… it was the truth.
The surgery was successful. Dita would need awhile to recover, but he would be fine. I went to the store and picked up a box of mac 'n cheese, some pears, and a pack of beer. I paid of it and went home, I lived alone so I made myself half the box of macaroni and cheese and I ate that with a beer… yep… the life a bachelor surgeon… I took out my phone and texted Connie to see if he wanted to hang out but him and Sasha were on their way to the airport, they apparently were going to Europe for a foodie trip. I told him to have fun and make sure him and Sasha didn't gain fifty pound or something while on their trip.
The time was then eleven P.M so I decided I might as well go to sleep and hand out with Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and Levi the next day… as I undressed and climbed into bed I felt a bit worried what I might dream that night.
I was cold…. The fog had gone away, and stone ground was reviled. I stared down at it well I started up walking again, I think I had cried myself dry by that point, and wondered what I had done to deserve this endless land of woe… but my heart fluttered as I herd from not very far away…
"Marco?"
I turned tours the voice and smiled hoping that it was him… "Jean?" I stopped walking and listen for him my chest fluttered… I could tell… Jean was with me.. I didn't hear a response so I just started talking… "Jean, I'm sorry… I promised you I wouldn't leave you… that I wouldn't…. Get caught… but I did.." I felt the hole where my right arm use to be…. Still bleeding….every rip, scratch and bruise felt fresh … "Jean? How long have I been here? How is everyone?… are you alright? … heh. I bet you and Eren are fighting more now that I don't calm you down…"
I felt so lonely… and I could feel new tears -that I didn't even know I had left- start to roll down my cheeks. I felt useless… I felt like an unmarked grave… forgotten… if Jean was really there he would probably freak out and try and comfort me, I never cried in front of him before... "Jean… please… say something…" I felt my hand being tugged by an invisible force and I let it pull me… my hand felt warm, and I smile. It had to be Jean.
I let it pull me for a long time, until we reached the cracked mirror covered in my own blood, and the grip on my hand disappeared… I looked at my reflection, the corps frowned back at me. I didn't want to see that frowning mangled body ever again, it wasn't me… "I'm alive…" I told myself again, and punched the mirror again… this time it shattered.
I woke up, It was around three in the morning… I had woken up because my stomach was doing uncomfortable lurches. In the dream I had yelled right in his damn face… but he still couldn't hear me. It was frustrating, and I tried thinking of something else to get my mind off it when suddenly I heard a crash from the kitchen "What the fuck?" it was probably just my weird neighbor, Zoë. She picked the lock to my apartment sometimes just to ask me if she could barrow some salt. But this was a bit different, she never came this late at night…
Grabbing my bat, I wearily went out to investigate. It was quiet so I crept through the dark to not alert the intruder of my presents. There was a sound from the kitchen and I held the bat tighter. I'm not much of a fighter but I'm clever enough to fight back if need be. I flipped the lights on and looked around quickly… no burglar…the macaroni and cheese box laid on its side. I guessed that it just fell off the counter. That is… until I saw the figure standing by the mess, I nearly choked on my own tongue.
"Marco!?"
Continue? :D