Trouble in the ashes
I was sat around the convoy's campfire with Claire next to me on the left with Chris and Alice and Carlos on my right.
Anxious as hell because Betty was doing checkups on all females for any viral infection or sickness. She started with the little girls then did Alice and now it was Claire's turn.
Alice only just came back from Betty's ambulance and hasn't said a word to anyone not even Claire worse she wouldn't do any eye contact with anyone. It's worse than I thought
Looking up I see Betty getting out of the ambulance and walking back over to our small campfire.
Hearing Claire get up from her chair and standing up before turning and looking at me.
'I'll be right back ok Kmart' she told me giving me a smile before giving my shoulder a light shake.
Nodding my head since I can't speak because I'm so anxious about Betty doing checkups on all females.
It fucking sucks being autistic I tell you and on top of that I got ADHD it's so fucking hard not to get anxious when this kind of thing happens.
Lucky no one knows since its none of their business. Even Claire doesn't know or Betty.
'After I'm finished with Claire your next Kmart' I looked up to see betty standing in front of Claire and giving me a small smile which I returned before I felt the corner of my lip twitch in unease. Turning my head to stare at the ground in shyness.
Hearing Claire walking with Betty out of the campfire and towards Betty's ambulance and hearing them talking which was fading, looking up I see Claire climbing into the back of the ambulance with Betty behind her, closing the back doors.
Feeling my hands getting sweaty and feeling the anxiety boil in my chest making it harder to breathe normal, my right leg started to shake uncontrollably with nerviness.
My mind pulsing with endless raging thoughts about what Betty is really doing.
I bet it's a cover up so she can cut us up and feed us to the zombies!' oh my god it's to survive this world I bet she's counting how much each of us weighs so she can tell how much meat is going to come out of us when we look like lasagne with teeth!'
Wait this is betty she wouldn't do that she's a doctor a nurse she's just doing checkups but she's a nurse she knows how to cut people open and take out my brain, experiment on my body.
Holy shit this is why I hate doctors fuck we need to get out of here, hide in the darkness and not answer to their calls or anything, I'm not becoming a experiment rat!' cause I know a lot of doctors find interesting things about autism and the way the brain ways for us and ADHD. I want my mommy I miss her I really do she knows how to ease my anxiety in seconds.
'Kmart are you ok?' the voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I snap my head up to see Alice watching me closely with a worried expression on her face.
Hearing myself breathe in fast short raging breathes told me and feeling my right leg twitching fast she thought I was going to faint or something over my dead body and three days to make sure I'm dead unless I get eaten by zombies which would happen cause every corner you turn boom zombie.
Lie lie Kmart shit say something, fuck this I'm outta here.
'Pee!'I yelled out at her causing her to jump at the tone of my voice.' jumping up from my chair and making it hit the ground from my sudden movement.
'I have to pee! I shouted again louder and started to walk away in a power walk towards the hotel before sprinting for the building in anxiety.
'When you got to go you got to go' Alice said to Chris and Carlos making them laugh in amusement.
Reaching the front of the hotel I push open the front door so hard it hit the wall with a slam and I ran inside the office and into the dining room, seeing heaps of chairs and tables in the room.
I could see the kitchen door up about 10 feet away and running across hard tiled floor. Not watching where I was running.
Next thing I feel my legs slip under me, making me throw my arms around me before hitting the ground face first and last my rubber legs.
With a thud I hit the tiled floor I thought I would have hit the ground but instant I face planted into a pile of soft ashes near the old fireplace.
Making the ashes fly around me as I hit the floor hard before it went silent.
Lifting my head up from the pile of black ashes with my eyes closed and mouth tightly shut.
Placing my arms on both sides of my head lifted my upper body up and shook my head from side to side making the ashes spray everywhere.
Sticking my tongue out my mouth as some of the ash got into my mouth somehow and rubbing my hands along it getting the ash off my tongue.
Lifting myself on the back of my knees. I opened my eyes bringing my hands which were black up I wiped the ash off my face and spat out the gross ash taste in my mouth making me turn my lips up in disgust.
Looking around I looked in front of me to see a big pile about 2 feet high and 3 feet long with smaller piles. Looking down my shirt I saw I was covered in it from head to toe.
Hissing in pain as I turn over on my back to see a long red line of blood on my left leg, followed by a deep gash and cut with pouring out blood.
'Fuck' growled out in pain.
Getting up slowly since my leg really hurt, I stood up and walked no hobbled over to the kitchen door. I really need to watch where I'm running, every time this happen maybe it's a sign from god telling me not to run away from the people who love me nah it's just cause of lucky.
Opening the kitchen door with my right and my other hand on my thigh holding it in pressure to try and stop the throbbing pain I was feeling on my shin.
Seeing 3 big sliver beaches with hanging pots and pans, two sliver ovens with overhead fans stainless steel. Walking though the kitchen trying to find the man hole to lead it to the roof or an access to the roof to hide from Betty and Claire for a few hours.
Turning to see a door, I opened it and closed it behind me softy with a quiet click.
Turning my head s office by the looks of it but no staircase, looking up I see a door with a piece of string I pull it and it becomes a stair in front of me.
We Americans were smart when Germans tried to kill us and we hid in here for days. (WWII)
World war 2 I know a lot about it even before the outbreak, I know Hitler hated jews and he had Jewish camps and gassed them to death and a lot of the Jewish people hid in fear in cellars and basements, bomb shelters and even hided rooms some hided in the woods forest.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I climbed up the staircase one step at a time. Finally reaching the top I turn around and pull the staircase up and making it dark up here.
Standing up I look around and notice I'm on the roof, hobbling over to the far end of the roof I sit down on the cold concrete ground.
Stretching out my hurt leg I lean my head up against the edging of the roof and sign feeling myself relax. I felt myself shiver from a strong wind blow past me since I was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
Closing my eyes as I tried to race my thumping heart.
I started to think about my mum and how much I miss her, it's almost been 3 years since the outbreak and I miss her every day, people say it gets easier but it just seems to get worse for me and my panic attacks or anxiety attacks were dealed with my mum since I was born as I got older it got better but sometimes I would cry for hours on end.
I would love it when she would grab me into a tight grabbing bear hug making it hard for me to breathe but it made me laugh.
I remember telling her about people staring at me and I would snap at them for staring making them scare and run away, I remember when I first motorbike my own motorbike, I got it for my 12th birthday. I was so excited my first crush was running into a fence wired fence and I jumped off the bike.
I got my first laptop was I was in year 7 and it was the first laptop I ever got. I had a lot of sisters, sometimes at a party when the noise was too loud, she would hold me and rock me until I fell asleep in her arms.
Without realising I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't realise I was crying as I felt the hot tears run down my pale face.
Letting out a shakily breathe before choking out. '
'I miss my mummy!' I cried out and started to sob uncontrollably.
'Where are you mum I need you - now' I stuttered out in a scared voice.
'Kmart!'I heard someone call my name making me only cry louder in anxiety.
'Kmart where are you!' another voice yelled out my name only making it much worse. Hearing footsteps and 3 doors slamming shut or open, and feet of running. I heard people climbing stairs.
'You promised you wouldn't leave me' I yelled out in anger and hurt at my mum leaving me alone on this planet.
'Kmart?' I heard someone say my name softy making me turn to see a shadow figure followed by 4 others.
'Mum you came back I missed you so much I don't know what I would of done without you' I told her in a rush at how relaxed I was at seeing her standing in front of me.
Seeing the person come closer as the moonlight shined on them, realising it's not my mum it's only Claire with Betty and Alice with Carlos and Chris.
'Why did she leave me here alone on this planet when I can't handle myself alone with normal people?'I shouted in hurt at my mum.
'I hate this world, I hate the people, I hate adults and worse I fucking hate these fucking stupid zombies!' I yelled before crying harder before and bending my knees up and putting my head in them, closing my eyes.
Letting out a scream in hurt and anger at my mum.
''I want my mum' I simply said before hearing Claire bend down.
'Hey its ok Kmart I'm here you're not alone it's alright sweetie' I hear Claire say to me softly.
Not answering since I didn't know what to say to her.
'Kmart what the hell happened to your leg?!' Claire asked in a panicked voice.
'I tripped and landed in a big pile of ashes' I murmured to them in a rush voice.
'Jesus Kmart its bleeding you have to been more careful and god it looks like it hurts' I hear Claire tell me softly.
Next thing I feel her touch my leg, making me hiss and let out a grunt, I cry and turn away.
I move away from her in a flash.
'Don't touch me' I simply tell her in a horse voice warning her.
'Kmart I understand that you don't want to be checked but there's nothing to worry about honey' Claire explained to me making me shake my head at her.
'Come on it will be over before you know it' I heard Betty tell me making me.
'Bullshit' I tell her before bending my face back in my arms with my back to them.
'Come on Kmart ill be with you' Claire told only making me stay there even more.
'Go to hell' I told them in an angered voice.
Come on we don't have all night Kmart' I heard Claire say to me.
'Good because you can go to bed' I told her in annoyed voice.
Next thing I hear Claire swift weight from one foot to the other, then I felt arms around my whist and picked me up before I realised it was Claire.
'Ahhh don't fucking touch me!' I yelled out at them while I started to kick and punch and scream at the top of my lungs.
'Kmart relax its me stop kicking you're over reacting!' she yelled at me in anger as I hit her a few times.
I opened my eyes to see Chris grab my legs and carry me with Claire down the staircase with Alice and Betty and Carlos in trow.
I let out another peering scream in fear and anxiety as I was carried though to the kitchen.
'Let me go you fucking bastards LET ME GO ahhhh'I yelled and kicked in anger and it wouldn't work.
We went through to the dining room and carefully walking around the big pile of ashes we went through the front door back out into the open desert sand ground.
That's when I lost it.
I stopped kicking and just cried hard and let out a pained scream in anxiety since Claire wasn't going to let me go that's when I felt Chris let go of my legs making me stand as I fell to the ground and sobbed harder and louder.
Covering my face with my arms tucking my knees up, I continue to sob loudly.
'Kmart' I heard Claire say my name softy. I felt her hand touch my shoulder which I pulled away in hurt making it harder to not cry.
'I'll go open the ambulance and get it ready' I heard Betty tell Claire.
'It's ok I got her you guys can go to bed' I heard Claire tell Carlos and Chris before hearing them walking away leaving me and Claire alone.
'I want my mummy' I whispered in a choked voice from all of the crying I have been doing.
'I know you do Kmart I know' Claire said to me softly.
'Is there something you don't like about me touching you' I hear Claire asked me with a sad voice.
'No' I whispered to her in a quiet voice.
'Then why won't you let me hold you' she asked me in a worried voice.
'Because I don't like to be touched and be cuddled with like a teddy bear' I told her in a low voice.
'Is there something I can do to change that' she asked me softly.
'No' I told her simply.
'It's just frustrating because I want to hold you and stop you from crying all the time' Claire explained to me making me smile a little since she wants to touch me.
'Yeah so was my mum' I told her looking up from my arms to see her sitting next to me staring up at the sky.
'What did she do' she asked me before turning her head to look at me.
''Hugged me even tho I didn't like it or wanted it' I explained to her making her laugh.
Pulling my arms down and standing up from the ground with Claire following closely. I held my head down in depression and started to walk towards Betty's ambulance in silence.
The walk there was quiet and just the sound of our shoes touching the sand.
'Wait I don't want to do this Claire really I'm fine really' I told her as I turned around and started to walk away from her before I felt her gasp my arm and pull me along.
'Let go of me CLAIRE! I yelled and I started too panicked as we were getting closer and closer.
We reach the ambulance and Claire opened the doors for me as I stood there not getting in before I felt Claire pushing me in with her hand and the other one closing the doors behind her.
I looked up to see Betty getting the needles out and other stuff.
I turn around to see Claire locking the door and giving me a smile. Turning back around I see Betty walking over and mentioning me to sit in front of her.
'Just sit down and strip and it will be over before you know it' she told me with a small smile.
Quickly running past her and to the front of the ambulance climbing over the seats and pulling the door handle but it wasn't opening so I just pushed and slammed my upper body into with a thud, looking up I could see the window glass shaking from the impact.
'Ahhh open it open it!'I yelled out in anxiety because I really hated being locked in.
Seeing both doors were locked and Claire in the back with the back doors, I have no escape.
'Kmart there's nothing to worry about just sit down and relax' I heard Claire say to me calmly.
'Fuck!'Get me out!'I screamed in anger. Slamming my head against the glass window repeatly not stopping as I felt pain in my head but didn't care.
I started to sob and cry as I banged my head against the glass window.
hitting the window with my fist in anxiety before I felt a pair of hands grabbing me and pulling me into the back, dragging me over the seats and onto the beach bed, I screamed and kicked, punched Claire with hard blows before she let me go.
'Kmart look at me look at what I got!' betty told me causing me to turn and see her holding a bag of sour worms in front of me.
'You can have them after the check up all I need you to do is take your shirt off' she told me making me hit my head against the shelve behind me and shaking my head in disagreement.
'Hey hey its ok I'm not going to hurt you Kmart' she told me making me punch the seat in anger and let out a cry of shame.
'no no no no fucking no I said!'I screamed at her making her jump dropping the bag of worms.
''Ok ok here take this it's ok calm down its alright don't cry' she said to me handing me the packet of worms.
Opening the packet of lollie worms, I start to eat them in silence and I relax at the sugar on them. Slowly crying now as I started to calm down now.
'Here I will just fix your leg ok' Betty told me with a bit of hesitation but cleaned up my gash and placed a big square bandaid on it before wrapping it around in a bandage and Starting to put the stuff away in the draws.
'Claire we can do this tomorrow its ok' I heard Betty say to her making me melt inside. I stopped crying and closed my eyes in relief.
'Ok fine' I heard Claire say in annoyed voice. I heard her footsteps and the unlocking of the door, turning around I see Claire jumping out and waiting for me.
Getting up from the seat, I walk over to the back and step down in silence.
'Goodnight Betty and thanks' Claire said to betty before closing the doors and walking up to me leading me to the yellow hummer.
We reached the hummer and Claire opened the door for me before closing it and walking around to the other side and opening the door, stepping in and closing the door behind her.
I was still eating the lollies in silence as I was humming in happiness at the food I was eating.
It's funny about the little things that can calm me down and make me happy within minutes.
I was about to get another one before I start to choke on one without chewing it in half, I coughed loudly before I felt Claire patting my back softy and grabbing something out of her bag.
'Here this will help shallow it down' she said causing me to turn to see her holding out a can of soft drink, grabbing it from it and taking a long refreshing slip from it before letting out a breath.
'Ha-ha better' she asked me before I handed back the drink and give her the lollies, feeling sleepily.
Reaching up and rubbing my eyes from the back of my hands I yawned and turned and swifted over to Claire and placed my arms around her neck, moving to sit in her lap.
I felt her freeze for a moment before feeling her arms circle around my whist making me sign in tiredness. Before I knew it I was falling asleep in Claire's embrace.