Blast from the Past
The classic DW characters are brought to be asked their opinion on their pre-DW6 appearance and their current appearance. Sorry for OOC, grammatical errors, typos, etc. Also, my first oneshot! Yay!
Ace: Okay, then, have you brought the characters?
I have.
Ace: Okay, where are they?
Here, inside this bag.
Ace: Ah, good, good. So that chloroform-infused coffee worked! Ohohohooo….alright then, bring them to their cells!
Right away, sir.
Unknown Place
Zhao Yun: just recovering Uhhh….umm? Eh, where are we?
Ma Chao: Uhhh….whoa! Zhao Yun!
Zhao Yun: Ma Chao, you too?
Ma Chao: Yes, it seems so. Hrrrnnggghhh….
Cao Pi: Hmmmphhh…oh! Wh-where are we? Hey!
Sun Ce: Grrrhhh….hey! What the hell is this place?!
Zhao Yun: Cao Pi and Sun Ce, too! Gee, seems like everybody's here! Even from Wu, Wei, and Other!
Sun Ce: Not exactly. Several of us are missing….
Sun Quan: Hm. I conclude that only those from the classic PS2 era are brought to this place. Which means my waifu isn't here! cries
Sima Yi: You still fared better than me. I lost my entire goddamn FACTION, and now I have to be classified onto this group of hopeless imbeciles named Wei again!
Cao Cao: Hey! I heard that!
Ace: Ohohohoho! Greetings, ladies and gentleman!
Zhao Yun: Hey, it's you! The one who brought us into a reunion with our former-generic friends!
Ace: Ohohoho, that is I! Okay then, now I will tell you the reason why I called you here.
Sun Quan: Well, this better be quick! You separated us from our waifus!
Sun Ce: Except for Zhou Yu and me! Haha, poor you!
Sun Quan: Well, shut up! Your waifu is a loli anyway!
Sun Ce: Y…yes…..WHYYY?! proceeds to sulk in the corner
Zhou Yu: You're not alone, my friend.
Ace: Uhhh…..okay! So, starting from DW6, all of you were given some drastic makeovers on both your appearances and playstyle. Some of then fans outraged, and demanded a reversion. As the director, I always think about what the fans really want, but I'd like to ask your opinions regarding your classic and current appearances, just to be sure.
Shu side
Zhao Yun: Hah! I have no problem with it! After all, I only get prettier and prettier with each new installment, and everybody loves that!
Guan Yu: I'd say I look a bit more dignified in the new installments. I'm quite satisfied.
Zhang Fei: This isn't fair! On the other hand, I think I look uglier in the newer games! The fuck Koei's been thinking, huh?!
Zhuge Liang: I miss my chef hat! Waaahhh!
Liu Bei: Ah, I remember that I used to have mustache and beard that made me look a bit badass, as expected from a ruler. But then DW6 came, and I was given a shave! Now I look like a pussy! Sigh….still, I understand that this was backed with a good reason, to attract more fangirls to the series! And so, I am willing to live with this lack of facial hair, for the greater good of the series! Oh well, at least my dual swords are cool.
Ma Chao: Well, like Zhao Yun, I'd say I look hotter and hotter as the series goes! Haha!
Huang Zhong: Gee…I remember the days where I was NOT a cranky, noisy old man! I want those days back!
Jiang Wei: Whoa, gee, who knew I changed THAT much since Strikeforce 2? I swear people are still gonna mistake me for a newcomer in DW7 whereas I already stayed since as early as DW2. Oh well, this new appearance attracts more fangirls, so I'm fine with it! [1]
Pang Tong: I coulda sworn my hat gets crazier with each installment. Oh well, my DW6 look is badass though. But now I got a freaking flyswatter for a weapon! I want justice!
Wei Yan: Old….look….lame. New…look….badass….!
Yueying: Well, good thing the devs gave me back my non-slutty costume in DW8. I absolutely can't tolerate what they did when they whore out my costume in DW6 and DW7. Especially the former! My new weapon sucks! Oh well, now since they got everything right with me in DW8, I'm happy. Except that now they gave me that stupid crossbow weapon back in Empires…
Guan Ping: Ah! Wit this new appearance, I'd say my status as the son of the God of War could truly shine! Also, fuck my DW6 weapon and appearance.
Xingcai: Well, I'm a bit satisfied now that I usually wear full armor, but my skirt gets shorter and shorter for each installment! It's really embarrassing, you know that?!
Wu side
Zhou Yu: Hey, I actually remember when I used to, you know, look like a man?! Now I look so girly that I could be mistaken for Sun Ce's wife, not helping since his actual wife is underage. And now, I have a stripper pole for a weapon! I want my badass sword back!
Taishi Ci: Hah! My new appearance looks so Spartan! I love it!
Lu Xun: I miss my hat! I also look girlier and girlier with each new game! It's scarring my manly pride! Waaahhh!
Sun Shangxiang: And now, I miss the days where I actually look like a tomboy! And my DW6 appearance….shudder Also, now I tend to fawn over and fangirl the hell out of Liu Bei! He's, like, multiple decades apart from me! It's gross!
Sun Jian: Hah! I LOVE this new appearance! I look a lot manlier and a lot more badass as well, not just some dude who looks similar to that gay Yuan Shao!
Sun Quan: Well….to be honest, I kinda like this new appearance. I used to have a beard and a funny hat, but now since all that's gone, I guess I look a lot hotter! Haha!
Lu Meng: I certainly prefer this to my new appearance! My old hairstyle looks stupid, and now I'm rocking a manly beard like everyone else! Just hope that Koei won't shave it and leave me with my old stubble, though….
Gan Ning: Haha! I love my new appearance! I certainly look a lot hotter and will attract more fangirls to the series, helped by my new blond hair! Still, I kinda wish my pirate sword back, though, this flail a bit sucks…..
Sun Ce: I'd say not much has changed towards me, but I gotta say that I LOATHE my DW6 appearance and weapon with passion. If it weren't for the fact that they immediately gave me my old weapon and a more sensible appearance in DW7, I would outright murder them on spot. Oh, I could guarantee you that.
Huang Gai: Hm! This old appearance of mine compared to the older games certainly emphasize my status as a veteran soldier! I just want my crazy anchor weapon from DW7 back, though….
Daqiao: Hm, well since I became a lot more mature compared to the pre-DW6 series, I am content. My new weapon also sets me apart from my sister and gave me a unique flair.
Xiaoqiao: Aww, I want my mature appearance from DW6 back! I don't wannabe a loli anymore!
Zhou Tai: This appearance looks fine.
Ling Tong: Now, I remember when I too, used to look like a man! My girlier appearance now just gives more fire to the yaoi fanbase! Ew! At least my badass scarf looks cool, though.
Wei side
Xiahou Dun: I'd say that thank GODS that Koei cut my hair short! Seriously, that thing gets a lot in the way of bloody battle like this. Plus, fuck my DW6 weapon. I'd rather use it to comb the hair of whoever thought the idea of giving it to me at the first place!
Dian Wei: Hmm…nothing much of me changed, actually.
Xu Zhu: Same as me. Although, I'd say I look a lot less scary and a lot more stupid.
Cao Cao: Hm! My new appearance certainly looks a lot cooler than my old one! Especially since I'm supposed to have a feel of an 'evil overlord' and that my old appearance emphasizes the 'evil' part while the newer emphasizes the 'overlord' part! Although I kinda felt a bit awkward in DW6 since I look short compared to everyone else….anyway, I appreciate the fact that Koei made me a lot more sympathetic compared to the older games, since I was supposed to be the best ruler of the Three Kingdoms compared to the cold-blooded demon Luo Guanzhong made out of me!
Xiahou Yuan: Heh! I certainly love my new self compared to the old one! I used to look a bit scary, but they changed it because now I have a son! Although, my DW6 appearance and weapon sucks. Fuck that game, seriously.
Zhang Liao: Of course I prefer this one! My old weapon is practically a clone of Guan Yu's weapon, and my dual axes certainly cement my badass status. Then again, my curly moustache and outfit sure made me look French and like a pirate rather than Chinese…
Sima Yi: My old voice suck balls! My old weapon practically made me an evil Zhuge Liang, and I'm glad that Koei changed both of them in DW6 and DW8, with the former attracts more fangirls! Even more importantly, I actually had my own kingdom in DW7, so I'm finally not stuck anymore with these stupid imbeciles!
Zhang He: I wasn't actually THAT obsessed with beauty at my debut! Screw Koei and their exaggerations! Oh well, at least my current appearance is a lot less gay than my previous ones…..
Xu Huang: Hm, not much changes.
Zhenji: Yeah, well, I used to not fawn THAT lot over my husband!
Cao Ren: Is it just me or that Koei made me shorter and shorter with each game? Also, my DW6 and DW7 weapons suck ass. Glad they gave my spiky-shield back.
Cao Pi: Well, I certainly look a lot hotter in the newer games, so okay. Just like Cao Ren, my DW6 and DW7 weapons suck, and I'm glad they gave me my twin swords back in DW8.
Pang De: My new armor looks cool! Still, I miss my old dual halberds, not this oversized comb!
Other side
Diaochan: Where the hell did my clothes go?! This current thing I'm wearing is practically scraps of clothes sewn together to cover my no-no zones, and even then it barely straddles the thin line of T-rating! And I have a frickin' WHIP for a weapon! I mean, the weapon is okay, but combined with my 'clothes' it can incite wrong and dirty thoughts to people!
Lu Bu: Meh, my new armor looks AWESOME! And I also kinda miss my DW6 wheel weapon, glad they gave it to my girl Lingqi.
Dong Zhuo: I want my saw back! Plus, what the hell Koei were thinking, making me even fatter and uglier with each game?!
Yuan Shao: Now this is the appearance fitting for a noble like me! Haha, doesn't matter if I look pompous or gay, I still prefer this to my old look!
Zhang Jiao: The Heavens will surely punish the person who gave me such a stupid haircut!
Meng Huo: Why did I revert to being fat after being given a muscular body in DW6 and DW7?! I want my muscles back! Plus, this pillar weapon thing looks stupid. I want my fists back too!
Zhurong: Hmm…I have no real complaints about my appearances, really.
Zuo Ci: Hm! I think these new clothes of mine are a lot better than my old one. Like seriously, that apron looks like shit.
Ace: Hmm-hmm….okay, then. Thank you for all of your feedback. leaves
Everyone: Wait, where are you going? How about us?
Ace: You? Ah, I suggest you could use some time to talk about things. I'm about to go now, bye-bye. leaves
Everyone: AAAAARRRRGHHHHH FFFFFUUUUUUUUU-
Okay, so that's it! Please leave a review! Good day!
[1] Jiang Wei was left out in DW6, but later appears with a new appearance in Shin Sangoku Musou Multi Raid 2 (aka Strikeforce 2) which, unfortunately, was never released outside of Japan.