It was an ordinary day. There were clouds in the sky, but they weren't ominous or foreboding. Even if Alexa was completely paranoid, she could see no reason to stay at home and hide from the world. As it was, she had been only slightly paranoid, so she went to school and got on with her day.
Sometimes the past just bites you in the ass at four o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
Alexa had just finished setting up her experiment to run overnight and took the elevator up to her office to grab her coat and head home. The thing about elevators is that awkward conversations tend to occur. The three main topics typically include; "Woops, she went to the wrong floor", "Wow, these things take forever" and - her personal favorite - first year students asking for directions. Apparently, she looked like the kind of person who always knows where the washroom is. Fortunately, she had found headphones to be the perfect stranger conversation deterrent, whether music was playing or not.
Leaning against the elevator wall, she waited politely as the doors opened on the fourth floor. Finally disembarking, she looked up at her shared office door and she immediately felt the blood drain from her face. There he was, all six feet of him leaning against the cream-colored cement wall. He had filled out since she had last seen him, muscles visible underneath his black leather jacket where there used to be just skin and bone. His dark blue eyes searched Alexa's light blue eyes out and a half-smile emerged on his face. In her shock, she can only come up with one word.
"No," she murmured, walking slowly past him into the open office towards her desk.
"Hey Lexi," he says, his voice still deep and gravelly.
"No, no, no. Not happening." She continued walking faster, grabbing her coat off the back of her desk chair. She waved goodbye to the other members of the shared office before reaching for her bag. Turning around, she walked right past him, struggling to shove her second arm into the coat sleeve. Walking briskly now, she headed into the stairwell. The echoes of her footsteps were joined by the sound of another's and she knew he was following her. Suddenly, she was yanked backwards by her right arm and spun around to look at the face that had haunted her for years.
"Where the hell do you think you're going, huh?" He asks, frustration seeping into his voice. Bringing his other arm to her left shoulder to keep her against the wall, he looks her straight in the eyes. The force of his gaze hits her like a shot to the heart. "I find you after all these years and you run away at first glance?"
"I'm relocating myself." she replied quickly, trying to keep her tone light. "My first instinct was to run and book a plane ticket to Bali and never come back. However, I sort of need to stay here to get my degree. So, I'm going to find someplace I can yell at you without people thinking I'm a crazy person."
"You are a crazy person." He smiled at her while loosening his grip. She slid away from him, carefully ignoring the curious glances of the students walking by.
Alexa looked back at him and couldn't help but emit a small sigh. Memories of times gone by flew through her head and she quickly turned away. Buttoning up her coat, she kept her eyes trained on the dirt streaked floor. "I am what you made me."
"I was an idiot." The remorse and soft shift in his tone evaded her defenses. 'Don't look at him'. 'Don't let that voice manipulate your emotions'. 'Don't remember what happened'. Various thoughts were swarming her mind. She walked down the stairs, counting her steps as they descended.
Alexa finally succumbed to the impulse to say exactly what they were both thinking. She muttered softly towards the ground. "You were something much worse."
"Lexi…"
"Save it." She snapped, the use of her old nickname breaking her out of her silence. She paused briefly and looked back at his muscular form before continuing, "Follow me, or not. Whatever."
She started down the last flight of stairs and walked towards the parking lot across the road where she had parked that morning. His footsteps continued to follow her as she watch his shadow spread out in front of her in the late afternoon sun. His long legs had no trouble keeping up with her brisk pace.
Finally, they reached the car. She unlocked it, and got in the drivers seat. She stare resolutely at the steering wheel. A moment later, she watched him squash himself into the passenger seat. She focused on his knees, softly thumping the bottom of the dashboard in a nervous rhythm.
"I'm assuming saying that you're tacky and I hate you won't make you go away?" she broke the silence along with a sigh.
"Quotes from Jack Black movies; not exactly a deterrent in my book."
"I remember. Not that I want to. It's just…I've known you since we were seven. Seven and stupid." Now that the silence was broken, her tendency to ramble had caught up with her. She had long since learned to dissociate the little boy she had known with the man before her. It was dissociating herself and the man before her that was the problem. "Before I went full on nerd and you didn't do drugs..."
"I'm clean now." He said quietly. "I haven't touched any of that crap since that night."
"What do you want, Kenny?" she ask, turning towards him. Her voice grew stronger in her anger. "Why are you here?" She wasn't expecting an apology, or even an admission. She diidn't know what she was expecting from him, really. All she knew was that Kenny Omega was back, and he still confuses the fuck out of her.
He looked at her. It felt like his eyes were searching for something hidden inside her, something she had buried a long time ago. After a few moments, he finally replies. "I had a revelation."
Alexa raises an eyebrow at his word choice. "A revelation that required you to track me down after years of being incommunicado?"
His steely blue eyes captured her own. He took a large breath before continuing. "I've come to the conclusion that I'm in love with you."
"Bullshit." She replied instinctively. Her brazen tone attempted to cover her conflicted insides. It felt like she'd been sucker punched in the gut. Five years ago, she would've done anything to hear those words. She did everything possible to hear those words. Years of Kenny-induced melancholy threatened to overwhelm her shock. She couldn't let him win again. She can't let herself be some pawn in his chess game.
"No, it's not. It's a fact." He replied, reaching for her hand resting on the middle console. She pulled away quickly. She tried to ignore the short spark between them as their fingers brushed briefly. His tone had become lighter, almost mocking her shock. "I finally came to terms with it, and I thought you ought to know."
"When you love someone you don't get them trashed, fuck them in a goddamn rhododendron bush and leave before they wake up. Ergo, you don't love me." She bit out, letting her anger wash away her shock. She can do anger. Want to avoid becoming a crying wreck? Let anger take over.
"Yes, I do." He quipped back. "Lexi, you have somehow turned out to be the love of hmy life."
"No. You don't get to tell me you love me after five years of total radio silence and expect that to make everything okay. I'm not that sycophantic idiot that made moon eyes at you for all of high school." She explained icily. Her ire was growing stronger in the face of his nonchalant manner. "And my name is Alexa, not Lexi."
"Come on…"
"I'm. Not. Finished." She'd hit her stride. Everything she'd wanted to tell him since that night is coming out all at once. "I'm the girl that got a little too drunk, and trusted you a bit too much. Kenny, I've always been messed up when it came to you. Ever thought about what it feels like to wake up half-naked in the bushes in the middle of nowhere? No idea of what happened the night before? Alone. I was cold, alone and in some serious pain."
"I fucked up, okay!?" He yelled back, the fire from years gone by visible for a brief moment. He emitted a soft 'fuck' before running a hand through his curly brown mullet in frustration. The next words that came out of his mouth were much softer. "The minute… the second, that I-we… finished, I knew I had fucked up. I didn't deserve you, not even then. I held you in my arms and you just felt too damn breakable for me to keep."
"You took my virginity. I wasn't a goddamn china doll." Alexa retorted, fighting the urge to process his words further. Despite her strong words, her eyes stayed locked on the indents of the steering wheel.
"You were leaving." She felt a calloused hand cup her cheek, gently pulling her gaze back to Kenny. "You were going. You had made pretty fucking sure everyone knew you didn't plan on coming back." He was right about that at least. The day she had gotten her acceptance to university, her dreams of escaping New Chester had become reality. The only reason she had to stay was sitting beside her right now.
"I was going to university an hour away, not the moon!" She ripped her head away from his hold. She crossed her arms, trying to keep herself together.
"You were too good for me." His constant insistence that she was somehow better than him annoyed her. She had been the class band geek. He was the popular athlete. He had hit puberty early, and it had been very kind to him. She had been an awkward mess in too much eyeliner. Her blonde hair had barely recovered from the damage she had inflicted upon it during those four years of high school hell. It's amazing how you can reinvent yourself as an almost adult. Learning not to mix stripes and plaid was one of the first lessons her roommate had given her in first year. At least she now had some decent pink-dyed ends, which made her typically boring blonde hair more interesting.
"That is a load of shit and you know it." She reached down and fiddled with the zipper on her sturdy, brown leather boots.
"You're so damn smart and gorgeous." She paused at his switch to the present tense. "You were going places and I wasn't. It fucking hurt to know that I was never going to be good enough for you."
"Says the prom king," she quipped back. Secretly, she enjoyed the dismissive snort he released at her rebuttal.
"I was so fucked up back then, they could've named me the king of fools and I wouldn't have known the difference. You would've gotten tired of slumming and dropped me like the sack of shit I was."
"How the hell would you know that if you didn't stick around to talk to me? Five years is a long fucking time to wait."
"It took five years for me to become even a fraction of a percent worthy of what you gave me."
"Dude, you sound like a girl." She tried to distract him, resorting to a tried-and-true insult. Kenny groaned, obviously frustrated she wasn't playing his game.
"Do you remember in the eighth grade when we got stuck on the elevator together?" He asked, changing tact. She frowned at the sudden change in topic. She recollected another day such as this where he had won yet again.
"Of course I remember. I took a book out of my bag to read, and somebody didn't like being ignored." She gave him a pointed look. "So you took my first kiss." It was one of the things that had made her love him for so long. He was impulsive, while she was cautious. She had been a moth caught in his flame, trying to touch the heat without getting burned.
"Exactly, I've taken too many firsts from you." Kenny intones, brows furrowed. He continued darkly, "Selfishly, I want them all." Alexa's heart skipped a beat. She had to stop this. She didn't think her heart could take much more of his confessions and remain whole. It took too many years to pick up the pieces the last time.
"I assure you, I would go to hell and back again before I would let you come near me again." She seethed, keeping her arms wrapped around herself. She refused to look him in the face after her rude remark.
"Road trip to Nebraska?" He asked, only a trace of hurt cutting through. A small laugh escaped her lips before she can resist.
She composed herself before replying. "You can go wherever you want. Now if you would kindly, and I know that's a stretch for you, get the fuck out of my car. My life too, actually."
"No." The word reverberated through her, sending her mind in circles. She tried to compose herself. She needed to end this before she broke.
"You don't have a choice. I'm done, I'm through. I've spent years thinking about what I was going to say if I ran into you, and I said it. I speak fluent emotional girl, so I know."
"I want to be with you." He replied gruffly, reaching out for her again. She pulled away from him in turn. She wanted him. Alexa wanted Kenny so fucking bad, but she knew she shouldn't. They had a history, and she knew exactly what he was capable of. Her brain was fighting with her heart for dominance. Her mind remembered the pain he caused. However, her heart remembered the electricity they shared and longs to recreate it.
"Not an option."
"I think it's a great option." He teases, casually tucking a strand of pink-dyed hair behind her ear. 'It's not fair' she thought. He can show up out of nowhere, tear her apart, and act like it's nothing.
"It's an option that requires mutual consent, and I don't consent!" She fired back at him, the tears she had been holding back now beginning to break through. "Why now, Kenny? Why did you let me pick up the pieces just to rip them even further?" She lock her fingers around the steering wheel, trying to ground herself. She felt a tear taking a meandering path down her face, soon followed by a cascade. She choked on her next words, and knew it would be a struggle to get this out now. "What you did, it destroyed me. I waited for you. I waited months for you to come back to me. Now you're here and I just can't risk becoming that girl again. I can't be that broken mess anymore." She probably looked like pure chaos, tears leaving trails of eyeliner running down her cheeks.
She felt his thick muscular arms wrap themselves around her quaking body. He pulled her towards his familiar warmth, and she allowed her head to rest in the crook of his neck. Alexa's arms were captured between their torsos. A hand gently stroked her back, soothing her despite herself. Her fingers knotted themselves into his soft white shirt.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She felt the rumble in his chest, as his softly spoken words pierced her pain. They stayed locked in strange comfort as her heaving sobs gave way to soft sniffles. She broke away slowly, settling back into her seat. Silence prevailed as they continued to play emotional chicken.
"I moved to Yellowknife." Kenny said finally, answering her almost forgotten question.
"Yellowknife?" Alexa asked softly, intrigued and slightly bewildered.
"Yeah, I did my electrician's apprenticeship up there. I had to. My mind was just so fucked up with the drugs; the only way I was going to pull myself together was to get the hell out of New Chester. I was going to tell you…that I was going. That's why I went to see you that night; I was leaving the next week. You were moving for school in a couple days and I didn't want to leave without saying good bye."
"Why didn't you tell me?" She questioned delicately, not wanting him to get spooked. The reason she had craved to hear for so long was finally here. Damn if the masochist in her didn't want to hear it.
"You should've seen yourself, talking about going to school. It was mesmerizing, seeing you so excited to escape. There was this…look in your eyes I had never seen before. So, I kissed you, like I had wanted to since I had stolen the first one. Then things got further, we got drunker, and we got horizontal. I couldn't help but think what if you were excited to escape me too? It was your version of goodbye. I couldn't help but steal one last memory of you before I was nothing more than dirt in your rear-view mirror."
"And then you waited for me to fall asleep, and left," she interjected calmly. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. When he continued, he stared resolutely at the dusty dashboard.
"Yeah, I left. Then I got to Yellowknife, after spending the week moping at home. What I found was: I didn't miss the drugs or the alcohol. I missed you." He turned to look at her, as if ensuring she was listening. 'Don't cry' was quickly becoming her new mantra. She nodded back at him, encouraging him to continue.
"I'm addicted to you. I tried dating while I was up there, but it didn't work out. Our mom's still talk sometimes, I got updates. You should really re-evaluate your Facebook privacy settings by the way. I tried reading that research paper you got published, didn't understand a word of it but it sounded smart." She couldn't help but smile that he had tried to read scientific mumbo-jumbo for her. "I thought that if I kept up with your life, when I got back…But by the time I got back for good, you were dating some red-headed frat boy."
"You thought I was seeing Murphy?" She countered with a laugh, wondering where Kenny had gotten this strange idea. "We're just friends."
"We were just friends." He said darkly, his voice reaching guttural depths.
"And Murphy likes dudes."
"Oh," he muttered, shaking his head. "My bad."
"Way to go McStalky."
"Shut up. So, no guys in five years?"
"There were a few maybes. But they kept not…" She hesitated, knowing what she say could make or break this moment.
"Not what?" His gravelly voice disrupted her silent reverie. His eyes capture hers, urging her towards the words.
She took a deep breath, accepting the consequences of what she was about to say. She looked at him straight on, before continuing. "Not being you."
His lips crashed into hers, in a soul-searing kiss. The familiar fire builds in the pit of her stomach before spreading through her veins. She moaned into the kiss, closing her eyes, and she could feel the heat in the tips of her toes. Their limbs grappled for each other, her hands finding purchase in his thick brown hair. His hands grasped her waist possessively and she swore she'd heard him growl. His tongue begged for entrance and she granted it whole-heartedly. This felt right. The electricity she felt with Kenny, unique to him and him alone. When they finally came up for air, she was more conflicted than ever.
"So, what does this mean?" Kenny asked, as they fell back into their respective seats, his hand holding hers hostage. His thumb made soft circles on her palm.
"I don't know." Alexa mumbled, trying to think straight. She ran a finger over her bruised lips. "I just don't know, Kenny."
"I think it comes down to one simple question."
"Which is?" She asked warily. She looked outside and noted that somehow she had missed the transition from day to night. She knew the question, and she feared her answer.
"Do you want to be with me?" He asked in his deep voice laced with a vein of hope.
"Yes." She blurted out, before she could let logic get in the way.
"Great," he replied with a smile. She smiled back, and they began to kiss anew. All of a sudden, he stopped, climbed out of the car, and started striding away. She couldn't fucking believe it. She fell for it again. She lost to Kenny Omega, again. She sat there shocked for a moment before getting out herself and running after him. There's no way she was going down without a fight this time.
"Where the hell do you think you're going!?" She stopped running, out of breath and cursing her lack of athletic inclination. She yelled at his retreating back. "You do not get to do this to me again! You sadistic fuck!" He finally stopped behind a red pick-up truck and opened the protruding tailgate. she fell silent, her jaw possibly hitting the floor. He pulled out a large bundle of white flowers and flashed a beautiful smile back at her gaping stare. She watched as he all too slowly made his way back to her.
"Sadistic fuck, huh?" He asked with a grin, holding out the bouquet of lilies for her to take.
"The flowers might help downgrade that to a simple jerk face." She reply, smelling the sweet scent of the lilies. She smiled back up at him, before pulling him down for a lingering kiss. "Don't do that to me again, or I really will kill you." He laughed at her threat, his fingers forming patterns along her hips. She broke away and headed towards her vehicle.
"So, how long 'til I'm fully out of the doghouse?" He questioned, following her back to her car and opening the door for her. At least his mother taught him something about being a gentleman. She leaned against the side of the car and looked up at him, and had a devious idea.
"Depends, you'll probably be on probation for awhile. How are you at changing fuses?"
"Baby, I'll change your fuse anytime of the week." She giggled at his poor attempt at innuendo.
"Great," she replied, getting into the car and settling in her seat. She laid the flowers carefully on the passenger seat. She began to list all the repairs her apartment needed, starting with the most important. His face began to fall, realizing how serious she was. "I blew up the fuse in the stove plug last week, and I have some light bulbs that need to be replaced. Oh, my shower definitely needs to be re caulked and grouted." She pulled the door shut, and turned on the ignition. She quickly glanced at him, standing there with his brows furrowed. She backed out of the parking spot, laughing at the incredulous look on his face. She pushed down the button, lowering the car window.
"Coming?" She queried with a wide smile and a raised eyebrow. She continued, trying to remain flippant. "Also, I haven't had sex in five years, since the first time kind of blew chunks, so you should probably fix that too." The smile that graced his face after that last statement would make the Cheshire cat proud.
He entered the car slowly, flashing her a sexy look with a mischievous glint his eyes.
He leaned in and planted one of the softest and most sensual kisses she had ever received.
"Alexa Bliss, I'll fix anything and everything you want."
She smiled, kissing him back, moving a curl of hair that was shielding her from taking in his beautiful eyes.
"I love you."
"I love you too."