Title: Pain of Losing Her
By: Starlight Rose
Rated: PG
Part 1/1
Email: starlighto_rose@hotmail.com
A.N. This is a short fic that I wrote. It's inspired by Sailor Heartache's "Guilt and Forgiveness." I'm still rather new to this fanfic writing thing so bear with me. It takes place during the R season and it is in Mamoru's POV.
Disclaimers: Usual disclaimers apply.
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Dreams. I never knew that dreams could affect your life so much. Every night dreams of her would haunt me. Dreams of our wedding and then...of her death. And then...that voice. The voice that is so familiar, but now also so hated.
Every time that I turn away from her, tell her that I don't love her anymore, it tears my heart apart. Each tear that falls from those lovely blue eyes, puts a knife in my chest. But I restrain from comforting her, from drying her tears. I put on a mask. A cold, emotionless mask. And turn from her. I walk calmly away. But I'm only calm on the outside. Inside...inside I'm dead. I hear her soft cries. I hear my heart shatter.
I've started spying on her. It's the only way I can see her. It's the only way I can make sure she's safe. Every night I sit outside her window watching her. Every night I watch her cry her heart out at her window. She gazes up at the moon and asks the moon what she did to lose me. Nothing. That's what she did. I feel so guilty for causing her pain...so much pain. I don't deserve her.
As I watch her every night I am sorely tempted to go to her. Sweep her up in my arms and kiss her tenderly whispering, "I love you." in her ear. My resolve to protect her weakens. I start moving towards her window. She startles from the sound of movement coming from outside her window. Then...then the dream flashes before my eyes. She reaches the window and sees nothing. I'm gone. I leave before I lose my resolve at seeing the trails of tears upon her cheek.
I cannot let her die because of me. She is the light of my life, but not just mine...of everyone that meets her. I will not watch that light go out, though I wonder. I wonder if her light is going out because of me. The light in her eyes is almost gone completely. Gone and replaced with pain. Pain that I caused. But I must keep her alive. Pushing her away is tearing my soul apart. I'm meant to be with her. Without her I will die. Without the light a rose cannot survive. Without her light I cannot live. But live I must. I must live to protect her even if I cannot be with her. And if I cannot, then others will protect her for me. Her friends will protect her for me.
I rather die from living without her light than have her die from my darkness.
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A.N. That's it. I know it's rather depressing but that's the type of person I am. Gomen. I know that I should be working on Forgotten Love and those of you waiting for Forgotten Love, I promise I'll write more for it when I have time. Ja ne.
By: Starlight Rose
Rated: PG
Part 1/1
Email: starlighto_rose@hotmail.com
A.N. This is a short fic that I wrote. It's inspired by Sailor Heartache's "Guilt and Forgiveness." I'm still rather new to this fanfic writing thing so bear with me. It takes place during the R season and it is in Mamoru's POV.
Disclaimers: Usual disclaimers apply.
*****************************
Dreams. I never knew that dreams could affect your life so much. Every night dreams of her would haunt me. Dreams of our wedding and then...of her death. And then...that voice. The voice that is so familiar, but now also so hated.
Every time that I turn away from her, tell her that I don't love her anymore, it tears my heart apart. Each tear that falls from those lovely blue eyes, puts a knife in my chest. But I restrain from comforting her, from drying her tears. I put on a mask. A cold, emotionless mask. And turn from her. I walk calmly away. But I'm only calm on the outside. Inside...inside I'm dead. I hear her soft cries. I hear my heart shatter.
I've started spying on her. It's the only way I can see her. It's the only way I can make sure she's safe. Every night I sit outside her window watching her. Every night I watch her cry her heart out at her window. She gazes up at the moon and asks the moon what she did to lose me. Nothing. That's what she did. I feel so guilty for causing her pain...so much pain. I don't deserve her.
As I watch her every night I am sorely tempted to go to her. Sweep her up in my arms and kiss her tenderly whispering, "I love you." in her ear. My resolve to protect her weakens. I start moving towards her window. She startles from the sound of movement coming from outside her window. Then...then the dream flashes before my eyes. She reaches the window and sees nothing. I'm gone. I leave before I lose my resolve at seeing the trails of tears upon her cheek.
I cannot let her die because of me. She is the light of my life, but not just mine...of everyone that meets her. I will not watch that light go out, though I wonder. I wonder if her light is going out because of me. The light in her eyes is almost gone completely. Gone and replaced with pain. Pain that I caused. But I must keep her alive. Pushing her away is tearing my soul apart. I'm meant to be with her. Without her I will die. Without the light a rose cannot survive. Without her light I cannot live. But live I must. I must live to protect her even if I cannot be with her. And if I cannot, then others will protect her for me. Her friends will protect her for me.
I rather die from living without her light than have her die from my darkness.
*****************************
A.N. That's it. I know it's rather depressing but that's the type of person I am. Gomen. I know that I should be working on Forgotten Love and those of you waiting for Forgotten Love, I promise I'll write more for it when I have time. Ja ne.