Calm.
Calm.
Collected.
Calm.
Another page. Turn.
Smooth. Calm.
White. Like his hair.
Words. Print.
Black. Like hers.
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Red. Her face.
Raised. His brow.
Raised. His hand.
Touched. Hers.
Not. enough.
Reach. The same hand.
Black. Hair.
Pull.
Pull.
Pull.
Breath.
Heavy.
Pull. Pull.
Rip.
Bare.
Sweat.
Breath.
Stop.
After watching My Winnipeg, this happened. It's either really cool or really pretentious. Both ways its an exercise in the sensory.
If you read this, thank you.
Edit: I just woke up to the most fantastic review for this and I want to thank the person who sent it and document it here because the funniest thing happened after I read it.
My confidence as a writer grew. Especially as an experimenting writer.
It was not a good review, in fact, it was quite negative. It thanked me for the apology and called the above verse gibberish "unfortunately". As if to say, "What a shame you suck as a writer."
I'm amused by the thanks especially, [for the apology], because it probably took longer to write the review than it did to read this verse this person obviously regrets wasting their valuable time on.
What surprises me about it is that I disagree. I think this thing I've written is simple, abrupt and may be hard to follow if you can't get a hold of the vibe I was trying to hit but I don't think it's gibberish. In fact, I still like it. I still get a clear picture in my head when I set it aside and read it again with fresh eyes. I've read famous "poetry" before that I thought was gibberish myself and my opinion did nothing to change the fact that someone created something that made sense to them and others somewhere out there. If I had somehow shared the opinion of gibberish, any author would have told me to go fuck myself. (Let me be clear, this is in no way like anything famous or historically important. That is not the comparison I'm trying to make).
In the past, I've let reviews, both negative and positive, shape the way I write stories, not for any kind of critique but for the opinion and comfort of the reviewer. I didn't want to upset anybody and I took even gentle negativity very hard. I didn't want anyone to think ill of my writing. I just wanted to be liked. This shortcoming is entirely on me and its comforting to be growing past it.
In conclusion, I've removed the apology in my original AN because I'm not sorry. I didn't force 2.4 seconds out of anyone's day to read this. If you thought it was gibberish, that's ok! If you care to tell me so, be sure to include something constructive so maybe I can actually see there's something I could improve about it!
I love this little verse of gibberish, it's lone review, and all they've done for me already.