"The Chickstein Who Came To Dinner"
a/n: Hello to those who have been following these stories, and thanks for reading! As you may have guessed (especially if you've read all these fics before), I've been posting in chronological order the DW series I started about ten or eleven years ago. Most of these fics have been lightly beta'd, usually about nine years ago. g Starting with this one, which I did in mid-late 1996, I think the writing quality gets a little bit better (sort of bit-by-bit with each one) so I hope you keep reading, and enjoying! In a bit I am going to start posting a few things out of order, so check on my profile to see which story goes where.
"Guess who called me today."
Drake looked up from his half-finished peanut butter and jelly sandwich at Beth, who was sitting across the table from him. Launchpad was, of course, already listening intently. Beth was watching Drake closely, making sure that he was listening to what she was saying before she went on. Drake realized that he'd have to prompt her. "Who?" he asked.
Beth picked at the remains of her tuna fish sandwich. "Henny Chickstein."
"Your old boss?" Launchpad looked as surprised as Drake felt. "Are you gonna finish your sandwich?" he added. Beth shook her head and Launchpad devoured what was left of Beth's lunch.
"What did she want?" asked Drake, rather nastily. Henny hadn't helped Beth's self-image problem any while she had been working at Bindler's Hardware. When Launchpad and Drake had first met the two of them, Henny had been taking advantage of Beth's timidity and uncertainty in herself, routinely putting Beth down and blaming everything on her. Plus, Drake found Henny to be extremely annoying.
"I don't think she wanted anything. She said she would like to see me again, so I invited her over for dinner tonight." Beth's head was down as she said this, and her comment seemed aimed at the table. "You guys are invited, too."
"Why the heck did you invite her over! She was never your friend! She treated you like dirt!" raved Drake. He ignored the fact that he hadn't been much nicer than Henny towards Beth when they had first met. At least he hadn't taken advantage of her, though. Well, not as much as Henny did.
Beth shrank more and started tracing designs on the table top. "She didn't treat me like dirt, exactly...," she said.
"Well, she seemed pretty mean when we saw her," said Launchpad, hunched over and trying to talk down at Beth's eye level. She was so slumped over in her chair that she didn't even see him.
"Are you guys mad at me?" she asked quietly.
Drake slapped a hand to his forehead, exasperated. "No, we're not mad!" Launchpad assured her.
"See, the thing is that she sounded kind of nice when we were talking, like she wanted to start over. She wasn't talking down to me like she used to- not really, anyway. And besides- I was really mean to her when I quit, and I've always sort of wanted to make up for that. I wasn't caving in, really! She suggested the dinner, but I wanted to do this." Beth looked up at them both, nervously.
"Well, I'll come to dinner tonight!" Launchpad smiled at her. Drake was not surprised.
Beth perked up a little, happy to have some understanding. "Great. I think I'll order some Chinese food or something."
"Hey, and I can bring dessert! I got this great recipe for brownies," suggested Launchpad. Behind him, Drake started shaking his head violently at Beth. 'Don't let him make brownies!' he mouthed to her.
Beth, who was quite adept at lip reading, frowned at what she assumed was a putdown of her friend's culinary prowess. "That'll be great, Launchpad. She's coming over at six. Drake? Will you come?" she asked pointedly.
Drake was feeling sort of sick at the thought of Launchpad's brownies. He thought it over for a moment. "Well... I think I'll pass this time, Beth..." He trailed off. She was giving him that look that he hated, the wide-eyed, on-the-verge-of-tears look that showed that she was in an especially sensitive mood and so she needed him to be around. He hated feeling responsible for her moods. Why couldn't she have fallen for Launchpad instead of him? He had accepted her other quirks, but he still resented her when she was this needy. Yet he was never able to say no to her for some reason- after all, it wasn't like she did it on purpose. Reluctantly, he said, "Ah, I guess I shouldn't leave you alone with that harpy. Fine, fine, I'll be there."
She brightened immediately. "Great! Thanks for lunch, guys, I'll see you at six!" With that, she left the kitchen and headed for her house.
"She practically manipulated me into it. I hate it when she does that," muttered Drake.
"Hey, Beth!" said Henny as she walked by her hostess. She was an hour late, and showed no sign of regretting it. "Sorry I'm late, kid, I had some trouble finding the place. This isn't where you used to live, is it? That place was a dump! Let me tell you, I'm glad you only invited me over that one time! Is dinner ready yet?"
Beth was momentarily taken aback. She'd forgetten what Henny was like. She smiled and tried to be gracious. "Hello, Henny," she said. She shut the door behind Henny as her guest wandered around the living room, staring at everything. She suddenly stopped when her eyes fell on Launchpad. She raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, looking him up and down. Launchpad gulped, but managed to smile at her anyway. Beth wasn't sure what to make of Henny's staring, so she went on answering her questions. "I moved here a little while after I, um, left Bindler's Hardware. And no, dinner isn't ready yet, since I'm ordering Chinese takeout and I don't know what you want."
"I know just what I want," said Henny, and walked over to Launchpad. "We've met," she said, extending her hand, palm down, and smiling flirtatiously.
"Er, I remember," said Launchpad. He took her hand and shook it heartily. Henny looked a little put off by this, obviously expecting something more.
Beth kept trying to play things normally. "Um, yeah, obviously you remember Launchpad McQuack. And this is Drake Mallard. They're my neighbors. Guys, Henny Chickstein."
Drake raised his hand in a curt wave. "Hello again," he said, not exactly warmly.
"Charmed, I'm sure," said Henny, using much the same tone on Drake that he had used on her. She looked at him curiously for a moment, and then said loudly: "Say, Beth, is this the guy that you said you fell in love with at first sight?"
Beth turned a nearly unimaginable shade of bright red. Both Launchpad and Drake turned to look at her. She could barely think for a moment. She'd always been a terrible liar, and there was no point in her trying now, so she said the first thing that came to mind: "So, Henny, what do you want me to order for dinner?"
After the meal was ordered, it didn't take long for the food to arrive. The group sat down at the table, eating mostly in silence. Henny made it a point to sit across the table from Launchpad, and occasionally during the meal he would suddenly jump a little, drop his fork, and look over at her. She'd look back, smiling, and wink. Then he would move out from under the table a little bit and try to get back to the meal.
Beth sat next to Launchpad, which due to Henny's strategic seating arrangement put her right across from Drake. Looking at him at the moment was almost painful for her, knowing that he knew how she felt. This was awful for her. She knew her face was still a deep red. Finally, she couldn't stand it any more, and so she decided that lying would be better than what she was going through now. After taking a deep breath, she blurted out, "Okay, it's true, Drake, when I first met you I was a little taken with you, but I'm over that now, really, and I just want to be friends with you. I mean it. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to make you nervous around me or anything, because it's not like that. Okay?" She looked at him anxiously.
He was looking back at her strangely. After a moment, he said, "Um... okay. I believe you," and went back to his dinner.
Wonderful, thought Beth, I probably made no sense at all. Oh, how I love my life. She let her head sink down until her hair was nearly in her food. Launchpad stopped eating and put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Henny glared at him and drew her foot back under the table, then brought it forward again. Launchpad said, "Ow!", took his hand away from Beth's shoulder, and held it to his injured shin, looking warily at Henny as he did.
"Well," said Henny, leaning back in her chair, "My compliments to the chef!"
"Oh, I didn't cook," said Beth, looking up from her plate. "I ordered takeout. That's where all these little boxes came from... I didn't do anything except phone in the order."
"I didn't say I was complimenting you, I just said, 'My compliments to the chef'," said Henny matter-of-factly. "But, water just doesn't flow right with a meal like this. You know what I'm missing? A soda. Got any soda?"
"Sure, I've got plenty. It's in the fridge- Oh, why don't I just go get it?" Beth volunteered, as Henny's expression changed to one of lazy reluctance. She got to her feet.
"Say, could you open it for me, too?" asked Henny. She held up her hands, which were adorned with a set of really long acrylic nails.
"Sure," said Beth. She left for the kitchen, thinking, Geez, with nails like that you'd think she'd be able to puncture her way through the can.
As soon as Beth was out of the kitchen, Henny turned her attention back to Launchpad. "So," she said, batting her eyes, "missed me since we last met?"
Launchpad never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings, and he knew that the wrong answer to this question would really put Henny down. He took an inordinately long amount of time before he answered, "Um... Well, we hardly knew each other." By that time, Henny had gotten out of her chair and crossed around the side of the table to him.
"Well, let's get to know each other," she said, putting her hands on his shoulders. Drake set about trying to think of a way to rescue his sidekick from this disaster. "So, how's about we go sit on the couch together?"
"Uh, well, I'm pretty comfortable here," said Launchpad, although he was becoming more and more UNcomfortable the longer Henny kept her hands on his shoulders. Drake picked up a butter knife and started to get up, intending to pry Henny's fingers off of Launchpad.
"Henny?" called Beth from the kitchen. Henny's hands tensed up a little, and her fingers dug into Launchpad's shoulders for a second before relaxing.
"Yeah?" she answered.
"What kind of soda do you want? Classic Koo-Koo Cola, Cherry Koo-Koo Cola, or Diet? I've got some Jolt Koo-Koo Cola in here somewhere- it's really intense..."
"Classic's fine, Beth!" Henny called back, and then started to push her fingers up under Launchpad's flight cap and tried to run them through his hair. Launchpad kept his hands firmly clamped down on the cap. "Uh, Ms. Chickstein, could you not--" he began. Then Beth came back out from the kitchen. Their eyes met. He stopped talking when he saw the shock in them.
Beth came to a halt and her hand involuntarily crushed the open can of soda she was holding. Then she came back to life and started shaking the excess soda off of her hand. "Oh- sorry- that was, uh, an involuntary muscle spasm. They happen some times," she explained nervously, and wiped the rest of the soda off her hand with her shirt. She wasn't sure why that had happened, actually. She wasn't prone to spasms, but...
"O-kay," said Henny, and took her hands off of Launchpad, to everyone's relief.
"Gee, I'm sorry," Beth apologized, smiling at Henny. "I'll get you another soda. Why don't you come with me, and you can decide what you want?" Henny, keeping in mind Beth's recent, but apparently unintentional, destructiveness, complied. As she went into the kitchen, Launchpad breathed a huge sigh of relief.
When they came back, Beth suggested that they all go into the living room and talk. "Hey, we can have my brownies for dessert!" said Launchpad. Drake grimaced. Everything about this evening was making him glad he'd left Gosalyn at the Muddlefoots'. In fact... it was almost enough to make him wish he were there, too. Well... maybe it wasn't quite that bad.
"Oh, you brought them? I thought you'd forgotten, since you didn't bring any plates or anything," said Beth.
"Don't need any!" said Launchpad cheerfully. He took off his flight cap, and dumped a pile of brownies on to an empty plate that was still sitting on the dining room table. Beth was stunned in a couple of aspects- partly because he was actually keeping baked goods under his hat, and partly because she'd never actually seen him without his flight cap on. "Well, dig in!" he said.
"I'm full," said Drake quickly. Henny echoed this statement, but Beth took pity on Launchpad and ate one of the brownies. She regretted it immediately.
In the living room, Drake sat down right away on one end of the couch. Beth followed him and sat down right next to him, which Drake had expected but hoped against, and Launchpad hurried and took the last seat at the end before Henny could claim a spot near him again. "So, Henny, it's... um... It's nice to see you again." Beth tried to smile sincerely as she said this, but at the moment all she could think of was how Henny was still making her get sodas for her. That, coupled with the nausea she was feeling from the aftertaste of the brownie, made it hard to seem cheerful.
"It is, isn't it?" asked Henny. Beth wasn't sure if she meant that it was nice to see her, too, or if she was saying that Beth should be glad to see her again. Drake was sure it was the latter, but he said nothing. Launchpad was just trying to avoid making eye contact with Henny, because every time he did, she winked at him and grinned wickedly. Instead, he was focusing intently on Beth- which was a pleasure on his part- and it was bugging the heck out of Henny. "Well, I gotta admit, I had a sort of hidden reason for coming here," she said suddenly.
"Ask me if I'm surprised," Drake mumbled. Beth looked at him, shocked. Henny must have heard that- but Drake didn't seem to care.
Henny went on, apparently not caring, either. "My apartment's being fumigated, and I kind of need a place to stay. I was wondering if you knew of any nice, but cheap, motels in the area...?"
"Motel? Oh, no, no, don't even think it! You can stay here!" said Beth immediately. For a moment after she'd said it, she wished she hadn't. She was really used to living along. But after all, this was the right thing to do under these circumstances.
Drake was stunned. Henny was smiling, satisfied. It was obvious that this was what she had been after all along.
"Say, Beth, let me help you do the dishes now!" said Drake, grabbing her arm. At his contact, Beth turned red again for some reason.
"Oh, I'll do them myself, later!" she said, but didn't pull her arm away from him.
"No, let's do them RIGHT NOW!" said Drake through gritted teeth. He yanked her to her feet.
"Oh, okay."
"Uh, I'll come an' help dry the dishes," said Launchpad, and ran after them into the kitchen.
"WHAT are you THINKING!" hissed Drake fiercely as soon as they had shut the door.
"What do you mean, what am I thinking?" replied Beth, her voice as low as Drake's. "I'm thinking that Henny needs a place to stay, and I have more than enough room here. And besides, I'm sure she wouldn't ask to stay with me if she had any other place to stay." Drake's almost rabid disapproval somehow fueled her resolve. She decided that not only was this right, it was what she wanted. She would win Henny over and show Drake!
Drake's bad mood hadn't improved any over the evening, and as usual it was hampering his communication skills. He simply didn't understand why Beth didn't get it. "She's just being nice because she's trying to take advantage of you all over again! You can't be so trusting!" said Drake.
Beth's eyes got wide. "What--"
"Listen, do you honestly think she'd do this for you if your situation was reversed?"
"Maybe not," she said, coldly. "But that doesn't matter. Drake, the Golden Rule is 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', not vice versa. What she would do in my place doesn't matter. I can't believe you'd tell me not to be so 'trusting'. I think it's terribly important to trust people, no matter what, and giving them a second chance is the right thing to do. I am doing the right thing, aren't I, Launchpad?"
"Er, well...," Launchpad considered his options quickly. He visited Beth at least once a day. He wasn't too eager to have Henny staying two houses down from him, and staying with Beth- He'd be visiting Henny that much now, too. But Beth seemed to have made up her mind, and he didn't want her to get mad at him, too. "Sure. I think it's great that you're so forgiving," he said finally, and it was the truth. Sort of.
"Look, Beth, I just don't want to see you letting Henny walk all over you again," said Drake in a last attempt.
Beth's face lit up as soon as he said it. "Oh, Drake, that's so sweet!" He did care about her! It brought Beth's mood up so high that there was no longer any doubt that she would take Henny in. She loved everyone now, including her obnoxious, pushy ex-boss. She gave Drake a tight hug.
"Well, it's not that- I mean, it's not only that, it's... Oh, never mind," said Drake.
As they opened the door to go back into the other room, they met with a little resistance: Henny's head. "OW!"
"Henny? What were you doing with your head up against the kitchen door...? Oh," said Beth. She frowned.
"I was not listening! I was examining the paint on the door!" said Henny defensively, with her hand over the side of her head. "I wouldn't have expected you to be so suspicious, Beth... You're normally so trusting!"
Beth sighed. Making friends with Henny might be tough- but she was up to the challenge! "Well, I guess I'll get you set up in the guest room."
"We'll see you later," said Drake. "It's getting late, and Launchpad and I have to go-- Um, bowling."
Beth looked at him oddly. "Bowli- Oh! Oh, right. Bowling! Have fun!"
"Yeah, don't let your fingers get pinched," said Henny, standing behind Launchpad. He stood still for a second, trying to figure out why she'd said it in that tone of voice, and then suddenly he jumped and moved away from her. She smiled and winked.
Once the guests were gone, Beth turned to Henny and smiled. Henny took a moment and then returned it. "Um..." said Beth. Realizing that she wasn't very good at starting conversations, she looked away for a moment. She cleared her throat and started to speak just as Henny asked:
"Could you get me another soda, Beth?"
Reluctantly, Beth did so.