Author's Note: This is my first Yu Yu Hakusho piece, but I've been a fan of the show since I was 12 and saw it on Toonami (which was the best show ever). I love the show, and have an interest in this pairing. Please note the spoilers of the latter half of the show, so if you haven't seen it all, go do so before you read this. (They sell it for cheap at Best Buy, totally worth it.) If you don't like yaoi (homosexual) pairings, please don't read. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Summary: The fired spirit detective Yusuke Urameshi has returned to Human World after the defeat of Sensui. Trying to lay low from Spirit World, the boy is feeling lonely, unlike himself, and restless. Meanwhile, Kuwabara is still coming to terms with the near-death experience of his best friend – but is he more than that?

-The Real Reason-

Winning's never been the real reason I fight him.

The trees rustled in the soft breeze. The sun felt warm upon his skin. His eyes were closed, hands behind his head, legs crossed, as he lay against a tree with a piece of grass in his mouth. The park was usually where he found himself recently, having no real home and a determined avoidance of school. It was peaceful here.

A little too peaceful.

"Yusuke."

He didn't have to open his eyes to know who it was; he would never forget her voice. A small grimace fell upon his features as he prepared himself for the inevitable rant that he heard every day. She stomped her foot as she explained to him why school was important, how lazy of a bum he was, how she shouldn't have to put up with him. Well then don't, he couldn't help but think to himself. Her voice raised in pitch as she realized he hadn't even opened his eyes to look at her. After a few more biting remarks and a huffed sigh that tugged at his guilty heart, she left.

The boy's eyes lifted open. He was alone once more in the park, left with only his thoughts. Keiko, his eyes closed once more in regret. The girl seemed to be giving up hope on him; he had isolated himself from everyone the moment they got back to "normal" life after Sensui, a week ago.

He was back in his green uniform and gelled short hair. But he didn't feel like the old Yusuke Urameshi. Not one bit.

Everything was different now, on multiple levels. His mind never left the feelings of his body being taken over by his ancestor, the look on Sensui's face as he died, the loyalty of his friends, Kuwabara's scream as Yusuke's life was once again taken. The boy frowned. That last part was not something he wanted to think about, what the hell was that about?

The big oaf had actually been sort of avoiding him, Yusuke realized. Probably too busy studying like everybody else, like I 'should' be as Keiko says. But what am I really supposed to be doing? What am I going to do? I don't really want to do anything.. but fight. What does that make me? Who does that make me?

He sat there in silence with no answers to his questions.

Frustrated, Yusuke spat out the piece of grass.

"Shit!"

"Kazuma, are you going to just stare into space all day, or are you going to get some studying done?" Shizuru Kuwabara was worried, as she generally was, though she was good at hiding it. Her brother was sitting at his desk, cheek rested on his hand, staring up at his wall. It seemed he hadn't heard her. She sighed, "Little brother, I brought you some coffee. HEY!"

Kuwabara turned suddenly, startled, "Oh! Sorry Shizuru, I didn't see you!"

Shizuru raised an eyebrow at the flustered blush on her brother's face. "Right. Well I brought you some coffee. You're never going to get into a decent high school unless you study hard for your exams. So you better get whatever's distracting that big head of yours sorted out so you can focus."

"Yeah, yeah," Kuwabara took the cup and plate of fruit his sister offered and set it down on the desk beside his homework. He expected her to leave at that point, but when she didn't, he faced her guiltily. This was obviously not the end of the conversation. "I know, Shizuru. I gotta study! Blah blah blah. I just.. I don't get it.."

"What's not to get?" Shizuru prodded. When her brother didn't answer, she shifted her weight to her hip and pulled a cigarette out of her pocket. Lighting it, she looked down at him, "Look. If you don't want to tell me what's going on, go talk to your stupid friends about it."

"I can't," Kuwabara stated as he started to feel too uncomfortable with the topic of his feelings, which he didn't even understand. What's not to get? He repeated the question to himself. He was acting stupid. High school exams weren't getting any farther away, and he needed to be studying, but instead his brain was just going over the recent events like a broken record. Memories seemed to consume him and he felt like he was constantly reliving what had happened. He didn't even understand what actually did happen now that he thought of it..

Shizuru contemplated him for a moment. Releasing a smoky breath, she asked, "Why not Kurama? He's a smart guy who doesn't judge. Go talk to him, and soon, so you can stop being so long-faced and get back to studying." And with a thud of his door closing, she left.

Kuwabara glanced at his cooling cup of coffee. Maybe I should talk to Kurama and get these stupid thoughts out of my head.

Another soul lost fighting for the wrong side.

A sophisticated coffee shop was not a place Kurama expected to meet with Kuwabara in, but here he was, jazz music, a fire-place and everything.

The teenaged thug had randomly called him up and asked to meet, citing a place that Kurama assumed would be a fast-food restaurant. Instead, a fancy cup of coffee with whipped cream and caramel on top was placed in front of him. Kurama's concern deepened thoroughly. Not only had the boy sounded like gloom over the phone but now sitting across from him, the poofy-red haired fighter looked like .. well, hell.

Kurama tried to lighten the mood with a soft smile, "I imagine you are just as swamped with homework as I am, is that right Kuwabara?"

"Yeah, it sucks," Kuwabara bemoaned. He hadn't yet sipped from his own cup of coffee and he seemed to be fidgeting. It being the weekend, the two were dressed in normal street clothes. Kuwabara fiddled with the sleeve of his jean jacket. Why the hell am I doing this. Poor Kurama probably thinks I'm going crazy..

Kurama dark green eyes studied Kuwabara carefully. The boy had asked for Kurama's advice, but as soon as they sat down in the coffee shop he had gone rigid and looked at anything in the room beside Kurama. The fox demon tried to small-talk him, but could never seem to get more than two or three words out of the boy. Twenty minutes had passed and Kurama was starting to worry about the well-being of his friend. What could have put Kuwabara in such a state? It's true that their last case was thoroughly difficult and maybe even traumatic, especially with the second death and rebirth of ..

Oh.

Kurama nearly smacked his forehead for not realizing sooner, but controlled himself just in time. He sipped his coffee before taking the plunge in a soft voice, "Kuwabara, what is it you'd like to talk to me about? Something has obviously been bothering you and I am glad you called. I'll do anything I can to help." He smiled prettily, "But you've got to tell me what the problem is first."

Kuwabara shifted uneasily. He gulped, Come on Kazuma stop being such a girl and have a man to man conversation. There's nothing wrong with that! His confidence slightly boosted, he leaned forward, "Alright. The thing is.. I've been trying to study for my exams but I can't stop thinking about what happened with Sensui. It just keeps playing over and over in my head-"

"What part?" Kurama quietly interjected, though he knew what the answer would be.

Kuwabara shifted in his seat again, "..The fight between Sensui and Urameshi.. before he killed him.."

"Ah," Kurama nodded knowingly. He sipped once more at his coffee. "Yes. Does the thought of Yusuke now being a demon.. make you uncomfortable?"

"That's part of it," Kuwabara admitted.

Kurama nodded once more. "That's understandable. It is a strange transition in perspective. But he is still Yusuke. He is still our friend, is he not? He defeated Sensui, and though he was fired by Spirit World from his rank of spirit detective for his demon blood, that doesn't make him any less of-"

"I know that!" Kuwabara suddenly urged. He looked down with guilt from interrupting his friend. "I know that," he said more quietly. "Urameshi is still Urameshi.. but it was the feelings that came up when I thought he was dead that have me.. confused."

This new information dawned slowly upon Kurama. Of course, Kurama mused, thinking back on that fateful day.

You always gotta be there Urameshi, can't you get it? If you're not then who am I?

The tears and cries, the surge of power within all of them when they saw their team leader fall, Kurama pondered on these thoughts and memories from only a week before. That's not something easily forgotten or tossed to the side; those were real feelings that even got Hiei passionate enough to nearly sacrifice his own life. But there was something different between Kuwabara and Yusuke that was not there with the other two, Kurama wondered. There was something holding Kuwabara back from moving on.

The teenaged punk seemed to be getting uncomfortable to the point of looking like he was about to dash out the door, and Kurama tried to sooth him, "It's okay Kuwabara. I think I understand what you are feeling. Have you talked to Yusuke?"

"Nah, I haven't seen him all week," Kuwabara looked out the window. "I don't want him to think I'm being some sorta sissy."

"Grieving the death of a friend is not being sissy," Kurama pointed out lightly. "The two of you have a special connection, that's easy to see. You have a rare kind of friendship that has seen the two of you through all your adventures together, through thick and thin." Seeing he was starting to lose the boy, Kurama pushed further, "Perhaps.. what you are feeling is more than friendship?"

The idea found a wide-eyed Kuwabara, shock written all over his face. At first, the flustered teen shifted in his chair and coughed several times before his voice finally found him and he began to deny it. "Nahh, no! Are you crazy, Kurama? I'm not gay! I like girls with boobs and long hair and all that! Pretty girls!" he was almost yelling by the time he was done with his sentence, but soon he found himself losing his confidence. "I like girls," he stated quietly.

Kurama had not budged.

Kuwabara refused to meet him in the eye. "No," he told him firmly. "It's not like that. Thanks for your help though Kurama. I.. I'll talk to you later," he quickly got up and without looking back, walked out of the coffee shop.

Kurama sighed.

"That went well."

The red-head nearly jumped out of his socks and spilled his coffee all over the table, "Hiei! How long have you been sitting there?"

The fire demon grunted from his position just across the room, in a big cushioned chair no less. "What an idiot. He doesn't even see what the rest of us have known for ages."

"I wouldn't' say that, I thought they were just very close friends," Kurama frowned, cleaning up his coffee with napkins.

"Hn," Hiei nearly rolled his eyes. "For a pretty boy you sure are blind."

A secret smile tugged at Kurama's mouth. "I'll take the compliment implied in that sentence."

"Hn," was his only answer.

Kuwabara ran down the street not knowing quite where he was going. He just had to get away from Kurama's words. Perhaps.. what you are feeling is more than friendship? No! Kuwabara's mind screamed as he jogged, swerving around other pedestrians on the sidewalk. Urameshi is just my friend, he and I have been through a lot together. There's never been anything more than that, and there never will be! What the hell is Kurama thinking, just because he's gay doesn't mean I-

His eyes suddenly found the green uniform of his tormentor in question. Laying beneath a tree in the park Kuwabara had run into was Yusuke, chomping on a piece of grass, staring at the cloudy sky. Kuwabara's breath hitched. Yusuke's hair was gelled and cut short just like it had been before he had gone all demonic. He looked just like he always used to, as if nothing had ever happened.

But something did, Kuwabara remembered grimly. A lot of something's. I can't look at him the same way as before..

The chocolate-brown eyes of his friend found his as he approached. A small smile lit up Yusuke's face, "Hey. Where the hell have you been, studying like some girl?"

Kuwabara didn't answer right away. He just stared at Yusuke, noticing the differences in his friend. Although his outfit and look were the same as before, there were new scars on his face, new pain in his eyes. He was the same and completely different at once. A changed man, but for the better, Kuwabara could not decide.

"Hey moron, is there something on my face?" Yusuke growled.

"Shut up!" was Kuwabara's immediate reaction. The two of them just glared at each other, until Kuwabara finally took the initiative to sit at a safe enough distance away from Yusuke. A quiet fell between them and they both took in the surroundings; children playing in the park, the wind rustling the trees, the sounds of cars driving somewhere nearby. Kuwabara glanced over, "I've been studying, Shizuru is always on my ass about it."

"Of course," Yusuke grinned. "What are you gonna be, a lawyer or a doctor?"

"Shut up," Kuwabara repeated. "Keiko said you haven't been going to class, what's up with that?"

Yusuke spat out his piece of grass, "I don't care about school. I don't care about anything, really."

The despair in his friend's voice made Kuwabara cringe. "Yeah.. I know what you mean."

"No, you don't," Yusuke frowned.

"The fuck I don't!" Kuwabara faced down the half-demon. The surprise in Yusuke's eyes nearly softened his attack, but he wouldn't step down. "Do you think you're the only person having a tough time right now? You don't even know how I feel about all this bullshit, did you ever think to ask about that? No."

"..Kuwabara.." Yusuke muttered as he watched the red-head stand and rigidly look down at him.

A moment of silence, and then Kuwabara's shoulders fell. "Sorry man, I just.. I think I'm going crazy. Shit. Forget about it, I gotta go, see ya," and then he was off again, hands in his pockets. Kuwabara nearly smacked himself, Why the hell did I just do that? Nice going Kazuma, you idiot!

Yusuke was left to ponder at what had just happened. He frowned at the back of his friend until he was out of sight. Yusuke looked down. Kuwabara.. I guess I never do think about what other's feel, I just get wrapped up in my own desire to fight and run. I'm always too focused on my own problems to think of other's. What the hell just happened? I thought we were friends..

But the way he looked at me. Yusuke nearly shuddered. The eyes of possession, heat and desire were those of Kuwabara as he looked down upon him. He had never seen such a look from the teenaged punk and certainly not in his direction. Yusuke frowned in thought, I gotta know what's going through that thick skull of his, and figure out my own shit too. Talk about drama..

Darn you! You're supposed to be here.. for me..

To be continued…

Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing, I'd love to know what you guys think. This is my first Yu Yu Hakusho fic, and I've no idea how long it will be, but it should be a good length if I have enough time. I am a college student, but.. we'll see! I love these characters so, so much. Please review! Arigatou!