All That I've Got, a kim possible fanfic

"All That I've Got"

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I…

Shego sighed as she walked into her room. She was exhausted. Another one of Drakken's plans to take over the world failed thanks to Kim Possible. She winced as she lied down. She had hit her back on the wall so many times tonight and she felt as though she had broken her spine. She growled as she thought of the redheaded heroine. Her blood boiled just thinking of her. She wanted to crush her… annihilate her arch nemesis.

On the other hand, she couldn't help but love the teen hero. She couldn't help but admire Kim's beauty and her gracefulness even as they fight. Kim loved her too, almost equally, but that was it. Kim loved her. That was then. Everything just fell apart, perhaps due to their preferences when it came to right and wrong. Kim could not possibly give up crime fighting for Shego and Shego in turn could never give up her well-paying job, although she actually considered it. That's basically the reason why she still stays with the blue-skinned mad scientist.

Money. That's all that really mattered to her. At least that's what used to be important, but Kim Possible came. Every plan of Drakken's, she'd meet this girl and they would fight. It had actually been more of a ritual. They had been doing it so often and as crazy as it sounds, they actually became close and got to know each other more because of these fights.

Through time, they're desire to kill each other and defeat each other faded. Slowly, but it did happen. It changed into something much different. They looked forward to fighting each other every chance they get. Whether it was physically or verbally, it didn't matter to them. They longed for this contact… this complicated relationship between them. They enjoyed lashing out at each other, testing each other, driving each other to the edge, making each other stronger as they went on. This was how it worked for them and they enjoyed it, whether they were aware of it or not.

Shego turned to her side, seeing the other half of the bed empty. It had been so long since someone filled that space. It had been about a month since Kim told her the heart-breaking news. After that, Kim seemed to be much more different toward her. She was more serious about putting a stop to the evil doctor and the villainess. Their fights had become more intense and Kim was more determined to defeat Shego now.

She could still remember the serious look on Kim's face. She was lying on this same bed when the heroine came to her. Drakken had been busy planning for his new idea and didn't notice Kim sneaking into his lair. Shego, being Kim's lover, didn't really care if she came over or not. She had been excited to see the redhead and immediately gave the girl a hug and a quick kiss. Kim, however, refused to do much more. Shego asked what was wrong and the younger woman told her her feelings.

Shego closed her eyes, not wanting to see that empty space beside her, but this movement made it worse. She remembered the way Kim's arms would wrap around her, Kim's lips would brush her neck with feather-light kisses and Kim's sweet voice beckoning for Shego to take her.

As she opened her eyes, she could have sworn she saw Kim. She shook her head though, knowing it was just her imagination. She decided to stare at the ceiling and let herself think about the past. She knew she could never really stop herself from not thinking about it no matter how hard she tried.

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

She sat up, getting quite pissed off. She just wished she could bang her head on the wall. That way, she could just knock herself unconscious, and that way she could rest in peace, if she would not dream of Kim, that is. She started laughing. It was amusing that she was acting that way. She cursed herself, shouting obscenities to herself. She felt so pathetic but she couldn't help it.

She wanted something more, some other feeling than this. She didn't know exactly what this feeling was. She felt sad, somehow, and yet she was laughing. She couldn't really place this emotion. She knew she wanted to be comforted yet she didn't really want to admit it to herself. Her pride just wouldn't let her. She felt weak, but she continued to tell herself she was really okay.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

"I'm okay," she said to herself again. She kept whispering this into the darkness filled room. She could even tell she was lying, but she couldn't help it.

"I'm fine, really," she said again. "I'm not feeling lonely. It's not that, not that at all."

Now, she could really tell it was a lie. She wanted to stop pretending. She was telling herself she was okay but she knew she wasn't. She was telling herself that she wasn't lonely, but she knew, deep inside, that it was the feeling she couldn't place. It was just her silly way to cope up with the loss. She remained to be in denial, even though it had already been a month and a half.

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

Fighting Kim earlier was just as hard as not seeing her. Shego couldn't bear the eye contact. She could see the look in Kim's eyes were different now. It used to be on fire, fueled by her desire to be with Shego, touch her in ways only they knew. All Shego could see now is a cold glare and cruel determination to defeat her. She did just that. Shego lost this time. Only she had escaped and wasn't caught. She couldn't bear fight Kim and hurt her. She couldn't even defend herself.

She sat up and saw herself in the mirror. She got up and looked at herself closer. She had lost a lot of weight. She was also not as well toned as she used to be. Her drive had gone away. There wasn't any point now to keep in shape. There wasn't any point in fighting Kim either aside from the fact that it was her job to do so.

She knew Kim would never go back to her. She knew that what they had then would never happen again. They had a few special and very intimate nights together, but that was it. After Kim broke up with her, it was done. There was nothing. There wasn't a goodbye kiss. There was only a silent goodbye, one so cruel she didn't want to hear it.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!

Again, she forced herself to believe that she was just fine. Or at least that she'd be okay soon. She decided to take a long cold shower. She had been doing this quite often too. It made her feel quite numb and it helped her with dealing with the break up. She cried all she wanted and she couldn't even tell her tears from the drops of water.

She peeled her cat suit off and turned on the cold water. She stepped inside and began crying again. She leaned her head on the bathroom wall as the water hit her back and her head with cold splashes. It was like a massage, only ice-cold. Slowly, she felt herself growing numb.

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

She cried, screaming and shouting all she wanted. She didn't care anymore if anyone heard her. She wasn't okay and she believed it now. She had been lying to herself all this time. She screamed and screamed until she could do so no more. Tears flowed from her eyes and went down the drain along with the water. She closed her eyes, her brow furrowed.

She wanted to forget about Kim, just as Kim forgot her. She wanted to be okay. She wanted to be lonely no longer. She wanted to be able to fight Kim just because she wanted to win, to defeat her enemy.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

She got out of the shower. Step by step, she felt lighter. She could slowly feel the pain go away. It had been washed away with her tears. Slowly, a smile tugged on her lips. Her head was lowered, but a smile was plastered on her face. She no longer felt empty, no longer felt lonely.

She was okay.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

She was fine. She knew that now. She wasn't lonely. She wasn't sad. She wasn't feeling bitter. She was feeling better.

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got

"I'm okay," she told herself again. This time, she knew it was true. Her smile widened, but slowly grew into a smirk. Slowly, the expression on her face grew familiar. The old Shego was back, and even better.

"I'm okay," she repeated. "It's all that I've got."