The basis behind this is an idea I came up with out of the blue and decided it could possibly turn out to make a pretty interesting and unique plot. Hope things aren't too confusing and please review! The italics are the present, everything else is the past.
I wasn't an idiot. I knew I was dying, even if this time no one was willing to tell me. The pain in my heart wasn't just a manifestation of my emotions; it was real physical pain that made me want to just rip the stupid thing out of my chest and just get this over with. This had happened to me before so many times, but I had never felt this close to death before. No one had ever left me feeling so empty and broken, and my heart was reaffirming this for me. As a particularly violent pulse of searing pain shot through my chest a cry of pain was ripped from my lips.
I felt a hand on my arm and when I opened my eyes half way I saw my brother staring at me in fear and concern. My eyes shut again and I felt myself sink deeper into my pillow and my mattress. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could just sink deep enough and disappear into my bed. The hand on my arm squeezed a little and I heard voices but I didn't focus on any words. Nothing would help me now; I knew I had let myself get too far this time. No matter how far away we moved or how much we tried to start a new life again, I knew nothing would work, and so did everyone else even if they wouldn't tell me.
Right now, there was only one small glimpse of hope on my horizon, but even that was slowly sinking away. Only his touch and his words could save me from my own body, could steal me away from death. But with him as my only hope, I knew I was a goner. I knew he was long gone, and the more I thought about it the more my heart felt like it was going to physically implode inside my chest. I heard more voices and another hand on my other arm, but I didn't care about them: I was bitter and I was dying.
Damn you Axel, for doing this to me, for making me fall in love with you.
All I had ever wanted was to stay in one placed for more than one school year, to have friends I'd known for years, and to live in a place I could actually call home. I was sick of everything being new: new schools, new friends, new house, and another new life. But mostly I was sick of moving. I knew I had to move because of my 'condition' and that it wasn't like I could do anything about it, but still, it sucked.
Today was the first day of my junior year, unfortunately. Not only was this the hardest academic year of high school, but also here I was stuck in another foreign school getting lost. And it wasn't even 7:30 yet. Man, I just knew this was going to be a long day.
Slowly I made my way down hallway after hallway, studying the numbers above the classrooms and furrowing my brow when none of them matched the numbed on my schedule. People whizzed past me on all sides and in all directions, trying to find their classrooms and find their friends. I watched countless reunions between friends who hadn't seen each other all summer, and after each one I felt my confidence (what little I had) grow smaller and smaller. I was just the new kid, walking into a world where everyone had established themselves to a certain group of friends, and a certain social status, and a certain life. What was I, except the person who got the label 'new kid' dumped on them?
The numbers on the doors were starting to look more and more like what I was looking for and a scanned the hallways ahead of me for my room. That was when I saw him. He had his back turned towards me talking to someone, but his bright red hair caught my attention. It was long, past his shoulders, and the spikes cascaded downwards in a sort of organized chaos. He was tall, I could tell much taller than me even from far away, and he had a thin frame with lanky arms and legs. Thin, but not breakable. Muscular, but not overly so, just enough so he could hold his own if he ever needed to. I quickly looked down at my schedule and away from him, even though I knew he couldn't see my lingering eyes.
As luck would have it, he was standing chatting up one of his friends in front of my classroom. Quietly and quickly I snuck by them and inside, but had I seen his glance fall on me out of the corner of my eye?
'Stop,' I thought to myself as I glanced around at the desks with papers on them, looking quietly for my name. I found it in the farthest row over in the very beck seat next to the window just as the bell rang. The typical new-kid-in-school seat I had been placed in many times. Slumping into my seat I pulled out my folder and a pencil and looked up towards the front of the classroom, then quickly away and out the window as the redhead walked in. The redhead made his way down the rows until finally stopping a few seats ahead of mine. He looked back at me, and I felt embarrassed for watching him, but then he smiled at me before sitting down. It was a small and simple smile, but warm and friendly too. I had seen this smile many times, just plastered on different faces and different bodies. I gave a quick annoyed smile back and looked back out the window, hoping he would think I was some annoying bratty new kid and leave me alone, but inside my stomach was filled with butterflies.
And he did. He paused for a moment before sitting down, and out of the corner of my eye I caught his expression change to a bit of confusion and he furrowed his brow with a smirk on his face as he sat down at his desk.
Our teacher was late, and as I sat waiting for this first day to be over, or at least for first period to drag by, I learned some things about the redhead.
First off, he was popular. Even though I tried not to look over, the people that were constantly stopping by his desk were hard to ignore, and every now and then I'd chance over a glance.
Second, his popularity extended to multiple social groups, which was weird to me. In the other schools I had gone to, there were rarely people who were immersed in different social groups, but here everyone seemed to love him. Everyone who went to say hello was smiling widely and laughing. He was a charmer, and I saw many girls walk away with wistful eyes and giggled when they returned to their friends. I rolled my eyes. Suddenly, the redhead didn't make me swoon hardly as much. I hated people who toyed with your emotions or led you on, even if they weren't only trying to get in your pants.
No one else really seemed to share my opinion as the teacher ran in late, coat draped over one arm and coffee clutched in the other, and people reluctantly left his desk and sullenly returned to theirs.
Maybe I only felt like this because I guarded my emotions so carefully, locked away behind an iron door. But who could blame me? My emotions, one in particular, was for be the difference between life and death. In my case, love could kill me.
That kind of makes life suck.
I heard the teacher start to call off names, and I was vaguely aware until he called out "Axel." And the redhead raised his hand casually and called out a soft 'yo.' A few girls giggled and he turned and gave them a smile. I wished I could barf out of the window. Really now, I mean did he, Axel, have to play with the hearts of those girls, especially in front of the whole class. Ugh. I zoned out until the list came to my name.
"Roxas?"
"Here." I raised my hand casually, and suddenly I felt an onslaught of eyes fall on me. Even the redhead turned back curiously, and when he saw it was me and I was looking towards him he did another grin like he did when he first saw me. I looked away and tried to shrink into the corner. I hated that new kid attention I always got, and waited until the teacher finally started to call off other names.
I was right; it was going to be a long day.
Finally I was home, in my room, in the peace and quiet, and I was alone. I sighed contently as I walked over and flopped down on my bed. My room was the only thing that seemed to remain unchanged as we moved from house to house. Even in house number four I had kept the same furniture and posters and even the same nick knacks that lined my shelves. Same color walls, same arrangement of furniture to the best I could make it in this new formatted room, and after a few days I had grown into it, like I had in every other house. I sighed again and closed my eyes.
Red hair plastered itself on the inside of my eyelids, along with that grin. The more I let my self unconsciously think of Axel, the more I realized about him. How had I not taken notice to the fact that his eyes were so bright green it seemed almost unnatural? He seemed so confident in his own skin, and even though he did mess with those girls' emotions, and even a couple guys', he never did it in a vulgar or rude way. I had seen him in lunch and we shared a period of chemistry at the end of the day, and he always acted the same.
My original perception had starting to change, and after he had smiled and introduced himself to me in chemistry since we were lab partners and joked with me throughout the block, I had started to warm up to him. He was actually not a total popular ass like I had thought he might be. I was starting to realize even in such a short period of time why so many people liked him, and I was even starting to feel the same way as them.
That was when I felt a tiny, barely noticeable sting of pain in my chest. All happiness and thoughts of being friends with Axel went out the window as I drew in a shaky breath, my hand jolting up to my chest out of habit. It was so small, I almost thought I had imagined it, but deep down I knew I hadn't. This had never happened so soon in a new place with any other person. My body knew me better than I had thought. If I kept this up, talking to Axel and thinking about him, I knew I would keep falling for him, more and more until it was finally too late.
I wanted to scream in frustration, but I didn't. Instead I sat up and leaned back against the wall, my legs hanging off my bed.
What could I do? We just moved here, we couldn't leave now. I had put my brother through so much already, I couldn't tell him about this. I closed my eyes.
I would just have to avoid Axel as much as I could and not let myself get caught up in this, but it was just so fucking hard. I was a teenager, that's what I was supposed to do! I was supposed to like people and want to be in a relationship and want to fall in love. All of those doctors made it seem so easy. 'If your heart starts to fail when you're in love, then just avoid love at all cost.' How could they even say that, when I saw the wedding rings on their fingers and the pictures of their smiling spouses and laughing children? Almost every one of them was in love, and they were trying to tell me it was so easy not to be? Damn them, all of them.
But maybe with Axel I was just over reacting. I mean, I had had this before, these little crushes that came and went, causing me a little chest pain but nothing I couldn't handle. Yeah, Axel was probably nothing more than a little crush, and in a few days everything would be better and we wouldn't have to move.
I just wouldn't let myself fall in love.
Internally I laughed. How many times was it now I had told myself that, only to be over come by my emotions and my heart almost giving up? Too many.
I hated being sick because of love.
(A/N) I hope Roxas's condition isn't too confusing, and I'll be explaining it more in the next few chapters so don't give up yet! Hope you all liked it so far and please review!