A/N: this was inspired partially by events of today, I apologize in advance.
Peter Strahm stormed down the hallway down to the tech bullpen. This was not how he wanted to start off a Monday, he went into the bullpen and found his favorite techie Chandra Lee. She had her headphones on so when he tapped her on the shoulder she jumped nearly a mile.
"Jesus Peter," she said, taking her headphones off, "you scared me. What's wrong?"
"This," he put his portable hard drive on her desk, "It won't work, my computer doesn't recognize it anymore and I need to get some information off of there."
"Did you try using a new cable?"
"Yes, and system restore, and the other things you told me to do before I bother you."
"Ok," she said, putting her glasses back on, "Gimme a few hours and I'll have it back to you." He nodded and walked out, but had the nagging feeling he'd forgotten something.
About an hour later…
"Okay….got the new casing on it…and plug in!" Chandra kept her fingers crossed as her computer started searching for the drive. About 10 seconds later the computer pinged and a message popped up.
"Strahm's Portal of Awesome has been located. Would you like to open it?"
"WINNING! Well it'd be a good idea to run a virus scan on here while I've got it up." Chandra ran her virus tracker and gasped at the results, "1337 viruses? Jesus Peter what have you been doing?" She jotted down the folder names where most of the viruses were located and let her tracker get rid of them. Once she was satisfied that all the viruses were gone, Chandra started exploring.
"Music…the entire old Doctor Who series…pictures of the precinct…hmm, what's this one?" She clicked on a file called "Diary of doom" and opened it. "Whoa…should get Hoffman down here to explain this." She paged Hoffman and a few minutes later he showed up.
"You have my results on the Jigsaw tape?"
"Not yet, but thought you would wanna see this." She pointed to the screen, "Apparently Strahm is very suspicious of you for some reason," she looked at him oddly, "any reason for that?"
He glared at her and shrugged, "No idea, nor do I want to know how he knows my clothing measurements. What else does he have on here?"
"Trying to know your enemy?" Chandra laughed.
"Shut up and do it or no more booty-calls ever." She pouted and clicked on other various folders. "Wait, wait, go back to that one." He said, pointing to a folder called "Winning." She opened the file inside it and both their jaws simultaneously dropped. "Oh…my…GOD!" They both gasped, "I didn't know Perez could bend that way," Hoffman said as the video-Kerry whipped Perez.
"Yeah…or that Detective Kerry was so…kinky! Dammit why wasn't I invited?"
"I don't know but Eric's gotta see this!" Hoffman texted Eric and within seconds he burst through the door, followed by a panicking Kerry and Perez.
"STRAHM HAS GIRL PORN! I GOTTA SEE!" Eric practically knocked Hoffman down to see the screen, "Is…is that?" He looked over to Kerry and Perez who were blushing and staring at the floor, "I love Strahm right now, I gotta get a copy of this!"
"Already copying it to my external Eric," Chandra said, nearly drooling at the screen, "I'll get you a copy. And Kerry better invite me next time."
"Ok, ok," Kerry said, pushing through the boys to the computer, "What else does he have on here?"
Chandra smirked, "Ask and you shall receive." She gave a mock-bow and continued to go deeper into the drive.
"Hey, click on that one." Perez said, pointing to a file called 'bar_cam.' "Hey…that's the security camera outside the bar…is that you Chandra? And…Hof-" Chandra blushed and hit the fast forward button, stopping at footage of another couple.
"Jesus Peter," Matthews said at the footage of Rigg fucking Jill against a wall, "This guy's a regular porn addict!"
"There's over 100GB of porn on here I've deduced," Chandra said, "No I will not copy it all for everyone, you guys gotta pick and choose." Chandra felt something digging into her back, "And whoever that is, show some restraint."
"Sorry," Matthews said.
Three hours later, they had finally gone through most of Strahm's hard drive, everyone having a list of the files they wanted copies of. Strahm came back into the bullpen and cocked his head at all the people around Chandra's desk.
"What's going on guys?" Everyone turned around to look at him, both Matthews and Hoffman having massive erections and the girls sitting awkwardly around the computer.
"I uhm…fixed your hard drive, just giving it a glance over to make sure I…got everything." Chandra stuttered out.
" 'Glance over'?" his face got pale, "Oh god, you found the porn…I am SO SORRY!"
"Don't be," Hoffman said, "found some great stuff to use later." Everyone nodded.
"Just got one last file to look at and we're done." Chandra pointed to a file called 'best_ever.'
"Please don't open that one!" He yelled, trying to pry the mouse away from Chandra.
"Jesus Peter," Perez said, and everyone's jaw dropped again. The video showed Strahm in a little red dress, and someone with his back turned came up and kissed Strahm.
"Wait..I know that ass," Chandra said then turned around to look at Hoffman, "Is that you?" Hoffman shook his head. Then the camera angle changed and showed Strahm being fucked roughly by none other than Hoffman. All the girls squealed and Matthews looked like he was gonna be sick.
"Jesus Peter," Hoffman said, "you said you weren't gonna film it." Then the shot changed to Strahm in a kilt, fucking a tied up Hoffman who was wearing a Viking hat. Everyone turned to look at Hoffman, who just shrugged "Acid trip, nothing else to say about that."
"I am mortified right now." Peter said, burying his face in his hands.
"Well the rest of us are horny." Matthews said, reaching past Chandra to unplug the hard drive and tossed it back to Strahm, "So we're gonna go take care of it." They all got up and raced out of the bullpen, leaving Strahm alone.
"Jesus Peter," he said to himself, "I'm never living this down." He put the drive in his pocket and ran out after them.