Life is not a fairytale.
Mikasa has known this harsh fact since she was little. She wouldn't get her happy ending like she used to think she deserved.
She sees now that Titan-killers can't be princesses and just because you're in the survey corps, it doesn't make you anything special or anyone brave.
Still, she tries to ignore these facts and carry on.
Her resolve to do so doesn't last for too long.
The one thing that she doesn't quite get is why he's always leaving. Leaving everyone behind, having to be the hero, her knight in shining armor.
She does not get why he doesn't let her handle these things; to protect him.
She tells him to be safe out of genuine concern; not to be a pest, and not because she deems him weak.
I can't lose anyone else, she tells herself.
So when he almost meets certain death twice, she tries to keep it together. She tries to be the rock and anchor she's supposed to be—the emotionless, apathetic, cold hearted person she is pegged to be by everyone except those who know her.
Everyone except for Eren.
And when she looks at him and thinks, how stupid can he be, she hits herself over the head multiple times. How can she be so insensitive? Eren is smart—just under a lot of pressure is all.
Are you sure? she asks herself in preparation as she stands protectively in between her savior and a Titan. When she hears him call her name—out of fear? out of care? concern? no, it's something else—she has the confidence and certainty to smile at him.
I'm sorry, she tries to tell him.
I wish I could have done more, she tries to get past her lips.
Everything I did…everything I do…it's always been for you, Eren, she will make one more attempt.
I love you, she tries to scream.
None of these things make it out of her gaping mouth.
No, Mikasa thinks instead. life is most definitely not a fairytale.