Turning Over a New Leaf
Helena25
Summary:
When you are pressed down on all sides with trouble and your past keeps catching up with you, it might seem that the best way out is - turning over a new leaf.
Actually it is not that new, but the situation is dramatically changed.
Work Text:
Written by Сын дракона.
Translated by Helena25.
Chapter 1, part 1
Mr . Gold sighed deeply and shut his eyes - there was painful throbbing behind them. Something heavy was pressing down his chest, keeping the air away from his lungs , and he was dizzy.
It was not often that he was invited to participate in the "family councils", that were, frankly speaking, rather war councils. Snow`s family preferred to fight on its own and they only turned to Rumplestiltskin when it became obvious that they needed his magic. Pride urged Gold to send those relatives of his, who only recollected his existence in times of crises, to the devil - but Bay attended their meetings.
After Cora`s death and Gold`s healing their relationship was not progressing at all. Bay was not overtly hostile, but went out of his way to keep out of touch with him. He always talked himself out of a dinner-invitation or just meeting somewhere.
The only way to see his son at all was to attend these family councils.
Like now.
Gold was sitting a bit apart from the others on the sofa( Mary Margaret`s flat was too tiny for all of them ) when the door burst open and Hook emerged on the threshold.
Emma was the first to react- she jumped up, turning her chair over and drawing out her revolver.
"Calm down, Swan, calm down," Hook raised his hands and tried to smile as politely as possible.
"I`ll calm down only when you are behind the bars!" Emma did not lower her gun, yet she stopped when she saw that her adversary made no attempt to break further into the room.
Hook rolled his eyes.
"Why so jumpy? We both know I won`t stay long. I only dropped to tell you a few words. May I come in?"
During this conversation Gold was keeping silence, and only his hands were gripping the cane tighter and tighter. When Hook spoke about " a few words" some dark and nasty premonition seized him.
"Talk right there , " ordered Emma, who had no intention of letting the pirate into her house.
" Is it t really worth while to let him poison the air?" Mr. Gold was going to put in, but did not. Lately he had been feeling a certain emptiness and tiredness, and nothing was the way it should be. Nothing gave him any joy. The hope of attaining at least some happiness was dwindling day by day until it was practically non-existent.
Hook raised his right arm, letting the sleeve fall back, and pointed at the tattoo.
"You asked me once," he began, smiling darkly, " who Milah was. And I came today to give you the answer. "
The silence that followed his words was almost ringing. Mary Margaret and David understood nothing, so they just exchanged bewildered glances and Emma shot up an eye-brow: her question had been an idle one and she could not understand why the pirate was suddenly that eager to answer it.
Next moment she realized that Hook was not staring at her, but at someone to her left. Emma, even without turning round, knew that that was where Neal was sitting.
Hook went on.
"Neal…that is, Baelfire, you do remember who Milah was, don't you?"
"That was my mother`s name?" Emma knew Neal too well and she caught the strain in the calm voice. "She died… long ago"
It seemed to Gold that he were watching this all from afar. Or was it one of the nightmares that kept torturing him of late? For - like in a nightmare - he was powerless either to move or to speak.
"Long ago- yes. " Hook nodded slowly "And yet not quite that long as you think, Bae. You take after her. You are strong and brave and adventurous, you are capable of loving and capable of taking risks. You are your mother`s son, and I ought to have realized this long ago- back in Neverland. But, alas, I am not very full of child-lore and afterwards it was too late. And you - do you remember me? Remember when we first met?"
Neal shook his head.
" I remember meeting you in Neverland."
" No, before that. " Hook had raised his voice and it was evident he was stirred. " Your village, the pub… you were just a kid…You entered with your father - and she was there."
Gold started when Neal turned towards him. Those familiar and beloved eyes stared at him with a suspicious squint.
"That was another lie of yours, right? Mother didn`t die… she just…"
A spasm of pain laced his throat, but with an impossible effort Gold managed to sit up as straight as he could and bring forward the answer:
" Just ran away with a pirate? Do you think it is possible to tell a six- year- old boy that a stranger was dearer to his mother than her own child?"
"Not her child!" Hook struck in furiously. " She kept thinking of him , she remembered him. It was you she was running from - and only you. And for that you murdered her."
"She died the day she abandoned Bae. " tightening into a ball inside answered Gold. His eyes were glistening feverishly and he could not draw them away from his son`s face.
"She died the day you ripped her heart out!"
***
Gold opened his eyes slowly. Nothing changed.
Hook had thrown his bomb - and soon enough everyone had forgotten about him. Gold was trying to find words – he had something to tell, he did - but Bay would not listen to him. And the words died before he pronounced them.
Somehow he rose - as if in a dream , barely managing to balance on his feet, and the world gave a lurch. He crossed the room and in the sudden silence the sounds of his cane were as clear as those of a hammer.
Hook made no attempt to meddle with him, he even stepped aside to let him pass.
Was it his fate to have everything dearest to him taken away from him by this pirate? Milah, Belle, Bay… Why had he not gotten rid of him when he had had the chance?
Oh, yes, pity. It is a humiliating sentiment- for everyone involved. Why was it that Belle had kindness even for such scum and Lacey had none- not even for him?
Gold glanced heavily across his once more half- destroyed shop. Ht had come here straight from that meeting, had crawled here to lick his wounds. He had smashed everything he could, and now he was surrounded by the debris - all that was left of his own soul.
Tomorrow he will put everything straight, magic could do that with objects, though it was incapable of healing hearts and souls.
Tomorrow- not today. Today he was far too spent to raise his hand.
The narrow bed was awaiting him behind the shop, but Gold knew there would be no sleep for him.
His head was pulsating painfully and red fire kept dancing before his eyes. Smashing the shop-windows had taken his strength away , but it could bring him no peace.
Should he drive home? It was three in the morning, but Lacey never went to bed early. She was surely still up, that is, if she were back from one of her outings.
Gold was not blind and he knew well enough that Lacey was constantly finding other companions. No matter how hard she tried to encourage the dark feelings in him, he never could be sufficiently rough and cruel to her. And therefore the self-assured girl kept teasing the monster. Time and time again she would set his jealousy on fire, pushing him to violence and anger - and then she would enjoy the dark flames.
That was not what he needed. But Lacey remained the only one who stayed willingly with him - and Gold could not help cherishing that. His hands now and then would twinge with an almost physical pain, for he needed someone`s touch that badly. He wanted someone`s caress, tender whisper. He wanted to kiss- passionately or chastely - but - to kiss!
Gold wrapped both hands around himself, hardly registering that he was shaking all over. He would go mad , were he to spend this night alone. He must drive home. Lacey wouldn`t turn away from him even if he were to tell her about Milah straight away. No, her blue eyes would open wildly and she would breath deeply and tug at his tie.
Lacey wouldn`t accuse him. She would accept him and would love him.
(Сhapter 1 to be contihued)