Author's note: MAH FIRST SPN FIC. AU, drabble, basically just banter. It was originally meant to be a longer story (Destiel) but that kinda didn't work out... SO HAVE SOME SABRIEL BAR-BANTER INSTEAD

The title of the drabble collection, in case you're wondering, is based off of Panic! At The Disco's 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' because I love them and it seemed like a good title. I might even do a songfic of it... Anyways, enjoy!

Sam slid into a stool at the bar, sighing heavily.

"I need something very alcoholic, very fast, Gabe." He demanded.

"Been kicked out again?" The barman in front of him inquired, setting a glass down before Sam.

"Yep."

"Too bad… Your brother is an asshat, kiddo. Who'd he pick up this time?" Gabriel leant forwards, eager to hear the gossip. Sam gave him a weary grin.

"Some yoga teacher he had a thing with in Cicero years ago." Sam almost laughed at the memory of Dean's face when he opened the door and saw her.

"A yoga teacher, hmmm? Well, Dean-o is in for the bendiest night of his life." A grin crossed Gabriel's features at Sam's disgusted look.

"Oh my God, Gabriel! Mental images!" He exclaimed loudly. Flailing his arms and shaking his head wildly. Gabriel started sniggering violently.

"Images of what?" A voice behind him piped up. Sam jumped slightly and turned around. Behind him stood Castiel, his head tilted slightly in confusion.

"Oh, hey Cas. Don't worry about it, you're way too innocent." Sam said with a slight grin.

"Yeah, Cas." Gabe agreed, "Sod off and let the big boys do the talking, Mister Virgin-Until-I-Was-Twenty-Seven." Gabriel laughed at his own joke, before walking off to serve another customer. Cas huffed a little at the insult, while Sam tried not to laugh at him.

"So, Sam, where is Dean?" Castiel enquired quietly, his sparkling aqua eyes full of hope. Sam regarded him with pity; Castiel wasn't exactly the best at really hiding his feelings. He had a brilliant poker face, but once you really got to know him, his every action told how he was feeling. The only people who didn't realise were Dean and Cas themselves.

"He, uh… he stayed at home." Sam decided that he wouldn't lie, just choose his truths. Cas looked slightly disappointed, but recovered speedily.

"Oh, maybe I'll go see him." Castiel looked at Sam with big eyes, as though asking for permission. Sam panicked a little.

"No!" he said, perhaps a little too sharply, "He's busy, Cas, maybe another time?" That was when Gabriel suddenly reappeared, with all the tact of a brick to the face.

"Busy!" he giggled, "Well, if that's what ya call a sexy yoga teacher, Sammybear!"

Sam turned to Castiel, apology in his eyes. Cas, for his part, simply looked a little upset, more than a little frustrated and utterly resigned to his lonely fate. He stood, rather abruptly, and nodded at Gabriel and Sam, his face now clear of any emotion.

"Look, Cas, I'm sorry, you know how he is!" Sam grabbed Castiel's arm, trying to keep him from leaving.

"No, Sam, do not worry. You know I understand." Castiel's voice was robotic, the way it always became when any feeling began to overwhelm him. "I should go now. I will see you some other time."

Sam sighed, but let him go with no more protests. Once Cas had left he turned to Gabriel, looking murderous. Gabriel took an involuntary step back at the rage in his eyes. He held his hand up in front of him as protection.

"Why the Hell did you do that?!" Sam hissed, his hands curling into fists on the table. "You know how Cas feels, Gabriel! Can't you ever lay off the poor bastard?"

Gabriel saw it would be pointless to protest innocence, so he shrugged. "If I do it enough he might toughen up or, even better, get over that asshole! Anyway, he was annoying me. You know, 'two's company, three's a crowd' etc. "

"Gabe! He's my friend and your brother! You can't just crush his feelings because you feel like it." Sam was giving Gabriel a fierce bitchface as he lectured.

"Gosh, Sam, I didn't realise you were such a friggen girl. Oh, wait, yes I did; you personally identified with Belle from that Disney movie." Gabriel rolled his eyes at Sam's shocked intake of breath.

"You swore we'd never speak of that again!" Sam hissed, only exaggerating his anger slightly.

"Oh, soothe your boobs Sammich. You'd make a good Belle. You've got the hair for it." And with a flirty wink he walked jauntily away.