AN: PART THREE, CAN BE READ SEPERATELTY FROM THE OTHERS..
SEASON ONE CONTINUED.
NEW BOY TEA BOY: PART THREE
Ianto lay there staring at his bedroom ceiling, flat on his back. Mostly because that was the most comfortable position he could find and partially because he really couldn't be bothered moving anyway. Every part of his body ached, if that were at all possible in the grand scheme of things, even his fingers and toes were protesting. The cannibals had really done a number on him. Owen had counted 9 fractures, mostly his ribs, his left collar bone and one above his left eye. Yep that one really hurt. The woman had done that with the butt of the shotgun, he remembered it with nauseating clarity. Eitherway it was better to just lie there and not move and minimise his breathing, minimise everything really. He didn't have a great recall of how he had come to be in his own bed, but everything that had preceded; great, so much for the joys of selective memory. Aren't you supposed to blank out the bad times? Wasn't ones brain supposed to fill in the gaps with fluffy bunnies and candy floss? No such fucking luck. He remembered every single nuance of Canary Wharf, why was he expecting anything else to be any different?
Was that a radio he could hear? Ianto thought about turning his head and decided against it. There was someone in his flat, moving about in the adjoining room, and there was stuff all Ianto could do about it. He wondered who it was then reasoned that whoever had got him home was probably still there. He hoped to God it wasn't Owen. The two of them hedged around an uneasy dislike of one another at the best of times, but since Lisa....Well the less said the better. The sweet aroma of coffee drifted through the sparse room. Ianto had never had time to personalise his flat, it was as bare and unwelcoming as a prison cell.
The door opened and he did turn his head to see who it was and regretted the movement immediately. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and was greeted by a cheery grin from Jack. Ianto was rather too gobsmacked to respond. Jack cautiously perched himself on the edge of the bed.
"How are you feeling?"
It took Ianto an age to process the words through his headache.
"Fine, sir." It was automatic, habit really.
Jack was frowning. "You really need to get out of the habit of lying to me. Lets try that again, shall we? How are you feeling?"
Ianto just gaped like a fish out of water. "I feel like shit, does that help?"
Jack flashed him an encouraging grin. "Better. I know you're not going to want to move, but Owen wants you up on your feet, so I made breakfast.....actually went shopping first mind, your cupboards were empty." There was a chastisement in there somewhere.
Ianto wondered why he cared enough to bother, after everything but decided not to question it. He was grateful, if begrudging. Ianto contemplated the whole movement thing and didn't like the thought of it one bit. He chewed on his lower lip bracing himself mentally for yet more pain. He tried to roll on to his side and just squealed rather girly like with the pathetic effort before flopping back into his previous position.
"Owen's a sadist."
Before he realised it Jack was there, arms carefully braced under his to help him upright.
"Ok, you ready for this?"
Ianto shook his head. "Do it anyway."
Jack hauled him upright away from the pillows into a sitting position. He kept his arms in place enabling Ianto to lean against him. Ianto thought he was going to black out and he was slumped there against Jack for sometime sucking in shallow breaths. Jack's fingers were carding through his hair and Ianto closed his eyes, comforted by the intimate gesture.
A painful hour later and Ianto was showered and sitting in his kitchen in t-shirt and track pants, munching on toast and drinking coffee. He had to admit to feeling marginally better and was surprised to discover Tosh sharing breakfast with him too.
Jack had apparently brought them both home to Ianto's flat. Toshiko had been unwilling to leave the young man who had tried to save her life so she had spent the night in his spare room on a bed amid all the unpacked possessions he owned. Jack had settled them both into bed and then dozed on Ianto's couch. Owen had been adamant, Ianto needed observation and Jack checked on him every hour as instructed. The drug induced sleep for the young Welshman had been a quiet one. Jack had been expecting at least one nightmare. Through part of the night he sat at the far edge of the bed and watched the boy sleep. It was the first time he had witnessed such a thing. It was the only time he had ever seen Ianto with an unguarded and peaceful look on his face and it was a beautiful thing to behold.
Breakfast was a quiet affair, radio 2 was playing lightly in the background as there was no TV in Ianto's flat. Jack had spent some time unpacking the toaster and kettle and some crockery as it was. He wondered how long Ianto had been living like this, his flat a virtual flop house, the stove and fridge obviously unused. The flat itself naked of anything personal. Only the bathroom had seen some use. It was a nice flat too, with an impressive view of the water front.
Jack handed Ianto a glass of water and a pile of the tablets Owen had left with him.
"Painkillers."
Ianto nodded and took the lot without hesitation, he wouldn't have bothered with the toast but for the fact that Jack was watching his every move. Tosh was smiling weakly at him and patted his hand.
"I'd best get home."
Ianto returned the smile. "Thank's Tosh."
She offered him a look of surprise. "I didn't do anything."
Ianto very cautiously embraced her and kissed her head. "More than you'll ever know." He whispered into her hair and he meant it too.
Jack was on his feet. "I'll drive you. No work for a few days. I got it covered. Owen and I will take care of things." He was pulling on his coat and then he helped Tosh into hers. Tosh nodded.
"I'll drop by in a couple of days Ianto."
Ianto nodded. "Thanks Tosh, I'd like that."
Tosh left the kitchen sensing that Jack needed to say something without her over hearing. Jack stood there looking at Ianto with an unreadable expression on his face. He reached out and gently touched Ianto's pale cheek, the one that wasn't swollen and black with bruising.
"I'll be back later to check on you. Make sure you be careful and for god's sake eat something before you have any more painkillers."
Ianto nodded.
"Yes, sir."
Jack visibly winced at that. "It's Jack, one syllable, spelt JACK...Jack, got it?"
Ianto nodded.
"Good."
The following few days passed in a blur of discomfort and drugs. Ianto didn't mind the drugs bit. The numbness in his mind was much appreciated. Jack visited, twice on the first couple of days. He fussed and fretted, sitting and watching Ianto, to make sure that he did eat and making sure he was settled in bed each before leaving. Nothing sexual passed between them at all to Ianto's amazement. Jack didn't even flirt or offer up an innuendo. It felt a bit weird, but then since the whole Lisa thing Ianto was amazed that Jack could stomach being in the same room with him. Ianto found himself missing the banter but he didn't say anything. The last thing he wanted to do was piss Jack off. Tosh turned up on the third day with her laptop and a bag of DVDs. They spent the day curled up on his sofa under a quilt with Bridget Jones, Batman and James Bond at 8pm Jack joined them. Ianto sandwiched between his colleagues. He had to admit to himself that it was nice to feel as though he was in the company of people who had actually chosen to be near him. Tosh fell asleep against him and he asked Jack to put her to bed in the spare room, which he duly did. Ianto had stood in the doorway and watched as Jack tenderly tucked her into bed. It was an adorable sight and Ianto realised for the first time just how much Jack really did care about his team. At that he just he felt guilty and had to turn away. He went to the kitchen and made cups of tea for himself and Jack. It was still painfully slow to do anything much. He hadn't noticed Jack come in until he felt two arms gently wrapped around his body from behind and soft lips brushing against his neck.
Ianto closed his eyes, not sure what to do. He didn't want this, not right now.
"Please don't Jack." He barely got the words out.
Jack stepped away. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" His voice laden with guilt and misunderstanding.
Ianto turned and faced him. "No. I just don't think it's...well...you know." Words abandoned him so he settled for proffering the mug of tea.
A look of hurt flashed across Jack's face. "What? Now Lisa's out of the picture, no need to..."
"Don't!"
"Don't what? Come on Ianto that's it isn't it? You really were using me, are using me." Bright coldness burned in Jack's eyes and Ianto instinctively took a pace back in fear. It was all too familiar, that look of frozen hunger and lust. The mug clattered from his grasp and his breath hitched. He took another step back.
"Please Jack. Not now." He whimpered.
Jack just gaped at him in shock. "Yan?"
"Not now Jack, please I just...I just." It hit full force like being slammed into a wall, the horror, the stench and his own fears, mixed with over whelming grief and loneliness. Everything came down on him in that one instant, that one act of compassion, a simple cuddle an act of comfort. Ianto was shattered. He stood there backed against the sink shaking violently.
Jack put down his mug and held out his hands absolutely terrified by the pitiful sight in front of him. Jack pushing his own hurt as far down as he could took an apprehensive step forward.
"Yan, it's OK. I'm sorry. It's OK."
"Please just go Jack." Ianto begged.
"No way am I leaving you like this. I'll call Owen..."
"No! Don't you dare!"
Jack managed to dredge up a smile at the predictable reaction. "Fine, then I am staying. You do not have to deal with this on your own."
Ianto sank slowly down to the floor and pulled his knees up to this chest hugging them tightly and hissing through the pain in his ribs. Jack sighed, he grabbed a tea towel and mopped up the spilt tea and picked up the two pieces of broken mug. Once done he sat on the floor opposite and leaned against the fridge.
"I'm sorry I upset you."
The returning empty look from Ianto made him shudder.
"I'm sorry I hurt you too. I'm sorry for everything."
Jack just wanted to reach out to him so much but he knew he couldn't.
"Why did you save me?"
Jack sighed. "Why wouldn't I? I'm not angry with you for why you did the things that you did. It hurt, more than I thought I could be hurt but you are a good person Ianto. Worth saving."
"And you still can hold me after what I did?"
"If you'd let me. You took care of me when Estelle died. I don't know why, but you did. I like to think that counts for something good between us. I messed up badly out at Brecon, I nearly lost you all and quite frankly you were the only one of us out there with his head screwed on. I need you on my team. I need you to stand up to me and remind me that I don't always get it right. No one has ever stood up to me like that before."
Ianto shifted slightly. "I was trying to protect Lisa, quite frankly I would've sold my soul to the devil if was required of me."
"I know. That kind of powerful love is a rare and beautiful thing Ianto Jones, like you."
"Do you love me Jack?"
Jack smiled. "I'm afraid I do. Damndest thing. Part of me wants to hate you, but I can't. You forced me to look at myself and only one other person has done that before. He made me see things I did not like and he turned my anger around and made it into love and then he deserted me."
"Deja Vue?"
"You're still here."
"Nowhere else to go Jack. Lisa's gone. There is nothing else for me now. When that cleaver was at my throat I was kinda hoping he'd use it even though I was afraid to die. It was like an escape route from all this."
Jack understood only too well. "Yep, wish I had that option sometimes."
They fell silent Ianto contemplating his fingernails.
"Yan?"
Ianto looked across the room at him.
"Do you still want to die?"
"No. Well...not as much as I did. I guess if someone stuck a gun to my head I wouldn't be afraid. Just feels like existing right now. I suppose it will get better in time."
"It will." Jack assured him.
Ianto shivered, cold. "I should get to bed, it's late."
Jack instantly got to his feet and held out his hand. Ianto took it as he hauled himself upright. Jack held on to his hand, gently rubbing circles over his palm with his thumb. Ianto look at their clasped hands and smiled.
"My mam used to do that when I was upset."
"Does it help?"
Ianto nodded. Jack smiled.
"Good, at least I got something right today."
Ianto leant against him circling his free arm around Jack's waist in a gentle hug.
"Thank you."
Jack kissed his head but said nothing as he returned the embrace, mindful of Ianto's injuries.