Authors Note.

This story is based on Stephanie Meyer's Twilight.


Elizabeth. January 18, 2008

So it all started here.

As I stood across the road from St Mary's Anglican, watching the students milling in and out of the front gates, I realised, now more than ever, everything started had started there in that fucking school. If it wasn't for dad wanting me to do dance as an extra class… if we hadn't even moved to New York in the first place, well I wouldn't be the fucked up depressed anorexic I am today. Well that is what everyone thinks of me; why not play along with it? Besides, I don't know who I am anyway. I don't even know what I'm doing on this earth. Why I'm still subconsciously alive when I feel…well, dead.

Mostly I wish we had never met. We would never have found each other, fell in love with each other, or lost each other, and everything in between. I still remember his hugs… his kisses… his smell…he smelled luxurious. My memory is full with those thoughts every day. I sort of want to forget about it and start my life over again but…… I can't. I don't want to. I just want to ……think about him. For the rest of my life. Thank god I still remember him…I can't………forget……

I'm thinking maybe I'll change my name. Elizabeth… Wreck or something like that. I'm hardly the swan I used to be. Well no I never was a swan anyway…but I'm as far away from it now then ever possible. Kaia think's I don't know what a total freak I am these days, but oh, I so do know. I just …don't care. I really do wish we could be good friends again- it's not that I don't want us to be. It's that I know it won't work out. We both know I've forgiven her but it's still not the same anymore.

Anyway, enough of that. I figured out yesterday that if I spent two hours each day wishing for about something that's gone…things that I'll never have ever again- I'd have wasted roughly ten years of my life. Well, assuming that I'd live until around 80, which I highly doubt will happen. So if I die tomorrow… I'd only have wasted a few months in total. That seems a much better outcome. But he told me to "please stay alive and well. Don't doing anything I wouldn't want you to do Elizabeth. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me". So I must do that. Must not kill oneself…must not-What a silly thought…killing myself. I just amaze myself sometimes…how stupid I am. But how could he say that?

Everything happened because of him.

But if he'd just done what I'd asked of him……I would never have to die anyway. I could be with him forever. And ever……………

No, I don't spend my days calculating things and I don't think about him all the time…Just most of the time. But I certainly think about dying a lot- heck If can get away from everyone and not worry about anything ever again, why not? But Kaia would probably blame herself for not looking after me or something and then people would be angry at her for not taking me to a psychiatrist or something…or something else.

Apart from my crazy thoughts I work full time at Chanel as a fashion assistant- which is fine by me because I get payed quite a lot of money to tell rich snobs which dress/bag/shoes is suited for which boring occasion. I had applied for a few well known college's but was rejected by all of them. I think I know why. Who wants someone as depressed, lazy person as weird as me in their college? Exactly. Dad tried to send me money, but I ignore him- I don't need him or his money. I can think of a hundred or so perfect reasons for hating him right now if I wanted to.

But I really can't be bothered.

I don't know if they like me or not there. I'm very sure they only hired me because I can fit more than snugly into their clothes, and because I told them I was manager at Burberry before. They seemed impressed but didn't know that I was only manager because my dad owned the goddamn place. He's the executive manager off all of them or something. I don't know what that is but I just remember we were hell rich, all the time. I don't care either.

I know I shouldn't have walked to work today. Aside from getting completely lost, I was left with memories of high school and had a huge blister in each ankle from walking in The Shoes. The Shoes are hell. Everyday I have to wear these five-inch heels that give me the fucks.

The people at Chanel are considerably nicer than the Burberry bitches. I hated them Burberry people along with the uniform (an outrageous gold lamé pant and weird blouse thing) more than anything, even more than the Shoes. They all knew I only got my job there because of my dad. I had no idea what the difference was between wool and cashmere and Egyptian silk. I didn't know anything except that they didn't mind if I heard them bitching about me. Of course I didn't tell my father. Who would? Besides I didn't want to work there, dad wanted me to.

So when the big thing happened I ditched my father forever and ever and I'm not ever going to talk to him ever again. I hate him. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate………hate………

I'm going to hail a cab. I'm nearly going to be late anyway. And I can't get sacked because I'm saving up my own money to find an available apartment to move into- so I can move out of the luxurious one me and Kaia share. The thing with me and Kaia is quite complicating, so I figure its best to move out. If I can find a place, that is.

Work is okay. I can escape from everything else in my life, while I help old but snobby stuffed-with-botox-faced ladies pick their size (not exactly "help" I guess, since its usually zero) All except that I have to pretend to be bright and happy. I have to walk in The Shoes. I have to make sure I re-apply my makeup every hour in case it runs. My Chanel suit has to be immaculate all the time…and so on.

It was half an hour before we closed, and I was walking about the store, straightening the dainty looking clothes-hangers, polishing the shoes, the usual stuff, when a young couple around my age walked in. Poor guy. He was holding about ten shopping bags and the girl was basically giggling and suffocating him with her lips. If Esme saw them she'd kick them out. She's the boss around here. She once kicked out two teenage girls for their non-stop laughing and "hideous outfits"

It's Chanel code that you have to greet every customer no matter how hideous they dress or how publicly affectionate they are being, so I went up to them reluctantly. Of course they didn't even look my way. And then I recognized the girl with half dread and half amusement. Lacey Stewart from my old school…queen of all popular cows and slut faced bitches (it's true!!?) God I hated her. Kaia and I used to call her Stew Wart. No, no, no it was …wart stew, I think. Oh those days… when I didn't have a single worry except Wart Stew and company ……well……and other things.

"Hi, welcome to Chanel, how may I help you?". Cue fake smile and lovely posture.

The "how may I" bit used to be very hard when I first started out. See, in the land of Chanel saying "how can I" instead, is like …telling someone annoying to just fuck off. It's much easier to say, but apparently it's ruder.

The man looked at me blankly, then shrugged off Lacey. She looked at me once, gasped loudly and then laughed.

"Oh my god! Is that you, Elizabeth??" she practically yelled at me. "Fuck, it's been sooooooo long…" she then lowered her voice "How's you and…you know…" and then she smirked evilly at me. Pause. "I heard what happened. Gosh, you must be sooo sad. And oh my god, you're so tiny!!" she said in fascination. "Is everything …fine with…… you?" she smiled, then stared me up and down, and snickered. What a witch. I cannot believe how she said that "you" part. Like I'm not noticing her evil ways. I think I might just ignore her... maybe

"I'm fine" I said slowly. But she was already gone, shuffling through the racks and messing up the clothes I had just so tediously ordered. I only noticed him speak as I was about to march up to that cow and punch its lovely perfect little face. Big, more like.

"Hey, I'm William…Turner" said …William. He smiled genuinely for the first time.

"Oh" I said, defeated. I really was going to punch her. "Err…N-Nice to meet you, I'm-"

"Elizabeth"

I blinked. "You know me?"

"Well…um…says on your name tag.." he smiled pathetically, looking at my name tag, and just happening to look for too long. What a perve. Ooh goody, I hope the wart is looking. But she's not. Damn.

Right. OK then, fine. I nodded and smiled, then walked away to let him do whatever he wanted with his blondie girlfriend. She obviously didn't want any help, so I just stayed at the desk, wishing for 5 o'clock.

I noticed the William guy was staring at me. I watched him through my hair, and yep he was just staring at my troubled self, like an algebra question he was trying to figure out. Let him. It shouldn't really bother me, I get it all the time. But there was something about the way he was looking at me that really bothered me.

Lacey purchased a bunch of stuff costing much much more than all the free things I've acquired from Chanel. I wasn't surprised of course. Back when we lived in London at my other school I thought my dad was rich. And then I arrived here, and well… Lacey and her cronies used to make me feel like one of those poor kids living on streets in England.

I was so glad to see them leave that I only just noticed that Lacey had purposely knocked off one off the vases near the entrance door. It dropped to the ground and smashed so suddenly, I nearly didn't hear her talk.

"…………Shit…whoops" she giggled uncontrollably. "Sorry"

And then Lacey wart stew grasped her man and walked out, still laughing. I was plain horrified. If Esme saw her beloved vase smashed to pieces on the floor, she'd whip me if I didn't stop who did it. And I really, really didn't want to call her back in, but since I couldn't afford to pay for the vase, I had to.

Thank god they hadn't ran down the street, I really didn't want to go chasing after them. William and Lacey were standing outside around the window, arguing about something. Even after I'd finished sweeping up the remains of the vase they were still there. I just stared out at them from the desk, not knowing what the fuck to do. It looked pretty heated.

Finally(thank god) Lacey stomped in, attempting to bang the glass door. (But Chanel doors are very high-tech and bang-proof, hah!) She walked up to me and glared.

"You bitch!!" she hissed. I didn't even have time to be shocked, let alone speak before she continued. "I saw you flirting with him like an idiot and you'd better stay away from him got it??"

I was completely gob-smacked. I honestly don't know what I said or did, apart from "nice to meet you".

"Don't you dare play dumb, I saw you." She paused, smirking. "How's your imaginary husband going to feel about that??" she said, her voice dripping with mock sarcasm. "Oh wait, right…he doesn't want you anymore!

There was silence until I managed to speak. Then I fake laughed.

"Is that what you two were arguing about?" I smirked. "Moi??"

She just glared at me and then gasped. "No, you freak. He doesn't give a fuck about you, we were just laughing about how pathetic your attempts at flirting are."

"Wow… you guy's sure laugh weird. Pretty intense laughing" I nodded, really not offended about her rudeness.

She just glared at me, and then spoke. "We were laughing at you when you swept up that shitty vase, and then we argued about how to get home" she spat, as if explaining to a baby. Her acting is quite amusing.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Fine, laugh at me. But are you going to pay for it now?" I said impatiently. It was already five. And Esme was in her office. I hoped she would come out now. But I didn't want to call her. I can handle a bitch all by myself.

Lacey just scoffed. "Fuck no!" she laughed. "It was an accident, pay for your precious vase yourself Liz" And then she smirked and turned to walk away.

"Fine, I'll have to call security then…wait no, Brom is in the office right behind me, I can tell him to handle this now if you like…or you can pay."

Ok that's a lie. Esme let him finished early, but I wish he hadn't. He would have been standing at the door like he usually does, and Lacey wouldn't have knocked it and I would be already home for fucks sake.

Lacey just turned around and glared at me for a few seconds, before marching up to the desk and slamming her card on the counter. I smiled.

"Eight thousand five hundred dollars thanks" I chirped brightly, enjoying the look on her face. "Cheque, savings or credit?"

Lacey smirked and raised her perfect eyebrows. "Pshh. Only eight thousand for that piece of crap? oh" she shrugged.

I nodded. Yup.

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough money in my wallet to pay for a cab, so I reluctantly walked to the subway so I could get home the awkward way. Awkward only because there were so many people and I didn't really want to be squished and stared at.

So there I was, standing alone on the platform like an idiot and waiting for the next one to come, when I got a tap on the shoulder. I turned around. It was William Turner, the pretty boy. He was much taller than me, and I look up, stunned, what was he doing here? Shouldn't he be home with his girlfriend snuggling on the couch or something? But no, he was here and I had to stop looking surprised.

"Yeh?" I said quietly. Then I realized I sounded dead, so I cleared my throat briefly.

"Hey" he smiled.

"hi……"

"Remember me?"

"William?"

"Or you could call me Will." he answered genuinely. It was hard to tell if he was faking being nice or not.

"Ok…um" I said. Well I didn't know what to say. This was Lacey's boyfriend, the one who laughed at how pathetic my "flirting" was and who I was told to stay away from. Maybe they set this up. I bet Lacey's just around the corner, plotting more evil.

Will laughed, then looked concerned. "Look this is going to sound really stupid but…well…I sort of don't have any change at all, and I have to get home…I was wondering if I could borrow a few coins?" he explained, then quickly added "I'll pay you back though" he said.

I nearly smiled. Which I don't do a lot these days. "Um…yeh sure." I dug into my bag and reached for my wallet.

"I'm really sorry." he said.

"It's ok" I said, handing him a few coins.

"Thanks." said Will.

"It's fine" I said quietly.

And then we just stood there. Even one second seemed really long and uncomfortable. For some reason I suddenly got really annoyed at his presence.

"Ticket machines over there.." I averted my eyes and then turned to go.

"Wait" said Will. I blinked and gazed back up at him. "Um I just wanted to say sorry for…what happened today." He said somewhat sincerely.

I nodded "Its fine" I said in monotone.

"I know she was being really rude and I didn't say anything to-"

"No it's really fine, I don't care" I said simply.

"Well it was still rude and I'm sorry"

"Don't be, you didn't do anything.."

"Ok then."

"Ok"

"So…where are you off to then?"

He didn't look like the crazy stalker type. "East 84th St" I answered, still in monotone. I couldn't believe he was still talking to boring old me.

"Across Central Park right? I have a cousin who lives around there. She's got a huge place" he remarked.

I nodded, at a loss of what to say. And just then my train finally arrived. A crowd of people began milling out of the doors and surrounding us.

"Well bye…" I said slowly

Will smiled and waved. "See ya. And thanks"

An hour later I had arrived home to find Kaia yelling on the phone to someone. Well, and hour

because I'd actually caught the wrong train then had to go back and start over. I make myself sad sometimes.

"… just go live with your parents then!!" she sounded like she was talking to some imbecile. I tried to sneak past her, but failed. She saw me and put a hand over the receiver, smiling doubtfully. "Hey Liz"

I managed to make my lips form into something like a half smile. We looked at each other for a split second, then I trudged to my room, locking the door behind me. I stood there for a while, thinking how Kaia's newly colored, shiny bronze hair had reminded of him so easily. Pathetic, really.

Just another night. I lay on my bed and cried.

So what do you think? I had this idea ages ago, in fact I wrote this a long time ago too, so I'll see how the reviews go, and if there good I'll continue it. It will be Elizabeth's P.O.V for one chapter then Will's the next and so on. Thanks for reading!