He paced up and down the length of his apartment, restless with empty energy. Miami had been quiet for the past several days; death was never far, but his most recent scenes had been ruled as accidents, and he was not so bored that he would dare hope for a murder to occur just so that he would have a reason to leave the house.
Horatio Caine hated Christmas.
What family was there to celebrate with? His parents and brother were dead and despite his faith, there were few things that would lift his spirit.
This man was never one to wallow in self-pity, it was not in his character to give in to sadness though God knew he had several regrets and many demons had come to haunt him in the past year. Loneliness he could usually deal with, but the constant thoughts racing though his mind lately were starting to put him on edge and he could not afford that.
That it was Christmas only compounded his edginess; anything that happened around the holidays always brought down the morale of his team. Not that it mattered much now. Most of them had cashed in vacation days and scattered across the country to see their families.
And Horatio?
Well, there was Yelina and Ray Jr., but he felt it best if he distance himself for a time. They were family, but his life was too complicated now to just make a visit and spend time with them. He felt a storm was brewing within and he was unsure how to relieve it. The more he paced, the more frustrated he felt. Damned if he didn't know why.
He wanted to see his son.
It was the truth, no matter how impossible it was. Simply, he wanted to see Kyle. Weeks ago, he'd bought football tickets for the boy's birthday. Perhaps Horatio had been delusional enough to hope for a day to spend with his son, to just go to a game and grab a bite to eat the way any other father would with the boy. That had been before Kyle's latest batch of trouble. It seemed his son had lost his taste for stealing boats and had graduated to cars; unfortunately Horatio's influence hadn't been much help against the judge who had no soft spot for multiple offenders. Kyle was back in jail for now.
He'd been staring out the main window of his apartment, watching the colorful clouds sweep against the great open sky and wondering how the hell he could make things right.
Horatio started at the chirp of his cell phone. The simple sound seemed amplified in the dead silence of his home. Frowning, he recognized the number and hesitated to answer. Where this woman was concerned, trouble was never far behind. What disaster was she behind this time?
"Julia."
There was a pause on the other line. "Hello Horatio. How are you?"
He tried to ignore his shiver of recognition at her voice. Pleasantries? From Julia?
"I'm fine, and you?"
"I'm doing all right. I was wondering if you'd like to come over later this afternoon for Christmas dinner."
The woman had always been direct, a feature he'd appreciated when they'd been more to each other than just the uneasy allies they were now. There had been a time...
He cleared his throat. "What time?"
"I was thinking five, if you could make it."
He checked his watch. It was only a touch after three now; he'd been pacing for over an hour, restless and tense. Horatio was no fan of the holiday, but he had no desire to pace the rest of the night away. Too many nights had been spent the exact same way.
"I can make it. Do you want me to bring anything?"
"I'm making dinner. You might want to bring a hazmat suit."
Despite everything, he let himself laugh a little at the joke. "All right. I'll see you at five."
Julia answered the door wearing a simple dress, dark green to match the season, with her hair loose down her back. She was barefoot. She looked...nice. It was eternal summer in Miami, but she had made an effort to seem festive. He remembered how much she'd loved Christmas. Luckily, he'd put on a red tie to compliment her color, though he drew the line at wearing a Santa suit.
She smiled. "Horatio. I'm glad you came."
He nodded, still wary of her intentions. It never occurred to him that she could just be lonely. "My pleasure. Where should I put this?" He asked, showing her the bottle of wine he'd brought.
She smiled and took it from him, standing aside to let him into her house. Her new home was not as grand as the mansion she'd shared with the late Mr. Winston; it was smaller, more personal, though it still boasted a view of the beach. Horatio felt sure that his apartment could fit into her house with room to spare.
"I don't know why, but I just woke up today and decided to start cooking. I haven't stopped yet, do you want to come see the damage?"
He followed her into the kitchen to see a few trays of cookies and brownies laid out, a cake here, a pie there, all set within the frame of a full holiday dinner. She'd set out a brown-sugared ham, vegetables and cheese. Flaky rolls were cooling on the counter. Horatio raised his eyebrows. "Have you been fasting the entire month and this is the pay-off?"
She smiled at him again and set down the bottle he'd brought. "Please, you know I never deny myself anything."
It was a loaded comment, she was teasing him, but Horatio didn't rise to the challenge. He wasn't in the mood to get into any kind of arguement.
"No, you never were. This all looks wonderful, Julia, really. So what made you call me over, of all the people in the world?"
She shook her head. "I don't know, really. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to. It's so quiet without Kyle."
Her voice caught at the mention of their son. Horatio shook his head. "There's not much we can do about that now, Julia. You have to put it from your mind. Otherwise it'll eat you alive."
"I know. It's just that the holidays bring it out in me." It was a rare thing to see her show any trace of vulnerability; he hadn't even seen this side of her when they'd been together, years ago.
"I remember."
"And I remembered your favorite." She said quickly, trying to dismiss the wave of sadness that had come at the mention of her son. She motioned for him to follow her further into the kitchen. "Sweet potato pie."
He couldn't stop the smile from forming. "Right. Are you trying to keep my hair red, Julia?"
She laughed. "Maybe, I've always liked the red, it's different at least. You're different."
He shook his head. "No, I'm different than what you remember, that's all. Julia, we need to bury the past, for Kyle's sake."
It was a thought that had been circling through his mind for days, since Kyle's arrest. Was it any wonder that the boy was always in trouble with parents so dead-set against each other? They had to reconcile their differences and come together for their son.
She nodded. "Starting tonight. That's why I called you."
"And it's why I came." Horatio held out his hand for her to shake, and in that gesture a truce was formed.
Dinner had been a quiet event, though pleasant. Horatio and Julia ate in a companionable silence; more being said with eyes and smiles than with words. Julia would be the first to admit that she rarely made the effort to cook, but when she did it was very good. Horatio couldn't recall the last time he'd eaten a home-cooked meal. He usually ran on bad coffee and whatever he could eat in between cases.
Afterwards, he helped her clear the dishes and she opened the wine he'd brought; they went off to the sofa in the open sun room, their eyes on the dark ocean waves hitting the cliffs below. She sat beside him, her legs tucked under her as she sipped from her wineglass- the Merlot had stained her lips. Horatio watched her from the corner of his eye, thinking that she was just as beautiful as she'd always been, and feeling a pang hit him, hard, reminding him of how different things could have been between them.
Julia, for her part, was glad to have Horatio in her home, and very pleased to have him to herself for the past few hours. Was it insane to have missed him in the years they'd spent apart? To have wanted to see him even when they'd been enemies? She didn't know. Simply, she was happy to have him here with her again. Despite everything, he'd made her Christmas into a very pleasant night.
Soft jazz was flowing on the air from the stereo inside the house. Horatio stood up and again held out his hand for her. "Care to dance?"
She was surprised but there was no hesitation when she put her hand in his. On her bare feet she was still taller than him but the difference in height had never mattered. His friend, officer Tripp had seemed surprised to learn of their past when, months ago, Horatio had revealed her as his former lover. Were they truly such a strange match? Julia felt her mind drifting into memory, whether from the wine or Horatio himself, she didn't know, didn't care...
With his scent and closeness came the memories of his gentle touches, he'd been the only man who had been a generous lover; Horatio, when she'd known him as John, had been ardent, protective and, as strange as it sounded, sweet. There hadn't been a man since who had treated her that way, and so her heart had never trusted any man after him.
Horatio tightened his hold on Julia, swaying with her on the patio. She was so warm, and her scent was intoxicating to him. Her arms looped lightly around his neck, her hands moving down to rest over his shoulders. His own hands were light on her waist. She moved forward and brought him in closer, resting her head on his shoulder. He wondered if she'd had too much wine, or if she was just tired.
"Julia, are you all right?"
She shivered against him. He couldn't see her face.
"Julia?"
Before he could take his next breath, her lips had found his in the near dark, taking him over. It had been so long since...
Once she felt Horatio respond, Julia could feel her chest swell with a foreign emotion- happiness she hadn't felt in over a decade. It was Horatio, the man she'd once known as John- names no longer had any meaning. It was this man, this man, that she had loved. It had all been so far away, so long ago and now it was back before them. She kissed him again, to be sure, and Horatio groaned against her, fueling the fire.
Her fingers speared through his hair, clutched the lapels of his suit. His own hands were tentative, only moving from her waist to a higher place on her bare back. She could feel his straining body against her leg, but Horatio pulled back. "No, Julia, we can't."
Her eyes were glassy from the kiss, seeing the same desire reflected in his gaze. "Why? Don't pretend you don't want this."
"Julia, we should stop this now, before it goes to far."
His voice wasn't level, the deep tones were husky and belied his words. His hands hadn't left her waist, they still spanned her. Their breathing was heavy. Ignoring him, Julia moved forward again, pushing him back toward the nearby sofa. The back of his legs hit it just as she pushed him, and climbed atop his lap, straddling his legs.
This was a scenario Horatio had imagined hundreds of times since she'd left him those years ago, but he hadn't expected any of this to happen. Julia kissed him, her lips soft and bruised, her breasts brushing against his chest as he held her tighter against him. Her hand found it's way under his shirt, her nails grazing the flesh she found there. He moaned as his body remembered hers.
Gaining control of himself, Horatio gripped her shoulders and forced her back. "Julia," he panted. "Julia... you're..."
"What? Horatio, why-?"
His hands framed her face. "Julia, you're drunk, this isn't what you want-"
She laughed at that. "Drunk or not, this is exactly what I want. And you want it too, I know you Horatio. You can't hide from me."
"That's not-"
"Why are you doing this? Stop fighting it. We both knew it was only a matter of time, you knew it when you came over tonight that this is where we'd end up."
Horatio bit his tongue. Damned if the woman wasn't right. He hesitated, took a breath. "If this happens, Julia, things are going to change."
"I know. I want that more than you could ever understand." There was a strange hope in her voice that Horatio didn't know if he could believe. Julia was no innocent, he had to remember that.
He stroked a hand through her hair, watched as her eyes closed for a moment in the pleasure of his touch. "Julia, tell me. I have to hear you say it."
She looked down at him, holding his eyes with her own. "This past year has opened my eyes, Horatio. I'm tired of always having to run away, tired of all the lies. I want a real life now, with you and Kyle."
Her words were heartfelt, her eyes pleading...but could he trust her? After everything she had done?
Horatio didn't know if he could trust her yet, but for the sake of their son he felt he had to at least test a reconciliation. He had a chance to build a family, and with that chance came great risk but an even greater reward. They had to try, together.
He shifted her on his lap and cupped her face for a kiss. Her fingertips grazed his jaw as she sighed against him. When it ended, he stroked her arms. "Julia, everything will change now. Everything. You can't disappear on us again."
"I won't. I want this."
Horatio kissed her, loved her that night the way he had years ago. Julia gloried in his affection, her passion matching his own. It was as if no time had passed between them. There had been no pain, no betrayal.
After, they laid together in her bed, naked, sated and content. Julia smiled as she felt his hand stroking the curve of her waist. "Horatio, that's going to lead to trouble..."
Beside her, he laughed in the dark. "I hope so. I'm on to you, Julia."
"What do you mean?"
"I think you spiked dinner with mistletoe."
She laughed as his weight settled above her. "You caught me, officer."
He laughed with her, relieved and content. "It'll be different this time, Julia. We can make it work."
She nodded, pressing her lips to his. "I'll do my best to leave that life behind, Horatio. Just don't give up on me."
"I won't give up on you, if you don't give up on me. And neither one of us can give up on the boy."
Julia nodded, giving herself to him again.
Whatever would happen in the future remained unseen, though one thing had changed for certain: Horatio now had a reason to celebrate on Christmas. For family, for love, and for well-deserved second chances.
