Author's Note: Okay so basically this is just gonna be a series of one shots that highlight all the monumental moments of Brittana on a deeper level. This is all my interpretation and it's totally subjective. I don't know why I think this is how it worked, but hey. It's a good read I think lol. I'm a bit of an angst whore sooo yeah.

I hope you guys like it!

"Sex is not dating."

"If it were, Santana and I would be dating."

The words are out of Brittany's mouth before I can even register that she'd said my name. I was off my game. Stress from glee club. Stress from Cheerios. It was all getting to be too much, and now this.

I glanced at her quickly, already seeing the regret in her eyes as I launched into some superficial excuse about how I'm on top since Quinn got pregnant, hoping to distract them from what she had said. It was true, but it wasn't the reason I didn't say anything about her and Puck.

I might be a bitch, but I'm not that much of a bitch. Besides we've had enough cheer camp and cheerios sleepovers between Quinn, Britt, and I for me to know that she knows too much about us for me to cross her.

It appeared to have worked as the others continued their conversation, seemingly without any awkwardness, although the beat of silence before I had spoken worried me.

Brittany was struggling to keep up with my pace as I walked a little faster than was necessary before I stuck my arm out in front of her signaling for her to stop. We were just outside the faculty bathroom; the one on the second floor that no one dared use since Sue had declared it to be hers.

She'd only done that so that us Cheerios wouldn't have to keep going all the way down to the student ones on the first floor.

Sue was a heartless, ruthless bitch, but even she knew that master cleanse was hell on our bodies; bathrooms were kind of our best friends.

I wasn't even attempting to hide the annoyance on my face as I held the phone to my ear, only half listening as Mercedes tried to cover her own tracks by apologizing for running her big mouth. I just prayed that Brittany wouldn't try to do the same.

I didn't want her mentioning us again and my whole body tensed as I waited for the phone call to end. I could feel Brittany's eyes on me, pleading, but I couldn't look at her. If I looked into her eyes, I would lose it so I snuck a peek when I knew she wasn't really watching me. I'm pretty sure she saw me do it anyways.

"If she tells Finn he's going to flip…"

"And then we really have no chance at sectionals."

I hung up my phone and finally looked at Brittany, crossing my arms defensively over my chest. She looked so sorry that I almost forwent the conversation I was about to have with her, but when Dave Karofsky strutted by, sneering at us like he knew something, I dragged her into the bathroom with me and locked the door behind us.

The bathroom was nowhere near fancy, but it was cleaner than the student ones. It had two stalls and a small shower (random) lining the wall. There were two sinks nestled beneath a dingy mirror and a paper towel dispenser hung next to them with a roll tossed carelessly on top of it instead of properly installed.

A frosted window was situated opposite the door and if I opened it, I knew I would find the butts of about 50 cigarettes collected in the window sill. Some of them were mine, but mostly they belonged to the sketchy health teacher that always snuck in here for a quick fix while he played some pointless movie about hygiene in the classroom next door.

If Sue found out she'd be furious, or at least that's what I had told the terrified teacher when I'd caught him in the act earlier this year. He'd pleaded with me and in exchange for a cigarette and an extension on my reproduction essay, I'd kept my mouth shut.

As I made my way over to lean against the sink, I shivered as memories of all the other times I'd dragged Brittany in here flashed through my mind.

I tried not to focus on how last month I'd fucked her against that very sink.

I tried not to focus on how her muffled cries had echoed off the walls and around the thighs clenched over my ears to tease me as she released against my tongue. I tried not to dwell on how she'd stroked my hair lovingly as she caught her breath before shoving me face first against the window and taking me from behind.

It had been a risky move seeing that although the bathroom was on the second floor, the window still overlooked a busy courtyard. Frosted or not, a sweaty cheek and a pair of hands pressed into the glass would have raised an eyebrow if anyone had happened to notice them.

I smiled shamelessly when I saw that the handprints I'd made there were still intact. She seemed to be noticing too because when I looked away she was smirking at me triumphantly.

Just as quickly as I'd reveled in the memory, the feeling turned sour, and I gripped the sink tighter as I remembered the rest of what had happened that afternoon. I'd been seconds away from climax when the doorknob jiggled, and instantly I reached around myself to clutch Brittany's wrist, stilling her fingers inside of me.

It had jiggled again before a firm series of knocks had been issued to the opposite side of the fading wood. Reluctantly and with a quiet whimper, I pulled her hand from under my skirt and quickly located my discarded spanx.

I had been a little lightheaded and a lot frustrated as I ran a taming hand over my blatant hookup hair. My normally perfect ponytail had been loosened and random strands fell around my face; a direct result of Brittany's newfound habit of pulling my hair…during.

The pounding on the door had only increased in fervor as I motioned for Brittany to collect herself as I was. We had been trying to be quiet, but even I hadn't been able to contain the groan when I saw Brittany raise her fingers to eye level before taking them into her mouth.

She had made a show of running her tongue over each digit, her eyes never leaving mine as I watched her lick me off her hand. When she was satisfied that she'd gotten as much of me as she could, she dampened a paper towel to finish the job and then tossed it away, turning back to me smugly; she'd known exactly what she'd done to me.

We had hurried over to the door only to be met by none other than Azimio Adams. I had glared at him and he'd eyed us curiously, taking in our disheveled appearances, my flushed cheeks, and the obvious measures we'd taken to ensure privacy. I could practically hear the gears turning; see the pieces falling into place in his mind.

When his eyes hardened, I'd known that we'd probably been found out. Just as he had opened his mouth to comment, the bell sounded and we had brushed past without a second glance. I knew that Brittany hadn't thought anything of the exchange, but ever since I hadn't been able to let my guard down around him or Karofsky.

I'd yelled at her in my car after glee that day and I would have given anything, anything if I could've stopped myself from forcing the tears from her eyes. It wasn't her fault, any of it.

I had pulled her out of the lunchroom. I had led her up the stairs to the second floor. I had locked us in the bathroom in the middle of a school day, and I had sealed our fate all those weeks ago when I'd silenced her adorable confusion, not with an answer, but with my lips.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory, my grip on the sink tightening until my nails burned from being forced into the cold porcelain. I relished the sting; it was distracting. It allowed my mind to focus on something that wasn't about us, something that wasn't about her.

I wanted to tell her that we had to stop, that I didn't want to be with her that way anymore, but I couldn't make the words leave my lips and so my body screamed silently into the stale air as she stared at me.

I knew she was waiting for me to say something, waiting for me to tell her how she could make it better, waiting for me lash out at her as I'd taken to doing whenever anyone else got close to this part of us, waiting for me to take the lead.

She was always waiting for me and it was as comforting as it was maddening.

I wanted to be myself again; to be me instead of this unfinished shell of a person I'd become ever since I'd set eyes on that bouncing blonde hair and those baby blue eyes.

I wanted to go back to the time before I was consumed by her carefree spirit and swept away on the breeze of her laughter.

More than that, I wanted to forget her, and even as I dug my nails in deeper, letting out a strangled hiss as one of them cracked under the pressure, I still couldn't rip my mind from her.

Because as soon as I gave myself over to the sensations of the pain, she was there covering my whitened knuckles with her palms, pressing her lithe frame into my back and tickling my neck with her steady breathing.

She was everywhere and she was everything. Brittany was as much a part of me as my right arm and the recognition of that terrified me. My eyes burned as the salty tears made their tracks down my cheeks when I finally managed to break the silence.

"We promised that no one would know. Britt-you can't just say…" I trailed off, succumbing to the urge to sob as her lips pressed against the back of my neck and her nails cut into the skin at the back of my hand.

The sudden throb of pain was strangely soothing; somehow she always knew what I needed. It was because of this, that I knew I would never escape her.

After a few minutes, I wriggled out of Brittany's embrace, reaching up to swipe at my eyes and flexing my hand as I studied the rows of tiny crescents slowly bruising in the harsh fluorescent light.

I cleared my throat and squared my shoulders and she knew that my moment of weakness had passed.

I took one sobering breath before I turned to face her. She was still standing close to me and I indulged myself momentarily and tangled my fingers with hers. Brittany looked down at our hands, a small smile creeping its way across her features before she met my eyes again.

My throat was scratchy and my mouth was dry, but my voice was steady as I told her, "Don't worry about it, B. I'll fix it."

And that was it. I let go of her hand and headed for the door, steeling myself before unlocking it and pushing out of the bathroom.

I didn't wait for her as I made my way down the hall. I didn't have to check to see if she had followed.

She always did and at the time, I was certain that she always would.

SO! The first one is done! Thoughts? Too heavy? Should I continue this? I'd love to hear your feedback, especially on this one. It's a little darker than anything I've written before, so I'm not sure how well I pulled it off. Anyways, thanks so much for reading! xoxo