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Mitchie's POV
I have a girlfriend who grew up with me. Her name is Alex. I always thought of her as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with her.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for her. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on her only, but by her side, there were so many other girls or boys. To me, she was the only one, but to her, maybe I was just another girl…
"Lex, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't."
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"
She was always like that. She met girls or boys in front of me, like it was nothing. To her, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew her, I had never heard her say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. She didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Every day, before we say goodbye, she would just hand me a teddy bear, everyday, without fail. I don't know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Lex, I …
Alex: What…don't drag, just say...
Me: I love you.
Alex: …you….um, just take this teddy bear and go home.
That was how she ignored my 'three words' and handed me the bear. Then she disappeared, like she was running away. The bears I received from her every day filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 17th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with her, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for her call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… she still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, she suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. She told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Lex…
Alex: Here…take this…
Again, she handed me a little bear.
Me: What's this?
Alex: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Alex: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad. I thought she would remember my birthday. She turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted… "Wait…"
Alex: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Alex: What?
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to her. But she just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it then find someone else."
That was what she said. Then she ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. She didn't want to say it easily… How could she…. I felt that… Maybe she is not the right one for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. She didn't call me, although I was waiting. She just continued handing me a little bear every morning outside my house. That's how those bears piled up in my room… everyday.
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw her on a street… with another girl… She had a smile on her face, one that she never showed me… as she touched the bear… I ran straight back home and looked at the bears in my room, and tears fell… Why did she give these to me…? Those bears are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the bears around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was her.
She told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget her, that… it's going to end. Then she came into my sight, holding a big bear.
Alex: Mitch, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating her, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, she held out the bear as usual…
Me: I don't need it.
Alex: What….why…
I grabbed the bear from her hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this bear, I don't need it anymore! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me but unlike other days, her eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry"
She apologized in a tiny voice.
She then walked over to the road to pick up the bear…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the bear? Just throw it away!
But she ignored me and just went to pick the bear. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards her.
"Alex! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But she didn't hear me; she squatted down and picked up the bear.
"Alex, move!"
HONK~!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how she went away from me.
That's how she went away without even opening her eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through every day with guiltiness and the sadness of losing her… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the bears.
Those were the only gifts she left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with her and started to count the days… when we were in love…
"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the bears…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…"
It all ended with 485 bears.
I then started to cry again, with a bear in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the bear, shocked.
"I….lo..ve…you?"
I picked up the bear and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be! I pressed all the bears' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn't I realize that….That her heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that she loves me this much…? I took out the bear under the bed and pressed its stomach, which was the last bear, the one that fell on the road. It had her blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much…
"Mitch… Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this bear, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Mitch… I love you…"
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? She can't be by my side, but she loved me until her last minute…
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