Armin rolled out of bed, groaning. Why did I take so much time off after I got injured… that's just going to make it harder to go back. Ugh. He scratched his healing arms, peeling off the dry skin. His burns were healing, but he'd probably be scarred up forever. Burnt by the steam from a dying titan… has that ever even happened before? Every morning since that battle he'd been cursing his luck.
The blond man pulled on a long-sleeved buttondown in an attempt to hide the scabs and scars. There. Now all they'll see of it is my face. He left the barracks feeling slightly less naked than he did exposing his red, raw skin.
"Hey, Armin," called Connie. "How you doing? First day back on the job, huh?"
Armin smiled, his cornflower-blue eyes crinkling up at the edges.
"Yeah, first day back. And I'm doing pretty good."
Connie startled him by clapping a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of friendship. Armin jumped a little at the contact.
"Geez, man," laughed Connie. "You're twenty-five years old. Time to stop getting spooked so easily."
"Haha… yeah, I guess so. Do you mind coming with me to the tactics room? Just in case I feel sick or something. That's where I'm starting off, since I'm in no condition to use the 3DMG yet."
"Sure, let's go."
As they walked, Armin's friend prattled on about Hanji's latest scientific disaster, and how Mikasa might date Jean after all, and how he himself was becoming closer to Sasha.
"I'm telling you, man, I think she might kiss me or something soon! I feel like I'm living on edge. Not that I would mind it of course, but it's crazy to think it could happen, you know?
Armin just laughed. Connie and Sasha were that pair of friends that never dated but who made their affections for each other painfully obvious. He'd heard this several times before, and would probably hear it again ad infinitum.
In any case, they arrived at the tactics room of the Survey Corps headquarters rather quickly. Connie walked rather briskly, a hard pace for Armin to match in his condition.
"Alright, see ya!"
"Have a good day!"
Armin started down the hall.
"Oh, and Armin?"
"Hm?"
"I'm proud of you. For getting better."
Armin felt his eyes brim with tears. He croaked out a small thanks, the most he could say without crying, and heard Connie's light footsteps retreating .
He leaned back against the wall and took a few deep breaths, blinking rapidly to avoid tears. But before long, he heard someone else approaching. He recognized the gait.
"Armin? You okay?"
He gulped down the last of his sadness and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Eren. Thanks."
"Nervous?"
"A little. It's been a while since I was here. Can you lead me to the room they're using?"
"Of course."
Armin walked into the meeting room feeling confident. He'd already had the issue explained to him the day before, and had been ruminating on it since. They needed to come up with a new scouting formation to adopt in case part of the squad was wiped out – say, by an Abnormal. The thought of it sent chills down his spine. He didn't want to remember what had happened the last time he encountered an Abnormal. But that doesn't matter. This is my job.
"So, Armin," said Commander Erwin. "I take it you already know what we're discussing today?"
"Yes, sir, and I've come up with a proposal based on what you've told me." He took his pen out of his pocket and began to draw out the formation he'd envisioned the night before. "See, our present formation has the most important members and cargo in the back center, right? But if either flank is wiped out, that leaves them highly vulnerable. So as you can see here, the formation I'm drawing has the priority at the direct center to start with. In the beginning of the formation, you've got four arms coming out of that center – which I'm drawing now – almost like an X. Those arms, obviously, will protect the center. But if one gets wiped out, it's easy for another arm to curve around and take their place. Of course, the more members you have, the more arms you can have, to be more secure. Overall, I think this is a versatile plan." He put down his pen, completing his pitch. "Your thoughts?"
There was a stretch of silence. Armin couldn't tell what the senior members were thinking. There was some whispering between Hanji and Levi. Finally, Hanji spoke.
"Armin, what you drew and what you talked about don't match up at all."
Armin gulped.
"W-what do you mean?"
"She means that you just drew the symbols all willy-nilly," said Levi. "That's not an X, that's just a jumble of lines and circles. Have you lost your head, kid?"
"Maybe he's still under the weather from his accident," fretted Petra.
Armin pursed his lips.
"Well, boy?" said Erwin. "Are you going to tell us what's going on here? You know we take this seriously, this is no time for jokes-"
"I'm not joking!" Armin cried. "I can't… I just… I should have just told you. I'm sorry. I should have just told you. I shouldn't have tried to keep it secret."
"Told us what?"
"I can't see, dammit! I can't see a damn thing!" He scowled. "I've been blind ever since I got burnt by that titan! I don't know, it probably fried my corneas or something. I can't see."
"Well," Levi growled, "then maybe you should have told us, you little shit! Don't waste our time!"
"Armin," Commander Erwin intoned. "Perhaps this means you aren't as fit for this job as you were before."
"That's why I didn't tell you!" He was waving his hands wildly now, and his breathing was panicked. "I knew you wouldn't let me do this. I knew you wouldn't keep me here. And really, why should you? I can't fight, I obviously can't help with tactics, you can just let me go, right?"
"Armin-"
"Right?"
"Everyone, please!" yelled Eren.
The room fell silent once more.
"Please," Eren repeated. "Just let me speak to Armin alone."
There was a brief pause, then Hanji rose to leave. The others followed, and soon Armin and Eren were alone in the room. As soon as Armin heard the door close, he broke down in tears. He felt Eren's hand sitting awkwardly on his shoulder. As much as he wanted to shrug it off, He knew that Eren was doing his best. He'd never been all that good at comforting others.
"God..." Armin sniffed. "I haven't cried like this in so long. Oh, Eren." He stood up and reached out for a hug, but only grasped air. Luckily Eren took the lead, and they embraced. For a few minutes Armin just buried his face in his friend's shoulder, sobbing. Finally, Eren spoke.
"I can't believe this. I just can't believe it. You really can't see?"
"You really think I would lie about that?" Armin snapped.
"No, no, I didn't think you were lying at all." Eren sighed a little. "I just wish it wasn't true."
"Eren, what do you think is going to happen to me? The only thing they can do is get rid of me, right? I can't do anything for the Survey Corps now. What am I gonna do…"
"You'll be fine. You're gonna be okay. Don't worry, I'll make sure they figure out some way to keep you safe." He could hear the intensity in Eren's voice, and knew that the other man truly believed what he was saying. Armin held him closer, and felt Eren's heartbeat against his own. It was calming, being this close to someone he loved. He drew back a little, and lifted his head. Even though he couldn't see eren's face, it just felt right to "look" at him.
"I just wanted to be useful," Armin whispered. "I thought I could be useful. I thought someone might actually need me and rely on me, instead of the other way around. But now that's never going to happen."
"Armin." Eren squeezed his hand lightly. "You know that's not true. I need you."
Armin's breath caught in his chest. Did he mean… no, he must have meant it in a platonic way. That had to be it.
"Yeah, well…" Armin muttered, feeling his cheeks turn red. "I just want to be self-sufficient, you know? When I was a trainee, I thought I was worthless. Since then I've become more confident. But now it feels like I'm back to square one."
"You found your place before, and you'll find it again," said Eren. "I just know you will."
"I just wish I knew where my place was now."
There was a brief silence. Armin could practically hear Eren thinking hard, he knew his friend so well. Eren wrapped his arms around him again in a hug. Armin was about to rest his head on Eren's shoulder, when the taller man surprised him by kissing him right on the lips. It was a soft, comforting kiss, one that enveloped Armin in warmth and made him feel at peace. When they broke apart, he felt a little dazed.
"Eren…"
"You have nothing to worry about," Eren said. His smile showed through his voice. "Your place is right beside me."