I've never fallen in love nor have I ever had a serious relationship before. All of those boys I've slept with, they didn't mean a thing, it was just fun and games. I'm not just teenager, I'm human as well and as such I have needs. Like, sexual needs and stuff. Although, at some point in my life I felt like a slut thinking how much sex I had back then, with a different guy every time. Hormones. Ugh! I don't even want to remember that anymore.
Now I feel something completely different. In a good way. It's this wonderful feeling that anyone could only pray for. I didn't recognize it at first, but it became oddly stronger and I can't deny it any longer. I've fallen in love, hard and fast, and I can't do anything to stop it. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever get to feel like this. Let alone with a girl. A girl. Not any random girl, though, but my best friend's sisters. She's in her last year at MIT and is doing an internship at Vertex Corp now. The best freaking IT Company the world has ever seen.
It presumably was love at first sight and I can't deny that from the day we met I've instantly felt attracted to her. Yeah, even when she was all curled up in a blanket on a hot summer's day with a red, runny nose, heavy eyes, messy hair, a different sock on each foot and wearing that sweater. A sweater in summer! Who gets the flue in summer anyway? Oh, did I mention that she had a thermometer sticking out of her mouth and boredom written all over her face when she shook my hand? But I was too distracted by her beautiful features to know whether I should feel offended by that.
Quinn and I are sophomores and we've decided to stay here even after all the finals are done to make some money instead of going back to our hometowns - mine Lima, hers Boston. We used to be roommates but at the end of last May she moved into her own apartment- paid by her parents I might add- because she hated the dorm rules so.
Brittany, her sister - who I at least have a crush on, but probably am totally in love with - is actually starting her internship at the end of August as Quinn tells me, but apparently she wants to get to know New York a little better before that. She's staying with the other blonde, which instantly made me bitch at Quinn for not trying hard enough to persuade me to come live with her instead of staying at the damn dorm.
"We've talk about this a million times! You were dead set on staying at that stinking place!" She reasons when I start whining about it, again.
"You didn't offer it nicely enough!" I bark back, not wanting to lose the argument.
"This is about Brittany, isn't it?" She lifts her eyebrow at me suspiciously.
"No. Of course not." I hastily reply a little too quickly to cover up the lie.
"I didn't know you're into girls." She says confusedly. "She's my sister, Satan. You might be my best friend, but ain't nobody allowed to hurt her, because I will hurt you back, slowly and painfully, and you'd be lucky to get as far away from me as you r little scrawny legs could carry you." She immediately changes her tone to threaten me, even though I don't feel the faintest bit frightened.
"Stop it with the speech already, would you? I'm not going to hurt her. And for your information, I am not into girls. I'm into one girl only." I shrug nonchalantly as I scoop up some of Quinn's ice cream. She harshly slaps my hand away. Too bad I'm sneaky enough to take one more spoon, successfully bringing it to my mouth.
"Stop stealing my ice cream, would you?" I roll my eyes at as she mimics my tone. "You have your own. Your problem you chose strawberry over chocolate, I told you chocolate is the best."
I ignore her irrelevant comment. "Is she even a lady lover?" I ask cautiously, not sure if I want to know the answer. I mean, it'd be totally bummed if she wasn't, and it would be even worse if she actually had the hots for another girl already, who isn't me.
"She's never had sex with a guy even once. She's totally on your team," the blonde pats my shoulder assuringly. "But…" she pauses, frowning as she looks up. She taps her chin with her index finger and I get more and more nervous at the excruciating suspense.
"But?" I say impatiently, unable to hold it any longer. "Pierce, I swear to god if you don't get it out right this second…"
"I don't think she's interested," Quinn cuts me off.
Wait, what?
"Why?" Am I not hot enough for her? Did she talk about me with Quinn? Did I do something weird that turned her off? Various horrible scenarios appear in my mind. I can't pick which one is the scariest. I don't dare to.
"She needs to focus on her internship right now, Lopez. Do you know how hard it is to get into Vertex? It requires ninety-nine percent 'A's in all subjects she takes. All the people in that company are weirdos. Do you want to be with someone like that? For all I know you're a fun and no-strings-attached kind of person. You wouldn't be able to handle her personality. Because trust me, she definitely no fun when she's working."
"Did you just call your sister a freak?" I question her with horrid amusement She may be a bitch at times, but that was so out of character for her.
"Of course not, you idiot!" Quinn slams her head on the table, and I feel kind of stupid to even have thought that. Quinn adores Brittany, whenever her sister's isn't around she's literally all like 'Brittany this, Brittany that, Brittany doesn't like that stuff, Brittany loves her bacon half cooked' okay that last one was my favorite, but I bet she'd like it if I cooked some for her!' The point is, Quinn loves her sister so very much. "What I meant to say is, she's a tough cookie. She's never brought a girlfriend home and I don't even think she's ever actually had one."
"You're single, too, you know." I tease her.
"With a potential boyfriend."
"Or girlfriend."
"No-"
"I know you had a crush on Midget."
"What? No! That is disgusting, Santana!"
"Hey! I saw the way you look at the giant. If looks could kill, he'd definitely be dead by now."
"I do not have a thing for her." She throws her arm in the air. "Stop talking about her. Anyway, where was I? Ah, Brittany doesn't have time for a committed relationship. As much as I love her, I don't want her to hurt you either. Besides, I think she's already married…to her technology stuff." The girl with short blonde hair says sarcastically, clearly annoyed by her sister's autistic behavior. Quinn did say something about Brittany always being locked up in her room, doing god knows what with her laptop most of the time. She's a code maker and sucker for anything machine-like; suitable pair. "She tried to make me a time machine when she was ten just so I could meet my prince charming. I was crying, cause one of my things had broken or something. I had no time to think about the future for god's sake! And she wouldn't ever let me played with her because she was too busy with that crap." Quinn grumbled while directing another spoon full of chocolate-y goodness into her mouth
"Where is that thing now?"
"She turned it into a recycling machine, I think? Last time I checked it was in boat form. I don't care." She shrugs as I nod my head dumbfoundedly.
"Do you think I should back out?" I ask worriedly. To be honest though, even if I wanted to back out, I don't think I could. I'm just…ugh! She's just so hot! All I can think about is her. I'm pretty sure my whole brain is full with images of Brittany's face and her smell and legs and boobs and abs. Oh god… that was so gay of me.
"I won't tell you that you should. You should do whatever you want to do, it's your choice. I'm just telling you all of this to warn you. She's a heart breaker, Santana. She hasn't even made a move on you and you're already get weak in the knees, yet bounce around like a basketball whenever she's around. Imagine if she did? Would you like me to help you dig your grave?"
"No," I mumble quietly. Quinn has a point. On a scale of one to ten, I'd say Brittany is probably a zero when it comes to ever liking me the way I'd want her to. "I just… I don't know, Quinn. I think it's too late to only think of her as your sister now."
"You've only known her for a week."
"Yes, but-"
"You've fallen for her." Perfectly put by Miss Quinn Pierce.
Yes. I fell for her in a damn week. I sigh heavily as all of a sudden the ice cream doesn't taste as good as it did before. It melted into ugly shapes formed like my heart. How did I get myself into this mess? I blame Quinn for ever introducing us in the first place. But then again, she wouldn't have heard the end of it if she hadn't. I just wanted to get to know Brittany so desperately before I had even seen her.
"I don't get it. How can she get girls so easily? All of them happily spread their legs for her right after they meet her."
"She's beautiful, Quinn. And totally hot. Quit being a jealous bitch."
"I'm hot, too." She sounds offended.
"No, you're not." I scrunch my nose. Quinn is indeed a beautiful girl, but forgive me if I don't tell her that. She'd never let me live it down.
"We share the same genes," she argues, but I just roll my eyes at her for acting so childish.
"Hey girls!" Speak of the devil. Instantly, her voice almost makes me drop out of my chair, don't even mention what it does to my heart; it's beating fast as fuck. In a flash, this late afternoon feels hotter than it should. I bow my head to hide the blush on my cheeks as the blood rushes to my face.
"Hey big sis! Had fun?" Quinn kisses her cheek as she greets the blonde with the mesmerizingly beautiful, cat-like blue eyes. I don't have any siblings and I've never felt so jealous of what Quinn and Brittany have.
"Yeah, this city is pretty cool." She says happily taking a chair beside Quinn. "Hey Santana! How's it going?" She takes a sip from Quinn's iced lemon tea as I look up grinning, showing off my neatly white teeth like an idiot.
"All good! Did you get your stuff?" I say a little too excited to keep my cool.
"Nah, I didn't get to the tech store yet. Might go there tonight." She smiles sweetly at me. I'm quite frankly concerned for my health if she keeps doing that to me. "I'm gonna go get myself some ice cream, considering my own sister didn't leave me any." she winks playfully at Quinn which strangely chases a shiver down my spine. Why oh why…
"Calm your tits, Satan. That guy five hundred feet away from us can see your glowing face. Geez, he might think you're on fire." Quinn leans towards me and hisses in my face.
"This is the best I can do!" I hiss back. I have no idea why we act like some creepy FBI agent is stalking us, talking this way. I mean, Brittany is not even here, so it's not like she can hear us or something.
"Try harder! Where is your dignity! Keep calm and breathe. Don't behave like such a teenage girl, we're past that."
"Fine!"
"She's coming. Let's just talk normally," she clears her throat dramatically and I groan inwardly. So much for acting 'normally'. "So, Santana, did you get the flip-flops you've been talking about?" With all the unsuspicious topics in the world she comes up with flip-flops? What is wrong with this girl? Seriously, how can I even friends with her?
"What sandals, Santana?" Brittany asks as she sits down in her chair again. Maybe it would have been a better idea if we had sat inside the shop rather than outdoors. It is almost impossible for my darker-skinned cheeks to redden, but she could just notice it if she looked closely enough, and the sunlight isn't helping much either.
"Not sandals, flip-flops, Britt." The shorter blonde corrects her.
"What is the different? They're the same." I stare at her mouth dreamingly as she scoops first one, and then another spoon of vanilla ice cream into it and then licks her lips. What is she doing to me?
"A sandal is a shoe with an open top. They don't have shoelaces, but are usually latched together with a belt-like strap. A flip-flop consists of a flat sole that is held loosely against the foot by a Y-shaped strap that passes between the big toe and the second toe to the sides of the foot." Quinn explains in unnecessary detail. Where did she get that definition from anyway? I doubt dictionaries ever define them like that.
"Okay… my bad. So, the sand- flip-flops, Santana?" As she snaps my attention back to her words rather than her mouth, I find it hard to form words. Actually I'm a little lost on what we were talking about at all.
"What flip-flops?"
"The ones you said you wanted to wear to the beach this weekend?" Quinn's voice is low, reminding me to play along with her game.
"Right! Yeah, I haven't got them yet. They-"
"Well we should buy some soon. You said there was a fifty percent discount, right? We should totally go shopping tonight!" My eyes widen as she narrows hers at me with a 'shut up, I'm doing you a favor' look. "I mean, Britt wants to buy her things, you want to buy yours, we can find all of it at the mall. Right?" She says enthusiastically.
"Um, I can't go with you guys." Brittany says.
"Why not?" Quinn asks her sister.
"I already have plans with someone," my heart's undoubtedly dropping to the ground. Quinn warned me, but it still hurts to hear of Brittany's plans with this other someone. I can't- I don't want to hear about this anymore. All I want to do is run or cry or scream into Quinn's face to ease my disappointment.
"Already? Britt, you promised mom. This is New York."
"I'm a big girl, I can do what I want. It's not like I'll jump her right away."
"When then?"
"As soon as we get to her place," she smirks, standing up from her chair and taking her empty cup as she kisses Quinn's cheek, whispering loudly enough for me to hear, "Don't worry about me, Quinnie. I'll be fine," there's a sting of tears in the corner of my eyes. "Bye, Santana!" Then she walks away. She didn't even look at me when she said that.
"You don't need to say 'I told you so'. I know I got myself into this," I mutter, pathetically wiping away the inevitable tear drops that fall over my cheek as she gives me a sympathetic look.
"I'll talk to her, okay?" She says softly and somewhat caring as she caresses the back of my hand. I shake my head furiously. Now I'm mad at myself. This isn't Brittany's fault or Quinn's. Brittany can have sex –ouch it hurts to imagine her grinding on some other woman's body- with whomever she wants. She's not mine, so I shouldn't care.
"I'm okay," I say weakly and slightly bitter. I don't quite believe it's my own voice, as I sound so small and vulnerable. I hate feeling fragile. She's just a girl, who does she think she is? I can get much better than her. Someone more faithful, more loyal, someone who's going to put me first and look at me like I am the best thing in the world, I assure myself.
Brittany S. Pierce, I'll get over you tonight.