Rufus' Not So Silent Partner

by doineedaname

As Rufus lays awake at night, he contemplates his life...And how no matter what that bastard of a redhead has always been there in the shadows.

Title: Rufus' (not so) Silent Partner
Rating: PG-13 [for foul language and mentions of sexual situations
Pairing: Rufus/Reno
Word Count: 1, 928
Warnings: Set after Advent Children-ish
Summary: Rufus muses over his past, memories of his father, and his feelings for Reno

Blue eyes stared at the wall in front of him, ignoring the redhead that lay at his side fast asleep. Blonde hair that was normally so refined was a mess, bits and pieces falling in his eyes. But this wasn't so shocking if you considered what had just been going on between the Turk and now President of ShinRa. He could feel the redhead's arms grasping just as tightly as when he was conscious onto his waist, almost clinging for warmth that he, sitting up just barely out of reach, was obviously not giving.

Sometimes he couldn't sleep, even after doing something as exhausting as this. His mind was in the past, though he would never admit it. As cold hearted as he may seem, Rufus ShinRa did still feel the mental and emotional effects his Father had left behind. Some psychologists might say Rufus was as cold as he was because he was afraid that if he opened up, no one would care for him.

This theory was incorrect altogether.

Others claimed he had closed up so not to be abandoned again. And that this was a device used by many people that develops early on in the child learning process when the feeling of un-want starts to be planted into their developing minds.

This theory is also wrong.

The last of them claim that Rufus is the bastard he is because he fears love. Though he may crave it and affection in general like the rest of the human society does, he fears it all the same because of past experiences and doesn't wish to experience it just to have that ripped away from him.

And again, this is wrong.

Rufus was born this way, even before it settled into his head that he was unwanted. This was not his problem, and this is not what kept him up at all hours of the night. If he was afraid of love, why was he in such a long relationship with said Turk, Reno? No one had ever actually abandoned him in his life. Early on he had replaced his family with others that were around so he could know what a family environment would be like, and to this day he respects those people like he does no one else.

So what was keeping the now President awake almost night after night? He knew what it was, but didn't know how to make it stop. Memories… It was the damned memories of his past swirling in his head not allowing him a moments rest. Why now? Was it because he was building the corporation up again? That would be ridiculous; or at least one would think.

Each night his mind would travel to one of his earliest memories. He couldn't have been more than four, for him to have thought so clearly and to remember it so vividly.

Does my Daddy love me?

He stood there quietly as he had been taught listening to his father, President ShinRa explaining something that he did not understand to Hojo. The overwhelming happiness at being able to see his father like he was never able to surged through his body, but he just stood there like Tseng did when escorting him around.

The sounds of voices stopped and Rufus became aware of the fact that he was alone with his father. When was the last time this had happened? He was too young to tell. But it didn't last long. President ShinRa stood after a mere minute and started to walk past his own son, as if the small boy wasn't there.

Without thinking, Rufus put his arms out in an "I want a hug" or "Pick me up" manner. The only reason he knew that this was the sign for being picked up was because it had worked on Tseng so many times when the small child was tired or upset. But it didn't work on HIM. President ShinRa stopped and sneered at the small child before continuing to walk out of the area. Rufus stood there, not sure how to react. How does a four year old react to such harshness when he'd never learned to cry?

To this day Rufus still never shed a tear, it was one of the things that sometimes scared the living hell out of Reno, and a lot of the time his fellow Turks. Some people didn't know how to act around him because how he seemed to not feel. In fact it took a few good talks with Tseng for Reno to be able to handle being around Rufus.

Now Rufus knew Reno had learned to read his lovers body language and how he addressed him if he was upset or not. For example, if Rufus's voice held lower tone to it, and he explained things with wide gestures, it meant he was in a foul mood. But if his voice held a sharp tongue to it, and he merely sat there and stared at you giving only a brief description of what you were supposed to do and the rest in a document or you were just supposed to know, he was in a grand mood.

Rufus's grip on the sheets grew more intense. It was after that incident when he was four that the growing hate towards his father began. He could still feel it now burning in his chest, and he knew only a few key persons knew of all this besides his self. Hell, he could still remember what he did when he was told that the old fucker had died.

"Sir, we need to escort you off the premises."

Rude was only met with a blank look that demanded a reason for him to leave, which was almost always the case. Give him a reason, or he'd sick Dark Nation on your sorry-ass.

"The late President ShinRa has been murdered."

To this day Rufus could tell that the gleam that came into his eyes still gave Rude the shivers. Rufus slowly stood up, and grabbed his double-barreled shot gun, then beckoned for his pet, acting like a small child on Christmas day. The closest thing to a smile plastered on his face.

"Damn you Father."

The thought of his old dear pet eased some of the anger from Rufus. Aside from Tseng, Dark Nation for a time was one of the only beings that he considered an enemy. Receiving the pet as a present for his tenth birthday from his father, he felt the need to kill the creature. It was his father's way of advertising the fact that he was a "caring father" to the public. And it took almost a month before Rufus started to train, name and just get close to the creature.

"Shall you name it, sir?"

"I want it dead, Tseng."

Rufus glared at the small creature that sat in Tseng's arms, staring back at him with interest.

"It was a gift Sir."

"Did I give you permission to speak, Turk?"

Tseng muttered an apology but watched as the ten year old snatched the thing from his arms and examined it with curiosity.

"Fine, I shall name you Dark Nation. I will teach you to be ferocious, and you will help me destroy my father."

Rufus let his eyes travel to Reno, who was still sound asleep at his side. The only person he had let in unwillingly, the person who had weaseled their way into his very soul and started leaving their mark on day one. And no matter how much he screamed at the Turk, beat him down emotionally and physically at one point, he always returned with that same annoying grin. He had never had to deal with that before.

Hadn't it been recently after he had started fucking Reno that something happened?

"Yo, you always such a bastard at your father's meetin's?"

"Do you always have to sound so ignorant?"

"Fuck you."

"That's my job Turk and I don't wish to hear another word out of your mouth!"

"Psh, least your Father-"

Before Reno could finish the statement, Rufus had him by his neck pressed against the wall, hate burning in his heart at being compared to the fat fuck upstairs. His grip tightening and he watched calmly as Reno started to turn a greenish blue color from lack of air. Reno clawing desperately for air, knowing he couldn't lay a hand on the Vice President.

Before too long Rufus let the Turk drop at his feet and he watched expressionlessly as Reno gasped for air. Then sharply turning on his heel he continued down the corridor, ignoring Reno rasping comments full of hurt.

Why Reno stuck around after that Rufus had no clue. A lot of time he figured he was just an idiot, but the redhead was always there throughout everything and all his anger at his father, something not even Tseng did. Tseng would only help the young Vice President out if he was there at the moment, while Reno would seemingly seek him out to pry into his business.

It had to of been soon after his father's death that he realized how much Reno cared for him. How could he have missed the pathetic-ness of it all? It had become too blatantly obvious at times that even Elena would tell Reno to stop being such a "fag."

Ha, that word sure did get Reno riled up at times.

For the longest time Rufus thought he had figured everyone in his life out, then there was Reno. He confused the hell out of him, and it pissed him off that he could never figure him out. Even when it came to his own issues Reno seemed to have some remark for everything. Maybe that's why he wanted the redhead dead when he was told all of Rufus's past.

"I'm just sayin', maybe you should just come to terms with the fact that yo' father didn't want you. Stop pretending!"

Another fist came down upon Reno, and Rufus could tell he was pissing him off. And it was pissing him off more that he couldn't hit back, but Rufus was definitely the more upset of the two. Reno was asking for it.

"You're being so mature!"

"Reno, were you ever taught to shut your mouth?"

"Not when it comes to pricks like you!"

Reno glared back defiantly at Rufus. And again Rufus had no clue what to do. He had never been faced with someone who defied him like he did. Nothing seemed to work, and he found himself becoming attached. And that infuriated him more.

"You have Tseng who cares for you like a fucking son! You have a god damn corporation all to yourself! You even have me you fucker!"

"Why is that all so important? You still sound so ignorant. You know nothing."

Reno sighed before him, and for once he felt something he hadn't since he was four.

Pain.

Slowly sinking down into the comfort of the bed, Rufus eyed Reno quietly. Maybe Reno was good for something, made him able to show compassion so people would want ShinRa back.

And sometimes the idiot did help him forget.

Angrily Rufus pulled Reno closer to him, and kept his arms around him. He would never admit he enjoyed holding Reno when they slept, or that he even enjoyed his presence. Though he had the feeling Reno knew.

But in the morning he would still scream and kick Reno out of his bed before he could catch him in the act.