The Garden
Ziggy
Shaking her head in disbelief, Donna Noble closed the door behind her. There was no end to the marvels that this old time machine contained within her endless rooms and corridors. The artwork that had been in this last room had been very strange indeed, at least to her human eyes. To the inhabitants of Delta Major IV, she supposed it was par for the course, much like da Vinci's Mona Lisa or Michelangelo's David was for Earth. That the Doctor fancied the art enough to dedicate a small room to it, well, that was a psychological place she really didn't want to transverse!
When she'd first started her TARDIS explorations "between funs"--as she'd come to know the time they spent just drifting in the Time Vortex-- she found herself more and more fascinated by the Doctor's traveling home. She started going down corridors, being as careful as she could to mark her route lest she get lost and have to deal with the Doctor's cracks on how easily humans lost their way (as if Time Lords didn't get lost!), going through doors she found. Most of the doors opened easily, allowing her to explore the areas beyond, hoping to get a better idea of this alien she was entrusting her life to.
The first time she'd come across a locked door, she'd been determined to find out what was on the other side. Humans are a nosy curious lot and it irked her not to have access to this room as she had the others. As she tried to force her way in, she'd felt a sudden sense of ire. The redhead stepped back from the entryway; the feeling vanished as quickly as it had come. Reaching for the knob again, the feeling once once more washed over her. It disappeared as she backed away.
"OK, Sweetheart," she finally conceded. "Point taken. I wouldn't want people muckin' about my secrets, either." She patted the wall, smiling when the TARDIS hummed happily in reply.
And so this was why when she crossed the narrow corridor only to find that door locked, she wasn't the least bit put out. The TARDIS was kind enough to allow her access to some pretty spectacular areas, and some not so much (scientific labs really didn't do anything for her), so whatever privacy issues the time capsule felt compelled to keep either for herself or her Time Lord, Donna respected that.
Right then! She thought with a nod. Onward to the next!
A quick chalk mark on the wall, a short distance down the corridor and the next door slid open. Donna paused outside, but felt encouragement from the timeship, so she stepped inside. Donna gasped at the beauty that surrounded her. She'd been in a garden or two within the time machine, but this... this was different. Familiar, yet different.
Rolling hills of lush, red grass spread out before her. Silver leaves on tall, lavender trees skittered on the slight breeze that wafted through the grounds. Twin, pale suns shone in a burnt orange sky above her (Donna had long since given up trying to figure out how air currents could move or suns could shine in the TARDIS). The call of some alien creature made her cock her head. She smiled at the soothing sound and stepped further into the beauty. The air had a strange tang to it, but Donna knew if the environment was poisonous to humans, the TARDIS would not have allowed her access, so she accepted it as a trait of the air of whatever planet this garden had been based.
A short stroll brought her to some magenta- and plum-colored shrubs. Just beyond was a marble bench and a magnificent fountain. Donna strode to the bench, sat down. The strange call she'd hear earlier sounded again, very close. She turned her head and spied a multicolored bird, its long tail feathers nearly brushing the ground, perched in one of the closer shrubs. The bird cocked its head at her, then took wing, disappearing into the thick foliage beyond.
"Be that way," Donna muttered, then smiled, her gaze drawn to the burbling fountain. The smile faded as a sudden sense of sadness came over her. Confused, she looked around, trying to find a source for the change in the ambiance. So overpowering was the feeling, tears abruptly blurred her vision.
"By Rassilon!" The Doctor's angry voice growled behind her. Startled, Donna jumped to her feet, turning to face The Oncoming Storm. The Time Lord's eyes flashed darkly and the redhead realized she was actually afraid of her alien friend. "Who the bloody hells gave you permission to come in here?"
"What?"
"How dare you set foot in here! Nobody's allowed in here but me!" He flung an arm out and pointed back the way Donna had come. "Get out!"
"I--"
"That door's kept locked for a reason! You humans are too damned inquisitive for your own good, always sticking your nose where it doesn't belong! Have you no sense of another's privacy?"
"The door opened for me!" She protested, but without her usual bravado.
"Get out!"
Donna cringed at the venom in the Time Lord's voice. She swallowed, then forced her legs to move. As she inched her way past his trembling form, she briefly met his dark gaze. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't realize I was prying."
He gave no indication that he'd even heard her.
As she headed for the door, she quickened her pace, forcing herself not to make a mad dash for the relative safety of the TARDIS corridor.
Shaking, the Doctor watched the redhead exit the garden. He lowered his arm, his breathing ragged. He walked over to the bench and fell onto it. It was then he realized there were tears rolling down his cheeks. Angrily, he brushed them away, but they continued to make their way down his face. He closed his eyes as the cry of the Gallifreyan Bird of Paradise reached his ears.
A warm feeling caressed his very soul, spreading to engulf his entire body. The rage flooded out of him, leaving him with a sense of peace. But it was an uneasy peace.
Protesting, he spoke silently to his most constant companion, But she had no right to be here.
The TARDIS showed him an image of Donna casually walking her stark corridors, entering rooms where the doors opened for her, but leaving without protest those entryways blocked to her.
When his timeship took to showing him mental impressions or using feelings to communicate, the Doctor knew she was being her most motherly. It didn't mean the Doctor was being treated as a child by any means, it was just the TARDIS's way of expressing herself when he most needed it. Words spoken when he was in this particular mood tended to beget more anger and this she knew all too well. The Oncoming Storm had been directed her way a time or two over the centuries.
So the door wasn't locked? Why not? You know how I feel about this place, especially when I'm in here.
An image of hundreds of ships aflame and a planet exploding filled his mind. Sadness and loneliness occupied his awareness then a grim determination replaced the other emotions.
Why are you doing this? What has this got to do with Donna coming in here?
There came a picture of Donna pleading as the Doctor prepared to leave the residents of Pompeii to their fate. Donna, caressing the bald head of the dying Ood. Donna, weeping when she heard the Ood's Song of Captivity. Donna, giving him a resounding, and painful, smack on the arm when he'd returned from certain death aboard the Sonataran warship. And a few more images of Donna being caring and understanding, but mostly just being there for him, nonjudgmental and strong. Images the TARDIS could project because whatever her Time Lord experienced, she experienced.
Realization dawned in the Doctor's brown eyes. You let her in here... you think I should tell Donna about Gallifrey and the Time War.
A warm-fuzzy feeling enveloped him, giving him his answer.
He sat for a long time, not seeing the elegant fountain before him. He shifted his gaze, taking in the suns and sky, then the colorful foliage; his keen hearing noticed the calls and cries of Gallifreyan creatures that flew and crept and crawled.
Finally, he stood. Smiling slightly, he sent waves of affection to his beloved TARDIS. "You're right again, old friend," he stated aloud as he whirled to face the door beyond. "Maybe it is time to share this with somebody. And I can think of no one I'd rather share this with."
******
Donna sat on a comfy, overstuffed chair in the main reading room. Her legs were tucked comfortably under her as she perused the book she held in her hand. She scanned a sentence....
...for the umpteenth time and still had no clue what she'd just read.
She was understandably concerned about her friend. At the same time, she was afraid to ask him what sin she had committed that was so grave he nearly tossed her sorry human ass out into space. Something he could still do, she realized, which was why she was holing up here, hoping he wouldn't come searching for her until he'd calmed down. How long did it take to die in the vacuum of space, anyway?
A movement redirected her sight upward. In front of her stood the Doctor. His face was void of expression, though his eyes no longer held that "Darth Vader having a bad Rebel-hunting day" look to them.
"Come with me," he stated simply.
Donna looked at the Gallifreyan's out-stretched hand. "What? Going to chuck me into space?"
"No." The Doctor answered, then cocked his head slightly. "Well, not this time."
Donna smiled. She set aside the book she'd been not-reading, then took his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet. "Fair enough."
He didn't release her hand; instead, he pulled her along after him, striding purposely through the TARDIS's corridors. The Terran quickened her pace to keep up.
"Let me guess, you have a room that contains a supernova and you're going to throw me into that."
"Supernova, yes; tossing you, no."
"You have a supernova on board the TARDIS?"
"Yep."
"Ooo-kay."
After a few minutes, they stopped in front of a door.
"Listen, Doctor, I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy," she said gently. "I didn't mean to. The door was unlocked."
"I know. The TARDIS wanted you to come in here." The door slid open as he stepped towards it. "And I do, too."
"Are you sure? I'll understand if you'd rather I didn't."
The Doctor smiled tenderly at her. "I'm absolutely, 100% positive, Donna Noble."
She returned his smile. "All right, then."
As the Doctor took her through the vast alien garden, Donna's breath again caught in her throat at the sheer beauty that surrounded her. He took her back to the marble bench beside the large fountain. There, he gestured for her to sit, which she did, as he took the spot beside her. He still hadn't let go of her hand. She felt no reason to pull away; in fact, she got the impression he needed the contact between them.
The Doctor stared at her hand, running his thumb up and down the length of her palm. After several moments, he finally looked up. There was so much sorrow in his expressive brown eyes that she nearly wept upon seeing it.
"This place--" he began before pausing "--this place is all that's left of my homeworld. Gallifrey. She was called Gallifrey."
"She was beautiful," Donna stated sincerely.
"Of course, this was what it looked like outside the Citadel. It was too natural for most Time Lords, who spent all their time inside the Dome being pompous and dusty and arrogant." He smiled. "Leela loved it outside the Citadel." He looked away. "Oh, Leela, if I had only known, I wouldn't have allowed you to stay there. I'm proud to have fought alongside you; you were a loyal friend to the very end." He glanced at Donna as if seeing her there for the first time. "Of course, it's all gone now."
"What happened?" she asked gently, wondering who Leela was, but knowing this was not the time nor the place for such questions. She could feel his grip tightening on her hand.
"There was a war, the Last Great Time War between my people and a race called the Daleks. They wanted the secrets of Time and Space and conquering Gallifrey was the one sure way of doing that, because my people, the Time Lords, were the masters of Time and Space. The war lasted years with heavy losses on both sides; but, the Daleks slowly began to make headway, taking out one planet after another, sending one race after another into complete extinction or forcing them to wander the galaxy in search of a new home. I fought in too many losing battles, watched too many good people die."
Donna sat silently, letting the Doctor ramble. She had a feeling this was what the TARDIS wanted when she allowed Donna access to this area, especially if the Doctor had already been within the gardens himself. The timeship was giving her Time Lord the chance to get it all out. Donna knew enough after talking to Martha that this special man was the last of his kind and was very lonely, but also that he needed to talk about what had happened to his world. He'd told Martha some of what happened, but the human doctor intuitively knew there was more to the story. It seemed that the TARDIS had convinced her pilot this needed to be done. Donna felt proud that the TARDIS trusted her enough, and the Doctor felt comfortable enough with her, to do this.
"In a last ditch attempt to prevent the Daleks from taking control of all Time and Space, Romana—she was the President of Gallifrey—devised a plan that called for the complete destruction of our world. A destruction that was also supposed to take out the Daleks. We were old friends, Romana and I. She used to travel with me. For a short while, anyway, before she became Lady President." He smiled sadly, tears welling in his eyes. "I always knew she'd do well for herself. Maybe it was because of our friendship that when she came up with this idea, she asked me to carry it out."
"She must have had a lot of faith in you," Donna commented when he paused.
"That's one way of putting it, I guess, but please don't make me out to be some sort of hero because I did what was necessary, knowingly condemning myself to living the rest of my life alone. And I know I'm alone." He tapped his temple with his forefinger, then swallowed. "In here, I know. The link with my people is gone; all that remains is a gap in my mind where they used to be." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "I spent most of my life running away from them, but now that they're gone, I--" The Doctor stared silently at the fountain for a few moments; he blinked and a couple tears rolled down his cheeks.
"I have a confession to make," he stated, looking at her. "I was a coward; I never intended to survive the final destruction of my world. The TARDIS and I were prepared to die along with everybody else. Somehow, for some unknown reason, we survived. I regenerated, the TARDIS healed, but we survived."
Donna squeezed his hand. "If it's any comfort, I'm glad you did."
He turned his gaze to the foliage beyond. "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Worth being the last, the TARDIS and I, just rambling through the universes, waiting until it's our time to die."
"I don't believe that," Donna stated brusquely. "You, give up? Never!"
The Doctor's eyes met hers. Gratitude lay within their depths. "I think you would've liked me back then, the me before the Time War. Well, the me with the long scarf might have driven you absolutely bonkers, and I think the me with the technicolor coat you would have slapped a few more times than this me and deservedly so."
"You mean not all your incarnations were as charming as this one?" she teased with a small smile.
"I like to think I get better with age."
"Definitely more handsome, I'd say."
The Doctor appeared to think about it. "A couple of my former selves where pretty dashing." He suddenly jumped up, seeming back to his old, mercurial self. His hand still gripped Donna's as he pulled her to her feet. "I can even show you! I know there's a room somewhere in the TARDIS that contains portraits of each of my regenerations."
"That should be interesting."
Before they could head for the way out, however, the Time Lord paused. He lifted Donna's hand, then gently kissed the back of it. His gaze met hers. "Thank you, Donna Noble. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here for me when I need you the most."
Donna tenderly cupped his left cheek with her right hand. "Thank you for allowing me to be here for you."
The silence lay comfortably between them for a few moments, then the Doctor was dragging her towards the door. Donna smiled. She had a feeling this "portrait room" she was being led to would prove to be just as interesting and informative, if not more so, as this one had turned out to be.
7/31/09
Response to the doctor_donna drabble challenge prompt, "Confession"