Disclaimer: I owe nothing.
AN: I've come across a lot of fanfiction that depicts Janet Drake as a very bad mother (neglectful, abusive sometimes physically) and this is in no way to say she was a good mother or excuse anything she might've done cannon or otherwise. This drabble (would this be considered a drabble) is sort of inspired by all those stories! I'd be interested in hearing what you think of Janet Drake, cannon, headcannon, fandom, etc. and why.
From the day Timothy was born, Janet Drake refused to hold her baby.
From the day Timothy was born, Janet Drake was afraid to hold him.
His cries often went unanswered.
She'd pace the floor outside his nursery when he cried, torn between the need to answer and terror that she'd somehow hurt him.
She'd leave the room he was in.
If she distanced herself, the possibility of damage to the boy could be eliminated.
Accomplishments either small or large brought little to no praise.
Words could hurt, could sting as much as a blow, she knew from experience. The wrong thing said could carry the same pain, regardless of it is unintentional.
She never hugged him, never kissed him. She never comforted him.
Affection was a foreign concept. And he was always so small, so fragile. The slightest hurt could bring on tears. A scraped knee, a miniscule cut, a bad dream, a mean word. Too fleeting would feel forced, insincere. Too long would feel awkward. Too hard or too tight would be uncomfortable, might just break him. Too gentle would be interpreted as disgust. She knew from experience, 'too' anything would be adverse.
It was a nanny that took care of him and later the housekeeper.
She couldn't take care of him. Better to let someone who could.
She and her husband sent him away to boarding school.
She offered him a proper education. One where he was far enough away from her so she couldn't interfere, couldn't mess that up, too.
She and her husband left him behind, abandoned him, to fulfill their own selfish desires and take trips and vacations around the world.
She swore she would never become like her parents. It was the one way to ensure that she wouldn't hurt him the way they hurt her. The more she distanced herself, the more she stayed away, the more she eliminated any possibility of doing just that.
A bad parent is one that is never there.
An absent parent is better than a bad one.