AN: I don't own Warriors.

Name Rater

"He absolutely cannot be named that!"

Thornstar had seen challenges to authority many times during his lengthy life. Some had even been directed towards him. But never in his wildest poppy-seed induced dreams had he witnessed someone challenging a naming ceremony, much less by his own medicine cat.

"What's wrong with naming him Blackfur?"

"Don't you see?" Larkwing's ears were flattened in frustration. "The prophecy, Thornstar, the prophecy about black fire that will rise! We received that prophecy on the very night of Blackpaw's birth!"

"Forgive your old senile leader, Larkwing, but I'm not getting your point."

"Shouldn't Blackpaw receive a more… fitting warrior name, given his high status as one marked by prophecy?"

"He has. His name will be Blackfur."

"And what kind of unoriginal name is that?" one young warrior called out. Thornstar groaned inwardly; he had regretted making Sparrowflight a warrior from the moment that the impertinent apprentice demanded that she choose her own warrior name. She'd have changed the name given to her by her parents at birth, but there Thornstar had to draw a line. Calling Sparrowpaw "Swanflight" would have been irritating to no end. And what in StarClan was a swan, anyways?

"It doesn't need to be original. What's wrong with 'Blackfur' for a black cat?"

"The suffix 'fur' is, obviously, a clear reference to the color of the cat's pelt. However, such a name adds absolutely nothing to Blackpaw's character. We can clearly see that he has black fur; why does he need a name that repeats such a simple, mundane fact?"

"Mundane," Larkwing agreed, "far too mundane for a special cat like Blackpaw."

"Ludicrous," Thornstar snapped. "He's a cat like the rest of us. If you think names describing appearance are so unoriginal, then why don't you go try and rename Goldenpelt?"

Goldenpelt—a cat whose fur was, of course, of a color that could be likened to that of gold—flinched visibly, and fidgeted where she sat. Larkwing did not spare a glance for her; she only grumbled under her breath, words that sounded—to Thornstar's aging ears, anyways—suspiciously like 'prophecy' and 'special' and 'fire'.

"Thornstar," Sparrowflight called out again, "just how long have you spent thinking over Blackpaw's warrior name?"

"Over the vole I had this morning."

An audible gasp throughout the audience. "Therein lies your problem," Sparrowflight scolded. "A warrior bears his name for most of his life; in most cases he wears it until the day he joins StarClan. Given the amount of importance the warrior code places on the journey an apprentice must undergo in order to earn a name, I do believe this is a matter that requires at the very least three suns to contemplate over—or more."

The farce, Thornstar decided, had gone on long enough.

"Sparrowflight," Thornstar meowed carefully, "what is ThunderClan's current relationship with the other three Clans around the lake?"

The she-cat had not expected such a question. "Why," she answered uncertainly, "we're getting right along with them, aren't we?"

"Wrong." The venom in his voice wilted Sparrowflight. "We are at war with ShadowClan, as we have been for the past moon. We've lost Graywhisker, Swiftwing, and Redpaw—but you've all forgotten that already, haven't you? It's simple to do so, as simple as their names.

"Blackfur has been made a warrior not only because he has earned it—for he has—but also because we are at war. Do you really think I have the time to stare at some fluttering birds and decide on what a meaningful name truly is? Here's a wake-up call for you all: It's just a name."

Silence. Then:

"That's preposterous, my name sets me apart from everyone else..."

"He's just making excuses for his unoriginality, it's obvious…"

"So outdated, you know?"

Meanwhile Blackpaw-not-fur finally spoke up; until now he had been frozen stock-still on the Highledge while Clan and leader debated over his naming. "I-I just saw a sign!" he gasped. "There was fire everywhere, and it was pitch black—"

"Blackfire," Larkwing declared. "StarClan has spoken! His name will be Blackfire!" This time no awkward silence met Blackpaw's new name; ThunderClan cheered for its newest warrior Blackfire.

Thornstar simply shook his head, shrugged, and returned to his den. He had more important things to do. Continue planning how they were going to keep fending off ShadowClan hostility with leafbare quickly underway, for one.

Sometimes, Thornstar thought as he heard his Clan cheering outside—a Clan entire, possessed of the naïve grandeur of individuality—he truly regretted living as long as he had. "I'm just too old for this," he grumbled, and that was that.

End

My apologies to any name raters who may take offense. But... seriously, it's just a name. Leaders have better things to do with their nine lives.

I'm also just too old for Warriors but whatever, you get the point.

Thanks for reading!