"You son of a bitch," Dean said to himself, more than Cas, "every night I prayed for you to come and help me - a sign - something!" Dean's eyes started to well up but he blinked the tears away.
" I wanted to come to you Dean, I really did... I just wish that the circumstances were different," Cas said, his face molded into a pained expression "I just wanted you to be safe Dean."
"I was safe Cas, and not because you were looking out for me, because its what I do - what me and Sammy do. I don't need you looking out for me, I can do it myself, always have done." Dean said, he wanted his words to hurt, he wanted to be bitter.
"Okay, Dean, I'll go if you want," Cas said taking a step closer towards Dean's angry exterior, " but you don't know how hard it was for me to ignore your prayers, Dean. I had to stop myself being too close to you, I had to stop myself from... touching you. " Cas continued, looking down - ashamed?
Dean reacted and took a step closer, seemingly unconsciously.
"I was right here the whole time, Cas, you saw that. Dammit Cas - We could've been a team like we were once, we could've taken down the arch-angels together, the three of us like it was. Cas you hurt me and I don't know if I could ever forgive you for what you did - Sammy may be able to, but I can't, you've broken my trust, Cas I-I can't do this anymore...", He looked away.
"Dean - I..." Castiel moved closer and suddenly embraced Dean - something that he had never done before. Dean's heart fluttered and he moved his hands from his sides and twined them around Cas. This felt real, this felt right to Dean, he blinked away tears again.
"I'm so sorry Dean," Cas whispered in Dean's ear while he still enfolded Dean, Cas could smell everything that he had missed about Dean, the leather of his Impala clinging to his skin, the cheap motel shampoo and a faint smell of musk.
Castiel swallowed hard.
"Dean, I can't explain this but - you make me feel from my body, like here," he let go of Dean and took a step back and touched his chest, " and here," he touched his throat, lips and knees, he seemed like he was about to go beyond his bellybutton but thought other of it, turning away, embarassed.
Dean looked at him, a look so sincere and Castiel caught his eye and held it there for a second.
Neither of them knew what to do at that moment, they became aware suddenly of their surroundings, of the old motel room dotted with cheap paintings and plastered with worn-out wallpaper. The two single beds that were at the end of the room lay, inviting.
Breaking the silence, Castiel asked; "Where's Sam?"
Still on his own train of thought, Dean said, "Hm? Oh, yeah, Sam-" he clapped his hands together and walked over to the bed and sat down, turning to face Cas, " Sam is, uh, he's gone to interview some people about the case we're looking into and I'm meant to be researching on this thing," Dean held up the laptop that was laying on the opposite bed.
Castiel walked over and sat down on the bed alongside Dean's and stared at him, analyzing him.
Dean, frowning at the laptop, caught Cas staring at him out of the corner of his eye, "Stop staring at me, Cas."
"I'm sorry, I just..." Castiel trailed off, " I just want you to know that I feel horrible about this, Dean. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Dean."
"Cas, just - don't right now."
"Dean -" Castiel shifted from one bed to the other and sat next to Dean, "I want you to know that I will always answer your prayers Dean, I'll do anything you want me to to make you forgive me." Castiel reached out a hand and rested it on Dean's.
Dean immediately reacted to this by taking his eyes off from the computer to shoot a stunned look at Cas. Dean looked right into his eyes and Castiel looked right into Dean's, Castiel's hand still lay on Dean's despite the astonished atmosphere.