Title: Changed for the Better
Summary: "I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you". Kurt and Blaine are pursuing their post-high school dreams in opposite sides of the country. They have one final hurrah as a couple before going their separate ways. One-shot, complete.
Warnings: Filled with sadness. Get 'cho tissues.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: I should really be writing "With Tables Turned" right now, but I failed to find any motivation to do so. And I heard the Glee version of For Good, and this popped into my mind so I thought I'd write it. I had the song on loop while I wrote this, along with Sami, for the Blaine parts. Also, this is a really different style than I normally write. I don't generally write 1st person, nor do I write present tense. So please send me a review or pm telling me if it's horrible (or if I accidentally switched tenses). Thank you muchly. :)
PS: Lines indicate time jumps, not POV changes. The POV signs indicate that.
Kurt's POV
Life sucks. I'm convinced of that now. Life is a horrible, horrible thing, that rips you away from all happiness and joy and love at the worst possible moment. Some people may have a happy ending, but for the rest, life is unfair.
It's unfair that I'll forever be in debt, just to pay for college in New York, because Dad and Carole blew all their money on Dalton for me, just for a few months.
It's unfair that Blaine can get into wherever he wants with absolutely no trouble, and can pick up scholarships like picking up pennies from the sidewalk, where I just barely got into that fashion school, with no financial aid at all. Because I spent most of my time in a public school in tiny Lima, Ohio. Because my family doesn't have immense amounts of money.
It's unfair that Blaine's parents bought him a nice condo, where I have to live in some crappy, tiny apartment with leaks and creaky floorboards.
It's unfair that Blaine's condo is in Los Angeles.
It's unfair that we agreed that long distance never works, and in three days, when we get on different planes at the airport going in opposite directions, we won't be a couple anymore.
It's unfair that our love, because that's what it is, love, can't live because Blaine's promise to go to New York with me was shattered into a million pieces when someone caught a whiff of his music and wants him to go straight into business in California.
It's unfair that this is happening to me. Just when I finally found love, happiness, it's ripped away from me. Just like every other good thing in my life. My mother, when I was eight. My physical well-being, Junior year. Glee club, when Sue finally destroyed it, Senior year.
So I lay here on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to find the answer to the horrible question:
What did I do to deserve this?
Blaine's POV
Two days. Just two days until I leave Ohio for good. Two days until I start my new life in Los Angeles. Two days until I can follow my dreams.
Two days until I leave Kurt. Probably forever.
Come on, Blaine, stop thinking like that! You both agreed this was best. It is what's best. Long distance doesn't work. Long distance never works. Geez, why does this have to be so hard? I love Kurt so much, it hurts sometimes. How am I supposed to just say goodbye and hop on a plane? It took so long to finally realize that Kurt is the one for me, and then just one short year later we find out we have an expiration date. I guess life is just cruel that way.
I'm supposed to be packing right now, but picking up the last few remnants in my room is too hard. I flop back onto the bed, which is only still there for when I "come to visit". I have no intentions to. My parents never had anything but contempt for me and my sexuality. Probably one of the reasons they chose to buy me that condo. Anything to urge me farther away from the boy that I love. I hate them for it, and I hate it even more that it worked. If I'm visiting anywhere, it'll be New York, for Kurt.
Wait. Kurt and I won't be together. I can't visit him.
I guess I won't be visiting anywhere, then.
Tomorrow is our last full day together. Then the next day, we meet up at the airport, and say goodbye. I guess he was lying when he said he'd never say goodbye to me.
Our last day. I pull into the Hudmel driveway, and Kurt's already there, waiting for me. He climbs into the car and leans over to peck me on the lips. We had agreed to act like usual until the time came. Soak up the happiness while we still can. I give him a small, sad, smile and back out onto the road.
"What are we doing today?" he asks.
"I have to stop by Dalton to get some paper saying that they educated me for x amount of years. It shouldn't take too long, though. After that, we can do whatever."
"Okay."
The rest of the ride there is quiet, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Occasionally I glance over to him, to find he's looking back. We blush and look away. After what seems an eternity, we finally pull into the Dalton parking lot. The place is nearly deserted, save for a few cars in the faculty spaces up front. School doesn't start for another week or so, and even the boarding students go home for the summer.
We walk down to the doors, and Kurt has his hands in his pants pockets. I offer him my hand with a smile. He smiles back and accepts it, but the sadness is still behind his eyes, and I know that it's behind mine too.
Maintaining normal is harder than it should be.
Kurt's POV
As we step into the school, memories come flooding back. We walk to the main office, and I remember going there to get the papers to transfer, and to transfer back. We wander the halls, and I remember study breaks, rushes to get to class. Then suddenly we're there, at the bottom of a staircase. I look in Blaine's eyes and find love.
"Come on, I know a shortcut," he says in a near whisper. He grips my hand harder and takes off down the hallway, the hall where he nearly caught me doodling our names in a heart, where Misery was performed. And then we're at the large double doors. They swing open, and although the hustle and bustle of the first time I was there is gone, I can still feel it. So much happened in this room. Seeing the Warblers perform for the first time, countless meetings and shouting matches about the proper song for Blaine's range, my rejected audition for a solo, a flirty Christmas duet, rehearsals, Blaine professing his love for a random guy, then for me. Our first kiss. Many kisses after that.
I wipe a tear from my eye and turn to my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend.
I'm not quite sure how we went from there to making out on one of the couches, but we did. It feels so good, so familiar, that I don't want it to end. I know it has to eventually, but for now, it's nice to just forget that it's going to end tomorrow, and bask in the warmth of him body against mine, his lips wet and talented on mine, and his tears mingling with mine on our cheeks.
I stop for a moment, and whisper against his lips, "I'm really going to miss you, Blaine."
"I love you," he whispers right back. Loud noises would just disturb the peace and the sweet moment being shared.
"I love you too."
"Always."
"Always," I repeat. "Sing with me?"
"Why?"
"Because our voices go together well and I want to hear them again." You could say they go together like Kurt and Blaine, even, I think dryly. I really just want to sing with him because music has always been how we connect. I want to connect with him once more.
Blaine caught on quickly enough. "What did you have in mind?"
"Well, you know how I told you that back in New York for Nationals last year, Rachel and I sang on a Broadway stage? When we did, I couldn't stop thinking about you." I stand up and walk over to the window, with Blaine following close behind.
Blaine's POV
I know what song he's talking about. I know all the words to said song. But when I open my mouth to sing, no sound comes out. But now Kurt takes my hand and squeezes it, and the reassurance is enough to get me to start the song off.
"I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you..."
Kurt takes the next verse, looking straight into my eyes, and I take the cue to listen to the words.
"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good"
I feel tears brimming in my eyes at the truth to the words, and even more as I continued my part. I mean every word I sing.
"It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand-print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you"
Kurt is crying now, too, as he repeats the last line, "Because I knew you"
We sing together, "I have been changed for good."
My thoughts stray to our many fights over the past year and a half or so as I sing the next part. My adventures in bisexuality, Kurt's uneducated views toward sex, although he now admits that I was right, and the information really did come in handy on our one-year anniversary. And our argument not two weeks ago, about whether we should break up. My side to it was that we should, to avoid hurting each other later on. I see now how wrong that was.
"And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for"
He grips my hand impossibly tighter and sings with a small smile.
"But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share"
Our voices join once again, "And none of it seems to matter any more..."
Then, magic happens. We sing our separate choruses at the same time, and they fit together like a puzzle. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I remember fondly. Our voices are mixing in the echoing silence of the room, swirling around each other like arms tangled underneath a blanket. It's almost sad when we come to the end section of our song.
"Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better"
Kurt, "And, because I knew you..."
Me, "Because I knew you..."
And together again for the final lines, matching pitch perfectly.
"Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good."
Wordlessly, we take each other into our arms, holding close and crying on shoulders. "I really don't want to say goodbye to you, Kurt."
"Then don't. Not yet, anyway. We still have today."
"Can't we have more than that? Can't we have forever?"
"You were the one that wanted to break up in the first place." He steps out of my grasp and my arms wrap loosely around myself to replace them.
"I was wrong. We can do long distance, Kurt! Some couples can make it! Don't you want to try?"
"Of course I do, Blaine. But for now, I really think we should go our separate ways. You convinced me of that. It'll be hard to communicate as often, and we need to find ourselves now." He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand before continuing, "Maybe we'll find each other again someday."
"Yeah, I guess." I take his hand and fake a smile. Yeah, and maybe there's a magical school on Mars with a talking lion for a headmaster. "You wanna go somewhere else now? We still have today, after all."
Kurt's POV
Today's the day. Just a few hours until we say goodbye. After we sang that song in the senior commons, we said goodbye to Dalton, then had our usual medium drip and grande non-fat mocha at the Lima Bean, and said goodbye to there, too. The manager gave us each a framed picture of the Lima Bean logo and our drink order ingredients, as going away presents because we were such regulars. I already know where on my desk it'll sit when I get my dorm set up. Right next to the pictures of the New Directions, the Warblers, and the one of Blaine and me together. Probably not productive for getting over him, but he was (Is,I remind myself) my whole world. I don't plan on completely forgetting him, ever.
After the coffee shop, we went to the park, and just sat in the shade and talked. Enjoying each others company while we still could. And now, I'm packing my things into the car, about to drive to the airport with my family, and I'm sure Blaine is doing the same at his house.
We hit the road, and I watch out the window, silently bidding the scenery a fond adieu. I know I'll come back to visit, but I don't know when, and when I do, I won't be the same person.
When we get to the airport, we check my things in, and I say goodbye to my family before security. I receive hugs from a hysterically crying Carole, an awkward Finn, and a dad who's trying so hard not to get emotional and failing miserably.
I check through security alone and grab a coffee before sitting down at my gate, waiting. Then I see him. His family passes by my family on the way in, exchanging greetings, good lucks, and goodbyes. He looks frantically for me but I'm hidden from view. Finally he gets through security and sees me. I set my coffee in the cup-holder in my seat and stand up as he rushes towards me. He stops a few feet in front of me, and we just look at each other, both looking disheveled from crying so much, tired, and a little excited for the future. My flight is first, so he stays here with me until it's time to board.
We know what it means. Time's up. Blaine speaks first. "Goodbye, Kurt."
"Goodbye, Blaine."
We hug, tears streaming down our faces. He moves back a little to press our foreheads together. He murmurs, "I'm really glad you stopped me on that staircase. I think I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you tomorrow. Keep in touch, okay?"
"Okay," is all I can get out through my sobs. I start to break away, but as an afterthought, come back in and kiss him gently on the mouth. I know people are staring because we're both guys, but this is our moment, so screw them. I lean in to whisper in his ear.
"I do believe I have been changed for the better."
With that, I break away, turn around, and board my plane. I know he's still watching me, but I never look back.
END.
A/N: I cried writing the last part. Find the reference that suggests they really do get back together and I'll give you a virtual cookie. I had to put in there or else it would just be too sad for me to handle. Please review, alert, or favorite! I love all of you who do.