A/N:

Prologue to a new story. I was going to put this up during Christmas but thought I might as well post it now XD

Thanks to my beta: xxXAngelDreamerXxx for putting up with my crazy schedual :3

Be warned it's a bit sad...

~Kurt~

The light was at a soft glow, illuminating the room from the small Christmas tree in the corner of the tiny apartment-sized living room. The smell of reheated ham, mashed potatoes and gravy wafted around the entirety of the small flat, the food having been given by Sam's mother when they'd come over just yesterday. Music from the Wicked soundtrack played softly throughout the room. Kurt Hummel would have been pleased with his surroundings, having just re-decorated the room he sat in a few days ago for the Christmas holiday. Normally, all of this would have made him content with his life. Anyone who knows Kurt would know that he had almost all of his favorite things in the room with him, surrounding him in joyful bliss...almost.

There was one thing missing from the room still, something that messed up all of his Christmas Eve plans. Sam Evans. The blonde had called home not minutes before, crushing all Kurt's Christmas Eve plans, ruining what was supposed to be a happy time of the year.

"I'm stuck at work for the night." He'd told Kurt, sounding like he himself was rather disappointed at the turnout. "But I'll be home for Christmas morning, I mean, that is the part that counts most, right?" Kurt had just hung up, not wanting to bother explaining how much he needed Sam with him right then.

It wasn't Sam's fault by far. Kurt knew how much of a homophobe his boss was; he knew that Mr. Hopps was just keeping him there for his own personal satisfaction. Perhaps the man thought that if he could keep Sam from coming home to his boyfriend almost-turned husband that it would somehow effect all of the gay population.

No, Kurt knew Sam had no effect on the situation, not if he wanted to keep his job to support them while Kurt was still trying to start up his own fashion line with no current income. Kurt would apologize for just hanging up on him when Sam got home, but he'd been too upset that he'd have to spend Christmas Eve alone that at the moment he didn't care.

He had needed Sam there with him tonight, for the Christmas holiday was never a happy time for Kurt. He only tried to disguise his disgust for this time of the year behind decorations and lame Christmas-theme movies because he didn't want to face what this part of the year really meant. It was at this time of the year a little over 14 years ago that his mother's death had fallen over his family. His house had been a mess, his father not seeming to have even acknowledged his mother's death for fear of the hurt, but instead focused all his attention on how in hell he was going to be a single father to an eight year old. That year, Christmas hadn't even been celebrated, his dad working double time at his old job so he could get enough money to finally open up his own mechanics shop.

Kurt never wanted to remember those times. The times when he would hear his dad's stressful shouts at night, directed to no one but the walls of his bedroom. The times when he didn't want to express himself how he wanted to, because he thought his dad would just burst at the seems. The times when he would have a re-revelation that he no longer had his mother to hold onto. Instead at this time of year he'd made it his goal to make everyone happy and everything perfect. Nothing bad was allowed to happen at this time of the year. Most of all, he made sure he was never alone; he couldn't be alone, or he'd let himself be dragged back into those awful memories that he'd kept buried deep in the darkest places in his mind.

Yet now he was alone, left to do nothing but think about how alone he was. He'd met Sam back in high school. Kurt hadn't liked Sam at first, in fact, he'd called him 'the new king jock' the first day he'd seen him pass by in the halls. The first time they'd spoken, Sam had nearly knocked him over while trying to catch a football being thrown to him from across the room. Kurt had bitterly told him to excuse himself, but the moment Sam apologized, Kurt knew he'd been different than the other meat heads that inhabited the school. When Sam decided to join Glee Club, Kurt took back his first impression, and slowly they'd somehow fallen for each other.

They didn't want to stay in that discriminatory town any longer than they had to, so they'd come to a place that they knew they could at least be themselves and get married in. They'd moved all that distance away from Ohio over to California. Kurt's dad had been crushed the day he and Sam had left on the plane together to start their own lives, though he still made weekly calls home to make sure his dad was doing okay. Those didn't last very long though, as he always wanted to keep his old life separate from the new.

Kurt had left everything behind in Lima. He'd left friends, family, and every bad day he'd ever had. In fact, his hometown had become sort of Taboo in the Evans-Hummel household. Most importantly though, he'd left behind his stepbrother, Finn Hudson.

He hadn't had any regrets for leaving though. It was quite possibly the best thing he'd done his entire life. He did miss his old friends sometimes, but he'd made new ones, friends more like him. And he had Sam, whom he loved with all his heart. He'd been able to start making his own clothes, and Sam had found a job he'd loved at first. Then, he'd gotten a new boss a few months back, and he absolutely hated it there.

Kurt didn't like when Sam came home all stressed out, swearing that that man was going to hell one day. Still, he'd lived a good four years here with Sam, and they'd managed to make their lives work. Kurt honestly had no complaints. Other than tonight of course, when Sam couldn't be there with him when he needed him most.

He'd tried to eat, but ended up just pushing the food around on his plate until it became a pile of mush that Kurt was sure even a stray dog wouldn't eat. He tried to watch one of the Christmas movies he'd picked out from the store, but even they wouldn't help. Especially the Charlie Brown Christmas special, which had been Sam's favorite Christmas movie since he was really little. After a while of trying to distract himself by watching the blinking Christmas lights from the tree bounce off the walls, he decided to go lay down in their bedroom.

Maybe if he could get to sleep, it would seem like Sam got home quicker. Then everything would be okay again. He'd wake up in the morning with Sam lying next to him. He'd wake him up, despite how tired he knew Sam would be, but only because he knew Sam would want him to wake him up. They'd open the presents they got each other and Kurt would make them breakfast. Then they'd probably just stay in bed for the rest of the day, both of them laughing and joking, keeping each other's company, maybe even plan a few of their wedding details, which was already booked for the end of winter.

Of course, this was the worst time of the year though, and Kurt couldn't have what he wanted, even if it meant his whole life crumbling around him.

Kurt woke up to cold sheets next to him, shivering slightly because he'd left the window in the living room open, and the heat hadn't circulated throughout the house. After throwing his robe over his body, he made himself some eggs, not really in the mood to eat. He didn't open his present from Sam, not wanting the blonde to miss whatever reaction he'd have to the gift. Instead he sat on the couch, staring at the clock that read 7:30 in bright red script. At eight, he decided to call into the offices where Sam worked, thinking he'd fallen asleep. After all, it wouldn't be the first time since he'd gotten that new boss. After a few short rings, it went to voice mail. He discovered calling Sam's cell phone had the same outcome.

Kurt hadn't wanted to try again, knowing his dad would be calling soon to wish him a Merry Christmas with faked enthusiasm. He always put on the happy-act just for Kurt, when in fact, Kurt knew he was actually a big mess, still heartbroken from what had happened so many years like Kurt still was. Kurt pushed a loose piece of hair, still ruffled from just having woken up, behind his ear and tucked his legs under him. He turned on the TV, deciding to watch the news and maybe catch a glimpse of the Christmas Parade he knew would be happening as it did every year. He hadn't been expecting such a big shock when the newscasters switched gears to the more tragic news of the day. A car accident.

There were cars, five of them, scattered around the road. One of them seemed to have caught fire in the collision, and three of them had smashed into the fourth and final car, all in a line. The last car seemed to have taken the best of it and gotten away mildly scathed, while the one up front had taken the blunt of the damage, wedged in between the car that looked like it had been in flames and another car that had squished into the back of it. Broken glass glittered on the street around the five cars.

The worst part of it all, was that Kurt recognized the car in the middle of the fire car and the car smashed against it.

He blinked and shook his head, refusing to believe it was actually the same worn down red car that Sam drove. Kurt dove for the remote, hands fumbling to turn up the volume, eyes glued to the screen.

"...it is fortunate that most got away unharmed, but two were seriously injured and one life was taken. We have no further details on this scene yet." Kurt couldn't breathe. How could they just cut off the story there, and switch over to a story about how there were lots of dogs being given as presents this year? Who's life had been taken? Who was seriously injured? Was Sam one of the ones that got away free of harm? Kurt jumped up from the couch, unable to sit any longer.

He tried Sam's cell again, leaving frantic messages about him needing to call back immediately. An hour went by and he heard nothing, watching the rest of the news in hopes for some sort of hint as to what happened. He called every hospital within close range from the spot of the scene, but none of them had a patient named Sam Evans listed. Kurt even ignored the call from his own father, not able to concentrate on anything else. He paced frantically, chewing at his perfectly manicured nails and pulling at his hair. When the phone rang later that afternoon, Kurt had been almost driving himself crazy. Instead of looking at the caller ID on the phone he instantly answered.

"Sam?" He asked in a panic, hoping to here that carefree tone he loved so much.

"Hello, this is the national office of protection," a deeper voice said on the other end of the phone line. "who am I speaking with?" Kurt sat down, willing himself to stop shaking.

"K-Kurt Hummel, sir." He answered almost childishly.

"Yes, Mr. Hummel, you're aware of one Sam Evans?"

"Y-yes, I'm his f-fiancé." Kurt hoped his voice hadn't broken as much as he thought it did, wanting to seem at least a bit civilized.

"Sir, we've been informed that there was an accident off the 95 early this morning... and a mister Evans was identified in the scene." Kurt's heart clenched painfully I his chest, already knowing where this was going.

"Is he...I mean... did he get-" but Kurt couldn't get the words out, oxygen choking in his throat and Kurt tucked his head on his knees, his phone still pressed loosely to his ear.

"I'm afraid so. I'm terribly sorry, sir." He said as calmly as he possibly could. "I'll let you go now, sir." Then the line went dead just as the heart beat of Sam Evans had.

Kurt cried.

He didn't like to cry, because it always made him feel worse about whatever was going on because he'd let himself become vulnerable and weak, two things he didn't ever want to think about himself again after he left Ohio. Yet right there on the couch of his and Sam's apartment, he broke down. His phone slipped from his hand, clattering almost noiselessly to the hardwood floor. Then he remembered tears, lots of them. The salt water mixing with other unattractive bodily liquids coming from his nose. His face went red, and he found it hard to breathe in this state. The heart in his chest crying out painfully for his love. Kurt really hated Christmas.

Kurt woke up curled against the couch. His head hurt like hell, and his eyes stung. It took him a second to remember how he'd gotten like that, until he realized he must've cried himself to sleep. He sat up gingerly, the reality of the situation hitting him just as hard as last time. It was only moments before he was crying again. He'd somehow gotten to the point where he was in the fetal position on the edge of the couch, his phone back at his side as he recalled Sam's phone just to hear his voice. He needed to hear him, be with him in some way. Sam was the person that knew how to make this all better, knew how to make the hurt and agony go away when mourning a loss, but when Sam wasn't here, Kurt couldn't handle it. He was more alone now than ever, a long distance away from his dad, who was the only other person that might stand a chance at making him feel any better. He felt sick, then was sick, then started to cry again.

The next few days, or maybe it had been a week, had gone by in quite the same matter. Kurt had refused to eat anything that didn't involve chocolate or ice cream, which he knew couldn't be good at all, but he really didn't care at this point. He was in a constant state of tears, and hadn't actually showered since he found out.

He missed tons of calls from friends and his dad, and didn't bother answering the door to anyone that would come to his and Sam's apartment. It took all his strength to even walk to the bathroom nowadays. Yet, somehow, he managed to find himself at the Christmas tree he and Sam had decorated together, little ornaments dangling from the ever green branches, one special golden one for each of them, their names engraved on them, and placed close together near the top where the star was.

Kurt wanted to open Sam's present to him, wanted to try and feel happiness again. He hadn't felt it in what felt like forever now and he needed it. Slowly his fingers unwound the bow tied messily at the top, knowing Sam had never been good with wrapping the presents. In fact, the blonde had over used the tape just to get the wrapping on the small box to stay. He opened the lid of the box with speed so slow that snails would have sighed in impatience. He revealed two tickets in the box, along with a note. After confusedly setting the tickets to his side, he gently unfolded the note, slightly afraid to view Sam's handwriting in fear of weeping over just that. Still, he managed to get it open and begin reading without a problem. There were a few words with letters mixed up because of Sam's dyslexia still running strong as ever, but over the years Kurt had managed to fluently read whatever Sam wrote.

Hey babe,

I can't wait to see the look on your face when you realize what this present really means. I bet it'll be angrier than anything, but that's fine. I like it when you're angry, it means you're not hiding behind that fancy mask you put on most of the time. You know, the one you use when you mention idiotic homophobes and show a distaste in the clothes other people have on. Mostly you wear that mask when you talk about life back in Ohio. Well, knowing you, you probably just saw that they were tickets and put them aside to read this and let this letter explain everything instead. In fact I bet you're rolling your eyes now while reading this because you know I'm right. Well, guess where the other end of those plane tickets lead to? That's right you guessed it, Ohio. I know you've missed your dad, I can tell when you talk about your weekly calls with him over the phone. Plus I know it's been hard for you to tell him about the engagement (which I promise I'll get you the ring soon enough, it's the first thing on my to do list) so I think it'll be better if we tell him in person. Also I bet he misses seeing you as much as you miss seeing him. And you never know, it might be nice to go back and see how much things have changed, see who's changed. Now, stop being fake-mad at me, put down this letter and kiss me you fool. I love you, Merry Christmas.

Kurt hadn't made it a quarter of the way through Sam's note without crying, so by the end he was a total mess. Sam knew him so well that it was kind of scary. Kurt had been wrong, though. Opening Sam's gift had brought out sadness, anger and even a bit of confusion, but it had not at all brought him any sort of happiness. Still, with shaking fingers he picked up the two tickets next to him, trying not to think about how one of them wouldn't be used.

Yes, he had said one of them wouldn't be used.

He loved Sam too much to have denied him this when he was still here with Kurt, let alone deny the poor guy his final wish. Kurt literally bit back tears as his thought process betrayed him, and made that last thought sound extremely bitter. Either way, he'd be going, if only for Sam's sake. It would be nice to see his dad again, and he determined he could pull himself together long enough to take a plane to Ohio so he could cry some more. At least he'd have the comfort of his father again, which he desperately needed more than anything at that moment in time.

Calling his father back had been a nightmare and a half. At first, Burt had started to scold him on how he thought the worst had happened to him. When Kurt explained that the worst had happened to him though, his dad fell silent, letting Kurt cry and sat on the other end of the phone line waiting for words to come to him, having been so shocked by the news. Kurt told him about Sam's Christmas present and that he was going to come back out to Lima. Burt had been approving of the plan, obviously sensing that Kurt could not be alone at this time. Kurt read off the details of the flight, finding out for himself that they were for Monday, two days away. His father said that he'd call him every three hours on the hour until Monday to make sure he was okay.

When Kurt hung up, he decided to go through all the messages and stuff on his phone, ending up crying again because the police needed him to come down to their office to speak with him about Sam. He knew he'd probably have to find out what they were going to do with Sam's body. Oh god. And he'd probably have to be the one to book a funeral, maybe even face Sam's parents.

Then there was packing to do, and the Christmas decorations needed to be taken down before he left. Kurt was left sitting in his and Sam's apartment, alone, trying to figure out what to do first, clean or cry again.

A/N:

Not too bad length-wise for a prologue. Not sure when I'll be able to update this again, but it's definitely a project I want to work on, and I'm extremely excited about it! Reviews are much appreciated!