I've never seen Rick truly snap. Protecting your child was one thing, but ripping out a person's jugular was something completely different. I know that Rick would do anything for Carl, and I would too, but the shock of what he had done still lingered around all of us like a thick blanket, trying to suffocate us all.
I hold Carl close to myself, trying to calm him just as much as I'm trying to calm myself. After sitting on the ground for a while longer, Carl starts to stir in my arms. Looking down at him, it's obvious that he doesn't want to be anywhere near here anymore.
"Come on, let's get back to the car." I say softly, letting go of him so that I can stand. Carl nods numbly and starts to stand as well. His knees shake slightly as he does, so I put a hand on his arm in an attempt to keep him steady.
"I got it. I'm-I'm okay." Carl tries desperately to sound strong, like he doesn't need my help, but the crack at the end of his sentence says otherwise.
"If you're sure." I let go of his arm, but let my arm hover around his waist while we walk. I can't help but notice how his arms tremble as they swing lightly back and forth. My heart aches at the sight of it; at knowing that there may be nothing I can do for him at this point.
Once we get inside the car, I let Carl take up most of the backseat. While he lies down and tries to get comfortable, I run my hands softly over the worn and holey pleather car seats, thinking about all that had happened to us tonight, especially to Carl. A sickening feeling rises up in my chest, and I have to look away from the seats and Carl's scraped face. Out of the dirty windshield I see Rick prowling aimlessly around our small camp, checking for a threat that doesn't exist.
A harsh rap on the window jerks both Carl and I back to the reality. Daryl stands on the other side of the car door, looking in at us with a half apologetic half expectant look. He nods in a way that says, "come outside". I nod curtly back at him, then look at Carl, who's watching us with an expression that's part curiosity part drowsiness.
I rest my hand on Carl's shoulder before saying, "I'm gonna go talk to Daryl for a second, okay? I'll be right back." Carl nods before shuffling a bit and closing his eyes again.
"What d'you need?" I ask Daryl, who's leaning against the side of the car.
"I just came to see if you could get Rick to stop pacin'. You got any ideas?" We both turn to watch as Rick starts another round of pacing. He prowls around the camp and a bit into the treeline, turning his head swiftly from one side to another; what he's looking for isn't there anymore.
Daryl looks at me and shrugs in a helpless way before saying, "I really don't know what to do. I'm worried about him."
"I guess I could go talk to him, try to get him to stop." I say, grimacing. "But Daryl, you should worry about yourself as well. You were almost beaten to death."
Daryl gives me a look and grumbles, "'m fine. 've had worse. I can handle it." in a gruff voice.
"I know you've had worse and you can handle it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't rest. You should go lie down in the car and at least try to get some shut eye." I try to keep the motherly tone out of my voice, but it still creeps it's way in. Daryl makes another face, but gives in nonetheless. He opens the passenger side door and hops into the car. I close the door behind him and give him a look through the window that I hope reads as "you better at least try to sleep." before turning away again.
My heart hammers as I walk up to Rick and stop him. He looks at me, a distant and dark look in his eye.
"What d'you want?" He snaps at me, impatiently shifting his weight.
"I want you to stop pacing and come rest. You need it after what happened tonight." I rest my hand on his shoulder, hoping that my message got across to him and he'll stop.
"N-no. I can't stop. What if there are more of them and they come back? What if walkers come? I gotta be ready. I gotta be prepared for it, for anything." He says before trying to move past me. I put my hand on his should and pushed him backwards lightly.
"No, Rick. You gotta stop for a minute and rest, okay? This isn't good for you." I look closely at him and can't help but grimace when I see the blood that is smeared in his beard and is splattered all over his face.
"No, Michonne. I gotta do this. I couldn't do it before, when that man was attacking Daryl. You. Carl. So i gotta do it now. I need to know that I can still protect the people I care about." Rick snaps coldly at me, an intensity in his voice and eye that's honestly scary. He pushes past me again and trudges to the other side of the camp. I sigh, because there really isn't anything that I could do to get Rick out of this mindset that he's put himself into. With a heavy heart, I turn and walk back to the car.
Once I'm inside, I watch Rick with my eyes until I begin to fall asleep. A sudden weight in my lap awakens me though, causing me to gasp. Daryl turns back to see why I gasped, and once he sees what's going on, grins just a little bit. I look down to see what made him grin. Carl's put his head in my lap, curling his body so it's closer to mine. I can't help but feel a small smile tug on my lips. Maybe not everything is truly bad in this new world.